Marrying an 'average' lover

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by _avg_, Nov 26, 2009.

  1. _avg_

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    Your lover still 'gets the job done' most of the time, but is far from the best sex you've ever had. Would you marry this person?
     
  2. Incocknito

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    If someone was bad at sex then I couldn't see myself being with them for the rest of my life.

    Then again...if she was willing to learn then I could teach. But I'm not sure if the people that are bad at sex are born that way and can't be changed...or if good sex can even be taught.

    The best sex I've had was with people who knew how to fuck. Like the girl who fell over cos she couldn't get her 'panties' off fast enough in order to fuck me. That's enthusiasm.

    You don't see that sort of thing a lot.
     
  3. AlteredEgo

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    Incocknito, he didn't say the sex was bad, he said it wasn't the best. He said the sex was "average", "still gets the job done", or in other words just adequate, but not stellar.

    I could marry this person. In my experience, sex always improves when both are willing to make it happen.
     
  4. D_Rod Staffinbone

    D_Rod Staffinbone Account Disabled

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    a lot of people will wait for the "perfect" person to come along,
    some wait so long that they aren't such a great choice any more than
    that perfect person they've been waiting for. life flies by so fast,
    some people miss out on living life, taking chances, risking failure.

    regarding your question, no, in a marriage i wouldn't settle for someone who "gets the job
    done" most of the time, and that goes for in the bedroom as well as in
    all aspects of the relationship. things like that just get worse with passing time.

    keep looking, but make haste, time waits for no one.
     
    #4 D_Rod Staffinbone, Nov 26, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2009
  5. taurusbull

    taurusbull New Member

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    If you love them, marry them! If not then don't.
     
  6. Gillette

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    Key point and one that Incocknito does mention; enthusiasm.

    Women have been able to "get the job done" for centuries by just being a warm available hole.

    Enthusiasm really makes the difference. Ineptitude can be improved upon. Disinterest or worse a dishonest scripted performance can't.
     
  7. BigDallasDick8x6

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    If you're hoping you can work with the person to help them get better at sex (which might actually be just better for you at sex), my advice would be hold off on marrying them until the sex is as good as you want it to be.

    Sex is a huge part of a relationship for me and if I'm not satisfied sexually I'm not going to be satisfied with the relationship.

    On a somewhat related (?) note.....
    Another guy and I were talking about previous relationships and he said his problem was he often fell in love with someone's potential instead of who they were at that moment. Bingo! I realized I had been doing that too.

    So I go back to my advice about waiting to see if they can reach the potential you hope they can before you make the committment.
     
  8. B_jeepguy2

    B_jeepguy2 New Member

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    Well, I am mostly gay and have never been married and probably never will be, but from what all of my str8 married friends tell me the sex slows way down anyway after a year or so of marriage and pretty much stops after the first kid, so I would not worry about that too much. If you wanna have a lot of hot wild sex then don't get married in the first place!

    If you really love her and want to have babies with her, and be with her forever, even if she puts on 10, 20, 30...or more pounds, goes gray, tits sag, etc, etc. then marry her...if not don't get married, because trading women is a hell of a lot more expensive than trading up from a Honda Civic to a BMW if you someday decide you want a racier model!

    Also, look at her mother before you decide to marry her...because that is what she is going to look like 20 years down the road after a couple of kids. If you don't like what you see don't walk, RUN! I went back to my 15 year high school class reunion and I could not believe how FAT the homecoming queen was. This chick was the stuff of wet dreams back in 1992! She was the one that all of the guys in my high school class wanted and couldn't have, and probably thought about when they beat off.

    She had everything, beautiful face, blonde hair, perfect skin, perfect tits, pefect ass, but I remember seeing her mom pick her up from school once and her mama was FAT. Well 15 years later that little hottie looked EXACTLY like her mom did back in 1992...except I think she is even FATTER!
     
    #8 B_jeepguy2, Nov 26, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2009
  9. Incocknito

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    To me, if someone is "average at sex" then by my own standards they are bad at sex.

    If they were good at sex then they wouldn't be "adqueate" and would "get the job done" all of the time and not just most of the time.
     
  10. Lex

    Lex
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    Word.
     
  11. dolfette

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    yes.
     
  12. badgirl22

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    NO!!! Well, I should say I did do just that and I left him because I found I just couldn't live without sex. It started as just average and I felt certain it was something that could be improved with time and communication (should have been able to). Instead, it just got worse. In hind sight I understand it was only average to begin with because he was into his pleasure, not mine. That part only increased as time went on and it was always less and less about me and more and more about him.

    I originally thought since the rest of the relationship was good that part wouldn't be all that important. I was wrong - it created resentment and there was an absence of passion - it killed the marriage.
     
  13. the_reverend

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    it would depend on what else was going on in the relationship. if i was head over heels in love with this person, we got along great, awesome chemistry, we could talk about any kind of thing and always be interested...then average/adequate sex would be a small price to pay. because that's the kind of thing that can always be improved upon, and naturally will as time goes by. whereas mind blowing sex with someone i don't get along or, to make it a more accurate comparison, could just tolerate being around...that, not so much.

    but i think if i connected with someone on that many other levels, the sex would naturally be better than perhaps their "skills" or "techniques" might indicate. and if the sex isn't that great, then there's probably some deeper compatibility or communication issues at work.
     
  14. badgirl22

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    So hard to determine - there are so many variables at work and each case is so unique.
     
  15. BanShen

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    I'd have to ask myself, "Is this sex just average because of inexperience or because she's lazy/disinterested/something else?"

    If it's just inexperience, then that could easily be improved upon. My last ex and I had sex for roughly 6 months or so before she loosened up and started enjoying herself (to the point where she was constantly squirting). That was fine because I was her first.

    But if I thought that it was because the woman wasn't interested in pleasuring me and wasn't willing to improve, then I'd probably end it.
     
  16. Lampwick

    Lampwick New Member

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    Not enough data here, _avg_.

    You're marrying (or not) a person, not just a sex life. How much of your life together is going to be spent on things other than sexual?

    Do you find this person attractive in other ways? Do you love the person? How much do you enjoy spending that other 99% of your time together? How closely aligned are your respective visions of the future?

    I'd marry a person who I was crazy about as a person and who 'got the job done' sexually most of the time, as long as the sex was not perfunctory or disinterested. That would be a bad sign for times ahead.

    I wouldn't marry a person who was spectacular sexually but who I didn't really care about (or for) outside the bedroom.
     
  17. _avg_

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    It was a generalization, not meant to be applied to to any specific situation. The idea being to gauge 1) for how many people the unspectacular sex would be a deal-breaker and/or 2) whether they would marry at all, if their partner was less-than-ideal.

    I suppose I should have expected the 'we can work it out' responses, yet we so often hear of failed marriages in large part due to unhappiness in the bedroom. Women have definitely 'broken vows' to me in the pursuit of more satisfying sex; if that's happened while dating, I can't possibly see a marriage working out....
     
  18. _avg_

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    Well then perhaps there is hope... ;)
     
  19. Principessa

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    Not without a lot of talking and sexual practice/experimentation. I wouldn't want to be stuck married to someone who was a boring lover. I'd need proof he was not just willing but physically able to improve.
     
  20. cbrmale

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    Yes. I had some spectacular lovers who I would never marry, and a lovely, kind and gentle woman who was an okay lover who I did marry.
     
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