1994- My first pregnancy I was 20yrs old with an abusive asshole. One night around 2am, I was trying to sleep and he had his stereo on, stoned out of his mind. I asked him several times to turn it down so I could sleep. Apparently, I asked too many times and he turned around and was swinging his arm down to punch me in the stomach. I moved away and after freaking out on him, I called a shelter.
A few days later, I was looking for an apartment and fell on some ice. I felt a huge pain and walked 7 miles to the nearest hospital. They told me I was fine and sent me back to the shelter, another 3 mile walk. I was told not to lift anything heavy.
In the shelter, you are required to look for an apt and another lady with a beautiful 3yr old boy asked if I could watch him while she was gone. While he was running around, he tripped and fell. Without thinking, I picked him up to soothe him. I felt no pain but an hour later I had some brown discharge. I called the doc and he told me to go to the hospital. Turns out it was my "plug".
I was having contractions, but told they weren't contractions for hours. The nurses were complete bitches and were lucky I was in pain, vulnerable and didn't have a gun.
I felt like I had to have a bowel movement. As I was straining, I felt something weird happen. I put my hand between my legs and felt a tiny leg protruding from my vagina. I called the nurse and she was a total bitch asking me what the hell I wanted now. I told her what was going on and she changed her tune.
To get to the worst part more quickly, I gave birth to him and they put him in a bed pan. A fucking bed pan!! I wanted to see him and they didn't want me to but I told them he was my baby and if I wanted to see him, I was going to see him. They handed me the bed pan with my tiny 5 month old son inside. He was blue and perfectly formed.
They told me I had to go in for a DNC. I handed my baby back to them, there was no way I was going to put him back in that thing. They put him back in it and then dumped him in a bucket. I will never forget that sound for as long as I live.
I understand about hearing babies when you are going thru the pain of losing yours. I was in the ob wing and the sound of those crying babies and the exclamations of joy from the family were tearing me open. I remember begging god to kill me.
In 2000, after 3 yrs of trying with my husband I met in 1996, I got pregnant. I'll save that happy time for another post as remembering this has me too emotional.
