Dating Apps

[blabla18p]

How many dating apps do you have installed on your phone? Why this many?
How many accounts do you have all in all? (If it is not equals to the number of dating apps).

I myself have 4 apps (one account in each), mostly using Grindr. I also have Tinder, Scruff and a local app.
Grindr - shows who's around.
Local app - can show me who's online in general.
Tinder - I can chat with matches only, so more chances to strike a conversation.
Scruff - don't really use it. I received a free premium in the past, but I don't use it anymore.

 

[malakos]

How many dating apps do you have installed on your phone?

Zero

Why this many?

They're all trash and would be a waste of my time. Gay hookup culture is repulsive anyway.

 

[Kingjay239]

Zero



They're all trash and would be a waste of my time. Gay hookup culture is repulsive anyway.

Glad I’m not the only one that thinks this.

I hate grindr, yes I’ve had hook ups because of it, but in general the guys I’ve talked to on there have been utter and complete trash.

like for example. I’ve always been a bigger guy, I lose weight gain weight etc. the amount of guys that will not talk to you if you look bigger than a twink is disgusting. Either that or all the dudes in my area just trash lol.

ven the guys that have been bigger and lose weight will sometimes turn you down lol. I had this guy start acting like an asshole after I told him I was like 190lbs, even tho he too lost weight and had flabby skin. I was down to hook up with him, then he said I’m not his type lol. I’m like wow. Deleted it right after.

I believe if you’re single. Have as many of those apps as you can, but once you get into a relationship delete delete delete. I don’t believe in that bs that some people give “I use it just to make friends” like gtfo

 

[malakos]

I don't think they're typically a useful path for finding a relationship either, so I don't necessarily advise having them around even if one is single. This is especially true for those of us who are not keen on "the scene".

 

[blabla18p]

I actually agree with you guys!
I don't use them as much (sometimes I go days without even checking), and I delete when I am starting a relationship.
I hate them, really haha but I guess I just learned to filter them or not to put so much fate into them.

My long term relationship started from an app (which led for my going out from the closet... so I guess it has its good sides)

 

[winesthel945]

I don't think they're typically a useful path for finding a relationship either, so I don't necessarily advise having them around even if one is single. This is especially true for those of us who are not keen on "the scene".

You would be, objectively, incorrect in this thought. The stats on how people -- gay and straight -- are meeting these days indicate that a significant number of people currently in relationships met through some form of online interaction such as an app or dating website. Apparently around 12% of people in relationships report having met via an app: Pew: 30% of US adults have used online dating; 12% found a committed relationship from it – TechCrunch So, for people seeking relationships, apps are part of the mix.

Anecdotally too, your assertion has problems. I met my husband of 17 years chatting online. After our divorce, my next two relationships (4 years for one, and my current one going on 3 years) came via meeting on apps. Nearly all of my friends who are in long term relationships met via some form of online interaction -- not necessarily "hookup" apps, but OKCupid, Meetup, and others.

As with all things, you get out of it what you put into it. Also, as with the entire history of relationships, you have to meet people in order to meet a partner. Apps are one way. Standing in bars is another. As is attending church. And winking at your barista. And going to the gym. And going to school...

This is why I would also dispute your overly broad generalization about "the scene" as there's really no "the" scene. There are may "scenes" and they're no better or worse than other scenes. The twinks whose scene is the rock climbing gym then going to an EDM concert are a very different scene from the bears in Guerneville, versus the mix of men at SF's The Edge (especially on Showtunes night), etc. Personally I'm not into the "rolling Mollie and sweating to trance music" scene, but I'm really into the "stand at the wine bar and try the new vintage of Chablis" scene.

Granted, in the era of COVID-19, none of us should be availing ourselves of any scene... at the moment.

Cheers!

 

[Brodie888]

Finding a compatible partner is simply a matter of probability. Being gay, our odds are much smaller than straight people due to only a small minority being gay or bisexual. The key to improving your odds is by increasing the number of new gay men you can meet even if the overall quality of those leads are poor.

Gay apps are simply one of many options that you should be using simultaneously to find Mr Right.

It's like owning a restaurant and refusing to use yelp or Google to get your name out there.

 

[HOU_HEADHUNTER]

I've recently deleted my apps. I find them to be a waste of time. I only hooked up seldom from the apps because I find there are are more pic collectors and flakes on them. There is also a new thing where people use apps to set people up and rob them. You'll have these straight guys on there pretending to be looking for something then they show up and violate the guy they are meeting by assaulting and robbing them. I've never experienced that but I don't doubt that it happens. I still much rather go cruise spots that are cruisy or go to bookstores. There are still a lot of us that still cruise the old way and don't bother with the apps. There is one app that I do find useful called Sniffies because it shows the location of people in your area and you can post where you will be going and sometimes others will commit to going to the same location.

 

[hairybubblebum]

i tend to link grindr but dont pay to much attention to it. if it works out it works out

 

[winesthel945]

I have literally been chatting online since the mid 1980s (all the way back to CompuServe's "virtual CB"...), so maybe I have an unfair advantage. But I guess I've always had a very different set of expectations and perspectives on virtual interactions that has made me a much more sanguine consumer of those interactions.

You absolutely get out of those interactions what you put into them. Setting expectations through your profile is the place to start. Say what you're looking for out of the app so that people will know before they message you, or immediately upon your messaging them. If you can't articulate what you're looking for succinctly, maybe you don't know. If your profile reads like a novel, get the fuck off the apps and go to Medium. Then again, that too may set a useful expectation -- this person is a rambling person in need of a therapist. It's a red flag.

Speaking of red flags, you also have to get learn to spot them early and get comfortable with blocking/ignoring quickly at the first sight of them. You also have to make peace with other people doing the same to you. A user of the apps who blocks people in which they have no interest is actually doing you a favor. See it as a positive, not as a reason to get angry. They're not wasting your time, you're not wasting yours either.

But also be aware -- not everyone has great online communication skills. And that can be fine if you don't take those communications short-comings personally. Some of my best friends are lousy online chatters; some of the most interesting online chatters are also some of the worst at in-person interpersonal skills. They're a piece of the puzzle. But again, if you're setting the right expectations, then you shouldn't expect a dissertation on Proust if both of you are clearly just looking for dick.

You also have to keep up your end of the conversation. You learn to suss out who's only looking for dick, who might make a good friend, and who might be relationship material. But you also have to critically assess how you come off online too. The common element in your shitty online interactions may just be you.

But yeah, if you aren't enjoying the apps, don't use them. But don't denigrate those who do. Being on the apps is not a moral failing, but being inappropriately judgmental is. My inappropriate judgment is that if you've got a reflexively negative reaction to the apps, you may not have figured out any of the stuff I lay out above and your bad experiences are thus entirely predictable.

Cheers!

 

[Uctopper]

I think gay dating apps serve a good purpose if used wisely. It depends on what your wants/needs are. I get on Grindr once in a while, but mostly to chat, share pics and kill time. I’ve only used it to actually meet someone once. That experience was very successful in that I ended up meeting the guy three times in total. The first time was only after we had chatted many times and got to know each other. Just keep safety your #1 priority.

 

[deleted2780451]

Like .01% of the gay app scene are attractive or hung or even outwardly gay, it's mostly married guys in the closet who want to suck cock for the first time or REPULSIVE bottoms

 

[Uctopper]

Like .01% of the gay app scene are attractive or hung or even outwardly gay, it's mostly married guys in the closet who want to suck cock for the first time or REPULSIVE bottoms

Sounds like you’ve had some awful experiences. Sorry bout that.

 

[deleted6209261]

Zero since the last year-ish.
Why?

• Grindr was just full of desperate bottoms, fake 'looking for friends' guys, and pic collectors.
• Tinder was just a 'let's match and never talk' fest or 'let's chat on insta as I'm hardly on here' guys who like to brag about their # of followers. Admittedly though, I did make a really good genuine friend on Tinder but that was like trying to find a needle in a gaystack.