When she won't

[nicenycdick]

I am watching this thread with great interest...

 

[thiknine]

I can't say my marriage is totally sexless but I am lucky if she will tolerate more than once every 2 or 3 months. I have a hard time understanding it because when we met she was 40 and I gave her the first orgasm she ever had and when we do have sex I give her really big and multiple orgasms. She doesn't seem interested in solving the problem. All other avenues of our relationship are great..we get along real good but I am tired of feeling like a really good friend who happens to be a room mate. I have tried discussing the problem with her but she just gets defencive and refuses to talk about it. Do not want to end the relationship but I NEED more sex than 5 or 6 times a year. Am I just plain screwed or should I find something on the side? If I cheat and she finds out then we are over but if I don't start getting more then I am afraid I will have to leave her anyway. Frustrated,confused and at the end of my leash.

 

[mayberry]

There are other things that can stop sex in a marriage ! My wife has multple medical issues that prevent ALL types of sex! 1. she has a jaw problem that prevents oral sex 2. her hips have issues that prevent weight and jostling 3. she has the equivalent of varicose veins and fibromaliga in her vagina that prevents penetration 4. her mental state is counterproductive to having sex! The sad part is it sounds like her body wasn't built for sex, but the opposite is true! 1. she had an orgasm every time with penetration alone! 2. she is a female ejaculator 3. she has multple orgasms 4, she has a libido like a man. We are getting money and insurance together for her multiple surgeries needed just to have sex! I took a 20% pay and benefits cut at work to keep my job, so its taking YEARS to get this done! I'm not going to cheat when its not her fault! But im goin nuts!

 

[Guy-jin]

That's a terribly lame pickup line, 'my wife doesn't understand me' from a near total stranger. It says to the one hearing it that the man is a pain in the rear to his own spouse and cannot work within a contracted relationship of his own choosing. Why would that make him attractive?

"Hey baby, I'm not single, but I'm having really bad sex with my wife, so I thought maybe you would have sex with me."

Girls love that kind of sweet talk!

 

[StrictlyAvg]

"Hey baby, I'm not single, but I'm having really bad sex with my wife, so I thought maybe you would have sex with me."

There's always a few ladies around who are very sympathetic to that line. At some point during the evening there'll be a negotiation along the lines of "OK, so how much is that gonna be?"

 

[eyescream]

I'm female and I've actually had a guy whose libido wasn't as strong as mine. I was so into him but I'd never marry a guy like that. Sex in marriage is never overrated.

An online friend of mine admitted to being in a sexless marriage. His wife wasn't interested in him anymore so he's online everyday doing cybersex with anyone interested.

Worst is he's so sex-starved he's started being sexually interested in his teenage daughter. It's quite gross but I didn't tell him that.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

You didn't tell him that??? Quite gross? Quite??

Shit - I would have ranted at the guy for as long as possible, threatened him with calling the authorities, contacting his wife - anything to to try to scare him out of doing anything about it. Shit! You let someone say that to you online and you did react like he was fucking poison on a stick?? Holy fucking shit!

 

[D_ShlongDongSliver]

I experienced this. I have a high sex drive and I had a husband who wasn't interested in having sex with me or pleasing me. My favorite thing is being fingered and he didn't do it for 13 years! Cheating was NOT an option for me personally. I spent years trying everything I could think of. He was uncomfortable with most of my efforts which included games, books, eriotica, porn, toys, talk, patience, making it all about him (though that's what it always was - he told our marriage therapist sex was NEVER once about me - just always about him getting his needs met - sigh...). Finally, after sitting him down and telling him we had to fix this problem as other men were looking good to me and then trying some more for two more years, I had to say...either I have sex with other men in an open marriage or we need to get a divorce. Divorce it was. I tried. I really did. First sex I had with someone other than him (which was about once or twice a year for years and years) I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. Can't believe I waited so long.

Well its a good thing you divorced him. I've heard of people who go mad from not getting any and thankfully you saved yourself from a nightmare. Glad you're feeling good again :smile:

 

[EllieP]

"Hey baby, I'm not single, but I'm having really bad sex with my wife, so I thought maybe you would have sex with me."

Girls love that kind of sweet talk!

Oh wow! When you put it that way, come here, Big Boy, let mamma show you how your mean old wife should be treating you.

(reloading)

 

[deleted509196]

I have a high drive, but so does my guy.

I remember an ex I had, he always used to say he had a high drive and stuff, but sometimes he wouldn't want to do things when I did. He was just a strange guy.

As for my guy now, well it's a different situation. He is generally more romantic/passionate than any of my exes though.

It's good when both people feel passionate in some way, but it doesn't always happen like that. I guess I'd want my partner to be honest about it, or if it was me I'd want to tell them how I felt.

 

[whatireallywant]

I'm female and I've actually had a guy whose libido wasn't as strong as mine. I was so into him but I'd never marry a guy like that. Sex in marriage is never overrated.

An online friend of mine admitted to being in a sexless marriage. His wife wasn't interested in him anymore so he's online everyday doing cybersex with anyone interested.

Worst is he's so sex-starved he's started being sexually interested in his teenage daughter. It's quite gross but I didn't tell him that.

I've nearly always been with guys whose libidos weren't as strong as mine. Unfortunately, I seem to attract a lot of guys with chronic medical problems. However, that's a tricky situation, as they can't help having medical problems, and the problem isn't lack of desire, it's lack of ability to do anything about the desire. It's terribly frustrating because I don't want to be cruel about something that they can't help, but I have my needs.

Now the guy being sexually interested in his teenage daughter?! Yeccccch! I'd immediately stop being online "friends" with him! Ewwww!

You didn't tell him that??? Quite gross? Quite??

Shit - I would have ranted at the guy for as long as possible, threatened him with calling the authorities, contacting his wife - anything to to try to scare him out of doing anything about it. Shit! You let someone say that to you online and you did react like he was fucking poison on a stick?? Holy fucking shit!

Yeah, really! QFT!!!

 

[Jojo51623]

It really depends here, who has the low sex drive her or me? If she does, the I'd tell her we need to fix it, if it still doesn't work I'd probably try to watch porn a little more often but if she continued to not have sex with me then I'd probably tell her I love her but I need sex and if she's not giving it to me then I'm gonna get it somewhere else. If it was me with the low sex drive or if I just wasn't pleasing her anymore but wanted to stay with her, I'd tell her it was ok to have sex with other guys as long as I can watch or be somewhat involved.

 

[AlteredEgo]

It really depends here, who has the low sex drive her or me? If she does, the I'd tell her we need to fix it, if it still doesn't work I'd probably try to watch porn a little more often but if she continued to not have sex with me then I'd probably tell her I love her but I need sex and if she's not giving it to me then I'm gonna get it somewhere else. If it was me with the low sex drive or if I just wasn't pleasing her anymore but wanted to stay with her, I'd tell her it was ok to have sex with other guys as long as I can watch or be somewhat involved.

If you have the low sex drive, what is the point of you being in any way involved with her extra-marital sex?

 

[Jojo51623]

If you have the low sex drive, what is the point of you being in any way involved with her extra-marital sex?

Well, I still think it would be a turn on but I guess you have a point. I probably shouldn't of really answered this because I have a very high sex drive. I guess I just answered because the thought of me watching my wife/girlfriend have sex with another guy has been a turn on for me, for quite awhile now.

 

[dr_pepper]

Interesting question.
My SO (and ex partners) and I are completely open about our needs, so I hope to discuss it first and that we would attempt to reconcile the incompatibility. However, I do not own him (nor am I owned by him) - we are together because we both choose to be and have a strong foundation beyond sex that would not be destroyed by either of us experiencing something on the side.

If I am not fucking him, he can go 'get some' from whatever woman is discreet, willing to engage in a (safer) NSA thing and respect his primary relationship (as in not attempt to break up our relationship when he is just seeking ass). If he accomplishes those things, and we both have, I am all for it.

I am completely with you. One of my marriages worked just like this. We had other problems that we could not work out, but sex was never an issue.

 

[BobLeeSwagger]

You didn't tell him that??? Quite gross? Quite??

Shit - I would have ranted at the guy for as long as possible, threatened him with calling the authorities, contacting his wife - anything to to try to scare him out of doing anything about it. Shit! You let someone say that to you online and you did react like he was fucking poison on a stick?? Holy fucking shit!

Completely agree. You don't want to find out that he documented his urges online before actually acting on them.