Cheating

[Andrea23]

Nah, you'd probably feel the same. Marriage doesn't change shit behavior, it only makes getting away from a cheater more expensive.

Well I purposely did it now so I could do it without breaking my marriage vows, and I don’t want to cheat on him again. It was just a one time thing. I feel guilty about it but am glad I got it out of my system.

 

[693987]

most of us know cheating is not right, but people still do it.

Where are your thoughts on the topic?

Have you done it?
Do want to do it, but feel bound by your relationship?
Do you go on sites looking but never follow through?
Do you think about it?

Thoughts, experiences?

1. I have never cheated.
2. I have never wanted to, and I'm not "bound" in any of the relationships I have or have had (with the exception of one, which was my first serious relationship). I and whomever I am involved with mutually agrees to the parameters of our relationship. No one is forced to do anything.
3. No.
4. No.

I think it is absolutely scum of the earth behavior. If you don't want to be in a 1 person + 1 person monogamous relationship, don't get into one. If you just have that much of an "itch" to scratch, and the person you're with doesn't matter to you in that you'll willingly do something that would hurt the fuck out of them, break up with them or get their permission.

 

[MisterVIP]

I have met a lot of cheaters at work. Hated every single fucking one of them. Subhumans.

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

Well I purposely did it now so I could do it without breaking my marriage vows, and I don’t want to cheat on him again. It was just a one time thing. I feel guilty about it but am glad I got it out of my system.

.
The painful truth is that the guilt you feel now won't go away until you make things right. It'll be there on your wedding day and every day after. A wedding doesn't magically erase what happened before it. Only your partner's forgiveness can do that.

 

[MessiahKhiao]

I find it very odd that mostly everyone I’ve talked to who cheats always has an excuse other than I felt like doing it. And there’s this reoccurring coward like behavior of, ‘I didn’t want to end the relationship so I just went behind your back and didn’t tell you. I wanted to have my cake and eat it to at your emotional expense along with your health and well being.’

 

[MessiahKhiao]

I’m not married yet and decided to have a one time fling so I could experience sex with a big penis. My boyfriend doesn’t know about it. I haven’t cheated since and don’t want to. I feel like I got the incredible sex I was looking for and had a wonderful experience. He gave me what I needed. Now I don’t have to worry about regretting not sleeping with a well hung guy later on. If I hadn’t cheated now I probably would have after we got married and then I’d feel a lot worse about it.

Hopefully he gets to do the same since you went behind his back so you could keep him around

 

[Sagittarius84]

I find it very odd that mostly everyone I’ve talked to who cheats always has an excuse other than I felt like doing it. And there’s this reoccurring coward like behavior of, ‘I didn’t want to end the relationship so I just went behind your back and didn’t tell you. I wanted to have my cake and eat it to at your emotional expense along with your health and well being.’

I wonder if your perspective of cheating tints whatever answer one may give...
What you call excuses are most likely extenuating circumstances; and what theyre probably trying to express is that if said circumstances were not in play then there wouldve been no arbitrary decision to cheat, because one simply felt like it.
Now in the case of controllable, and easily overcomeable things I get the excuse moniker, it is simply people trying to reconcile their particular selfish decisions, or avoid confronting their own moral discrepancies ..but what gets little credence, and also what I think enables to many people to be emotionally and sexually abusive(via withholding and other means) under the guise of fidelity is this black and white attitude towards cheaters, that doesnt just account for the selfish, but also seems to sweep up the consistently selfless whom dared recapture some joy or fulfillment in a moment of weakness.
We know assault is wrong, but tend to give a pass to those incited into a fight. We know homicide is wrong, but if it occurs during self defense it is deemed acceptable in some circumstances. Cheating is a wrong often motivated by circumstances, and perhaps it would be so much easier to identify those that cheat so selfishly and with a cavalier attitude about it, if we were willing to take a look at those circumstances many of those cheated upon create, often with intention, and stop letting them off the hook.

 

[David Lucaya]

I have never been in a serious relationship as of yet. But I purposely am not in one because I am aware that I am not ready to be in a monogamous relationship just yet and I think more people need to become more aware of what they want or need.
Whenever I get involved with anyone I let them know it is not serious, youre not the only one and I am not your boyfriend from day one.
I hope I never hurt anyone via cheating but I'm willing to bet that the vast majority of cheating is a lack of communication. Be honest people and I am sure you can come to a better result.

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

I wonder if your perspective of cheating tints whatever answer one may give...
What you call excuses are most likely extenuating circumstances; and what theyre probably trying to express is that if said circumstances were not in play then there wouldve been no arbitrary decision to cheat, because one simply felt like it.
Now in the case of controllable, and easily overcomeable things I get the excuse moniker, it is simply people trying to reconcile their particular selfish decisions, or avoid confronting their own moral discrepancies ..but what gets little credence, and also what I think enables to many people to be emotionally and sexually abusive(via withholding and other means) under the guise of fidelity is this black and white attitude towards cheaters, that doesnt just account for the selfish, but also seems to sweep up the consistently selfless whom dared recapture some joy or fulfillment in a moment of weakness.
We know assault is wrong, but tend to give a pass to those incited into a fight. We know homicide is wrong, but if it occurs during self defense it is deemed acceptable in some circumstances. Cheating is a wrong often motivated by circumstances, and perhaps it would be so much easier to identify those that cheat so selfishly and with a cavalier attitude about it, if we were willing to take a look at those circumstances many of those cheated upon create, often with intention, and stop letting them off the hook.

Your assault and homocide analogies are weakly related to this topic.

Cheating always has the option of telling your partner that you are unhappy with the current relationship and want to do whatever it is you're contemplating. There is no circumstance where this isn't possible.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Well I purposely did it now so I could do it without breaking my marriage vows, and I don’t want to cheat on him again. It was just a one time thing. I feel guilty about it but am glad I got it out of my system.

Before or after that ceremony, doesn't matter. You broke trust, and looking at is as simply as "I got it it of my system" is an attempt to ignore your accountability.

Rationalizing these things and making excuses about "breaking vows" is just that. Making an excuse. Just because you didn't "vow" anything yet doesn't make what you did any less hurtful.

My point: it's not "out of your system". Don't be surprised if this little demon comes back to haunt you in the years to come.

 

[AlteredEgo]

In my early 20s I too had a very black-and-white view of cheating. I simply cast off the men as losers with no self-control, and the women as lying sluts. Now having been cheated on, and subsequently cheating back, I have actually softened quite a bit on the issue. While I don't necessarily excuse the behavior, I'm nowhere near as quick to place moral judgment upon the cheater, because frankly, I think more people than we are willing to give credit to are driven to cheating by a combination of lack of communication and an inability, often outright unwillingness by their partner to hold up their end when it comes to intimacy. It's similar to how we see theft and homicide as objectively bad choices that people make, but will overlook the starving person that steals food, or the combatant that defends well being to the extreme.
Here's my take: because the preceding posts are really par for the course as far as opinions on cheaters/cheating, i think because the posters themselves can't imagine themselves exhibiting behaviors and withholding affections that motivate many to cheat, they have such an negative reaction to it...but as I said before I think cheatings "wrong" can be filed under the same "wrong" as theft, homicide, or even cannibalism; things none of us would intend to do under normal circumstances, but things we can be pushed to and have to reconcile within ourselves after the fact.

I married a man who led me to believe hos attractions and libido were different from what they are. Sex is not important to him, and he's secretly gay. So, I never get laid at home. When we were still having sex a few times a year, back when I thought I wanted to keep him (before I figured out his orientation) I sought and received permission to sleep around. I did what I wanted within the limits of the boundaries we set together. If he'd said no, I'd have had the marriage annulled or gotten divorced and gone back home. I'm not prepared to live a life of celibacy, bit I'm also not willing to inflict the potential harm of cheating. Principles are what they are, and one either has them, or doesn't. For example, my principles dictate that killing another person is fine, but murdering a person is abhorrent. There's a difference. My principles dictate that stealing is wrong, but allowing a child to be hungry is worse; I would steal to feed a starving child (though not myself unless my breast milk was the source of nutrition for that child). The principle that presides over all of these things is that I won't contribute to the suffering of others where anything less than my survival is at stake. Not getting laid is extremely unpleasant, but it isn't going to be my end. Principles. I either have them, or I don't.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Before or after that ceremony, doesn't matter. You broke trust, and looking at is as simply as "I got it it of my system" is an attempt to ignore your accountability.

Rationalizing these things and making excuses about "breaking vows" is just that. Making an excuse. Just because you didn't "vow" anything yet doesn't make what you did any less hurtful.

My point: it's not "out of your system". Don't be surprised if this little demon comes back to haunt you in the years to come.

Not to mention, there were already vows in place, they just were not uttered out loud before witnesses.

 

[Sagittarius84]

Principles. I either have them, or I don't.

I respect that. And in real life, beyond the figurative musings of the internet, it represents 99% of the paths Ive taken in my relationships. But being human, and especially with age, I've found that principle can be the hill i die upon or the obstacle to fulfillment. Does a part of me regret that I didn't simply dump my gf at the time when I found out about her cheating and move on, sure..so much so I literally couldn't ejaculate months into my year long affair with now wife..but a part of me also knows that if I hadn't gone that route, the levels of resentment and grief I'd have endured on my own wouldn't have endeared me to any mentally healthy woman.
So for me standing on principle eliminates my marriage, my years of influence on a stepdaughter, and my little world conquering clone boy, wherein a contextual compromise of said principle enables their existence.

 

[polesmoker]

Sometimes it is fun to fuck someone who is not your partner. It isn't evil, scummy or terrible. It's just a means to get off. Monogamy is boring

 

[AlteredEgo]

Sometimes it is fun to fuck someone who is not your partner. It isn't evil, scummy or terrible.

Evil is harsh. It's definitely scummy and terrible.

Monogamy is boring

Then don't promise it to anyone. Simple.

I respect that. And in real life, beyond the figurative musings of the internet, it represents 99% of the paths Ive taken in my relationships. But being human, and especially with age, I've found that principle can be the hill i die upon or the obstacle to fulfillment. Does a part of me regret that I didn't simply dump my gf at the time when I found out about her cheating and move on, sure..so much so I literally couldn't ejaculate months into my year long affair with now wife..but a part of me also knows that if I hadn't gone that route, the levels of resentment and grief I'd have endured on my own wouldn't have endeared me to any mentally healthy woman.
So for me standing on principle eliminates my marriage, my years of influence on a stepdaughter, and my little world conquering clone boy, wherein a contextual compromise of said principle enables their existence.

Or there would perhaps eventually have been a different wife, adopted family, etc. Principles are principles. Justification is justification. I think you and I will not mesh perspectives and stroke an accord regarding this.

 

[headbang8]

My husband and I have a don't ask, don't tell arrangement.

Frankly, occasional cheating isn't a big deal to either of us. Our relationship is built on more than what we do with our dicks.

 

[David Lucaya]

My husband and I have a don't ask, don't tell arrangement.

Frankly, occasional cheating isn't a big deal to either of us. Our relationship is built on more than what we do with our dicks.

i don't consider it cheating if you are both aware it is going and had agreed that it is ok to have sex with other people.
For me the problem is lying to your partner that they are in a monogomous relationship when they are not

 

[deleted59763]

I’m not married yet and decided to have a one time fling so I could experience sex with a big penis. My boyfriend doesn’t know about it. I haven’t cheated since and don’t want to. I feel like I got the incredible sex I was looking for and had a wonderful experience. He gave me what I needed. Now I don’t have to worry about regretting not sleeping with a well hung guy later on. If I hadn’t cheated now I probably would have after we got married and then I’d feel a lot worse about it.

Does he know what you did?

 

[isaiah03]

My husband and I have a don't ask, don't tell arrangement.

Frankly, occasional cheating isn't a big deal to either of us. Our relationship is built on more than what we do with our dicks.

open relationship?