What to do?

[D_Morockthornton Longwilliam]

So I've been seeing this wonderful gal for about 2 months now.It's starting to get quite serious and I care about her lots.

Here is the problem:Last year she ended a 6 year relationship.Her ex was a tad agressive and abusive at times and she finally got the courage to dump him and move on.The thing is he won't give up on her.He is constantly phoning her(she doesn't answer) texting her and generally stalking her.He wants her back but she has moved on and is happier for it

So this weekend he wants to meet her to "talk".She agreed to meet him in a public place so that she can tell him that she has moved on.He told her he won't accept no for an answer and that he'd wait outiside her place all weekend if he has to.I'm wondering if I should go and meet him and tell him to take a flying leap or maybe crack his skull?

I'm getting fed up with this loser!

 

[g_whiz]

So I've been seeing this wonderful gal for about 2 months now.It's starting to get quite serious and I care about her lots.

Here is the problem:Last year she ended a 6 year relationship.Her ex was a tad agressive and abusive at times and she finally got the courage to dump him and move on.The thing is he won't give up on her.He is constantly phoning her(she doesn't answer) texting her and generally stalking her.He wants her back but she has moved on and is happier for it

So this weekend he wants to meet her to "talk".She agreed to meet him in a public place so that she can tell him that she has moved on.He told her he won't accept no for an answer and that he'd wait outiside her place all weekend if he has to.I'm wondering if I should go and meet him and tell him to take a flying leap or maybe crack his skull?

I'm getting fed up with this loser!

Her former relationships are technically hers to do with as she pleases...but you're probably not wrong to be a little cautious here. If someone is being agressive, generally not taking the very large hint that the other party has moved on and is not interested in persuing the relationship with them, theres probably more wrong there than worth sticking around to figure out. Does she feel like he could be dangerous? If so, maybe its best neither of you have anything to do with him. If she's doing this because she thinks its important for her in order to move on completley, cool. If not, its possible its a waste of time. Good luck.

 

[D_Morockthornton Longwilliam]

...yes....she said he can be dangerous and that she needs to meet him face to face to set him straight about the ending of their relationship.This guy doesn't seem to get the hint at all! I'll be monitoring it closely....

 

[John.Heath]

Be careful man, people are crazy... call the cops if there's anything at all out of place.

 

[D_Morockthornton Longwilliam]

Yeah,I'll be keeping an eye on it dude!!

 

[HiddenLacey]

As someone who has dated a nut job before... you could go with her, sit in the car and wait for her. Seriously people like that rarely take no for an answer, he could very well keep harassing her.

 

[coachreffn]

Yeah, my friend, this has all the earmarks of crazy written all over it. My concern, of course, is with your friend. From what you say in the post, it does not appear that she is showing sufficient concern over this man. While far too many people run to the police for unnecessary things, this one does not seem to be that. She needs to take the steps necessary and available to her for her protection. While I am in total agreement with your feelings, your presence might be the red flag needed for this guy to go over the edge. Perhaps not at the time you are there but later when she is vulnerable. All the best on this. She is lucky to have met you.

 

[B_subgirrl]

I think you should ask her what she wants. If it were me in that situation I'd probably want your support, but she may wish to deal with it herself. He sounds scary. Restraining order time?

 

[B_subgirrl]

As someone who has dated a nut job before... you could go with her, sit in the car and wait for her. Seriously people like that rarely take no for an answer, he could very well keep harassing her.

This sounds like a good idea.

 

[D_Morockthornton Longwilliam]

Well the thing is,he doesn't know me or what I look like, so while they are sitting and "chatting" at the outdoor cafe(we are in Europe by the way),I will be seated a few tables away sipping a beer inognito wearing my unabomber sunglasses and keeping an eye on things.

I'm gonna tell her about my proposed plan when I see her for dinner later.......

Her safety and security is my paramount concern.

 

[HiddenLacey]

Well the thing is,he doesn't know me or what I look like, so while they are sitting and "chatting" at the outdoor cafe(we are in Europe by the way),I will be seated a few tables away sipping a beer inognito wearing my unabomber sunglasses and keeping an eye on things.

I'm gonna tell her about my proposed plan when I see her for dinner later.......

Her safety and security is my paramount concern.

Your a keeper:wink: I see no reason for you to not go and just fade into the background. Just in case she needs you. Talk to her about it. If she's scared of him she may also be scared that he could hurt you. Just make sure to say your going to stay in the background and no one will know:smile:

 

[D_Morockthornton Longwilliam]

SUB83.......kisses....you're cute! lol

That's exactly what I'm going to do.I'll let her have the final say in the matter and let her decide what situation makes her feel more comfortable.

She has said she is worried about my safety in the past, but I can handle my own end of things....

I'll keep you updated!

 

[HiddenLacey]

SUB83.......kisses....you're cute! lol

That's exactly what I'm going to do.I'll let her have the final say in the matter and let her decide what situation makes her feel more comfortable.

She has said she is worried about my safety in the past, but I can handle my own end of things....

I'll keep you updated!

:wink: Please do, good luck!

 

[D_Morockthornton Longwilliam]

Gros bisous madame!!!! Update coming later!

 

[B_subgirrl]

Well the thing is,he doesn't know me or what I look like, so while they are sitting and "chatting" at the outdoor cafe(we are in Europe by the way),I will be seated a few tables away sipping a beer inognito wearing my unabomber sunglasses and keeping an eye on things.

I'm gonna tell her about my proposed plan when I see her for dinner later.......

Her safety and security is my paramount concern.

Good plan. It means you won't have him going psycho over the new bf, but you're close by to keep an eye on things and look after her. It's great to hear that you care about what she thinks about it too :smile:. Stay safe.

 

[dolfette]

meeting him is going to make him think his stalking is paying off. BIG mistake. he's not going to suddenly take no for an answer.

if she has any sense she'll go to the cops instead.
what he's doing isn't legal.

 

[alwaysguessing]

meeting him is going to make him think his stalking is paying off. BIG mistake. he's not going to suddenly take no for an answer.

if she has any sense she'll go to the cops instead.
what he's doing isn't legal.

Agreed.

Also, what are you planning to do if he gets violent at the cafe? He sounds aggressive and potentially dangerous. It is a mistake for your girlfriend to risk her safety by meeting with him, and it is a mistake for you to encourage that or take part in it. It sounds like you are prepared to get physical if you need to. If that's the way you feel, then it is a situation that should just be avoided altogether.

 

[dolfette]

what if he takes a gun or a knife?
she'd be dead before you could get to her.

this whole plan is too many shades of stupid.

 

[beachbum1971]

I have to agree with dolfette. Meeting him feeds his control issues. I can understand that she needs closure, but she is taking a serious risk and it will just feed his crazy more. Restraining Order time for sure.
It's easy to give advice when it's not your situation, but that's the unbiased viewpoint.
Best of luck.

 

[alwaysguessing]

what if he takes a gun or a knife?
she'd be dead before you could get to her.

And you would be next.

Use the police if you can. Get it on record that he is stalking and harassing you. Then if he comes to her place or your place, you will be in a better position to defend yourself, both legally and strategically.