Confused!?!?!?

[LuckyClover]

I have a question for everyone who thinks I'm dumb, young, and naive. What if the relationship did include sex but maybe this past few weeks I haven't really been in the mood for whatever reason. Should the relationship end because I haven't been in the mood for a few weeks? Should I never sleep in the same bed as him if I don't intend on having sex with him that same night? Would everyones advice for me to just suck it up and have sex with him even though I'm not in the mood because I'm in his bed? If it's his bed does he suddenly have the right to do whatever he wants to me?


I don't think he was sleeping (at first I did, i wanted to trust him that's my fault) even though he spent most of the day emailing me articles on sexomnia and he's trying his best to convince me that he suddenly has it. I WON'T be sleeping over again. But when he said he was willing to wait i believed him...we hadn't had a problems the prior 8 and half months and we he invited me to spend the night we did talk about it and i trusted him. We never fool around in bed if we were in bed we would talk cuddle and that's it. He made it clear to me No fooling around in bed because he didn't want us to get our signals crossed. I didn't' see this coming and I sure as hell didn't want this to happen and I wasn't asking for it.

 

[Principessa]

I have a question for everyone who thinks I'm dumb, young, and naive. What if the relationship did include sex but maybe this past few weeks I haven't really been in the mood for whatever reason. Should the relationship end because I haven't been in the mood for a few weeks? No, if you were in a relationship where you had sex this would never have happend. Should I never sleep in the same bed as him if I don't intend on having sex with him that same night? Would everyones advice for me be to just suck it up and have sex with him even though I'm not in the mood because I'm in his bed? If it's his bed does he suddenly have the right to do whatever he wants to me? No, he does not.


I don't think he was sleeping (at first I did, i wanted to trust him that's my fault) even though he spent most of the day emailing me articles on sexomnia and he's trying his best to convince me that he suddenly has it. I WON'T be sleeping over again. But when he said he was willing to wait i believed him of course you did you are in what you thought was an honest and loving relationship. ...we hadn't had problems the prior 8 and half months OMG! You have been stringing a 30 year old, previously sexually active, man for 8.5 months?!?! and when he invited me to spend the night we did talk about it and i trusted him. We never fool around in bed if we were in bed we would talk cuddle and that's it. He made it clear to me No fooling around in bed because he didn't want us to get our signals crossed. I didn't' see this coming and I sure as hell didn't want this to happen and I wasn't asking for it.

I can understand why you might feel he violated your trust and your agreement. I even understand why you would be angry at myself and others for our responses to your initial post. What I still don't get is why you didn't see this coming. To me it's not just crystal clear; but inevitable.

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

Its the fact that you haven't had sex with him that makes me say get out of his bed Clover, you have no sexual history that's decided your sexual pattern, and men are desperate for that first time of sex, if you've been having sex with them for months and then suddenly for whatever reason (illness for instance) you can't they don't take it as hard, they know what having sex with you is like, they know you're not withholding sex as a tease, but when he doesn't know what sex with you is like there's that sense of mystery that adds an extra need to things. Ideally of course you should be able to sleep in the same bed but men will see it as an invitation, would you expect to be able to masturbate in bed beside him and him not to see that as an enticement to try it on, as far as most men are concerned I think they'd feel that you getting in bed with them held an implicit invitation to go for it, and some would probably feel that you then saying no would simply be part of a game. Some women are players of games, they use withholding sex as a way to gain control, they put themselves in a position where they know men are going to make an attempt to have sex with them just so they can say no and gain the upper hand, how is he to view you being in bed with him and not wanting sex?

Your words are saying no but he probably sees the action of getting in his bed as a partial yes.

 

[151059]

I don't know why everyone is acting like she just crawled into bed with some guy off the street. Why shouldn't she trust man who she has been with 9 months if he has doing nothing up until that point to prove untrustworthy. The sleep humping now makes him untrustworthy but he prior how was she or anyone for that matter to know that was going to happen.

When I met my current boyfriend he had been moving on from serious relationship of six years, with sex in the mix, when we started dating there was a strong physical attraction but I made it clear I wasn't ready for sex yet. After a few months we did start sleeping over on occasion and we never had this problem, so I don't see how she should have seen this coming. My boyfriends sacrifice of giving up sex was notable he waited over a year for me. And in that year and a half with out sex and sleeping in the same bed he still wouldn't have the right to sleep hump me.

Not every man is some neanderthal who can't control his sexual urges, some do have will power.

Him sleep humping her ISN'T the inevitable. It's a route he choose to take but not every man would take that route. I'm not saying my boyfriend didn't get erections or not want sex, he just showed enough maturity to wait, and he didn't want to wait he would have shown enough maturity to get out of the relationship, just like her boyfriend could leave her. The fact of the matter is her boyfriend didn't leave and he said he wanted to wait.

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

I don't think anyone is acting like she just crawled into bed with a stranger, she asked us what we thought and a lot of us feel that although it should be ok in the real world a lot of men are going to view it as a chance to try it on and hope that she'll give in one time or another.

 

[LuckyClover]

Its the fact that you haven't had sex with him that makes me say get out of his bed Clover, you have no sexual history that's decided your sexual pattern, and men are desperate for that first time of sex, if you've been having sex with them for months and then suddenly for whatever reason (illness for instance) you can't they don't take it as hard, they know what having sex with you is like, they know you're not withholding sex as a tease, but when he doesn't know what sex with you is like there's that sense of mystery that adds an extra need to things. Ideally of course you should be able to sleep in the same bed but men will see it as an invitation, would you expect to be able to masturbate in bed beside him and him not to see that as an enticement to try it on, as far as most men are concerned I think they'd feel that you getting in bed with them held an implicit invitation to go for it, and some would probably feel that you then saying no would simply be part of a game. Some women are players of games, they use withholding sex as a way to gain control, they put themselves in a position where they know men are going to make an attempt to have sex with them just so they can say no and gain the upper hand, how is he to view you being in bed with him and not wanting sex?

Your words are saying no but he probably sees the action of getting in his bed as a partial yes.

Thanks for clarifying and I do see what you mean. I just thought he was different because his actions showed me he was. And thats why thought i could sleep in his bed, we've been doing that for a while now and never had a problem. His actions really did show me he was trustworthy.

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

I don't think he was sleeping (at first I did, i wanted to trust him that's my fault) even though he spent most of the day emailing me articles on sexomnia and he's trying his best to convince me that he suddenly has it. I WON'T be sleeping over again. But when he said he was willing to wait i believed him...we hadn't had a problems the prior 8 and half months and we he invited me to spend the night we did talk about it and i trusted him. We never fool around in bed if we were in bed we would talk cuddle and that's it. He made it clear to me No fooling around in bed because he didn't want us to get our signals crossed. I didn't' see this coming and I sure as hell didn't want this to happen and I wasn't asking for it.

You've done nothing wrong in this situation. You talked to him about it prior, he agreed to behave himself so you were right in trusting he would keep his end of the agreement, which unfortantly he seems not not be able to do.

There are still men in this world who are civilized enough to be able to be affectionate and sleep next to a woman and not expect more or have to succumb to their male urges. If they aren't then they are smart enough not to initiate such a situation

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

I agree she's done nothing wrong lee, she should be able to do that, unfortunately some men will sometimes act like animals.

 

[faceking]

Hmmm, VERY tough time believing he was sleeping... probably an excuse to let it go.
By the way, I had that "style" of non-sex with a girlfriend in high school. Works wonders for one's libido.

 

[stamrod]

If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.

He's 30? He wants to get laid. He's been laid before and he liked it and he wants some more. He's lying about being willing to wait for you. The sleep humping? Also lying about that. That's pretty creepy.

Do you really not know this? How many more PJ cuddle parties do you think he's going to tolerate??

You are putting yourself at risk for being raped. And if his swimmers get too close you could get pregnant.

Until you decide you are ready for sex, sleep with your teddy bear.

Venus and many of the other posters are right. Probably 99.5% of men can't hump and cum while completely asleep. They might get hard and dribble out some cum (wet dream), they might get hard and hump a pillow or blanket, but if he actually orgasmed, he should've woken up.

I say get out while you still can. At 20 you don't need to rush into anything and at 30 he may be getting desperate.

 

[lemont77]

GET OUT NOW!

 

[Drifterwood]

If he wants to date a twenty year old who isn't ready for sex, then it is his responsibility to behave, though you didn't answer my question about whether you are keeping his sperm count at bay.

Personally at thirty, I wouldn't have accepted these terms and I wouldn't have wanted you in my bed. I get horny, what can I say? Do you want a boyfriend who gets into bed with you and isn't horny?