"Open" Relationships
- Thread starter dcwrestlefan
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Yup--that's one of the drugs he's on . . .
BTW, I'm on anti-depressants too (Effexor), and have been on a couple of others (Prozac, Welbutrin)--I've NEVER had a problem with libido, merely with anorgasmia (well, not "an-", since I can almost always cum--it just takes a long time, which can be both a good and a bad thing!!) . . .
I think my girlfriend wants to, she keeps making weird jokes about screwing other people. I don't know how I feel about it though. It would be weird to think about her being penetrated by someone else.
SpeedoGuy
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Same here. Tried it a time or two. It felt uncomfortable for me and didn't last.
I think you definately have to be with the right person and have the right motivation. When that occurs, I can't imagine it not strengthening relationship. Any other way would be disaster.
Bryan_Lyte2
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I would not participate in one, but I've no problem with people who do. The reason why I would not participate in an 'Open Relationship' is because I don't see the necessity behind needing one. If I'm with someone, then I'm with them; not them and someone else.
In my admittedly myopic opinion of these relationships, they represent something having gone critically awry. I am not exactly fond of the idea that my partner has to find sexual-satisfaction and other forms of enchantment outside of me. Call me territorial, if you'd like, but that idea creates a very unfavorable image in my mind. A more receptive image for me, however, would be having a partner that can discover within me all things needed for him to be romantically fulfilled.
But that's just my opinion, clearly; you should do whatever tickles your pickle. :wink:
In my admittedly myopic opinion of these relationships, they represent something having gone critically awry. I am not exactly fond of the idea that my partner has to find sexual-satisfaction and other forms of enchantment outside of me. Call me territorial, if you'd like, but that idea creates a very unfavorable image in my mind. A more receptive image for me, however, would be having a partner that can discover within me all things needed for him to be romantically fulfilled.
But that's just my opinion, clearly; you should do whatever tickles your pickle. :wink:
Bryan_Lyte2
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Principessa
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FYI - Once you add mental excitement to sex thats when the initial relationship often breaks up.
[quote=djpeh;916950] Yup--that's one of the drugs he's on . . . BTW, I'm on anti-depressants too (Effexor), Effexor XR is the best thing since pizza and rootbeer for me! and have been on a couple of others (Prozac, Welbutrin)-- haven't we all?
I've NEVER had a problem with libido, merely with anorgasmia (well, not "an-", since I can almost always cum--it just takes a long time, which can be both a good and a bad thing!!) . . .[/quote]
I have bad memories of that drug. The idiot shrink who prescribed it hadn't read my history and had no idea it would cause me to become agitated depressed.
[quote=djpeh;916950] Yup--that's one of the drugs he's on . . . BTW, I'm on anti-depressants too (Effexor), Effexor XR is the best thing since pizza and rootbeer for me! and have been on a couple of others (Prozac, Welbutrin)-- haven't we all?
I've NEVER had a problem with libido, merely with anorgasmia (well, not "an-", since I can almost always cum--it just takes a long time, which can be both a good and a bad thing!!) . . .[/quote]Eeek!
I have bad memories of that drug. The idiot shrink who prescribed it hadn't read my history and had no idea it would cause me to become agitated depressed.Hmm. Tough one, but I'd have to say they don't work as real relationships. I've had one, but it was very much a no-strings situation, regardless of who we said we were dating. I think an open relationship is really defined as two people who have sex with lots of folks, but have the most with each other, and one or neither of them have feelings for the other. It only seems like it'd work as an actual relationship if one person was being more or less used and strung along.
Instinctual Lover
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I don't agree with jack99821. There are definitely "strings" in my marriage, very strong ones.
I agree with djpen as well, if all things were perfect, I would only be with my husband, his libido would be the same as mine, his equipment would work.
As for an open relationship not working, it works for us. We have always been open sexually, not hesitant to try new things. It is really sad the situation he is in right now and he feels enormous guilt that he cannot satisfy me. He feels better knowing I am being satisfied sexually.
It has not caused strain on our relationship. I appreciate everything he is. And he knows that, he knows I come home to him, and has no need to feel threatened.
I agree with djpen as well, if all things were perfect, I would only be with my husband, his libido would be the same as mine, his equipment would work.
As for an open relationship not working, it works for us. We have always been open sexually, not hesitant to try new things. It is really sad the situation he is in right now and he feels enormous guilt that he cannot satisfy me. He feels better knowing I am being satisfied sexually.
It has not caused strain on our relationship. I appreciate everything he is. And he knows that, he knows I come home to him, and has no need to feel threatened.
- MH07,
Looking at the replies from various posters, I wonder if it DOES have to do with "gay or straight" with an age component thrown in.
I'm sure there are gay couples out there who have been monogamous for long periods---I've just never seen one. Every gay couple I know who have been together for long periods have "open" relationships (based on trust, honesty, etc. as outlined by others).
I know far more straight people who (I feel pretty sure) are long-term monogamous. Many of the ones who are in open relationships have issues with ED or some other mysfunction which causes the other partner's needs to fail to be met.
Looking at the above, most (not all) of the people who say, "No way" are younger, while most of those who say, "sure" seem more middle aged.
Just my observations.
I'm sure there are gay couples out there who have been monogamous for long periods---I've just never seen one. Every gay couple I know who have been together for long periods have "open" relationships (based on trust, honesty, etc. as outlined by others).
I know far more straight people who (I feel pretty sure) are long-term monogamous. Many of the ones who are in open relationships have issues with ED or some other mysfunction which causes the other partner's needs to fail to be met.
Looking at the above, most (not all) of the people who say, "No way" are younger, while most of those who say, "sure" seem more middle aged.
Just my observations.
Well, maybe I should say that it seems like *most* open relationships wouldn't work. Obviously there are exceptions to everything and I wasn't trying to be definite... it's just my opinion from my time dating, which admittedly hasn't been that long. I'm definitely glad it works for you guys, though. :smile:
jockstrap314
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I agree with this statement. Part of being in love with someone is not only emotionally discovering the depths of life, but exploring your fantasies together. What is it about the person one is with that isn't fulfilling your fantasies? Why can't you talk about it, and address it? What about having sex with another person is worth the risk of losing someone who you trust and will trust with all of your heart?
We're selfish societies. Advertising, marketing and the media has made us that. We always want more than what we have. But think about it... a child will always want more toys, but there are people that still carry around a stuffed animal or blanket with them that they had at birth.
Dedication and trust are great things.
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That's how I talked myself in to being OK with it originally. Now that I've lived it, never again.
Right on the money!! If you and your significant other can't explore your fantasies - or more importantly, discover the depths of life - together, then why be together? In my view, if I were going to have other partners on the side, then I wouldn't hope for anything special to come of my "main" relationship.
(And I liked the reference you made to children and toys...nice touch.) :wink:
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