The question regarding % Gay vs. % Straight when making my profile brought to mind a question.. How gay can you be before you're bi? I went for 1% Gay 99% Straight because, I love pussy, but i'm not afraid of penis although they do not turn me on... So those guys out there who are totally petrified of penis. you go be 100% straight, no problem. But for the others of you who claim other amounts out there, what's the verdict?..
To be honest with you, nikseven, I do not think that your poll will furnish you will anything of much value and the reason for that is because of the kind of approach that you have in it. Just as one isn't partially straight or gay (because if one is, then one is bisexual), in the same way, one cannot be partially bisexual; either you're bisexual or you aren't.
I think that the way that you're interpreting the ratio will end up tripping you up and leaving you with even more confusion in the long run. The reason why I say that is because bisexuality isn't a combination of gay and straight, the closest that one can come to drawing homo and heterosexuality into the equation would be to say that it is gay and straight superimposed into an independent and unique orientation of it's own.
The ratio used on this site isn't expressed very clearly when it comes to bisexuality, understandably so... The best way of looking at it would be ask yourself "To what degree am I attracted to men as opposed to women?" In my instance, I have a 50% 50% ratio but it doesn't make me any more bisexual than someone who would have a 20% 80% ratio...it simply implies that I am able to be attracted to, love and have a committed relationship with both genders equally.
This ratio is based on the
Kinsey Scale, however it still isn't completely accurate because of it being based on attraction/sexual activity and nothing more than that. Just like homosexuality and heterosexuality isn't based on sexual activity, but relationships etc. so to does this ring true with bisexuality. A much better means of identifying one's bisexuality and the degree thereof, would be to used the
Klein Sexual Orientation Grid. Our sexual orientation is determined by three different dimensions: Our activity, affectional relationships and sexual fantasies/attraction, and Klein's Sexual Orientation Grid brings these things into account.
The other thing that one needs to take into account when trying to establish whether or not one is bisexual, the degree thereof and the fact that it can be experienced in over 13 different ways, is how societal norms and values have impacted you ie have you been raised in a homophobic environment? The reason why I am mentioning this to you is because in such instances, there tends to be a lot of fear that can result in homo and biphobia (yes, even bisexuals can be biphobic hence so many having sexual contact with men yet claiming that they are straight) and this stands to prevent you from drawing any accurate conclusions about your sexual reality.
I sincerely hope that my input is of assistance to you and wish you all of the best with your desire to better understand yourself.
Ive long suspected that bisexuality, in many men, is the stage between shame and acceptance. That is, men who call themselves bisexual are often gay men who arent quite ashamed anymore of their homosexual inclination but who, for any number of reasons, also arent fully accepting of it. By calling themselves bisexual, they cling to some thin reed of their heterosexual identity.
I must say that I agree with you on this point, though I need to emphasise that you used the word "MANY" and not, "ALL". Case in point: There are gay men who claim to be bisexual in order to make things easier for them. Is it fair for bisexuals to bear the brunt for this kind of approach by gay men? However, with this being said, there are also bisexual men who claim to be straight? I can't help but be critical about this approach because not only does it bring the credibility of bisexuality into question, but it also isn't helpful to their self understanding and most especially, their self acceptance.
I spend a lot of time in dialogue with gay and bi men. One thing that stands out to me is that a lot of misconception is based on the "invisiblity" of bisexuality in the world. I stated at the onset of my bi-journey that there's a vicious cycle at play: that miconceptions are rife because so many of us are in hiding (unless if we're looking for some action :biggrin1
and we are in hiding because the misconception is rife. I find it easy to understand why so many people believe that we're closeted bisexuals, after all, most men who come out to their wives as not being straight are gay: They are doing this because they need to let go of the lie and embrace their authentic selves...but it's not so easy for married bi men to do because they continue to have needs that can only be met with women...so they stand to lose a heck of a lot in comparison with the married gay guy (forgive the generalisation and if it appears as if I am underplaying the emotional burden that married gay men have to undergo throughout the process). The point that I'm trying to make is that the clear majority would be gay men who have realised that they need to let go of the "straight facade" and this in turn influences how people in view us ie being in denail about being gay.
I remember a study conducted back in the 90s to a group of men - a memorable headline resulted of the New York Times which sparked the world, the bisexual men in the study were either Straight, Gay, or Lying.
You may be interested to read the response offered to this article by the bisexual community at large:
"Gay, Straight or Lying?" Bisexuality Revisited Part 1
"Gay, Straight or Lying?" Bisexuality Revisited Part 2
Clearly there are straight men who occasionally have gay sex when circumstances limit their preferred sexual outlet, as in prison. Clearly there are gay men, some of whom are married to women, who have straight sex because theyre ashamed of their homosexual orientation or afraid of the consequences of being found out. These are not bisexuals.
Errrrrm, actually, I disagree with you. With regard to your example about men in prison indulging in gay sex...why would a straight guy want to have sex that repulses him when all that he needs to do is book an appointment with Mr. Palmer?
Your example is correct but your understanding thereof isn't. The example that you have used is a form of bisexuality called "Situational Bisexuality". As I've mentioned earlier in this post, there are alot of bisexuals who suffer from biphobia and one of the reasons is because of the kind of approach that you are using - there's the fear of being seen as gay and if they have been raised in a homophobic environment, then it makes the fear even worse. Being in environments like prison or the military enables them to subconsciously allow themselves to accept their bisexuality because they're able to justify their actions "I'm not gay...I'm just horny" etc. Once they are removed from these environments, they will once again repress their bisexuality because they no longer have a means to justify things to themselves.
Your example about married gay men is correct, they most certainly are gay and not bisexual...just as the married gay guy who likes to be with women from time to time isn't gay...just like the gay man who is married to a woman and is faithful in his marriage continues to be gay....just as the monogamous bi man in a relationship with a gay man continues to be bisexual.
At the onset of my journey, and at the time of coming out as being bisexual to my wife, I told her that I wished that I am gay...it would have been so much easier for me because there's a visible community, more understanding about the orientation etc. I have come across numerous bisexual men who have felt this way or misunderstood things and believed that they are gay. Here's a personal essay written by a bisexual who had this kind of approach:
Bi Anxiety
We may not like that the world is divided into sheep and goats, but thats preferable to pretending we live in a world of mythical unicorns.
....so in other words, just because I've never met a Chinese person, it's safe for me to conclude that Chinese people do not exist? Interesting...
