I seriously don't get it...

[lafever]

Question? Why does it hurt so bad when YOU are the one who ends the relationship? She was spoiled to the core, selfish, and thoughtless…but yet I miss her and want to hold her close to me. I don’t get it.

Maybe I'm wrong but just in case this might apply to you, so don't take offence if it doesn't sound anything like you ok. Let's also hope you're not addicted to being a door matt for others.
Maybe it's because you're an enabler and that's how you roll, you're attracted to a woman who keeps your attention span. She fires you up like coal in an old steam driven train, the hotter the flames get the greater the steam pressure builds and the faster you can run that train, and when that train is running hard and full steam ahead it's just like the way you like to fuck her which is as hard as you can when you can. You like to take her when she's being naughty and punish her with incredible sex. She'll keep you on your toes, there's never a dull moment and the drama is better than no drama or in your way of looking at it, a dead fish.

 

[helgaleena]

It shows you are a loving man, that your love does not simply turn off like a faucet on command. You even love somebody who was using a relationship to hurt you. It was right to stop her from hurting you. It is not wrong to still love her anyway and wish her happiness someplace far, far away.

Keep loving. Just the fact that you are able to love shows your ability to love is undamaged. By continuing to love you will attract those who love as much as you do, and among them will be a better fit for you.

There is no short-cut around the hurt, but it does lessen with time. Thank the universe for that.

 

[uboat]

... I spoke to my mom and dad about the break up. I told them how I felt. They both said I should reach out to my ex, forgive her and give her another try. Only a small part of me wants to do this. I know that no relationship is perfect. My parents have been married for 40 years. Maybe they know something that I don't know.

 

[helgaleena]

Maybe your parents are of a generation that tolerates more discomfort in order to protect the union. Hopefully there are no children in the situation with your ex, but you Know your parents had to be thinking also of you and any siblings when they 'bit the bullet' and stayed married, no matter what they have kept private about their struggles.

 

[molotovmuffin]

... I spoke to my mom and dad about the break up. I told them how I felt. They both said I should reach out to my ex, forgive her and give her another try. Only a small part of me wants to do this. I know that no relationship is perfect. My parents have been married for 40 years. Maybe they know something that I don't know.

Do you really want to go threw all the crap you went threw before only worse?
Seriously...the girl is bitchy and will always be bitchy, is that the life you want? Then just remember the good times and forget all the crap that made you miserable and get back together with her.

 

[Pink_lips]

Um, uboat, don't you do that! Bad idea! Think of what made you actually end the relationship in the first place! Thats not an easy step to take but you took it! Don't go back on it now! You will simply be a washed doormat.

 

[Ramsey]

Most people cant admit they are wrong

So true. Both my last 2 exes absolutely could not take their share of responsibility for things and blamed me for it all and didn't want to talk about what they needed to work on.

 

[1Cody]

My latest love collected people and friends the exact some way that some people collect items such as from their favorite sports team. He was self centered I think they call it Narcissitic. My importance to him was only as it related to him. He was also a bit sadistic. I think the thought of crushing someone that cares for him gets him off. Thank God I was a little older and a little wiser. The second time around when he was my roommate (yes FWB) I packed his bags, set them outside the door, changed my phone number, engaged the deadbolt that he didn't have a key to, and made sure I was gone when he got there. He knew I cared about him and when he added me to his people collection and started looking to collect someone else, that was it. I choose to post as someone may be going through a similar experience, gender and orientation is not exclusive. It took about a month and a half and thankfully, I can go a whole day without thinking about him. I have moved on and that is not easy, but you have to want to put yourself first. Time does heal all wounds. Get out and be active, get busy, do new things, and soon the memory of her won't hurt so bad. Yes, I was on a rebound from the passing of my significant other of 23yrs, my ex-wife. Some may say this case was situational and it may have been. Who knows, I only know that though all the decisions were mine, the pain was real BUT

 

[B_rzl]

with all the respect to your parents they are so wrong! its all right if they told you not to divorce when you are married, youve made your bed and now lay on it, but if you see that everything is wrong from the start and when you use way too much your energy to keep things going and theres no progress on her side(and there wont be, you cant change anyone), walk away and dont look back! someone said that all this mess in your head means yyoure a good man, its true, ou deserve someone much better

 

[uboat]

I called my ex a couple of days ago. The call consisted of her apologizing, and asking if I was ok. The rest of it was silence. She makes it hard to hate her sometimes. I told her I was going to call her later... I never did. Everything feels so weird. I worked 20hrs straight yesterday to numb the pain. The numbness is starting to feel normal.

 

[paigexox]

Just give it time and cognitive dissonance will do it's job. :tongue:

 

[uboat]

Yeah, there is a lot of dissonance in my relationship. Someone who is supposed to love you is not supposed to hurt you like that?!?!? But in reality, everyone at some point in a relationship will be hurt. I'm at a cross road between self respect and forgiveness. Not sure which road is right. I'm not perfect myself. No one is.

I woke up this morning at 4 am and the first thought that came to my head was "fuck that bitch". I felt (and still feel) very resentful of her.

 

[Smaccoms]

Because being miserable in a relationship is better than being alone.

remind me of Mean Girls, the movie?

 

[durden]

I've been on both sides and its definitely worse being dumped by someone you love, though neither are remotely pleasurable experiences. You feel bad cause you do care about the person whether you want to be with them or not, and no good hearted person enjoys causing pain in anyone, especially someone you've connected with.

Don't be so hard on yourself, trust you made the right decision, and move on.

 

[helgaleena]

Yeah, there is a lot of dissonance in my relationship. Someone who is supposed to love you is not supposed to hurt you like that?!?!? But in reality, everyone at some point in a relationship will be hurt. I'm at a cross road between self respect and forgiveness. Not sure which road is right. I'm not perfect myself. No one is.

I woke up this morning at 4 am and the first thought that came to my head was "fuck that bitch". I felt (and still feel) very resentful of her.

Anger is a step upwards from despair. Ride the self-protective resentment toward self-respect. On the other side will be the ability to leave this behind.

 

[uboat]

I called my ex. She didn't pick up. So I sent her a text saying "i forgive you ". Don't know why I did that. I guess I am lonely. :-(

 

[NYHoti]

After the breakup it hurts because you have a heart. When I wanted to end my relationship, it was killing me at the thought that I was going to hurt someone that I loved at 1 point. After I finally did it, it was such a relief. I am actually smiling again. I didn't realize how much the relationship had brought me down. It will get better for you. "Date" yourself for awhile, meaning do all the nice things that you would have done for her for yourself. The best revenge will be letting her see you are ok.

 

[uboat]

Thanks NY

 

[aninnymouse]

I called my ex. She didn't pick up. So I sent her a text saying "i forgive you ". Don't know why I did that. I guess I am lonely. :-(

Forgiving is one thing. It's good to forgive, and let go of all of the hurt and anger that someone has given you. However. Forgiving someone does not mean opening yourself up to them again, and allowing them back in to hurt you. You can forgive her all you want. However, do you want to give it another go, if things are just going to be the same.

Breakups suck. Knowing someone is not the right person for you sucks. However, to go crawling back to her because you are hurt is the wrong reason to take her back.

Here's another question. Were you married to her? If not, then there's no reason. Especially if she's cheated on you. In your other posts, you've indicated that you've given her many chances to change her behavior. If that's the case, then, I think you need to not go back to her. Take some time, heal yourself. Become the partner that you would want in a relationship. You can love the hell out of someone, and it not be the right situation. That sounds like what this is, to me.

If she was so mean to you that you feel she forced your hand after numerous chances, and only a small part of you is willing to take her back; I think you have your answer.

The thing of it is, as we grow older, we oftentimes feel a great deal of pressure to conform to society's norms. To get married, have kids, be on our way to "success." When things don't work out, oftentimes we get this sort of panic; and the idea that we should be in a different place, and don't understand why things haven't worked out differently. I'm not sure how old you are/what phase of your life you're at, but it sounds like you may be going through some of this; Especially since you thought she was going to be the one for you.

Take some time, do some things you enjoy, and be single. Love it, and embrace you. You'll be glad you did; cause time does give perspective, and does heal all wounds.

 

[B_625girth]

just the final realization that she wasn't what you thought she was