I must say that I agree with you on this point, though I need to emphasise that you used the word "MANY" and not, "ALL". Case in point: There are gay men who claim to be bisexual in order to make things easier for them. Is it fair for bisexuals to bear the brunt for this kind of approach by gay men? However, with this being said, there are also bisexual men who claim to be straight? I can't help but be critical about this approach because not only does it bring the credibility of bisexuality into question, but it also isn't helpful to their self understanding and most especially, their self acceptance.
I spend a lot of time in dialogue with gay and bi men. One thing that stands out to me is that a lot of misconception is based on the "invisiblity" of bisexuality in the world. I stated at the onset of my bi-journey that there's a vicious cycle at play: that miconceptions are rife because so many of us are in hiding (unless if we're looking for some action :biggrin1
and we are in hiding because the misconception is rife. I find it easy to understand why so many people believe that we're closeted bisexuals, after all, most men who come out to their wives as not being straight are gay: They are doing this because they need to let go of the lie and embrace their authentic selves...but it's not so easy for married bi men to do because they continue to have needs that can only be met with women...so they stand to lose a heck of a lot in comparison with the married gay guy (forgive the generalisation and if it appears as if I am underplaying the emotional burden that married gay men have to undergo throughout the process). The point that I'm trying to make is that the clear majority would be gay men who have realised that they need to let go of the "straight facade" and this in turn influences how people in view us ie being in denail about being gay.
You may be interested to read the response offered to this article by the bisexual community at large:
"Gay, Straight or Lying?" Bisexuality Revisited Part 1
"Gay, Straight or Lying?" Bisexuality Revisited Part 2
Errrrrm, actually, I disagree with you. With regard to your example about men in prison indulging in gay sex...why would a straight guy want to have sex that repulses him when all that he needs to do is book an appointment with Mr. Palmer?
Your example is correct but your understanding thereof isn't. The example that you have used is a form of bisexuality called "Situational Bisexuality". As I've mentioned earlier in this post, there are alot of bisexuals who suffer from biphobia and one of the reasons is because of the kind of approach that you are using - there's the fear of being seen as gay and if they have been raised in a homophobic environment, then it makes the fear even worse. Being in environments like prison or the military enables them to subconsciously allow themselves to accept their bisexuality because they're able to justify their actions "I'm not gay...I'm just horny" etc. Once they are removed from these environments, they will once again repress their bisexuality because they no longer have a means to justify things to themselves.
Your example about married gay men is correct, they most certainly are gay and not bisexual...just as the married gay guy who likes to be with women from time to time isn't gay...just like the gay man who is married to a woman and is faithful in his marriage continues to be gay....just as the monogamous bi man in a relationship with a gay man continues to be bisexual.
At the onset of my journey, and at the time of coming out as being bisexual to my wife, I told her that I wished that I am gay...it would have been so much easier for me because there's a visible community, more understanding about the orientation etc. I have come across numerous bisexual men who have felt this way or misunderstood things and believed that they are gay. Here's a personal essay written by a bisexual who had this kind of approach:
Bi Anxiety
....so in other words, just because I've never met a Chinese person, it's safe for me to conclude that Chinese people do not exist? Interesting...
