Blonde Joke Thread

nakedwally

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There were two blondes as roommates and they both bought mice. When they got home the first blonde said, "How are we going to tell them apart?"
The second blonde said, "Why don't we take one and chop off one of its legs?" But during the night the mouse with four legs said to the mouse with three legs, ''That's not fair -- I want three legs too.'' So the mouse with three legs told him to eat one of his legs. And so he did. The next morning the blondes were upset about this so they did the same thing as the day before. But again the mouse with three legs ate one of his legs. This went on until both mice had no tails and legs. Then one of the blondes shouted, ''All right, that's it! You take the black one and I'll take the white one!''
 

nakedwally

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A 747 was starting its descent and the pilot had forgotten to turn off the P.A. system.

''As soon as I clock off'' he said, ''I'm going to have a nice cold beer and then screw the arse off that blonde flight attendant.'' The horrified flight attendant made a dash toward the cockpit, but tripped over in the aisle. A little old lady sitting there whispered, ''There's no need to hurry love, he said he was going to have a beer first.''
 

jeff black

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There was a blonde, brunette, and a red head in the desert. They were stranded but each had the foresight to bring something with them to keep cool.

The brunette has a bottle of water. When asked why she would bring that, she explained, " If I get hot, I will just drink the water."

The redhead has a fan. When asked why she would bring that, she explained, " If I get hot, I will just fan myself".

Now, both the brunette and the redhead looked at the blonde, who had chosen to bring a car door from a 2003 ford focus. When asked why she would bring that, the blonde girl smiled and said, " Well, if I get hot, I will just roll down the window."
 

nakedwally

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A blonde walks into a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms. ''That will be $1.08, please'' says the clerk.
''What's the eight cents for?'' asks the blonde. ''It says one dollar right here on the packaging.'' ''Tax,'' replies the clerk. ''Gee,'' says the blonde, ''I thought you just rolled them on and they stayed put!''
 

jeff black

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I've got a million of these.....

Here is one that used to make me laugh.

Once upon a time there were three girls stranded on an island after a plane crash. A blonde, a brunette and a red head.:rolleyes:

After 5 days, the girls were at their wits end. While looking for a way to make a ship, the redhead finds an old brass bottle.

She brings it over and the girls all stroke the bottle. Magically, a genie pops out and tells them they will each get one wish.

The brunette sits quietly for a moment and then says, " I wish that I was on a beach in Miami, sipping on a strawberry daquiri."
***POOF*** She disappears.

The red head wastes no time with her wish, " I wish I was on the same beach in Miami, sipping on a strawberry daquiri."
***POOF!!!!**** she disappears too.

Now, the genie floats over to the blonde and asks what her wish is. The blonde sits there for a bit, trying to figure out what to wish for. Suddenly, she smiles and looks up at the genie.

" I wish the brunette and the redhead were here to keep me company!! I'm so lonely!:tongue: "
 

nakedwally

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Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they went to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief said he would show them a mug shot of someone for thirty seconds, then ask each one for a description. After showing the photo to the first blonde, he covered it, then asked her how she would recognize the suspect.

"Easy, " she replied. "He only has one eye."

The chief was stunned. "He only has one eye because it is a profile shot! Think about it!" He repeated the procedure for the second blonde and again asked how she would recognize him.

"He only has one ear, " was her answer.

"What is the matter with you people?!? It is a profile shot! You are seeing him from the side!" He repeated the procedure for the third blonde, then said, "How would you recognize the suspect? Now think before you give me a stupid answer."

After viewing the photo, she thought for a minute, then said, "He's wearing contact lenses."

This took the chief by surprise. He looked real hard at the picture and couldn't tell if the suspect had contacts or not, so he went into the database and looked at the report. Sure enough, when the mug shot was taken, he was wearing contact lenses! He went back to her and asked, "How could you tell he was wearing contact lenses? Nobody else here in this precinct saw that!"

"Well, " she said, "he can't wear regular glasses with only one eye and one ear, now, can he?"
 

nakedwally

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A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, “I'll take that bet!”
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said, “I can't take this, you're my friend. I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money.”
The blonde replied, “Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!”
 

nakedwally

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A blonde went to a world wide mesage center to send a message to her mother overseas When the man told her it would cost $300.00, she exclaimed, " I don't have any money, but I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!"

The man arched and eyebrow, "ANYTHING?"

"Yes, ANYTHING", the blonde promised. With that, the man said, "Follow Me". He walked into the next room and ordered, "Come in and close the door. " She did. He then said, "Get on your knees." She did. He then said, "Take down my zipper." She did. He then said, "Go ahead...... take it out." She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well..... go ahead." The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips she said................. "Hello, MOM??????"

this one is my favorite blonde joke of all time
 

lucky8

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Q: what did the blondes left leg say to her right leg?



A: nothing. theyve never met.
 

lucky8

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Q: whats the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?


A: you can only stick 3 fingers in a bowling ball.