Excessive Promiscuity

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by earllogjam, Sep 11, 2007.

  1. earllogjam

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    Do you have a sexual addiction? Is excessive promiscuity a sign of other problems?

    On my nights out drinking or socializing I encounter some men who are non-stop obsessed with getting sex and was wondering if their promiscuity is a sign that something is not right in their lives. That sex has become an addiction. That they have sex not just because they are horny but because it fills some psychological hole in their lives and that it is an indication of other mental problems they are experiencing.

    I think many on this site has some "addiction" to sex. When does it cross the line to being unhealthy, and if you are promiscuous can you ever change?
     
  2. Wyldgusechaz

    Wyldgusechaz New Member

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    This is such a great question. I pulled my pics and rarely post here anymore for just that reason, I thought I was getting unbalanced. Sex is fun, lots of fun but I have lots of fun in other ways too. It appears that this site can be an obsession, an unhealthy obsession fo me anyways. Guys wanting to know the minutia of what turns women on, guys discussing thier bulges, bathroom sex, I think you can become dulled to what is actually the best part of sex, making someone you care about feel good. When on line people become the most important thing in your life, over and above real the flesh and blood folks around you, I get nervous.

    And that leads into the OPs real question, can sex be an addiction? Absolutely. I would never want to just have sex for its sake anymore. I want my sex partner to be someone I care about. One night sport fucking a stranger just has no thrill for me. What a dead end. Making someone you care about feel good and affirmed thru sex is what I want and that can't be an addiction I believe.

    I am sure I am in the minority but its how I feel.
     
  3. titan1968

    titan1968 Active Member

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    I think about sex a lot, but I think that's normal: it just means that I'm healthy and that the fire is still there. All of us (men and women) think about it. It's what brought us into this world, isn't it?

    I believe that it becomes a problem when a person thinks about sex 24 hours a day and 7 days a week.

    Why are people obsessed with sex or addicted to it? I'm not a psychologist, but I'm of the opinion that those people are either lonely (they're looking for intimacy) or they have a low self-esteem and look to sex as a way of asserting themselves.
     
  4. Aitch

    Aitch New Member

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    Yep, that's pretty much summed up my thoughts too...
     
  5. D_Joseba_Guntertwat

    D_Joseba_Guntertwat New Member

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    Depends what you mean by addiction. I think an addiction is by definition something which is out of control.
    Personally I spend about 2 hours a day masturbating, but it fits nicely into my schedule and doesn't interfere with my life much. If I had a girlfriend I'd spend 2 hours a day shagging her instead.
     
  6. Bbucko

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    The OP is pretty loaded with excessive moralism, if you ask me.

    At what point does a healthy libido cross over into "promiscuity"? If you have had fifty sexual partners in your life does that warrant using a label like "promiscuous"? Are there differing standards for men and women?

    Is there such a thing (as the thread title suggests) as "occasional" promiscuity, or a balance of promiscuity? When does it become "excessive"?

    Who gets to decide when the label becomes appropriate?

    The problem with these words is that they are highly subjective and relativistic. I've had five sex partners in the last eight weeks, which for me is excessively moderate. But I was in a relationship from 1995-2004 where I never sought sex outside of our commitment. The very rare threesomes that we had were all conceived and initiated by my then-partner.

    I've had many times in my life where mood or health precluded any sexual activity whatsoever, others where I masturbated several times a day. There have been times when I sought sex everyday, others when I was too focused on other things to consider it.

    Using the analogy of booze and/or drugs is not always helpful when discussing sex-drive and its expression. Although I'm not a psychologist, I'd suggest that the spill-over and lack of control over sexual impulse has more to do with Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder than a typical addiction scenario.
     
  7. SyddyKitty

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    Thinking and talking about sex a lot means nothing. Doing the act so often brands them, in my book, a slut. I don't care what those with loose morals have to say to that, as those types of people often don't matter to me (no matter what they've been through). Yes, I'm one of high morals, get over the fact that people have higher or lower morals than you and move on. If someone's morals offend you, leave it at the door.

    Anyway, I think the types that are constantly seeking sex, without seeking a relationship, are consumed by a myriad of issues (but WHO isn't? seriously).
    The isssues I see in them:

    The need for attention/affection/company.
    The fear of commitment.
    Pure carnal instinct (which isn't attractive).

    These are what come to the top of my head and I don't feel like thinking any further into it, as this sort of topic is a blood-boiler for me.
     
  8. Bbucko

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    How often is too often, wise moral compass of humanity?

    I applaud your strong sense of limits for yourself. But castigating others with a different concept of boundaries, especially at the ripe old age of 21, suggests the the religious right more than an out-and-proud gay man.
     
  9. SyddyKitty

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    Nowhere, in my post, did I outright berate the promiscuous. I merely posted my views on what's wrong with them, in my own eyes. That's the point of this entire thread, after all.

    It's very much possible for us Atheists to have high morals without the disgusting drawbacks of (the right wing's Christianity, especially) religion. That said, I take no sides in politics, as I'm your typical apathetic young person (yep, I didn't vote when I was 18, even though I could have! Betcha hate me for it.) when it comes to such annoyances society's life wants to place upon you.

    Since when does being proud of one's sexuality entail being a slut, by the way? Everyone knows I'm out. Those who don't know me, figure out that I'm out quite fast (if they aren't completely oblivious to such things). Do pride and morals have no right to share the same bed? To me, today's representatives of "gay pride" are flaming freaks and sluts. What real gay pride is:

    Security in oneself, despite society's hatred for you.
    Being able to be happy with yourself, in spite of the majority telling you that you should feel otherwise.
    Being able to enjoy one's sexuality without drawbacks. (This is where I believe most misinterpret and , as a result, go fucking anything that MIGHT say "I love you".)

    In short, I'm an out-and-proud gay Atheist (and yes, Atheist tends to have the common connotation of immorality).


    Edit: Oh and "how often is too often?". To me, it's having more than one SEXUAL partner in 2 weeks. If you aren't sexual with this person, and still seeing each other, it's dating even if you two don't make it to sex.
     
  10. Bbucko

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    I'm not going to quote and parse your words to show you how you berate people with differing views on sex and morality, because I can see that underlying your assurance is the logical doubt of intelligence. I see no reason to try and change the mind or influence the ideas of someone around here. Perhaps the lessons I've picked up along the way have no relevance to your life.

    You state in so many different ways that you are strongly committed to the idea that sexual intimacy without emotional intimacy is impossible. I am certain that, for you, it is, and that attempting to understand sex in any other guise is troubling.

    I urge you to retain your notions of romantic love, even after your heart's been broken time and again. Far from being a weakness, it could well turn out to be one of your principle strengths.
     
  11. jack99821

    jack99821 Member

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    Hey, I can stop whenever I want! ...Really! :rolleyes:

    Seriously though, I'm promiscuous but I wouldn't call it an addiction. I'm just enjoying being young. It's definitely fun, but it doesn't govern my life.

    And try not to judge people on their "mental" issues, I'm sure you have quite a few yourself.
     
  12. SyddyKitty

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    Notice that I said "...consumed by a myriad of issues (but WHO isn't? seriously).". The "Who isn't?" implies that EVERYONE, including myself, has mental issues. You aren't human if you don't - you're some sort of perfect being. :p
     
  13. Principessa

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  14. Principessa

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    At 21 this child has no business casting aspersions or making moral judgements on anyone.

    Jesus, Mary and Joseph where the heck did you come up with that ridiculous number?!?! :eek::mad: Are you sure you're an atheist and not a fundamentalist Christian?!?

    Step aside Bbucko, apparently I am the Whore of Babylon as I have had two men in one night on more than one occassion. Only one was a threesome, and I was not dating either man, it was a one night stand. I'm actually kinda proud of myself for that one. :cool:
     
  15. SyddyKitty

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    How mature is it of you to go back, lashing at a "child"? Bucko had the sense to handle it with civility, you're just plain crude about it. Granted, my view of your person has never been great at all but I never attacked you. It seems you've placed my words against yourself, which is silly. It's just like a black man saying a certain character represents his race, on television, in an offensive manner. If you WANT to view yourself "Whore of Babylon", be my guest as it's your perogative.

    Of course, this place has so many ageists (yes, sociologically there is something known as Ageism - feeling a certain age group is superior to another) that it's almost funny. You just displayed yourself as one. Older people can be just as STUPID (yes, I said stupid) as younger people. Some don't learn from their mistakes, some don't view their mistakes AS mistakes. More experience doesn't mean you've learned more about EVERY aspect of EVERY situation. More experience means you've learned more about how YOU encountered a certain event/issue/etc..

    My pious pedestal, huh? I suppose the only way you'd see me otherwise is if I pointed out my own flaws. Look into my past posts, if you're really ready to make such claims against my character. Educate yourself, woman. Was this supposed to be that weapon you've referred to as "wit"? It's not been very sharp... I can't see any lassarations or punctures on my skin, nor do I feel them inside. What you have accomplished, however, is further lowering my view on you as a person.

    Notice that nowhere in this post have I attacked a person AS a person. I've made comments about their possible sexuality and my views against it, as the OP pretty much suggest we posters do.
     
  16. dcwrestlefan

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    sex is not evil. if two people see each other and want to go bang bang, why is there a problem? humans are constructed to be horny. i see no reason to ignore it. be safe and have fun is my motto.

    being uptight about it is more unhealthy mentally in my judgment.
     
  17. SyddyKitty

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    Agreed. It's quite mentally taxing, at times. Although, it's quite a relief other times. All relevent to the current situation of the person.
     
  18. SpoiledPrincess

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    I think too many partners is when people are just fucking people for the sake of fucking - when they have no attraction or spark with that person. Fuck a million people as far as I'm concerned but each of those million times the sex should have a personal connection of some sort.

    Oh, if you're going to fuck a million people you should definitely use a condom :)
     
  19. Osiris

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    :eek2: Just ONE condom? HOLY CRAP that's some Trojan! :eek2:
     
  20. SpoiledPrincess

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    If a guy's going to fuck a million people he's not going to have time to unwrap and put new condoms on every time, he's going to have to have an everlasting one with a drainage system :)
     
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