Double Standards?

[EmJay]

I was thinking about something.. and since I'm on a site where mostly guys hang out..I might as well ask this.. Because I have been thinking about this one a lot..

When a woman has sex with a guy on the first date, they have been engaging in some real fun and seamingly connecting contact pre-date,but when they first met during the date their found 'connection' and inner passion proceeded in a way leading them to having really great sex with one another..

Does that then automatically dismiss a woman from getting to know you further..for something long term? Or are you as a guy immediately put off by it and and see this experience as a one night stand or maybe for just a few more sex sessions at best?

And say the first is yes..why would that (getting to know each other further to build a relationship) immediately be a 'no go' for you? What happens in your mind?

Do you have some sort of belief about her personality? Was the sex not as good as she might have thought you had? Was she less attractive in your mind, and therefore you decided on the spot to just go for sex and leave after? Did you loose all of your respect for her, eventhough you engaged in it yourself as well? Or something else..

I'm curious to know..

 

[gigantor68]

I think it depends on whether the guy is looking for a serious relationship or he's just looking for a good time.

I don't think it dismisses the woman from getting to know him further, but really they need to be on the same page, no use her thinking about serious relationship if he isn't, but I guess she has to get to know him if she's looking for more than just sex and I guess she just has to gauge his response about general talk and getting to know each other more.

 

[B_subgirrl]

I was thinking about something.. and since I'm on a site where mostly guys hang out..I might as well ask this.. Because I have been thinking about this one a lot..

When a woman has sex with a guy on the first date, they have been engaging in some real fun and seamingly connecting contact pre-date,but when they first met during the date their found 'connection' and inner passion proceeded in a way leading them to having really great sex with one another..

Does that then automatically dismiss a woman from getting to know you further..for something long term? Or are you as a guy immediately put off by it and and see this experience as a one night stand or maybe for just a few more sex sessions at best?

And say the first is yes..why would that (getting to know each other further to build a relationship) immediately be a 'no go' for you? What happens in your mind?

Do you have some sort of belief about her personality? Was the sex not as good as she might have thought you had? Was she less attractive in your mind, and therefore you decided on the spot to just go for sex and leave after? Did you loose all of your respect for her, eventhough you engaged in it yourself as well? Or something else..

I'm curious to know..

If a guy wasn't interested in me after I'd fucked him, I wouldn't want him anyway, so I'm curious as to why it would matter to you.

 

[EmJay]

If a guy wasn't interested in me after I'd fucked him, I wouldn't want him anyway, so I'm curious as to why it would matter to you.

It doesn't matter to me ( I have grown out of that)...But Psychology interests me..especially men's..And I am curious to see how men think now..

 

[gigantor68]

If a guy wasn't interested in me after I'd fucked him, I wouldn't want him anyway, so I'm curious as to why it would matter to you.

I think she's thinking that she likes a guy and might have sex with him on a first date and is worried he might just see it as a one night stand and dismiss her for a serious relationship.

If this is the case, why put pressure on to have sex, just get to know each other and the sex will come later when your sure of the relationship.

 

[wallyj84]

I would have no trouble developing a long term relationship with a woman I had sex with on the first date.

 

[B_subgirrl]

It doesn't matter to me ( I have grown out of that)...But Psychology interests me..especially men's..And I am curious to see how men think now..

Thanks :biggrin1:. I'm relieved that you aren't mooning over some loser who dumped you after you fucked him on the first date.

 

[Incocknito]

A lot of guys are put off by women who 'put out' on the first date or after only knowing them a brief while.

I think the reasoning is: if they will have sex with [me] so quickly then maybe they'll have sex with other people right away too. Which is not what you want in a girlfriend or a mother/wife.

Plus personally, relationships where you have sex right away never last that long or are that rewarding/meaningful anyway.

But a woman can have sex with anyone she wants. It's just that if you have sex with someone right away then you reduce the chances of it being a proper long term relationship and increase the chances of it being a one night stand.

 

[EmJay]

I think she's thinking that she likes a guy and might have sex with him on a first date and is worried he might just see it as a one night stand and dismiss her for a serious relationship.

If this is the case, why put pressure on to have sex, just get to know each other and the sex will come later when your sure of the relationship.

I was thinking about an experience I have had a year ago..I was thinking about the conversations I have had with a very sad girlfriend of mine..and I was thinking about something a dear friend of mine on LPSG told me a few weeks ago..about my own standards and upholding them

And I also was reading a topic from a girl on the same kind of subject and that has lead me into thinking about it some more..

But you are a little bit right (even though there is no one in my life right now)..I do feel sometimes that there is a whole world out there just having fun..having sex and enjoying it.. And I feel sometimes i'm left out just because I'm sensitive at heart..

but back to the questions please :wink:...I'm here to learn..gain perspective..

 

[EmJay]

A lot of guys are put off by women who 'put out' on the first date or after only knowing them a brief while.

I think the reasoning is: if they will have sex with [me] so quickly then maybe they'll have sex with other people right away too. Which is not what you want in a girlfriend or a mother/wife.

Plus personally, relationships where you have sex right away never last that long or are that rewarding/meaningful anyway.

But a woman can have sex with anyone she wants. It's just that if you have sex with someone right away then you reduce the chances of it being a proper long term relationship and increase the chances of it being a one night stand.

So why do you have sex with her this quickly then? Doesn't it say something about your fidelity or your promiscuity too..in that case?

 

[gigantor68]

I was thinking about an experience I have had a year ago..I was thinking about the conversations I have had with a very sad girlfriend of mine..and I was thinking about something a dear friend of mine on LPSG told me a few weeks ago..about my own standards and upholding them

And I also was reading a topic from a girl on the same kind of subject and that has lead me into thinking about it some more..

But you are a little bit right (even though there is no one in my life right now)..I do feel sometimes that there is a whole world out there just having fun..having sex and enjoying it.. And I feel sometimes i'm left out just because I'm sensitive at heart..

but back to the questions please :wink:...I'm here to learn..gain perspective..

I think everyone is different, I know I think differently to a lot of guys, but that's just the way I am, and I'm sure you know how you feel and what standards you set yourself. I think the important thing is be true to yourself.

You can't think for the guy, you just have to put yourself out there and if it happens it happens.

I've been through periods where I was single and you just enjoy the single life, some sexual relationships along the way, but you know in your heart if someone is relationship material or just a fuck buddy.

So why do you have sex with her this quickly then? Doesn't it say something about your fidelity or your promiscuity too..in that case?

Yeah it's hypocritical thinking their easy if they put out on a first date and then do it. The problem is you don't know what the guy is thinking, if he's treating it as a one off because he can get it or it actually feels ok to do it after the date, but if he see's it as a once off the girl is going to be pissed if she's looking for a long term relationship.

 

[tiggerpoo]

First date sex is not a problem at all, at least not for me. My gf (now of five years) had FDS. It was so HOT we were both strongly turned on. Actually, nothing has changed - it's still so hot. She's the best sex I've had in my life. Actually, my relationship with her is the best I've ever had. I love her madly. She has shown that she loves me over and over again.

 

[DavidXL]

I think there is a double standard, and I agree that it isn't fair. For me, as someone else suggested, I guess the thought is if she would sleep with me so easily, she'll sleep with someone else easily as well and it seems that chances are significantly higher that she'd sleep with someone else while going out with me. As I said, I don't think it's fair, but I think that's just how some people think.

 

[RawDog]

Sex is just another form of communication for me. It really makes no difference if she sleeps with me on the first date or on the third. My respect for her (or anyone for that matter) has absolutely nothing to do with sex, but more about the individual's value system. We're not supposed to judge people, but we all do.
.

 

[Incocknito]

So why do you have sex with her this quickly then? Doesn't it say something about your fidelity or your promiscuity too..in that case?

Wasn't really talking about myself there but I have been in this situation. I have had sex with girls because sex was on offer. Still, it would only ever be sex and I had no intention of it becoming a relationship, even if they did.

A lot of guys have similar 'standards'. Just as most women wouldn't want a relationship with men who sleep around with several women, most men want a woman who will wait to give you sex.

Because really once you get sex there isn't much more to be had from a physical point of view. The whole purpose of flirting/dating/etc is to have sex.

It's just that sometimes you find someone who you like more than the others or feel something different about. Then you enter into a relationship.

This thread explores the issue further:

http://www.lpsg.org/217304-anyone-with-morals-on-this.html

 

[hsarge]

No problem for me. If that was all she wanted, so be it. But from my own experience, it actually got that sometimes awkward hurdle out of that way; in essence, no game playing.

 

[mexdude]

I would not like to have sex so soon, i prefer to know the person a little more, only if she suggest it, i would asker her out again, to know if it was just sex, or she like me to do other things

 

[D_Fiona_Farvel]

I would have no trouble developing a long term relationship with a woman I had sex with on the first date.

You deserve a gold star. :biggrin1:

I am in a long term relationship at the moment and we had sex the first night we met, and the next night, and now years later, we are still doin' the do. The thing is to select partners who are of the same mindset, with similar standards about sex, love, intimacy, friendship, etc., so there's no confusion.

 

[Drifterwood]

IME, relationships tend to end when you stop fucking, not when you start.

 

[EmJay]

IME, relationships tend to end when you stop fucking, not when you start.

hahaha..LMAO..

but i guess the uptight personalities end it right away..