The misconception and resulting discrimination against bisexuals came as one of the biggest blows that my orientation has dealt me with.
I first started when I searched the web for information and local support groups. When it came to support groups, there was only one and it was very far from being a support group in any way. It consisted of a group of married bi men who would gather for a bout of sex. I was disappointed because it was so far from what I was searching for or needed.
The information that I came up with had me completely shaken. One of the articles that I found explained (at length) how the gay and straight worlds view us and supplied the reader with a list of some of the misconceptions. It was devastating. I was deeply hurt because the reality of not really fitting in came as a blow to the stomach. I felt as if I wanted to throw up. Knowing that I was nowhere close to how I was being described/seen and that it was contrary to who I am left me with feelings of hurt and anger. The thought "..but this isn't me" kept going through my mind.
I felt that I had to be true to myself regardless of the outcome. If I wanted to rebuild my self esteem, I would have to claim myself regardless of the price. Never in a million years could I have guessed that the price would be so high. I cannot count the amount of times where I've been in a situation of being able to make friends, but as soon as the person heard that I was bi, they'd either run for the hills or request that we hook up for a bout of meaningless sex.
I finally found a GLBT organisation that ran support groups for non-straight men. I contacted them to express my interest in joining the group and to establish what I needed to do in order to make it possible. They replied to me and arranged for one of the therapists that runs the group to contact me. Finally! A breakthrough! Mrs. biguy was excited, I was thrilled. Those feelings were short lived. I was never contacted by the therapist. They have a staff portfolio on their website and I discovered that he's gay, so I'm not sure if the breakdown comes from him possibly any misconceptions of his own. I've tried on numerous occasions to follow up with the Mental Health manager who I originally liaised with. My emails were ignored. This all started about three months ago and uptil now...nothing...no support group and certainly no contact. I can only conclude that they have included the B in the GLBT so that they will be able to quality for state funding. When one looks at their work it's safe to conclude that the gay and lesbian community is the only blip on their radar.
It can be incredibly painful at times to live with the knowledge that from here on chances of being seen and judged by what I am as opposed to who I am are fairly high. It feels like the proverbial slap in the face. It can be a confusing, frustrating and certainly infuriating experience at times.
I cannot count the amount of times that I've been in bed with the question "Why?" running through my head like a high speed train on a neverending track. "Why me?" "Why this?" "Why now?" All that I have come up with is that we need to make the most of the hand that life deals us with. I may be helpless to what life throws my way, but I am not helpless in responding to it in a way that maintains my dignity and integrity.
It can be daunting at times to live with the reality that I don't really fit in anywhere. I am not part of the gay or straight community and the community that I belong to is one that is hidden. A secret society. One where it's necessary to wear sunglasses, a large hat, to have the collar of a giant overcoat rolled up. If only we had secret handshake or something that would alert me to the fact that there are more people like me out there. At times I find myself looking around me and asking myself, "Is he bi? Or she? Or they? Where is everybody?"
I first started when I searched the web for information and local support groups. When it came to support groups, there was only one and it was very far from being a support group in any way. It consisted of a group of married bi men who would gather for a bout of sex. I was disappointed because it was so far from what I was searching for or needed.
The information that I came up with had me completely shaken. One of the articles that I found explained (at length) how the gay and straight worlds view us and supplied the reader with a list of some of the misconceptions. It was devastating. I was deeply hurt because the reality of not really fitting in came as a blow to the stomach. I felt as if I wanted to throw up. Knowing that I was nowhere close to how I was being described/seen and that it was contrary to who I am left me with feelings of hurt and anger. The thought "..but this isn't me" kept going through my mind.
I felt that I had to be true to myself regardless of the outcome. If I wanted to rebuild my self esteem, I would have to claim myself regardless of the price. Never in a million years could I have guessed that the price would be so high. I cannot count the amount of times where I've been in a situation of being able to make friends, but as soon as the person heard that I was bi, they'd either run for the hills or request that we hook up for a bout of meaningless sex.
I finally found a GLBT organisation that ran support groups for non-straight men. I contacted them to express my interest in joining the group and to establish what I needed to do in order to make it possible. They replied to me and arranged for one of the therapists that runs the group to contact me. Finally! A breakthrough! Mrs. biguy was excited, I was thrilled. Those feelings were short lived. I was never contacted by the therapist. They have a staff portfolio on their website and I discovered that he's gay, so I'm not sure if the breakdown comes from him possibly any misconceptions of his own. I've tried on numerous occasions to follow up with the Mental Health manager who I originally liaised with. My emails were ignored. This all started about three months ago and uptil now...nothing...no support group and certainly no contact. I can only conclude that they have included the B in the GLBT so that they will be able to quality for state funding. When one looks at their work it's safe to conclude that the gay and lesbian community is the only blip on their radar.
It can be incredibly painful at times to live with the knowledge that from here on chances of being seen and judged by what I am as opposed to who I am are fairly high. It feels like the proverbial slap in the face. It can be a confusing, frustrating and certainly infuriating experience at times.
I cannot count the amount of times that I've been in bed with the question "Why?" running through my head like a high speed train on a neverending track. "Why me?" "Why this?" "Why now?" All that I have come up with is that we need to make the most of the hand that life deals us with. I may be helpless to what life throws my way, but I am not helpless in responding to it in a way that maintains my dignity and integrity.
It can be daunting at times to live with the reality that I don't really fit in anywhere. I am not part of the gay or straight community and the community that I belong to is one that is hidden. A secret society. One where it's necessary to wear sunglasses, a large hat, to have the collar of a giant overcoat rolled up. If only we had secret handshake or something that would alert me to the fact that there are more people like me out there. At times I find myself looking around me and asking myself, "Is he bi? Or she? Or they? Where is everybody?"
