I hate men

[Mr. Snakey]

I don't hate anyone. Hate can cause cancer and a whole host of diseases and shorten ones life span. There was someone i hated in my life. However before they died we made amends. I visit their grave every year on their birthday and lay flowers on their grave.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

Do you think it would ruin my day? Or make me cry? You could be the sweetest person and smile all the time and still be called a bitch. You should know that by now.

I take what i dish out. If people got all upset about being called bitch, the world would be in far worse shape.

I don't disagree with you. I was just interested (in a purely academic way) in where you drew the line is all, I mean do you think civility is completely expendable? I'm not all that sensitive about name calling and general rudeness myself, but I suppose I do have a limit.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

Words just arent a big deal to me, they are just sounds that come out of a mouth. Most people say things they don't mean when they are angry, particularly to those they are closest to. Some people are highly offended by words. I only recently learned in adulthood not to put too much into how someone says something or what words they chose to say it. It does more good to try to understand where the person is coming from than to be all huffy about this word or that word they used when they said it.

Otherwise you are wasting time not really listening to a person when you care more about how your own feelings are affected when they are trying to share their feelings with you. A lot of it is petty selfishness to expect people to talk to us in an ideal way all the time.

I respond to things quickly, whereas my analytical, robotic father in law will pause for minutes to ensure he puts together the right words, making the other person much more uncomfortable with his inability to converse.

I grew up with highly emotional, often to the point of paranoia about people and their intentions, to the point where they could lock themselves away from the whole world if it meant they didnt have to feel like no one liked them. I refuse to be that way. There is no middle ground with my personality. Im not good at being balanced, im either good at something or im not. Either way, i enjoy my honesty and i value this sort of persona in others. i seek it in my real life.

If you look back in this thread, i dont think for one minute i was insulting or uncivil.

I get upset about things like: losing a pet or a loved one, seeing a child hit by a car, seeing limbs smeared all over the road from a car accident. I guess my comparison of what is a huge deal is just all fucked up eh?

 

[invisibleman]

Suffice to say someone once told me that if something is true it's not mean.

I agree. But then again, maybe people should learn to tread slowly with their assessments of truth though. If a person is fat and/or unattractive, then--they probably don't need others to tell them that they are fat and/or unattractive. They already know what cards they have been dealt. Someone else has probably beat you to the truth of that assessment. You may be the thirteenth person or hundredth person or 1,220,000th.

Sometimes people don't know when to stop with "the truth". That is when it becomes abusive. It is easy to say abusive things on the internet...but in real life, people couldn't get away with a lot of abrasive truth-telling without repercussions.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

Words just arent a big deal to me, they are just sounds that come out of a mouth. Most people say things they don't mean when they are angry, particularly to those they are closest to. Some people are highly offended by words. I only recently learned in adulthood not to put too much into how someone says something or what words they chose to say it. It does more good to try to understand where the person is coming from than to be all huffy about this word or that word they used when they said it.

Otherwise you are wasting time not really listening to a person when you care more about how your own feelings are affected when they are trying to share their feelings with you. A lot of it is petty selfishness to expect people to talk to us in an ideal way all the time.

I respond to things quickly, whereas my analytical, robotic father in law will pause for minutes to ensure he puts together the right words, making the other person much more uncomfortable with his inability to converse.

I grew up with highly emotional, often to the point of paranoia about people and their intentions, to the point where they could lock themselves away from the whole world if it meant they didnt have to feel like no one liked them. I refuse to be that way. There is no middle ground with my personality. Im not good at being balanced, im either good at something or im not. Either way, i enjoy my honesty and i value this sort of persona in others. i seek it in my real life.

If you look back in this thread, i dont think for one minute i was insulting or uncivil.

Nor do I, I admire honesty too, and the kind of real honesty you talking about too, being a somewhat opinionated and eccentric person I could only be a fan.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

If you are being truthful it doesnt have to be mean? So if you say the same line (as nice as you can say it) to a thousand people, if one person finds it offensive, you aren't being truthful? How we hear things is perception, perception is relative. Perception is not always fact or what everyone else should feel.

I'll throw that phrase in with: Love means never having to say you are sorry.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

If you are being truthful it doesnt have to be mean? So if you say the same line (as nice as you can say it) to a thousand people, if one person finds it offensive, you aren't being truthful? How we hear things is perception, perception is relative. Perception is not always fact or what everyone else should feel.

I'll throw that phrase in with: Love means never having to say you are sorry.

I definitely disagree with that though, love means knowing that its better to be kind than in the right, in my opinion. Caring about another persons feelings is a sign of proper love. You can win arguments and be as forthright and strident as you like with people you don't love but being kind and sensitive to people you really love is essential no?

 

[nudeyorker]

I agree. But then again, maybe people should learn to tread slowly with their assessments of truth though. If a person is fat and/or unattractive, then--they probably don't need others to tell them that they are fat and/or unattractive. They already know what cards they have been dealt. Someone else has probably beat you to the truth of that assessment. You may be the thirteenth person or hundredth person or 1,220,000th.

Sometimes people don't know when to stop with "the truth". That is when it becomes abusive. It is easy to say abusive things on the internet...but in real life, people couldn't get away with a lot of abrasive truth-telling without repercussions.

You are preaching to the choir. You did not quote my entire post. I learned a long time ago you can be honest and diplomatic. I learned about the same time that being bourgeois is thinking and speaking in the lowest common level available.

 

[invisibleman]

Recently, my friend has had her heart broken by a man.

The story is basically this, she met this guy last year and they moved far away from each other. They continued to talk and during this time the guy, let's call him Asshole, started to develop feelings for my friend. Asshole would chat with her on MSN and ask her to become his girlfriend.

This went on for several weeks, until my friend finally relented and agreed to have a long distance relationship with Asshole.

I knew from the start that this guy was bad news. Asshole supposedly had a good job and made lots of money, but refused to pay for anything. He wanted to meet Nao, but he told her to pay for his ticket there. If they were talking on the phone, he made sure she took the full brunt of the fees. What's more, he had no sense of humor and got mad at the slightest thing.

I thought this relationship was doomed to failure and I told her as much, but I had no idea how bad things actually were. As it turns out, this Asshole is married. He got married just a few weeks after my friend agreed to become his girlfriend.

Now my friend is crushed. Just really crushed. She had fallen for this guy over the internet and really believed that he loved her. She even went so far as to get a second job to pay for his ticket to visit her.

Sometimes, I just hate men.

Well, that was a possibility that that could happen. Heartbreak can happen whether you are near or far--no matter the distance. I know that she is pretty disappointed in the whole ordeal. Whenever you fall in love or give your heart to someone...you give them the opportunity to disappoint you. That is part of the deal. You can love someone today and tomorrow, you can grow apart. Or you can love someone with ulterior motives and they exploit you and use you for what it is worth and leave you. That is a sad part of mating. You never know. There aren't any guarantees.

Maybe she can learn from this. She needs to date some men locally.

I think that there are some good men and good women out there. They are probably jaded and overit. They need certainty...assurance and its proofs. Otherwise, you are wasting each other's time.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

I definitely disagree with that though, love means knowing that its better to be kind than in the right, in my opinion. Caring about another persons feelings is a sign of proper love. You can win arguments and be as forthright and strident as you like with people you don't love but being kind and sensitive to people you really love is essential no?

If i don't perceive something as rude, i can't start changing the wording of it in my head before it comes out can i? If i see what i say as matter of fact and the way i would respond best, why would i change the way i say it?

I respect those who don't candy coat things to me...even if it is about me. I'd rather someone call me a bitch in response to something i said, than to just stare at me trying to find something nice to say in response. Atleast i know how they feel, and based on how they feel, i know what i can do to address those feelings.

Kindness is something i don't hand out, it is something reserved for special situations like being at the bedside of a dying person, someone who just lost a loved one, someone who is recovering from an illness, or when im holding a newborn baby.

I own my own business and deal with clientelle all the time, in fact, i find myself being more respected and more successful than others in my field because I am a strong personality. It actually comes off well and i've heard it helps people know they can give me the harder jobs and take care of it. In the real world, i find that smiling too much actually makes you look like a niave idiot.

If someone spends their every moment caring how everything sounds- you don't come off genuine at all. You come off as a people pleaser and not as a person who actually thinks and sometimes says things even some people don't like.

If you had to try to sound kind to everyone, even the kind people would sound UNKIND to someone.

I love gallows humor and could enjoy being a mortician. It's not a job for everyone, but my personality would be ideal for it. It takes all kinds, even kinds you don't like. I hang out with a lot of medical professionals, they are pretty matter of fact and have a dark sense of humor (which i try to keep away from this board because of the sensitivity here) and its those types that survive what they see regularly that can keep doing it.

You can't tell people they have cancer in a way they always want to hear it, sometimes there is no good way to say the truth. You can't always hurt for someone else or you will never be able to concentrate on life.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

If i don't perceive something as rude, i can't start changing the wording of it in my head before it comes out can i? If i see what i say as matter of fact and the way i would respond best, why would i change the way i say it?

I respect those who don't candy coat things to me...even if it is about me. I'd rather someone call me a bitch in response to something i said, than to just stare at me trying to find something nice to say in response. Atleast i know how they feel, and based on how they feel, i know what i can do to address those feelings.

Kindness is something i don't hand out, it is something reserved for special situations like being at the bedside of a dying person, someone who just lost a loved one, someone who is recovering from an illness, or when im holding a newborn baby.

I own my own business and deal with clientelle all the time, in fact, i find myself being more respected and more successful than others in my field because I am a strong personality. It actually comes off well and i've heard it helps people know they can give me the harder jobs and take care of it. In the real world, i find that smiling too much actually makes you look like a niave idiot.

If someone spends their every moment caring how everything sounds- you don't come off genuine at all. You come off as a people pleaser and not as a person who actually thinks and sometimes says things even some people don't like.

If you had to try to sound kind to everyone, even the kind people would sound UNKIND to someone.

I love gallows humor and could enjoy being a mortician. It's not a job for everyone, but my personality would be ideal for it. It takes all kinds, even kinds you don't like. I hang out with a lot of medical professionals, they are pretty matter of fact and have a dark sense of humor (which i try to keep away from this board because of the sensitivity here) and its those types that survive what they see regularly that can keep doing it.

You can't tell people they have cancer in a way they always want to hear it, sometimes there is no good way to say the truth. You can't always hurt for someone else or you will never be able to concentrate on life.

All this is perfectly reasonable, I agree with most of it, but it's not quite the same as saying "love means never having to say you're sorry" is it?

Remind me never to fall in love with you btw, but I'll take you out for Martinis instead if you like :wink:

 

[invisibleman]

You are preaching to the choir. You did not quote my entire post. I learned a long time ago you can be honest and diplomatic. I learned about the same time that being bourgeois is thinking and speaking in the lowest common level available.

Well, I know I didn't quote the entire post. I know.

I just picked that one sentence. To illustrate the point.

I have had many people tell me a lot of assessments of what they thought of me from gay friends and immediate family. And they keep telling me these truths. But they never seem to realize that I know my truths more than they probably know their own truths.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

All this is perfectly reasonable, I agree with most of it, but it's not quite the same as saying "love means never having to say you're sorry" is it?

Remind me never to fall in love with you btw, but I'll take you out for Martinis instead if you like :wink:

Oh that line about never having to say you are sorry is from an old movie. It's a silly line that makes no sense. I didn't make it up. I probably apologize too much when i love someone. And i can't drink, but i will gladly enjoy a nonalcoholic beverage while you enjoy your martini. My husband is a huge martini fan.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

Oh that line about never having to say you are sorry is from an old movie. It's a silly line that makes no sense. I didn't make it up. I probably apologize too much when i love someone. And i can't drink, but i will gladly enjoy a nonalcoholic beverage while you enjoy your martini. My husband is a huge martini fan.

He sounds fun, is he hot? :wink:

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

He sounds fun, is he hot? :wink:

one of those true 100% straighters, but hot yes, very hot. i'd show you a picture if i didn't think you'd show up here in Oklahoma lol j/k

We've truly fucked up this thread- and thats the truth no matter how mean it sounds.

 

[invisibleman]

In the real world, i find that smiling too much actually makes you look like a naive idiot.

If someone spends their every moment caring how everything sounds- you don't come off genuine at all. You come off as a people pleaser and not as a person who actually thinks and sometimes says things even some people don't like.

If you had to try to sound kind to everyone, even the kind people would sound UNKIND to someone.

There are times for smiles though. If you are having an authentic moment of happiness and are happy...it isn't disingenuous. In the real world, there are people who are happy...sad...angry... whatever the emotion...all with authenticity...no matter what caused the emotions to happen. But because one has happiness in their lives and one perceives that happiness as a mask or whatever...then that is that person's assessment not the one having a happy moment.

I do think that people should be honest with their emotions...but they have to take care with its expression though.

 

[DiscoBoy]

No one has a "relationship" with anyone online. Maybe frequent chats but in no way is there any kind of real, meaningful relationship.

Hmmm, I think that's an unfair statement. Two entirely honest people can have a pretty meaningful relationship (platonic or intimate) through the internet. Granted, I very much doubt it would be anywhere near the same plane as a real life relationship, but it can work.

See the word "possibly" in my earlier post?

The fact is that most people "dating" online and having these sorts of faux relationships are:

a) overweight
b) unattractive
c) all of the above

Maybe its not politically correct but it is true

I don't think this is the case in special "niche" dating sites. Plenty of good looking people on kink, interracial, homosexual, fetish, etc. dating sites. It just simplifies the process of finding someone into the same things as you (or gender).

What's up with most of the people on this ETC board being so concerned with people sounding MEAN? I don't perceive much of what people say as being "mean" but a lot of gay men do. They seem to talk a lot about how we all need to stay quiet if we don't have anything nice to say- now keep in mind they will turn around and gossip about someone they don't like in a split second. But if you say something that is blunt, all of a sudden you are called a "meanie".

I think that statement, too, is unfair. The majority of the active posters on this board are gay, so naturally, there will be a lot more gay men saying, well anything, more than any other gender/orientation. Women and the Christians tend to throw out "meanie" quite often as well, PM.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

Hmmm, I think that's an unfair statement. Two entirely honest people can have a pretty meaningful relationship (platonic or intimate) through the internet. Granted, I very much doubt it would be anywhere near the same plane as a real life relationship, but it can work.

I don't think this is the case in special "niche" dating sites. Plenty of good looking people on kink, interracial, homosexual, fetish, etc. dating sites. It just simplifies the process of finding someone into the same things as you (or gender).

I think that statement, too, is unfair. The majority of the active posters on this board are gay, so naturally, there will be a lot more gay men saying, well anything, more than any other gender/orientation. Women and the Christians tend to throw out "meanie" quite often as well, PM.

I was raised with many gay men, i have noticed they are more sensitive and emotional on the whole than straight men. I see the difference on the Etc. forum compared to say, Sex with a Big Dick forum.

Christians piss me off too, don't even get me started on that stereotype. I abandoned my religiosity only in the last couple of years, probably thanks more to LPSG than anywhere else. And i've never heard a woman say meanie, maybe because im extremely selective of the females in my real life. And most of them on the internet where i hang out come off a lot tougher than they probably are.

And in this whole thread, I've done a lot more taking up for the general population than insulting them. There are stereotypes for a reason, some people stereotype me for what ever reasons, sometimes they are right, sometimes they arent. But there is generally a foundation in why they think the way they do.

The only thing i said about physically unattractive people in this thread is that when you meet someone on the internet and you don't have to be judged by how you look, you are more likely to have people listen to you. I think thats a quite positive outlook on my half glass empty sort of thinking.

This Etc board is harder for me to post in because of the sensitivity, sometimes i feel strongly about a subject and post anyway, but i do so realizing i will get much more criticism for it. It's just the way it goes.

 

[DiscoBoy]

I was raised with many gay men, i have noticed they are more sensitive and emotional on the whole than straight men. I see the difference on the Etc. forum compared to say, Sex with a Big Dick forum.

I was speaking specifically about gay men on this site relative to other demographics.

But if we're talking about the real world...no comment.:tongue:

And don't tell me you haven't seen women on this site get their knickers in a twist because of men-- straight or gay.
And other women in some very special cases.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

I was speaking specifically about gay men on this site relative to other demographics.

But if we're talking about the real world...no comment.:tongue:

And don't tell me you haven't seen women on this site get their knickers in a twist because of men-- straight or gay.
And other women in some very special cases.

This site has some very different styled rooms. The chatroom is so different from the posting forum, every board is so different from another board on LPSG. It's a very interesting amalgum of people indeed.

Because im considered a meanie, I dont get far over here on the Etc board where there is a majority of gay men. I stick mostly in the Women's Issues even if what i have to ask is pretty general for all people, i get more of a response over there. It's more cliquish over here. People who have popularity on Etc get the most responses. It is what it is, as long as i know where i fit in. I'm just being honest about what i have noticed.

The only Gay thing about me is my taste for goodlooking hairy men and my love for Lady Gaga.