Yes there is absolutely truth there.. I am just too sensitive i guess..I need to toughen up more..
I'm like Emjay. I am more sensitive than subgirrl, too.
I think we're all sensitive in our own way. The idea of spending time getting to know someone, and possibly losing your heart to them, THEN discovering that they're an asshole, absolutely horrifies me. Seriously, it's not something I want to be doing.
That's not the only reason I'm happy to have sex early on, nor is it the main reason, but it certainly influences my decision. And of course, having sex with someone won't show up all their faults, but it does highlight the occasional guy I would never go near again.
Its just that doing it too early raises a greater chance of things not working out it seems..although I know many who have had sex early and are still together to this day..so its a bit confusing...
I've said this before, but if he were to judge me for having sex with him straight away, or if he lost interest because he didn't have to chase me, he wouldn't be the right guy for me anyway.
I know that in the end it all comes down to one thing: What do I want to do.... what do I feel..What do I need..right now.
THAT is what's important. If you think having sex on the first date is okay, you should do it. But if you DON'T think that's okay, then you shouldn't be doing it. As long as you don't hurt anyone in the process, you should do what feels right to you. Not what's right for me, or what's right for someone else - what's right for YOU.
I really don't want to have sex with someone I don't like, and the idea of discovering the day after I've had sex with him that I don't like him really bothers me. Discovering the next day that I hate his guts is even worse. I'm with Emjay. If I were single, I would want to know how to weed out the jerks before I had sex with them, even though having sex with them would weed out the jerks.
I'm so the opposite!!! The less time I spend with them before I find out they're an asshole, the better! And that applies doubly, or triply if emotions are likely to become involved.
I think the difference, yet again, comes down to how we each view sex. To me, sex is just sex. There are no emotions inherently involved with sex (for me). Having sex with him doesn't make me feel I've exposed my soul to him, or made myself vulnerable in any way. However, the better he knows me, the more I DO feel exposed and vulnerable. So I'm thinking that all three of us (me, you, Emjay) seem to have the same basic thing happening (we don't want to expose ourselves and get hurt), but we feel differently about how that is most likely to happen.
The absolute worst is running into a guy that you slept with that you hate. Argh! I would want to avoid that experience as much as possible.
I'm not a fan of it either, but I have very few of those in my past, if any. I have a few I don't like, but I'm not sure I have any I hate.
So maybe you can avoid men who think like that by avoiding the young ones? None of the men I dated who were around the age of 30 thought like that. Or have your experiences been different than mine and you've found that slightly older men can be ignorant, too?
For some reason, men who are jocks seem to be more likely to have double standards, from my personal experience. The men I've dated who read the most books, they were the least likely to impose double standards or be chauvinistic.
It seems to me that it is much more common in younger males. Although I would have put the age limit for this kind of behaviour even lower, maybe at around 20.
I also feel that this kind of behaviour seems less likely to occur in those who are more well read, more educated, or more intelligent (I really tried to think of a PC way to write that, but couldn't :redface
. I think it occurs less in these instances because those sorts of people are the most likely to be able to think for themselves, and are less likely to just rely on what society has told them to think (this could explain the age effect as well). This DOES not mean that I think less educated people are less intelligent, or that I think less well read, less educated, or less intelligent people can't or don't think for themselves.
I don't think less or more of a woman who has sex on the first date to me you've both reached a level, time and place together, the question is why are you both at this place, need, desire, opportunity? Once sex is over this question is usually answered People are strange creatures and our motives vary greatly, yes you can weed out the opportunist, the bragger the desperate, but there are times when its just a perfect way to end a very pleasant evening (unfortunately its also the way to ruin it to lol)
Does it matter if your first date is a blind date (having never met them before) or you know them or know of them but have never been out with them, how much of a difference does this make?
From your posts so far, you seem like a really lovely guy :smile:.
