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Part 3: Consequences, Hopes and Family
![1754266676357.png]( "1754266676357.png")
After we set some small expectations about our relationship, Kj lingered. He was so happy and just chattered away about nothing. He said he wanted to go on an actual date and I told him I'd happily obliged.
He complained about how gay men always fuck before they have their first date and I shrugged it off, told him he was the only man I had ever had any intention of dating. That made the smile on his face big as fuck, and he blushed. I was just being honest.
When he finally climbed into his jeep, he asked me how I felt about PDA. While normally I was very private about that with men, I didn't see a reason against it. Cat was already out of the bag. So I answered by kissing him on his soft little pink lips.
He drove off shaking his head, laughing, blushing and waving.
He felt good about us. Unfortunately, I didn't. I felt terrified.
The moment he turned the corner, it was like all of yesterday piled on top of me with all its weight on my throat. I found my weed pen, and took a long drag. I got into my liquor cabinet and took a shot of my good whiskey.
Then I turned airplane mode off. After a moment, the proverbial quiet before the storm, an avalanche of notifications, missed calls and texts buried me in the expectations of all the people who knew me, loved me or wanted something from me.
As if on que, my phone rang and my mother's face smiled up at me.
My response was to pour myself another glass, crawl under the table (still don't know why I did that).
"Hi mom." my voice didn't sound right, it fluttered around the edges like a scared deer.
"Hello baby." Her voice was also hesitant, but soft as if trying to calm a scared animal so it wouldn't feel threatened, "I... uh... I just wanted to call and see how you're doing."
A rough sniff I was trying to suppress made itself known, my heart felt wrong, "I... I'm fine." I don't know why I was still trying to hide.
"Oh honey..." I could hear her heart breaking in her voice, then suddenly she was the strong, wise woman who raised me, "...Do you remember when you and the Johnsons' fool boy broke Mrs. Robinson's window?"
I couldn't breathe, I was shuddering as I physically tried to hold myself together. Hiding like I wasn't exposed for all the world to see, "Y-yes ma'am."
"Yeah... and you tried to hide in the basement, like I don't go down there every day." I could hear the smile in her voice, it helped calm me down a bit.
"You know, now that I think about it... you did a lot of things in that basement that you think I don't know about. Like when you had that silly little girl in my house. The one that had you all bent out of shape all the time? Boy I could not stand that foul little thang." I laughed through the tears, knowing exactly who she was talking about.
"Or... when you had that boy on your wrestling team, the one with the dreadlocks and the dark skin. I remember seeing you talk to him at your sports... thing... I was always sad I never got to meet him." That made me sadder, Marshall had been the first guy I'd ever been with and I broke his heart trying to be straight.
Now, you would think all of this would have helped me stop crying but no dice. I was a snotty, blubbering mess of emotions. All the shame, self hatred and anger I'd been holding in since I was 12 poured out of me like a dam bursting.
My mom had been big in the church since the day I was born. She always said God's people are supposed to accept and love everyone. I kind of knew she'd be ok with it, I had no idea that she had been on to me since my first time experimenting.
Still, a part of me felt like I'd let her down. She had an ideal for her family and I was the son who wanted to make that happen. She deserved to be happy. I knew her love was as perfect as I wanted to be for her.
My dad, however...
"I'll talk to you father." She said, reading my mind, "Cherryl from church called me about all this but I don't think anyone's told him cause he hasn't called me. Just don't answer any of his calls for a week and I won't let him come over there till he's calmed down. But I have one thing I need to tell you... you listening?"
"Y-yes m-m-ma'am?" I was still a mess, I'd spilled whiskey on myself trying to sip and cry at the same time.
"Don't you ever let anyone make you doubt my love... or Gods... you hear me?"
"Yes ma'am." Finally the hysterics were calming down.
We chatted about nothing and everything for a few minutes after, moms never want to get off the phone.
Eventually, however, I said goodbye. After that, I began reading texts and replying to the ones that didn't make me feel sick to my stomach.
A few female exes sent me different versions of the vid with KJ, and I could tell from the little icon in the corner that they'd sent it and blocked me. After everything that happened with Maria... being blocked was wonderful. Some sent me several paragraphs of text that started out rude.
A few, including the one that left the comment under KJ's vid, wished me the best and said they don't care if I'm bisexual or whatever.
Most of my cousins were careful, they just sent me text messages "checking up" on me or they just said hi. I text all of them back.
Deangelo, my out and about feminine gay cousin, just text me the phrase "I knew it..." He didn't get a text back. He was always in some mess and he didn't know shit. If he had, everybody would have known the second he found out.
My favorite cousin Michelle sent me 10 paragraphs telling me how the family was really reacting. I was being called out my name by most of the older generation, a few of the cousins that were offering me support were publicly talking shit. Most were making a joke out of it because you can't really disagree directly with our older relatives without catching some hands, a shoe or, worst case scenario I've seen in person, a hammer. My family is a little wild.
My coworkers were a mixed bag. I got a few married men asking if I wanted to hang one on one because they wanted to get to know me better. A few of the ladies wanted to go shopping. Some of the girls were sending me messages saying they now realize why I didn't want them even though the only reason was that I don't date people I work with.
My boss sent me the "we need to talk" text from the company phone. That made my stomach boil.
After I took a second to order my thoughts and sip my drink, I called my boss. He was an older, much wider, white dude who was constantly out of breath.
"Good evening, thank you for calling Lexington and Rhodes this is Amy. How may I help you?"
"Hello Amy, I need to speak to Mr. Clampitt."
"Oh... OH... Adrian! Hiiiii." Amy's friendly voice was straight out of Boston.
"Hello Amy, I was wondering if Mr. Clampitt is available? He asked me to call him."
"Right, right... uh, just be warned he is not in a good mood. I heard him talking about how one of our top associates apparently violated the morality clause in their contract. He's been stress eating, talking about losing clients."
My heart sank, "Oh... you don't say?" I learned a long time ago that Amy loves to gossip and didn't need much prodding. Hell, if you pushed too hard she was less likely to spill the beans.
"Yeeeeaaaaahhh... Corporate has been up his ass but those fogeys don't care about a branch office like us. Mr. C has been really, really dreading talking to whoever it is. Between you and me... I think it was Samantha, she's such a slut. Did you k-Heeeeyyyy Mildred, darling I didn't see you there. One second while I transfer Adrian to Mr. C."
I swallowed, took a deep breath, and mentally prepared to talk to my boss.
After we set some small expectations about our relationship, Kj lingered. He was so happy and just chattered away about nothing. He said he wanted to go on an actual date and I told him I'd happily obliged.
He complained about how gay men always fuck before they have their first date and I shrugged it off, told him he was the only man I had ever had any intention of dating. That made the smile on his face big as fuck, and he blushed. I was just being honest.
When he finally climbed into his jeep, he asked me how I felt about PDA. While normally I was very private about that with men, I didn't see a reason against it. Cat was already out of the bag. So I answered by kissing him on his soft little pink lips.
He drove off shaking his head, laughing, blushing and waving.
He felt good about us. Unfortunately, I didn't. I felt terrified.
The moment he turned the corner, it was like all of yesterday piled on top of me with all its weight on my throat. I found my weed pen, and took a long drag. I got into my liquor cabinet and took a shot of my good whiskey.
Then I turned airplane mode off. After a moment, the proverbial quiet before the storm, an avalanche of notifications, missed calls and texts buried me in the expectations of all the people who knew me, loved me or wanted something from me.
As if on que, my phone rang and my mother's face smiled up at me.
My response was to pour myself another glass, crawl under the table (still don't know why I did that).
"Hi mom." my voice didn't sound right, it fluttered around the edges like a scared deer.
"Hello baby." Her voice was also hesitant, but soft as if trying to calm a scared animal so it wouldn't feel threatened, "I... uh... I just wanted to call and see how you're doing."
A rough sniff I was trying to suppress made itself known, my heart felt wrong, "I... I'm fine." I don't know why I was still trying to hide.
"Oh honey..." I could hear her heart breaking in her voice, then suddenly she was the strong, wise woman who raised me, "...Do you remember when you and the Johnsons' fool boy broke Mrs. Robinson's window?"
I couldn't breathe, I was shuddering as I physically tried to hold myself together. Hiding like I wasn't exposed for all the world to see, "Y-yes ma'am."
"Yeah... and you tried to hide in the basement, like I don't go down there every day." I could hear the smile in her voice, it helped calm me down a bit.
"You know, now that I think about it... you did a lot of things in that basement that you think I don't know about. Like when you had that silly little girl in my house. The one that had you all bent out of shape all the time? Boy I could not stand that foul little thang." I laughed through the tears, knowing exactly who she was talking about.
"Or... when you had that boy on your wrestling team, the one with the dreadlocks and the dark skin. I remember seeing you talk to him at your sports... thing... I was always sad I never got to meet him." That made me sadder, Marshall had been the first guy I'd ever been with and I broke his heart trying to be straight.
Now, you would think all of this would have helped me stop crying but no dice. I was a snotty, blubbering mess of emotions. All the shame, self hatred and anger I'd been holding in since I was 12 poured out of me like a dam bursting.
My mom had been big in the church since the day I was born. She always said God's people are supposed to accept and love everyone. I kind of knew she'd be ok with it, I had no idea that she had been on to me since my first time experimenting.
Still, a part of me felt like I'd let her down. She had an ideal for her family and I was the son who wanted to make that happen. She deserved to be happy. I knew her love was as perfect as I wanted to be for her.
My dad, however...
"I'll talk to you father." She said, reading my mind, "Cherryl from church called me about all this but I don't think anyone's told him cause he hasn't called me. Just don't answer any of his calls for a week and I won't let him come over there till he's calmed down. But I have one thing I need to tell you... you listening?"
"Y-yes m-m-ma'am?" I was still a mess, I'd spilled whiskey on myself trying to sip and cry at the same time.
"Don't you ever let anyone make you doubt my love... or Gods... you hear me?"
"Yes ma'am." Finally the hysterics were calming down.
We chatted about nothing and everything for a few minutes after, moms never want to get off the phone.
Eventually, however, I said goodbye. After that, I began reading texts and replying to the ones that didn't make me feel sick to my stomach.
A few female exes sent me different versions of the vid with KJ, and I could tell from the little icon in the corner that they'd sent it and blocked me. After everything that happened with Maria... being blocked was wonderful. Some sent me several paragraphs of text that started out rude.
A few, including the one that left the comment under KJ's vid, wished me the best and said they don't care if I'm bisexual or whatever.
Most of my cousins were careful, they just sent me text messages "checking up" on me or they just said hi. I text all of them back.
Deangelo, my out and about feminine gay cousin, just text me the phrase "I knew it..." He didn't get a text back. He was always in some mess and he didn't know shit. If he had, everybody would have known the second he found out.
My favorite cousin Michelle sent me 10 paragraphs telling me how the family was really reacting. I was being called out my name by most of the older generation, a few of the cousins that were offering me support were publicly talking shit. Most were making a joke out of it because you can't really disagree directly with our older relatives without catching some hands, a shoe or, worst case scenario I've seen in person, a hammer. My family is a little wild.
My coworkers were a mixed bag. I got a few married men asking if I wanted to hang one on one because they wanted to get to know me better. A few of the ladies wanted to go shopping. Some of the girls were sending me messages saying they now realize why I didn't want them even though the only reason was that I don't date people I work with.
My boss sent me the "we need to talk" text from the company phone. That made my stomach boil.
After I took a second to order my thoughts and sip my drink, I called my boss. He was an older, much wider, white dude who was constantly out of breath.
"Good evening, thank you for calling Lexington and Rhodes this is Amy. How may I help you?"
"Hello Amy, I need to speak to Mr. Clampitt."
"Oh... OH... Adrian! Hiiiii." Amy's friendly voice was straight out of Boston.
"Hello Amy, I was wondering if Mr. Clampitt is available? He asked me to call him."
"Right, right... uh, just be warned he is not in a good mood. I heard him talking about how one of our top associates apparently violated the morality clause in their contract. He's been stress eating, talking about losing clients."
My heart sank, "Oh... you don't say?" I learned a long time ago that Amy loves to gossip and didn't need much prodding. Hell, if you pushed too hard she was less likely to spill the beans.
"Yeeeeaaaaahhh... Corporate has been up his ass but those fogeys don't care about a branch office like us. Mr. C has been really, really dreading talking to whoever it is. Between you and me... I think it was Samantha, she's such a slut. Did you k-Heeeeyyyy Mildred, darling I didn't see you there. One second while I transfer Adrian to Mr. C."
I swallowed, took a deep breath, and mentally prepared to talk to my boss.
