My husband gave me permission to cheat

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by a_uncensored, Sep 13, 2009.

  1. a_uncensored

    a_uncensored New Member

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    I've been with my husband for 20 years married for 8 and have only ever been with him. I have only cum once with him during sex all the rest of my cumming experiences are on my own.

    I have tried telling him what I want, showing him, talking, toys ...

    Last night after sex he told me he wanted me to be happy and that if I found that sexually with someone else he was ok with it as long as I didn't tell him or talk to him about it and as long as I came home to him. He said he just wants me to be happy and that he's not sure he can do that sexually.

    He's of average penis size - bigger may be nicer but I just want it hotter stronger and for more time - I've talked to him on all this.

    I know it always looks "greener on the other side" and know that cheating is a selfish act.

    I have heard all kinds of bewares from friends but since I have very little experience since I've never been with anyone else - I thought I'd ask you guys and gals who have had experience in this arena.

    So do I find sexual happiness elsewhere and do the expirimenting that I wish I had done before I got married or should I stay true knowing that we may never have a great or good sex life?

    BTW it's not like this is a new change for us sexually - it's never been earth shattering for us even though we are best friends.
     
  2. porter111

    porter111 New Member

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    From my experience Auncensored, everyone who has a fling or cheats, or has an open relationship, always ends up running back to the person they really love, or someone gets jealous. I think you will find a lot of guys will tell you how great they can be, but beware, they are just looking for a quick lay, not long term commitment, if thats all you want then i guess go for it, don't get attached or be surprised, when they bounce at the end of the night! Just a thought from my life observations! Personally if my wife asked me that, she'd be gone forever, no questions asked, maybe i'm just old school, but thats just my true feelings on the matter! Your husband sounds depressed, doing this certainly won't help him get out of depression, he doesnt sound like he wants to help himself though, and therefore you will never be able to help him...



    porter
     
    #2 porter111, Sep 13, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2009
  3. Wish-4-8

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    By definition, its not cheating if you have permission to have sex with others. Cheating is when you do it behind his back and he is unaware. You cheated him out of your commitment to him. But permission makes it OK. So you could feel better about that.

    As for you actually going through with it, make sure you keep you head on straight and know your priorities. Dont go "falling in love" with a fuck because now you are giving up that part of you too. And if you dont have permission to give away your love, then you are cheating on your husband. Are you sure you can separate the two?
     
  4. rob_just_rob

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    Tread very carefully.
     
  5. Bbucko

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    Opening a relationship depends on an absolute trust in maintaining what works and letting go of what doesn't. Set limits that are mutually agreeable and do not cross those lines, ever, no matter what.

    Good luck.
     
  6. Rowan Ravenseed

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    Uncensored: first let me tell you that if your husband has given you consent to experiment then it not cheating... cheating implies dishonesty there is no dishonesty in experimenting if your husband has given you the by and leave.

    Forgive me next words because they are going to sound very defensive and they will illicit some very heated arguments from people, i would caution you to pay little head to porters world my guesse is that he has in fact had little dealings with and has a very limited experience with people who have open relationships.

    In my line of work i have had many experiences with couples and men alone who are in open relationships plus in my life outside of work i have known others as well. I have known open relationships that have existed for 20+ years and still going strong and i have known monogamous relationships that have lasted for less than 12 months.

    I would suggest that you take the opportunity to experiment but do so with three things in mind 1. you love your husband and your doing this not just for yourself but for him as well 2. You may likely not find what it is you seek 3. Your inability to climax may be an actual medical condition and there might be a way to treat it so your husband can satisfy you.

    Keep an open mind always and never fear exploration
     
  7. udubcrew

    udubcrew Well-Known Member

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    I think it's a fantastic idea. You know things will never be the same and it may lead to long term instability in the relationship, but I'm of the mindset that without sexual satisfaction you'll have instability over time anyway. You may do it once and decide it's not worth the guilt and go running back. I advise against that. Go after a variety and get a sense of how things feel. Be with someone much larger than your husband, be with someone much younger than your husband. Sex can be fantastic and knowing that but not experiencing it has got to frustrate you terribly. I say jump in and find a big young cock that'll fuck you hard.
     
  8. a_uncensored

    a_uncensored New Member

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    BTW I don't have any medical conditions that prevent me from cuming - I have absolutely no problem cuming on my own either manually or with the aid of toys.

    Also the one position I did cum during sex with my husband - he can't do anymore b/c of his psysique (He has no medical conditions other than obesity).
     
  9. Daisy

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    Open marriage can work if you keep the lines of communication open, and if both people are secure. I hate it when people judge and say it can't work. Only you can decide if being with someone else works for you. Don't let anyone else make the decision for you. It can be very beneficial to some relationships. In fact it can save some marriages. Only you know what's right for you.
     
  10. Daisy

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    And it CAN be earth shattering!!! I hope you get to experience that
     
  11. Principessa

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    I disagree. They are married, "forsaking all others in sickness and in health" applys here. Anytime you are making out or having sex with someone to whom you are not married, it is cheating, even if the other spouse knows.

    I doubt after 20 years of marriage she can separate the sex from love. It's not impossible but it will be difficult. Once the love has been transferrd to an alleged 'fuck buddy' the marriage is pretty much over. :frown1: I wouldn't do it. I would however get hubby to lose some weight. Not just for the sake of your orgasms; but for his health.

     
  12. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    See, to be fair, I think she's suggesting that it be an open marriage. Can you really cheat on someone if they know? I have to agree with the person who said that cheating is about lying, and breaking the rules.




    It also sounds like she's suggesting their marriage is more about a friendship at this point and has never been an earth shattering sexual experience. As a result, i suspect she's never fully connected sex and love together.



    I personally don't feel like this open marriage is a good idea, but it definitely can work. However, I'm intrigued... have you tried vibrators, other various tools?
     
  13. Principessa

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    Actually it seems he has lost his sex drive and he suggested she go elsewhere for sexual fullfillment. I am NOT an expert but when open marriages work, it seems it is usually because both partys have outside lovers. He doesn't want anyone else.


    Yeah, I picked up on that as well. Frankly, I would recommend marriage counseling, weight loss for him. possibly sex therapy for them as a couple and if none of the above works divorce.



    She mentions that toys work for her, but he doesn't. :frown1::redface:
     
  14. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    Not to be a total asshole here, but maybe you should ask him to lose some weight. It might be part of the reason your love life is not so great. It's not just the appearance issues but also about being healthy. It might be worth it to try and help him get back into better shape. After all relationships are a two way street.
     
  15. blkbro510

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    Have you guys try other things besides toys. Like supplements, books and sexual therpy.

    Maybe cheating isn't the way to go, so instantly. Should you guys try going to parties, do some cuckold arrangements.

    I'm just sugguesting there have be easier way of going to the greener side.
     
  16. blkbro510

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    Good point Hung Jon, yeah you should try different things before going to the extreme

     
  17. sexplease

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    permission? is your monogamy self-chosen or imposed?

    glad I make it clear that no one owns me and my monogamy (when involved) is self-chosen.
     
  18. a_uncensored

    a_uncensored New Member

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    I have suggested sex therapy, I have had my own therapy, and I have been supportive of him seeking therapy as well.

    I have also been supportive in him losing weight and have provided all the tools to do so, gym membership etc.

    I can't make him lose weight although I want him to for his health and otherwise. I also cannot make him go to therapy although I did print out a list of potential therapists for him and also for us in regards to sexual therapy.
     
  19. Principessa

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    You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. :irked: I understand somewhat your angst. I can't get TruckerTexman to quit smoking. He's read all the literature, knows the dangers, and just doesn't care. He likes to see the smoke. :rolleyes: :mad:
     
  20. porter111

    porter111 New Member

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    Aussie mate I have plenty of experience, don't worry, and I've seen open relationships fail time and time again. At the end of the day the issue is not about cheating, your missing the point, maybe it isnt cheating, but marriage is about being with one person and sex with one person. Its hard especially for women not to catch feelings for someone else, and ultimately her hubby has said she can do it, but he doesnt want to know about it, that implies if he finds out or gets suspicious hell be madder than all hell. Hes not down for a cuckold, and he doesnt want to know at all. This is a recipe for disaster, it may not be officially "cheating," but it sure isnt a good scenario in my opinion, this all sounds good on paper and in theory but in real life its an entirely different story, just like tax cuts for the rich will trickle down to everyone else right?!??!?!?! Ok I put in my political point for the day!

    Porter
     
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