One reason given for the breakup of a past 8-yr relationship was my failure to be monogamous. That particularly hurt because we had agreed at the beginning that the relationship would be relatively open but that either of us would tell the other if an outside influence were making things “complicated.” Ultimately, he told me he’d been active with, had fallen in love with, and was leaving me for someone else. It took me quite a long time to get over the loss.
Some say this is semantics, but it’s the way my affections work. When I’m in a relationship, all of my affections remain there. Any outside activity is casual. I avoid sex “on their turf,” would never sneak them in at home, and have run the other way when I thought I was getting too tempted.
In my late 60s, I now live with, and very much love, a slightly older man. Our relationship is approaching the 20 year mark. We had quite a bit of sex at first, but honestly it was never our main attraction. Now we have next to no sex. It had stopped when he was having serious medical problems and it never really got going again. I’ve tried a few times to see if I could find a non-romantic outlet that wouldn’t draw me far from home and would not compromise the sanctity of our home. With a very few exceptions (when I got “no-strings” BJs), that hasn’t happened.
I think there can be more than one sort of monogamy. Sexual is only one type. A truer sharing of oneÂ’s life, emotions, and support is another.
