Blonde Joke Thread

[xLostxNovemberx]

Q:What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

A: Run that bitch has a gernade in her mouth......


oh how I love that one <3 Jonnie

 

[nakedwally]

Q:What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

A: Run that bitch has a gernade in her mouth......


oh how I love that one <3 Jonnie

o i like that one,, thanx never heard it before

 

[nakedwally]

A brunette was jumping along railroad tracks, saying, &#8220;21, 21, 21.&#8221; A blonde comes along and starts doing the same thing. They hear a train and the brunette jumps off, but the blonde keeps jumping. The blonde gets hit and dies. After the train leaves, the brunette jumps back on saying this time, &#8220;22, 22, 22....&#8221;

 

[nakedwally]

The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. ''I'm sorry,'' says the pharmacist, ''we don't have any.''
''But I always get it here,'' says the blonde.
''Do you have the container it comes in?''
''Yes!'' says the blonde, ''I will go and get it.'' She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, ''This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.'' The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: ''To apply, push up bottom.''

 

[nakedwally]

Q: What do Barbie and Britney Spears have in common?
A: Both are blonde, brainless and made out of plastic.

 

[nakedwally]

this one i don't get but maybe someone else will be able to explain it to me.

Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so they can breed their own stock.

The brunette balances their checkbook, then decides to take their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "If I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."
Well, with only $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, comfortable."
The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you just write, comfortable?" The brunette explains, "My sister's a blonde. She'll read it slowly."

 

[Fire Stick]

I am fond of blonde jokes, as well, and have a few to offer:

Q. What do a blonde and a computer have in common?
A. You never truly appreciate them until they go down on you.

Q. How many blondes does it take to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies?
A. At least two. One to concentrate on making the badder, and another one to peel the M&M's.

Q. What does a blonde use for protection during sex?
A. A bus shelter.

 

[giantsfrey]

this one i don't get but maybe someone else will be able to explain it to me.

"comfortable"

say comfortable really slow, like the dumb blonde is supposed to read it. come - for - tha - bull. hope that helps ya

 

[nakedwally]

say comfortable really slow, like the dumb blonde is supposed to read it. come - for - tha - bull. hope that helps ya

oh now i get it... hey i really must be blonde then it took me that long to get it.... after all bleach blondes are the worst cause the bleach gets to the brains

 

[nakedwally]

One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business. While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream. Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."

 

[mattyule]

What does a blonde and a turtle have incommon???



Once there both on there back, they're fucked!

 

[HazelGod]

A newly pregnant blonde woman arrives at her OB/GYN's office for her first prenatal checkup, and overhears a conversation between two other pregnant ladies in the waiting area.

The first woman says to the other, "My husband and I heard that if we concieve in the missionary position, we're more likely to have a son. Sure enough, Dr. Wilson told me last week that I'm having a boy!"

The blonde woman is fascinated by this, and continues to listen as the second lady responds, "That sounds like nonsense to me...but I was on top when I got pregnant, and the doctor told me that we're having a little girl. So maybe there's something to this theory after all?"

Suddenly the blonde woman gets a terrified look on her face and dissolves into hysterics, sobbing inconsolably. The other two ladies are mystified and try to comfort her. The first lady asks, "Honey, what's the matter? Nothing can be that bad, can it?"

The blonde woman wails through her tears, "I'm gonna have puppies!"

 

[nakedwally]

Q:What did Santa say to the three blondes on the corner?
A:"Ho. Ho. Ho."


Q:What did one of the blonde's legs say to the other one?
A:Between you and me we could make a lot of money!

Q:What did the father say to his blonde daughter?
A:''If you're not in bed by 11, come home.''

Q: What do a blonde and a taxi have in common?
A: Everyone's been in and out for $2.00.

 

[nakedwally]

A blonde and a brunette were opening their paychecks when the blonde asked the brunette what she was going to buy.

The brunette replied, "I think I'll buy a new set of plates because mine are chipped. What are you going to buy?" The blonde said, "I think I'm gonna buy a new butt, because my old one has an enormous crack in it."

 

[nakedwally]

A tall blonde and a tall brunette are stading in an elevator. A short bald man with lots of dandruff walks in, then gets off at the next floor. The brunette says, &#8220;Boy he could use some head and shoulders.&#8221;
The blonde says, &#8220;Hm. How do you give shoulders?&#8221;

 

[nakedwally]

How do you keep a blonde busy?
Put her in a round room and tell her there is a vibrator in the corner!

 

[socoken]

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are walking down the sidewalk doing a little window shopping one afternoon. Out of no where, a bird shits on the brunettes head and flies away.

"Oh shoot, that really sucks hun. Wait right here, Ill go inside and get some toilet paper," said the redhead, and she ducked inside the nearby building.

"That dumb girl," says the blonde, "and us blondes get a bad rap for being so naive!"

The brunette gives the blonde a curious look.

"That bird will be miles away before she gets back with the toilet paper!"

 

[Pirate Wench]

Ok...I read thru all of these here so far to make sure I didn't repeat one.....
Thanks for this thread !
Read a lot of new ones !



The Blind Man

This blind man walks into a tavern, sits at the bar and orders his drink.
After a minute he asks the bartender "Wanna hear a blond joke ?"
The bartender says "Well sir, you've got 4 blonde women who are body builders standing within 6 feet of you, and I'M blonde......still wanna tell that blonde joke ?"
He exclaims "Not if I have to explain it Five times !! "

**************************************************

If a blonde and a brunette jump off the roof of a skyscraper, who hits the ground first ?
The brunette....
The blonde has to stop and ask directions.

*********************************************

Why don't blondes like sex with the lights on ?
They don't want the car door open.


Why don't blonde sorority girls like to screw the whole football team ?
They don't want to write all those thank you notes.


edit: Anyone want to start a lawyer joke thread ?
I have several of those.

Ex: What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
You take your shoes Off to jump up and down on a trampoline.

 

[nakedwally]

Why do blondes go to Sears?
Because the boys pants were half off!

 

[nakedwally]

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals.
She proudly said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!" Her friend said, "O.K. then, what's the capital of France?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F."