Ryan~ So, why do you fall in love then?
I don't know.
It's a complicated mix of things that all have to come together at the right time and in the right way for me to feel like the emotion is truly valid. I don't really like the whole hard-to-get thing, I like girls who I can tell are interested in me, but at the same time there is such a thing as being too interested. If you aren't very intelligent, able to speak your mind and articulate your thoughts well, and think independently and get you ideas from somewhere other than celebrities on television (and don't agree with me all the time, either)... then I probably won't respect you enough to fall in love with you. If you aren't at least somewhat physically attractive to me, then it probably won't occur to me to fall in love with you. The way the boundaries for the relationship are set up right out of the gate I think has a lot to do with it too... and this is a very fine line for me. Try to be too controlling or possessive from the get go and I'm likely to lose interest quick. On the other hand, if everything is extremely open and casual, I might like you a lot but I doubt I'll ever think of you as something more than a friend. I find that I am attracted very much to strong women... but then at the same time I think what gets under my skin and reaches into my heart the most is someone who can show me their vulnerabilities. Someone who has been damaged a bit like I have. Sometimes that makes me fall hard. Once again, at the same time, I've dated enough girl with serious emotional and psychological issues that I really don't want someone with enormous amounts of baggage. So it's another fine line for me. It might make me feel something for you... but if it's too much... it's also going to make me shy away. I suppose ideally I would like to meet someone who hasn't had a perfect life, but who has moved past whatever has scarred them, grown stronger for it, grown as a person from it, and learned something from their experience. This goes back to the freedom vs. neediness issue... I like women and people who are very independent and relatively "low maintenance"... but unless I catch you getting jealous at least once I might not take you seriously. hypocritical, I know. Similar interests aren't mandatory but they certainly help. If you can't laugh at The Princess Bride, rock out to Nine Inch Nails, get lost in one of Beethoven's symphonies or enjoy experiencing something new (in the form of travel, food, sexual position, etc)... we might be from different planets and unable to relate to each other at all. As important as sex is to me, I had a relationship with one girl that I was perhaps more in love with than any other in my life in which we almost never discussed sex at all, and I never had sex with her. So obviously the two things aren't indistinguishable for me. Then of course there are those little indefinable qualities and circumstances that conspire together to create the appropriate mood and mindset.
But anyway... I feel lonely far more often than I fall in love, so I don't think that's it at all.
It's not the sex, I already covered that.
If I'm already in a relationship and not in love, I probably am not going to get there anytime soon. For me it happens pretty early in most of the time or not at all so it's not a logical step for me.
I don't believe pheremones have anything to do with it, either. I've fallen in love online before, and my computer doesn't emit smells or chemicals.