Women's Issues Random Thoughts

[MickeyLee]

My grown-ass, redneck man of a brother is two seasons into A Series of Unfortunate Events.

And he is full on digging it.

 

[MickeyLee]

 

[AlteredEgo]

Nobody ever listens to is when we say this, but it ears repeating. Women live in a world in which it is dangerous to politely reject men.

Dude took me to an after hours spot. I was having a tense day, a crazy night, and he promised to show me a good time and then bed me properly. I knew he could come through. I said I'd be the designated driver. We went to a pub I really like until half an hour before last call. Then we went to an after hours club he knows. That's when it turned left.

We were having a good time. The place was a little dirty, and I saw several crimes take place, but the people watching was good, the DJ was insane, and I was in excellent company. We laughed and danced. It was nice. I was loosening up. He went to the bar to get a beer, and I waited at our table.

Earlier, I had seen some guy watching us. He stood weirdly close to us inside the little alcove where we had taken a table, where we were dancing. We made eye contact a few times when Dude hugged me close to lick my neck. He left when Dude saw his reflection in the mirror and turned around. My observations were that he was intoxicated, probably a combination of alcohol and drugs, about half my age, and completely alone. Everyone else was on a date or with friends.

So, while Dude was getting himself a beer, this guy came back into the alcove. Another couple was standing on the other side of the table, oblivious to the rest of the world. This guy politely asked if I wanted to dance. I told him I was on a date. He said, "What?!" I repeated myself, and added that I hadn't gone alone. He muttered something I didn't catch and left. I assumed that business was concluded.

Dude came back, and we danced and molested each other a little. Lots of smooching. About halfway through his beer, that guy came back, said something I did not understand, and threw two beer bottles into the alcove. One smashed at my feet, the other hit the mirror behind Dude's head.

So, even in the company of a big dude who doesn't appear meant for testing, it's not safe for me to tell a man no. If he wants something from me, he is entitled to access to me. That is the message sent.

No worries. I spared the guy hos well-being and kept my friend out of prison. I turned the guy in to security, who ejected him, and I put Dude in my truck and drove is to his house. Later, he talked to me about the perspective a little time grants. He said we have no idea what else that man had been through, and why something as simple as me being unavailable to him would spark violence. And then he prayed for him.

When is it going to be okay to just not be interested?

 

[AlteredEgo]

Reflecting further on that night, drunk, very young, white women kept asking him if he was Gucci Mane. I really think they meant Kodak Black, which is who he resembles (minus the gross teeth). Both rappers have face and neck tattoos though, and he doesn't. We must be in a lot of Insta pages and Snaps. It was kind of hilarious.

"Excuse me, are you Gucci Mane?"
"No, definitely not."
"Can we get a selfie?!?!"
*he laughs adorably* "Let's do it. Come on, Girls! Get your phones out."

I'm going to have to talk to him about referring to grown women as girls.

Drunk people in bars. Was I them when I was their age? Jesus. I was. Maybe I was more charming about my assholery though. I don't remember. I was drunk back then.

 

[Enid]

I really think that toxic masculinity exists and I'm glad the Gillette ad addressed it. I cannot link because it's not permitted here. I don't care if it's a company and people are critical about a company hopping on the metoo movement and calling it cringey. I look at it as hopefully a progression towards the right path.

 

[950483]

I really think that toxic masculinity exists and I'm glad the Gillette ad addressed it. I cannot link because it's not permitted here. I don't care if it's a company and people are critical about a company hopping on the metoo movement and calling it cringey. I look at it as hopefully a progression towards the right path.

And all of the comments criticising Gillette for being down on masculinity! As if bullying, sexual harassment, and just generally being a dick are desirable masculine behaviours.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Karen Pence is a bigot.

 

[LaFemme]

Every single school in our province has to have a GSA. Period. No exceptions. Catholic, Christian charter schools - all of them. There sure has been some backlash, but who the hell cares. Teachers of all flavours better be welcome as well.

I am so choked that a country that used to think it was progressive has taken such huge steps backwards. I’m so sorry.

 

[jacenx]

Nobody ever listens to is when we say this, but it ears repeating. Women live in a world in which it is dangerous to politely reject men.

often the ones who get drunk. Alcohol elevates aggressiveness.
But on the other side, it's true. Some school student who never had criminal events, brought a shotgun, went to the girl's house (the parents were outside at work), shot the girl and his sister directly in the head because she said no. I was an isolated event, not all men are violent against women thankfully

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

often the ones who get drunk. Alcohol elevates aggressiveness.
But on the other side, it's true. Some school student who never had criminal events, brought a shotgun, went to the girl's house (the parents were outside at work), shot the girl and his sister directly in the head because she said no. I was an isolated event, not all men are violent against women thankfully

The way you ended that post takes the gravity away from the situation. It's not "isolated" shit like that happens regularly.

I'm not thankful. Too many men ARE violent against women. And get away with it.

 

[deleted924715]

often the ones who get drunk. Alcohol elevates aggressiveness.

Yes, alcohol can exacerbate the behaviour of some people, but I have had more instances of rejection taken poorly by men who were sober and often entitlement is the problem moreso than aggression (IME). It's more commonplace than you think.

Being uninterested in a co-worker who asked me out, culminated in me leaving a job I'd held for 6 years, because I just dreaded going to work. He wasn't drinking or being overtly aggressive.

 

[jacenx]

The way you ended that post takes the gravity away from the situation. It's not "isolated" shit like that happens regularly.

I'm not thankful. Too many men ARE violent against women. And get away with it.

I live in Canada not in the USA. I have no firearms in my house.

 

[jacenx]

Yes, alcohol can exacerbate the behaviour of some people, but I have had more instances of rejection taken poorly by men who were sober and often entitlement is the problem moreso than aggression (IME). It's more commonplace than you think.

I had rejection in the past. Yes, rejection traumatized me. But, I never thought being rude or insistent. it does not change my way of seeing things. I do think I live in a fucked world instead in a real one. Girls have very high expectations to hope to have relationship with them.

 

[deleted924715]

Girls have very high expectations to hope to have relationship with them.

How so?

 

[AlteredEgo]

often the ones who get drunk. Alcohol elevates aggressiveness.
But on the other side, it's true. Some school student who never had criminal events, brought a shotgun, went to the girl's house (the parents were outside at work), shot the girl and his sister directly in the head because she said no. I was an isolated event, not all men are violent against women thankfully

It has never required alcohol. I've had to defend myself from a contractor in my home! I've been yelled at in the street so many times. It rarely has escalated to actual violence in my personal experiences, but credible threats and stalking have been very common.

To me, the unusual aspect was not the violence. What was unusual was that I was at that very moment being held by a large, dangerous-looking man. His presence would typically be expected to deter shenanigans. He's a sweetheart, but he wasn't always, and he looks like his old life. Like, if I was lost, and he was a stranger, he isn't the one I'd ask for directions. I would feel too vulnerable. I feel extremely safe in his arms, and his first instinct was to protect me. His willingness to go to war for me should have deterred violence.

These things are NOT isolated events. You're not listening.

One of the school mass shootings last year was over a girl rejecting a boy. There are plenty of news stories about men shooting women at clubs over rejection. This isn't isolated, those are just extreme examples. Violence that doesn't lead to death doesn't make the news. I doubt there is one woman who hasn't been grabbed, hit, spit on, cornered, or beaten for saying no. Lesbians have been raped. No, you aren't listening, you don't hear us. It bears repeating, so I'll say it again.

It's not safe to tell men no. You, Sir, are Shrodinger's Asshole. I don't know you. You might be an absolute peach, the most wonderful man to walk this Earth or any other. Or you might stab me if I indicate that I'm not making myself available to your advances. Or have you never wondered why women give out fake phone numbers, or never answer some dude's calls and texts? Women know it's not safe. And alcohol is not needed. I as down the street from my own house and thought I was getting kidnapped at gunpoint until another man showed up and the original man let go of me. You just don't know. So you should #BelieveWomen .


EDIT: I'm not calling you an asshole. If my meaning is going over your head, please Google Schrodinger's cat.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I live in Canada not in the USA. I have no firearms in my house.

So the dick what? All violence is not gun violence. THINK.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

I live in Canada not in the USA. I have no firearms in my house.

Violence doesn't always include a firearm.

I'm not accusing you of any misconduct.

 

[deleted924715]

Nobody ever listens to is when we say this, but it ears repeating. Women live in a world in which it is dangerous to politely reject men.

Dude took me to an after hours spot. I was having a tense day, a crazy night, and he promised to show me a good time and then bed me properly. I knew he could come through. I said I'd be the designated driver. We went to a pub I really like until half an hour before last call. Then we went to an after hours club he knows. That's when it turned left.

We were having a good time. The place was a little dirty, and I saw several crimes take place, but the people watching was good, the DJ was insane, and I was in excellent company. We laughed and danced. It was nice. I was loosening up. He went to the bar to get a beer, and I waited at our table.

Earlier, I had seen some guy watching us. He stood weirdly close to us inside the little alcove where we had taken a table, where we were dancing. We made eye contact a few times when Dude hugged me close to lick my neck. He left when Dude saw his reflection in the mirror and turned around. My observations were that he was intoxicated, probably a combination of alcohol and drugs, about half my age, and completely alone. Everyone else was on a date or with friends.

So, while Dude was getting himself a beer, this guy came back into the alcove. Another couple was standing on the other side of the table, oblivious to the rest of the world. This guy politely asked if I wanted to dance. I told him I was on a date. He said, "What?!" I repeated myself, and added that I hadn't gone alone. He muttered something I didn't catch and left. I assumed that business was concluded.

Dude came back, and we danced and molested each other a little. Lots of smooching. About halfway through his beer, that guy came back, said something I did not understand, and threw two beer bottles into the alcove. One smashed at my feet, the other hit the mirror behind Dude's head.

So, even in the company of a big dude who doesn't appear meant for testing, it's not safe for me to tell a man no. If he wants something from me, he is entitled to access to me. That is the message sent.

No worries. I spared the guy hos well-being and kept my friend out of prison. I turned the guy in to security, who ejected him, and I put Dude in my truck and drove is to his house. Later, he talked to me about the perspective a little time grants. He said we have no idea what else that man had been through, and why something as simple as me being unavailable to him would spark violence. And then he prayed for him.

When is it going to be okay to just not be interested?

You know what strikes me about this? How isolating it can be when it happens. I can think of 3 instances off the top of my head where I was left feeling like it was my fault because of the fallout from these things.

Example 1 - When I worked in a bar, there was an obnoxious little shit who wouldn't leave me alone and I spent the whole night studiously ignoring him. I had to leave the bar for change, he got in my face demanding a kiss, I said no and he dived on me. There is no other word. Hands everywhere. One of the bouncers was nearby, saw the whole thing and (literally) flung him out. The obnoxious little shit came back with his gang because he took offense at being ejected. The guys on the door called for back up. It kicked off big time and ended in death threats on both sides. I felt awful. The only word out of my mouth during the whole thing had been "No" but I felt completely responsible.

Example 2- not long after the incident above. A gang of us went for a meal in chinatown after closing. Friend of my boyfriend who I had always described as such a nice guy offered to walk me to get a taxi safely. He's drunk and proceeds to start crossing the line. I tell him to pack it in and he gets angry, says he's sick of being the "nice guy" and drags me into an alley and starts pulling at my clothes. He was so much stronger than me, so incredibly heavy... I thought that was it... Member of the group unexpectedly catches us up and intervenes. He is friends with my boyfriend and the guy. Tells me it's better that I don't mention it to anyone because he was drunk and it would cause so much trouble. *I* feel guilty and agree to keep it to myself because I would feel responsible for the fallout when someone got hurt. And someone *would* get hurt.

Example 3 - the guy in work. After being rejected started fucking with my hours, changing the rota so I would be in when there was just the 2 of us and trying to exert the tiny bit of authority he had. Constant snide comments about how he wasn't "good enough". Wouldn't leave the subject alone when there was nobody else around. He'd always been considered pretty harmless, such a "nice boy" by the older women in the office and I didn't want fuss, so I just kept turning the other cheek and didn't say anything to anyone. Eventually one of the guys noticed, we were good friends and his response was "Are his comments aimed at you? If he's giving you a hard time, I'll knock him into next week." There was no way I was letting him risk his job... So I denied it. I found another job and left.

Even when you have people who have your back, the whole situation can still be fraught and isolating. I like to think I'd know how to handle it better now, that I wouldn't feel responsible for the behaviour of others. The thing is, it's not like I was exactly a shrinking wallflower then. Somehow, I just found it isolating. Other people had behaved badly but it felt like the responsibility was on me to almost protect them from the consequences. Maybe that's how they get away with it - the recipients of their attention don't want a disproportionate response.

 

[MisterB]

I was an isolated event, not all men are violent against women thankfully

Thank goodness! In fact, I'd guess that most are not.

Girls have very high expectations to hope to have relationship with them.

Like @BacknForth, I too would like to hear more from you about your specific experience(s) that caused you to make such a generalized statement.

I live in Canada not in the USA. I have no firearms in my house.

Why does this particular post of yours strike me as defensive? I'm not trying to be a dick here; I'm honestly interested in hearing your thoughts.

I ask because @AlteredEgo and @BacknForth shared some very personal details about particular events involving shitty/lunatic men. These stories they tell here are theirs. And what's sad is they could have been told by other women. Cuz just about every woman I know has had similar experiences with shitty/lunatic men. That's reality.

If you've read some of of the women's posts around the different LPSG forums, they seem, in general, to have no issues with men. Except with the shitty/lunatic men like they took time to write about. I've learned a lot about this reality, from those I personally know and those shared by women who post here at LPSG. I hope you will too. Understand what they are saying can go a long way to helping a guy with his woman "game".

And let's be totally honest. Some women could be considered lunatics. Or shits. Or whatever. Sometimes one needs to kiss a few toadettes to fine his Princess. Or, it could be that one needs to do some self-reflection and figure out why his "woman game" is off. But please don't generalize about women based on your limited experiences with women. Because most women are not shitty/lunatics. They are just people. With feelings. Like you and me. Who all deserve to be treated with respect.

 

[deleted924715]

Thank goodness! In fact, I'd guess that most are not.



Like @BacknForth, I too would like to hear more from you about your specific experience(s) that caused you to make such a generalized statement.



Why does this particular post of yours strike me as defensive? I'm not trying to be a dick here; I'm honestly interested in hearing your thoughts.

I ask because @AlteredEgo and @BacknForth shared some very personal details about particular events involving shitty/lunatic men. These stories they tell here are theirs. And what's sad is they could have been told by other women. Cuz just about every woman I know has had similar experiences with shitty/lunatic men. That's reality.

If you've read some of of the women's posts around the different LPSG forums, they seem, in general, to have no issues with men. Except with the shitty/lunatic men like they took time to write about. I've learned a lot about this reality, from those I personally know and those shared by women who post here at LPSG. I hope you will too. Understand what they are saying can go a long way to helping a guy with his woman "game".

And let's be totally honest. Some women could be considered lunatics. Or shits. Or whatever. Sometimes one needs to kiss a few toadettes to fine his Princess. Or, it could be that one needs to do some self-reflection and figure out why his "woman game" is off. But please don't generalize about women based on your limited experiences with women. Because most women are not shitty/lunatics. They are just people. With feelings. Like you and me. Who all deserve to be treated with respect.