Chat etiquette

[Frnkd213]

I have been chatting with a friend on y messenger and notice that he would take some time to answer. The answer would be something like " yes" or "no". The thing is some times he would take awhile to type this. "Strange" i thought. Seems like anyway. Recently, Out of curiosity i ask how come he took such a long time to respond. He told me that he was chatting with another person at that time.

Ive been chatting with this guy for awhile and he has never told me about this. After several chat sessions it occurred to me that he must have a habitual habit of doing this as there would be sometimes, to me, unexplained gaps of time between my comments and his replies. And yet at times he would be quick to answer, which I suspect we're times I was the only one he was chatting with.

I have actually become quite upset that he is chatting to one other if not several people at the same time. Mind you I could careless. What my question is should he have at least out of courtesy just mention that this was happening? And, should I ask him on our next chat that if he is chatting with someone else please let me know so that I will "ttyl" him as I find it on my part disrespectful, he calls it multi-tasking. If we're having a serious chat I would like to know that I have all of his attention, as much as he has all of mine. (please don't conclude that this is a lovers jealousy or possessiveness or any fucken crap like that, it's not, it's about common courtesy)

Or am I making a big deal about nothing, and this is common practice among chatters. I just liken this to having a phone conversation, while talking to a friend over coffee, at the same time on the computer chatting? Basically rude and disrespectful.

How have others handle this or would if you experience it?

 

[flame boy]

I have been chatting with a friend on y messenger and notice that he would take some time to answer. The answer would be something like " yes" or "no". The thing is some times he would take awhile to type this. "Strange" i thought. Seems like anyway. Recently, Out of curiosity i ask how come he took such a long time to respond. He told me that he was chatting with another person at that time.

Ive been chatting with this guy for awhile and he has never told me about this. After several chat sessions it occurred to me that he must have a habitual habit of doing this as there would be sometimes, to me, unexplained gaps of time between my comments and his replies. And yet at times he would be quick to answer, which I suspect we're times I was the only one he was chatting with.

I have actually become quite upset that he is chatting to one other if not several people at the same time. Mind you I could careless. What my question is should he have at least out of courtesy just mention that this was happening? And, should I ask him on our next chat that if he is chatting with someone else please let me know so that I will "ttyl" him as I find it on my part disrespectful, he calls it multi-tasking. If we're having a serious chat I would like to know that I have all of his attention, as much as he has all of mine. (please don't conclude that this is a lovers jealousy or possessiveness or any fucken crap like that, it's not, it's about common courtesy)

Or am I making a big deal about nothing, and this is common practice among chatters. I just liken this to having a phone conversation, while talking to a friend over coffee, at the same time on the computer chatting? Basically rude and disrespectful.

How have others handle this or would if you experience it?

Yes, yes.

 

[deleted704937]

I've done it and known it to be done. I believe it's common practice and acceptable. But if you'd rather only chat when he's able to give you his full attention, you would certainly be within your rights to ask him to accommodate that.

 

[fun21]

Ya, as far as chat etiquette is concerned what he is doing is totally normal. I mean, if I were having a conversation with a friend and another person logged on I would chat with them too, it would be rude to ignore that other person if they initiated conversation. Texting while at a dinner or chatting online while on the phone would be considered poor etiquette, but yahoo chat is set up to facilitate multiple conversations at once.

 

[Frnkd213]

I've done it and known it to be done. I believe it's common practice and acceptable. But if you'd rather only chat when he's able to give you his full attention, you would certainly be within your rights to ask him to accommodate that.

Ya, as far as chat etiquette is concerned what he is doing is totally normal. I mean, if I were having a conversation with a friend and another person logged on I would chat with them too, it would be rude to ignore that other person if they initiated conversation. Texting while at a dinner or chatting online while on the phone would be considered poor etiquette, but yahoo chat is set up to facilitate multiple conversations at once.

Today he left me hanging, and on several other times. I tell him, "hey, you disappeared" , his response was "huh?" "sorry", and he seems oblivious as I have to recall the conversation we had.
Maybe that's why I want to know if he's on more than one chat. I think if it happens again, leave me hanging or cant recall the "profound" advice that he asks for, I'm going to ask that we have a private chat.

 

[t9]

Chat etiquette is an oxymoron. just saying.

 

[august86]

It is a normal occurrence.
Speaking from my own experience, many times I'm multi-tasking in some way, be it another conversation, reading, using another device like cellphone, etc, or just completing something urgent.
I try to be as attentive as possible and respond soonest though, so maybe your friend is still getting the hang of multi-tasking.
However, if you want 'alone time', best you tell him so and schedule chats around that time of the day, or he can change his status to busy or away. Although, as a poster mentioned, it might be rude to someone else trying to make contact with him, if he just ignores them.

 

[kayman]

Yes, it is rude, and if he is still doing it then I would advise you to let him know you would like to chat when he is able to give you full attention. I recent was chatting with a guy for awhile another social networking site and then began talking on Skype. He initiated the convo with me on there but would take 5-10 minutes to respond anything. He said he was on his phone and even said in one response he was "in the tub". After awhile I just logged off and haven't spoke to him since...

 

[LaFemme]

I know it's common practice, but I still find it rude. If someone constantly takes too long to respond, I just say 'bye' and shut it down. I only chat with one person at a time, and if I'm multi-tasking rl things, I let the person know.

And that's one reason why I hardly ever chat! :smile:

 

[_Jonesy]

Happens all the time. Let it go bud.

 

[Frnkd213]

thanks folks, Im getting the idea that
1. its common practice- okay with me
2. serious chatting- let it be known if he is chatting with others to ask for a time when it can be private.
3. just "hang-up", or should I maybe WTF on the next reply. lol- if the time between responses is long or the response doesnt justify the time it took. or even worse it's obvious the rply has nothing to do with the comment. like "aaaaah"when there was a question posed!
4. do nothing.

 

[HappyBoi]

Hahaha. Wow. This thread was interesting!

Rude? Not even close! Chat systems are BUILT for having multiple chat conversations going at the same time. Easy to communicate with several people at the same time. Not only that, easy to do other stuff as well, be it watching tv, surfing the web, online shopping or stuff away from the computer like cooking food or whatever it may be.

If someone told me they were upset that I was chatting with several people at the same time, I'd probably be like "WTF", or, even laugh. I never knew people felt like this.

Quite interesting though.


(To pick up your phone to text while being on something like a date is pretty rude, I try to avoid that. But among friends or other people? I'm on the phone a lot!)

 

[D_Budd_Hert]

Sounds like Ur putting way to much time worrying about this....Obviously he doesn't wanna chat or he'd pay more attention to U then whom ever he's chatting with. Schedule a time and make it private, If he doesn't want to chat privately or has time for U ? Come to LPSG chatroom and waste Ur time there ! lol ..... seriously tho ! if he delays chatting with U or isnt really paying no mind to U ? I'd sign out and ignore him until he makes time for U ..

 

[dude_007]

If it is a young person, do not expect him or her to focus on one conversation at a time on a chat system. Just sayin....

 

[Over-reaching]

I've done it and known it to be done. I believe it's common practice and acceptable. But if you'd rather only chat when he's able to give you his full attention, you would certainly be within your rights to ask him to accommodate that.

I'd echo this. I think it's pretty normal and I wouldn't say that the other person is behaving in any way unusually or inappropriately in doing this.

Of course, you can say that you want to chat only when he's not chatting to someone else; you can do that, but:

(a) you run the risk that he will say, "OK, fine, let's forget it" (or something similar);
(b) he might agree but continue to chat to other people anyway;
(c) even if he doesn't chat to other people while he's chatting to you, you can't know that he's not doing other things on the computer at the same time – surfing the internet, writing an e-mail to his aunt, filling in his work expenses forms, shopping on Amazon...​

 

[rob_just_rob]

I think it is both normal and rude. And back when I chatted online, I did it too. Particularly when in chat rooms.

 

[B_debonair87]

you're hella sensitive.

its not that big of a deal dude.

 

[Frnkd213]

you're hella sensitive.

its not that big of a deal dude.

Sensative? No, curious yes. Trying to learn and understand of course. Even at 56 I want to do what is right. However based on information not emotion, see, I familiar with common courtesies however times do change and so does values. So I present my story so that posters who respond can do so with a base to which I am coming from.

Not making it into a big deal as much as you make it appear, dude. I am posing this to get other peoples take on how they would respond. I even summarize it based on what I have read so far.

Which may change as more info is received. Is this wrong? Your comment seems out of context actually. Sorry if I hit a sensitive nerve and your reply, should you choose to, will divert every poster hence forth to you and your feelings of my response to your comment. What can I say? .......sorry

 

[B_debonair87]

Sensative? No, curious yes. Trying to learn and understand of course. Even at 56 I want to do what is right. However based on information not emotion, see, I familiar with common courtesies however times do change and so does values. So I present my story so that posters who respond can do so with a base to which I am coming from.

Not making it into a big deal as much as you make it appear, dude. I am posing this to get other peoples take on how they would respond. I even summarize it based on what I have read so far.

Which may change as more info is received. Is this wrong? Your comment seems out of context actually. Sorry if I hit a sensitive nerve and your reply, should you choose to, will divert every poster hence forth to you and your feelings of my response to your comment. What can I say? .......sorry

Reverse Psychology fail.

And you're still being sensitive and acting very defensive right now........

You need to calm down.

Anyway, there is no such thing as common courtesy when chatting online. There's not "chat etiquette". It doesn't exist.

I'm sure the average person who, when opens an instant messenger, is gonna get messages from other people or start conversing with others despite what deep conversations are going on. Do you really expect someone to say "I'm sorry dude, I'll talk to you later, my other friend is typing some really deep shit to me right now".

Not gonna happen.

Hope that helps your curiosity. :smile:

 

[dude_007]

^ perhaps it is you who is being insensitive