Problem with the GF

naughty

Sexy Member
Joined
May 21, 2004
Posts
11,232
Media
0
Likes
38
Points
258
Location
Workin' up a good pot of mad!
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
You're right but in our defense we do a fair bit of walking and bike riding already. She just doesn't have the self control to drop the fattening foods


Not making excuses for it, but I know I have gained weight since being given certain medications that made me crave food. Check out Dr Oz's book "You on a diet" It actually talks about the body craving certain types of food because they simulate things that are missing in the system.
 

SpoiledPrincess

Expert Member
Joined
Dec 28, 2006
Posts
7,868
Media
0
Likes
119
Points
193
Location
england
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
The general consensus is you can't dump someone just because they put weight on, but you meet someone and your initial attraction to them is based on a number of things, looks and personality being two of the main ones. If someone's personality changed it would be seen as perfectly reasonable to dump them, however if their appearance changes it's not seen as reasonable. I find this weird, if someone's personality changes in some way (not as a matter of growth within the relationship) it's justification to dump them but not if their appearance changes drastically?

However, it seems you don't want to dump your girlfriend. People are overly sensitive about weight and it's treated as if it's almost taboo to tell someone they've become fat. It should be no more taboo than telling them they've become judgmental, or bitter or any other change. Simply tell her you find her less attractive, she'll either tell you to piss off or realise that it is a problem, if she carries on putting on weight your relationship is under stress anyway because putting on weight isn't just about weight it's about the changes in her self image and esteem it will affect.

The simple fact is if you eat more than you need you'll put on weight, the body will only go into 'famine' mode if she's eating a ridiculously small amount. Get her to be more active while eating sensibly, three small meals a day, no snacks, plenty of water and fresh fruit and veg. Dieting isn't a mystery it's simply being sensible. Try to get her to exercise in simple ways - exercise doesn't have to be formal, it can be dancing, going for a walk in the park together, going for bike rides together, simply walking to work instead of driving if that's possible.
 

No_Strings

Expert Member
Joined
Feb 8, 2007
Posts
3,967
Media
0
Likes
178
Points
283
Location
Dubai (United Arab Emirates)
The general consensus is you can't dump someone just because they put weight on, but you meet someone and your initial attraction to them is based on a number of things, looks and personality being two of the main ones. If someone's personality changed it would be seen as perfectly reasonable to dump them, however if their appearance changes it's not seen as reasonable. I find this weird, if someone's personality changes in some way (not as a matter of growth within the relationship) it's justification to dump them but not if their appearance changes drastically?

Perfectly said
 

Knight Attrition

Just Browsing
Joined
Oct 11, 2006
Posts
183
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
161
Location
Orlando, FL
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
The general consensus is you can't dump someone just because they put weight on, but you meet someone and your initial attraction to them is based on a number of things, looks and personality being two of the main ones. If someone's personality changed it would be seen as perfectly reasonable to dump them, however if their appearance changes it's not seen as reasonable. I find this weird, if someone's personality changes in some way (not as a matter of growth within the relationship) it's justification to dump them but not if their appearance changes drastically?

However, it seems you don't want to dump your girlfriend. People are overly sensitive about weight and it's treated as if it's almost taboo to tell someone they've become fat. It should be no more taboo than telling them they've become judgmental, or bitter or any other change. Simply tell her you find her less attractive, she'll either tell you to piss off or realise that it is a problem, if she carries on putting on weight your relationship is under stress anyway because putting on weight isn't just about weight it's about the changes in her self image and esteem it will affect.

The simple fact is if you eat more than you need you'll put on weight, the body will only go into 'famine' mode if she's eating a ridiculously small amount. Get her to be more active while eating sensibly, three small meals a day, no snacks, plenty of water and fresh fruit and veg. Dieting isn't a mystery it's simply being sensible. Try to get her to exercise in simple ways - exercise doesn't have to be formal, it can be dancing, going for a walk in the park together, going for bike rides together, simply walking to work instead of driving if that's possible.

Thats really good advice, I suppose I've tried to hint about it for quite some time now but was always afraid that I would hurt her feelings. Maybe I just need to flat out tell her.


I can see so many ways that this could blow up in my face
 

naughty

Sexy Member
Joined
May 21, 2004
Posts
11,232
Media
0
Likes
38
Points
258
Location
Workin' up a good pot of mad!
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
Thats really good advice, I suppose I've tried to hint about it for quite some time now but was always afraid that I would hurt her feelings. Maybe I just need to flat out tell her.


I can see so many ways that this could blow up in my face

Yes it could. Just one thought. What if the shoe were on the other foot and you perhaps messed up your knee and started to bulk up?
 

zaza

Experimental Member
Joined
Jul 4, 2006
Posts
429
Media
0
Likes
6
Points
163
Gender
Female
Well I suppose the time for some frank discussion is here, and its dificult to say how it will go. I am overweight and I am very sensitive about it.

A friend of mine who was very petite gained some weight, her boyfriend mentioned he didn`t like it, and it kick started her into action and she did something about it. That would not have been the way with me. I am a big girl and a yoyo dieter. I know people are shallow, I know people treat me differently when I am thiner than when I am fat, I want to be seen more for my abilities and personality than my size. In other words I want to be loved for who I am regardless of what size I am.

Big girls are attractve, and my advice to you Is to concentrate on what you find attractive about your girlfriend, not what you don`t.
 

Knight Attrition

Just Browsing
Joined
Oct 11, 2006
Posts
183
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
161
Location
Orlando, FL
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
Yes it could. Just one thought. What if the shoe were on the other foot and you perhaps messed up your knee and started to bulk up?

Thats a good question, I'm not sure what would happen, I know though that on more than one occasion she has told me that what she initially found attractive about me was that I was very thin. Though I'm sure she wouldn't leave me right now due to weight as that would be a little hypocritical.
 

Love-it

Experimental Member
Joined
Sep 7, 2005
Posts
1,829
Media
0
Likes
17
Points
183
Age
34
Location
Northern California
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
What happens is that she will start a diet but then get stuck at work (She manages a Dunkin Donuts) and will munch on whatever is quick like munchkins. Then after a week or so of half hearted attempts at losing weight she will get depressed and go back to normal again. So her weight fluctuates around 190 +/- 5 lbs. What annoys me the most though is that she is very self conscious because of her weight but won't do anything about it.

Encourage her to keep healthier snack foods on hand at the donut store, as the manager she should be able to keep some food on hand.

When my wife and I first met we each gained 30 pounds in a month, OK we were a little on the skinny side, but have never gotten back to even the original weight + 30 pounds. Love can change your metabolism. We haven't let the weight gain interfere with the last 32+ years.
 

rubberwilli

Experimental Member
Joined
May 26, 2006
Posts
575
Media
33
Likes
14
Points
238
Location
Chicago, IL USA
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male

D_Aston Asstonne

Account Disabled
Joined
Sep 22, 2006
Posts
1,496
Media
0
Likes
47
Points
193
get her a gym membership.try and be nice .....and if that doesnt work...just tell her she's fucking fat and disgusting.what da hell?you cant make yourself miserable in order to please another.i broke it off with my stripper/mistress because of this very thing.but she had gained only a whopping 30 pounds.50 pounds is too much.unless one is into fat chicks.:eek:
 

Knight Attrition

Just Browsing
Joined
Oct 11, 2006
Posts
183
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
161
Location
Orlando, FL
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
I know this is a "serious topic" and all but I have to say, you've got a great smile and you're a damn cutie patootie!

Ok, resume discussion....

Thanks, with the exception of my girlfriend not to many people have ever seemed to think that I was/am decent looking
 

Knight Attrition

Just Browsing
Joined
Oct 11, 2006
Posts
183
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
161
Location
Orlando, FL
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
get her a gym membership.try and be nice .....and if that doesnt work...just tell her she's fucking fat and disgusting.what da hell?you cant make yourself miserable in order to please another.i broke it off with my stripper/mistress because of this very thing.but she had gained only a whopping 30 pounds.50 pounds is too much.unless one is into fat chicks.:eek:

I'll try to be more tactful than that, but yea I will have to say something. Though today she volunteered that she was going to lose weight now because she just found out today that she has been laid off
 

Yorkie

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Oct 5, 2006
Posts
5,412
Media
79
Likes
4,492
Points
358
Location
England (United Kingdom)
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
I'll try to be more tactful than that, but yea I will have to say something. Though today she volunteered that she was going to lose weight now because she just found out today that she has been laid off
This could be the turning point she needs.Being laid off should also mean she lays off the donuts.Turn the unemployment into something positive,the start of a new chapter.Good luck! :cool:
 

rubberwilli

Experimental Member
Joined
May 26, 2006
Posts
575
Media
33
Likes
14
Points
238
Location
Chicago, IL USA
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
get her a gym membership.

If she's said she wants to loose weight and she won't let you take pictures of her any more, you could always work out together. "Honey I got us gym memberships so we can do this together." That would probably help the situation. It is all about how you feel about the woman underneath the excess weight.

she just found out today that she has been laid off
That sucks. Hopefully she'll find something soon, but not in the food industy, or at least the doughnut sector.
 

invisibleman

Cherished Member
Joined
Oct 10, 2005
Posts
9,816
Media
0
Likes
491
Points
303
Location
North Carolina
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
Here is a pic of us in the Bahamas before the weight gain. I really don't have any pictures since then as she generally won't let me take them anymore.
http://picsorban.com/upload/dsc00043.jpg

Wow. You both look like nice couple. I think that you should diet and exercise together. Get couples counseling for each others issues. I think that it is sad that she feels so bad about her weight.
 

Knight Attrition

Just Browsing
Joined
Oct 11, 2006
Posts
183
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
161
Location
Orlando, FL
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
I thought I would post an update, I told her flat out that her increasing weight is an issue and that I would like her to take some action (I was more polite than that). She cried the night when I told her. Since then she has stopped getting on the scale as far as I know, and has stepped up the junk food snacking. My estimate is that she has now gained another 10 - 15 lbs. At this point I find that it takes significant work on my part to even be interested in sex with her. I think that I will most likely break up with her tonight.
 

B_New End

Experimental Member
Joined
Aug 22, 2007
Posts
2,970
Media
0
Likes
20
Points
183
Location
WA
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
I thought I would post an update, I told her flat out that her increasing weight is an issue and that I would like her to take some action (I was more polite than that). She cried the night when I told her. Since then she has stopped getting on the scale as far as I know, and has stepped up the junk food snacking. My estimate is that she has now gained another 10 - 15 lbs. At this point I find that it takes significant work on my part to even be interested in sex with her. I think that I will most likely break up with her tonight.

I just see pictures of cars.

So, you break up...

here is teh suck

1. she is going to go find some loser to fuck soon
2. she will lose weight, once she is single for about 6 months

Here is teh awesome

1. you'll take better care of yourself
2. you'll find a new girlfriend

Next time, walk at least 5 times a week with your S.O. It's a good time to talk

DO NOT date anyone that works fast food.

Go grocery shopping with them, and buy human food, not processed food. (fuck low fat, low carb processed shit, it's garbage)


But, I would totally dump her dude. You are getting to the age where being single ain't nearly as bad as you think it is.

I have dated some heavy girls, and I can't stand watching them eat. They inhale the food, they don't touch the rice, but eat all the teriyaki, they dont eat the crust but eat the cheese and meat on the pizza. I just finally decided I'd rather be single, or with HWP's, because I can't take watching them eat, and I can't stand them always wanting to eat.... seriously... it's annoying. Some of them have great personalities... but so do some HWP's.

OK... that was a little mean, but, really... she started eating more shit food? I would be furious. Disrespectful to you to not even try.
 

Aitch

Experimental Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2007
Posts
315
Media
0
Likes
2
Points
163
Age
65
Sexuality
No Response
2. she will lose weight, once she is single for about 6 months

Not necessarily. I put on 54lbs over the twelve years I didnt see any 'action'. I subsequently lost approx 38lbs, then proceeded to pile at least 30lbs of it back on!
However, I just lost about 43lbs & am lighter than I have been in years. BUT it's due to a complete change of diet rather than dieting, per se...and I had to be 'in the zone' to do it. No amount of nagging or teasing made the slightest difference.
Therefore, I reckon that the OP's g/f will lose the excess when she's good & ready NOT before!
 

lemont77

Experimental Member
Joined
Mar 18, 2007
Posts
657
Media
4
Likes
22
Points
163
Location
Baton Rouge (Louisiana, United States)
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
Here is a pic of us in the Bahamas before the weight gain. I really don't have any pictures since then as she generally won't let me take them anymore.
dsc00043.jpg

I'm sorry, but all I see is a picture of a car.

Not necessarily. I put on 54lbs over the twelve years I didnt see any 'action'. I subsequently lost approx 38lbs, then proceeded to pile at least 30lbs of it back on!
However, I just lost about 43lbs & am lighter than I have been in years. BUT it's due to a complete change of diet rather than dieting, per se...and I had to be 'in the zone' to do it. No amount of nagging or teasing made the slightest difference.
Therefore, I reckon that the OP's g/f will lose the excess when she's good & ready NOT before!

Something tells me you are smoking hot even with the weight.

I am a large man. I'm currently losing weight, but I'm never gonna be ripped, cut, or slim. But I can lose about 135 pounds and look good. When I started, I needed to lose 200, so I've made progress. But I like the bigger girls, so I'm ok with weight gain. I'd be more concerned about health, rather than appearance. I'm never gonna win a "King Stud" contest (or whatever the fuck they're called), but I want to be healthy and live a good long while. If you HAVE to talk to this girl about losing weight, approach it from that angle. If ANYONE I was with ever said they were no longer attracted to me because of my weight, I'd have been devastated. But that's me.