Great 'Put Down's/One Liners'..

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by superbot, Aug 18, 2011.

  1. superbot

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    I've always been jealous of other people 'Bon-Mots' and one of my all time favourite's was Laurence Olivier's thankless task of trying to direct Marilyn Monroe in the 'Prince and the Showgirl'...."It would have been easier to teach Urdu to a Marmaset." :biggrin1:
     
    #1 superbot, Aug 18, 2011
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2011
  2. nudeyorker

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    If you read anything about Dorothy Parker there are some great lines; one of my favorite is from Lillian Hellman writing about Alan Campbell's funeral. Mrs. Jones who had liked Alan and pretended to like Dorothy said to her "Dottie, tell me dear, what can I do for you?"
    Dorothy said, "Get me a new husband."
    There was a silence and before anyone could laugh Mrs. Jones said, "I think that is the most callous and disgusting remark I have ever heard in my life."
    Dorothy Parker turned to her and sighed, and said gently "So sorry. Then run down to the corner and get me a ham and cheese on rye and tell them to hold the mayo."
     
  3. AlextheRedhead

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    Dorothy Parker, "I've never been a millionaire but I just know I'd be darling at it."
     
  4. D_Kitten_Kaboodle

    D_Kitten_Kaboodle Account Disabled

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    Marilyn Monroe (in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes) - "Is this the way to Europe, France?
     
  5. Stretch

    Stretch New Member

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    Lady Nancy Astor to Winston Churchill:
    "Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee."
    Winston Churchill:
    "Nancy, if you were my wife, I'd drink it."
     
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  6. tbrguy

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    Well if you ask me it's hard to beat Groucho for snappy one liners.

    How do you feel about women's rights ? I like either side of them.

    Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

    Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

    Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!

    I sent the club a wire stating, Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.

    Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put 'Emily, I love you' on the back of the bill.

    I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

    I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions-the curtain was up.

    I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

    Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

    I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

    Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.


    I could go on, but I think that will do for now.
     
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  7. superbot

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    "...she picks at her part with the daintiness of a debutante called upon to dis-memeber a stag.."
    Kenneth Tynan (notorious theatre critic) on Vivien Leigh's performance as Lady Macbeth.(Later retracted!.)
     
  8. vince

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    My grandfather to his pretentious and over dressed daughter-in-law: "Marie, you look just like Lady Astor's fancy horse."
     
  9. nudeyorker

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    There are some real zingers for theatre reviews. I'll share one of mine...
    ..."He appeared to perform as though clubbed over the head, although I will allow that the dialogue may simply have stunned him."
     
  10. vince

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    When it was revealed that President Richard Nixon called Pierre Trudeau "an asshole" in his private tapes, The Prime Minister responded with, "I've been called worse things by better people."
     
  11. superbot

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    Noel Coward admonishing the very grand Dame Edith Evans for not knowing her lines during a rehersal.
    E.E.-"It's ridiculous Noel,this morning I knew them backwards."
    N.C-"That's how you're saying them now dear."
     
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  12. monel

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    "I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was my friend. Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy" Lloyd Bentsen to Dan Quale 1988 vice presidential debate.
     
  13. willow78

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    "Xanadon't" (movie review of Xanadu)

    "She dresses like a hooker on holiday." (Joan Collins referring to Pamela Anderson)

    I've been watching re-runs of the Australian 80's soapie "Sons And Daughters"
    Sons and Daughters Website
    There was a character called Patricia Hamilton (Pat the rat!) who always had some great bitchy one-liners - I just wish I could remember some right now to post here!

    EDIT: Here's a little taste of Pat!
    20 To 1 - Pat the Rat (Sons & Daughters) (Aus Fave Tv Villians) 2009 - YouTube
    Sons and Daughters: Pat the Rat is slapped in the face (1983) - YouTube
     
    #13 willow78, Aug 18, 2011
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2011
  14. Bbucko

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    Louise Brooks once wrote to a beau: "If I ever bore you, it'll be with a knife."
     
  15. monel

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    "I've. said it once and I'll say it again, there ain't no way you came from my loins". Jackie Gleeson as the sheriff in "The Cannonball Run" to his loser son
     
  16. Krusader

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    Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend – if you have one.
    - – - George Bernard Shaw (to Winston Churchill)

    Impossible to be present for the first performance. Will attend second – if there is one.
    - – - Churchill’s reply
     
  17. D_Ricky Dickardo

    D_Ricky Dickardo New Member

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    Tallulah Bankhead had some awesome quotations especially for the mid twentieth century:

    • Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.

    • Let's not quibble! I'm the foe of moderation, the champion of excess. If I may lift a line from a die-hard whose identity is lost in the shuffle, "I'd rather be strongly wrong than weakly right."

    • There is less in this than meets the eye.

    • I'm not at my best when I start to moralize or philosophize. Logic is elusive, especially to one who so rarely uses it.

    • I've been called many things, but never an intellectual.

    • I'm as pure as the driven slush.

    • If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

    • The only thing I regret about my past is the length of it.

    • They used to photograph Shirley Temple through gauze. They should photograph me through linoleum.

    • I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone.

    • I have been absolutely hag-ridden with ambition. If I could wish to have anything in the world it would be to be free of ambition.

    • I read Shakespeare and the Bible, and I can shoot dice. That's what I call a liberal education.

    • I did what I could to inflate the rumor I was on my way to stardom. What I was on my way to, by any mathematical standards known to man, was oblivion, by way of obscurity.

    • Acting is a form of confusion.

    • It's one of the tragic ironies of the theatre that only one man in it can count on steady work -- the night watchman.

    • If you really want to help the American theater, don't be an actress, dahling. Be an audience.

    • Don't be taken in by the guff that critics are killing the theater. Commonly they sin on the side of enthusiasm. Too often they give their blessing to trash.

    • Television could perform a great service in mass education, but there's no indication its sponsors have anything like this on their minds.

    • I think the Republican party should be placed in drydock and have the barnacles scraped off its bottom.

    • It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

    • Here's a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once.

    • The less I behave like Whistler's mother the night before, the more I look like her the morning after.

    • I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late start without me.

    • I've tried several varieties of sex. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic and the others give me a stiff neck or lockjaw.

    • A frozen daiquiri of a scorching afternoon is soothing. It makes living more tolerable.

    • Drink reacts on its practitioners in conflicting ways. One brave can knock off a quart of Scotch and look and act as sober as Herbert Hoover. Another, after three Martinis, makes two-cushion carroms off the chaise longue as he attempts to negotiate the bathroom.

    • My father warned me about men and booze, but he never mentioned a word about women and cocaine.

    • Cocaine isn't habit-forming. I should know -- I've been using it for years
     
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  18. swedish fish88

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    From 30 Rock
    Liz: She is the human equivalent of the Macarena.
    Jenna: *Waiting for an explanation
    Liz: Something everyone did in the nineties.
     
  19. willow78

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    "One more facelift and she'll have a beard."
    - Absolutely Fabulous

    "You remind me of my nephew.....but he's much nicer."
    - I don't know who she was but she said it to me!

    "You remind me of my grandmother.....she's been dead for 20 years."
    - The comeback I didn't think of until it was much too late.
     
  20. gymfresh

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    I was once moved to blurt out, "I'm sure you're considered quite attractive back wherever it is you're from."
     
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