Hello All - I am a gay man who has lived a closeted, married-with-children, life and am 50 years old. Although I feel sure I am gay (to the bone), I have lived a professional, heterosexual, married life for the past 23 years. I guess a perfect storm hit me over the past year. Something did for sure. I have never believed much in gay relationships because the ones I was exposed to (even from a distance) never seemed to last very long, were not monogamous, and usually ended very ugly. I never felt interested in being with a man in a "loving" kind of way. It was just always purely physical.
I met a younger man in January and over the course of several months, we hooked up about twice a week. I never really thought too much about it. I enjoyed the physical part of our relationship but just never even thought about anything more. We never hugged. We never kissed. It was pretty much getting straight down to business. As my summer vacation neared, it crept into my mind that I would not see him for several weeks. For the first time, I realized I was going to miss him and then once the time actually arrived, it came into my mind that perhaps he meant more to me than I thought possible. I think he had some of the same feelings, at least at one point, but he says that he just always kept himself from it because he knew it would end up in disaster for me and him both.
My vacation was a disaster. I discovered that I didn't just miss him a little, but a whole lot. I found myself wanting to hug him, kiss him, and just be with him in general. It finally began to sink in that I had lived all these years on the backdrop of a lie, had knowingly drug a beautiful woman into a marriage with a lot less intimacy than there should have been, and had myself missed out on however many potential meaningful relationships that had crossed my path over all those years. I came clean to my wife (and parents) and told her everything. As I expected, she was very supportive and actually wants to stay together. (We are both very successful, have wonderful children, great friends, and a very, very comfortable and financially secure existence.)
My question is this. Should I escape this comfortable existence in search of the possible true romance? Just how totally foolish am I to change gears at this point in my life? Should I just resolve to live out the life as I have lived it thus far? Is there any possible way that a relationship with a nearly 30 year spread can work?
I met a younger man in January and over the course of several months, we hooked up about twice a week. I never really thought too much about it. I enjoyed the physical part of our relationship but just never even thought about anything more. We never hugged. We never kissed. It was pretty much getting straight down to business. As my summer vacation neared, it crept into my mind that I would not see him for several weeks. For the first time, I realized I was going to miss him and then once the time actually arrived, it came into my mind that perhaps he meant more to me than I thought possible. I think he had some of the same feelings, at least at one point, but he says that he just always kept himself from it because he knew it would end up in disaster for me and him both.
My vacation was a disaster. I discovered that I didn't just miss him a little, but a whole lot. I found myself wanting to hug him, kiss him, and just be with him in general. It finally began to sink in that I had lived all these years on the backdrop of a lie, had knowingly drug a beautiful woman into a marriage with a lot less intimacy than there should have been, and had myself missed out on however many potential meaningful relationships that had crossed my path over all those years. I came clean to my wife (and parents) and told her everything. As I expected, she was very supportive and actually wants to stay together. (We are both very successful, have wonderful children, great friends, and a very, very comfortable and financially secure existence.)
My question is this. Should I escape this comfortable existence in search of the possible true romance? Just how totally foolish am I to change gears at this point in my life? Should I just resolve to live out the life as I have lived it thus far? Is there any possible way that a relationship with a nearly 30 year spread can work?
