I've read the entire thread and I know you said you had worked things out a few postings back; however, details came with more postings. Since you worked things out I'm stating this so that I can share my experience similarly like yours.
In college I was in the band where I met a student who would become a good friend. He was several years older and very charming with both guys and gals. He would confide in me many things including his sex life etc. He gave the impression of being a "womans man", much of it came because he was older and this seem to attract girls. He finally hooked up with one of the members of the band who was really a nice person, and a virgin, of course not for long.
I consequently found out the time and place and some details of how he fucked her etc. as time went on even found out the night he introduced her to anal sex. I was not seeing any one for whatever reason.
I started become more and more resentful of his sexual episodes with her as it seems that was the only reason he was seeing her. Remember I know both of them and especially respected her.
Together we decided to finish school in the midwest and dorm together etc. While there he started flirting and of course carrying on like he did when I first met him. I was not one to really express my feelings and opinion on his sexual prowess I thought that was him. Well in time the relationship faded with his gf back home and they parted ways, not before banging other girls which I knew about, and felt bad for "girl back home"(gbh). Than he asked if he should date this girl that both of us knew, nice girl I respected pretty much same as gbh.
That's when I really got upset, he had known me for over a year, we talked of other things besides girls and sex, and new my feelings about infedilty etc.( I guess I was pretty much straight gun regarding morals, and values, maybe thats why I had only one fuck till I met my wife, no longer as straight as than though) moving on.
My resentment was the fact that he was asking "permission". I was thinking like you, what an insensitive SOB. All this time he's known me, why ask, just tell me "I'm going to ask "new girl" out, I like her....etc" He knows how I feel about his indiscretions while in a relationship and in my gut I was hoping for him not to use this girl like gbh.
So SMN, am I close in assuming that by him asking permission it demonstrated how he discounted your relationship, and feeling taken for granted? That is kind of what I felt, in fact had he preface it with, "I know you might not like this", that would have made me feel that he did consider my opinion of him in commited relationships with the opposite sex.
We have gone our separate ways, and in looking back I think to myself that was the turning point in our relationship. I also realized, you know I was an immature SOB, who am I trying to control other people. I learned to give my opinion yet not expect it to be followed just considered. My self worth is no longer determined by those around me but to whom I appreciate that have enriched my life, which really is everything I encounter. There is good in all.
I know this is long but you know this is the first time I had to really face what happened in that point in my life, and your story triggered that experience.
have a good one!!!!
