Problems making my girl orgasm

[blyant]

Ive been dating a girl now for 4 months now. And we talked about sex before we actually did it, and she told me she orgasms very easily from penetration, and that she orgasms nearly every time she has sex . We have had sex maybe 15 times now and she had ONE orgasm with me from penetration. But i make her come from oral and fingering. I also have been told by other women that my penis is very skinny, but that im good at using it. I know all that stuff about angles and shit.

I asked her to tell me honestly if she think its difficult to orgasm with me. And she told me ''maybe'' but that she doesent care, and that the other guys she slept with had that upward curve. And then i asked if she maybe thinks it is too skinny, and she said no. And i asked her like different 4 times, and she says i have to stop asking about it, cause she is satisfied with my size. I really want her to be honest with me so we can have great sex.

Im really worried she will break up with me because of this, and come up with some random reason... What can i do to make her be honest with me?

 

[nailz]

I can't say that I've ever had any noticeable clitoral stimulation from penetration alone, no matter how big the guy was. For me, I prefer girth over length because it really feels like being filled up lol. It's not something that I can easily explain.

There are positions with almost unbearable amounts of clitoral stimulation
My guy does this variation on textbook missionary sex where he puts one of his legs over mine.
It's such a simple little twist but it can make vanilla missionary mindblowing
I actually can't take it very long, and sometimes he'll hook his leg under mine to pin me so I can't squirm away from the orgasms

Why do so few guys know about this? It should be plastered on billboards, the very first position to try if you can't reach orgasm from penetration. I had to search like 20 pages of google images before I found this pic

 

[AlteredEgo]

If she breaks up with you, it will be because of your insecurities. And not because you have insecurities comma but because you are now foisting them upon her.
EDIT:

First problem is that you assume she's lying. She says there was always an upward curve before. She says she is satisfied with your size.

If she feeds your size concerns, what are you going to do? Are you going to grow a different dick? Are you going to use a toy she probably doesn't want?

 

[Mule]

You've got some great advice already. I'll just add that:

• Trust is more important than orgasms:
  • If you assume she's lying because her answers don't align with your expectations, your relationship needs to be fixed or ended.
  • If she is lying, your relationship needs to be fixed or ended.
  
  
• Men often see orgasms very differently from women (not always). You can do your own research, but basically men tend to be goal-oriented and feel like a failure if a female partner doesn't orgasm, while many women are focused more on the journey than the destination. I feel like this is one of the most important misunderstandings contributing to male sexual insecurity.
  
  
• If she's orgasming with you through other techniques, what's the problem? Do you orgasm when she rubs your shoulders? No? But does it bring you together, increase intimacy and feel good? Not every physical act has to end in fireworks to be a wonderful, shared experience.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

My gawd. Stop harassing her about it and give her the orgasms the way she can have them even if it means your dick isn't involved.

Most women I know and speak to regularly (at the sex toy shop) have never had an orgasm from penetration and likely never will because they aren't built to.

Orgasms done under pressure aren't fun unless both parties agree to that kind of play. Otherwise the pressure and after sex questions are not sexy. Very bad form. Very unsexy.

 

[nailz]

That position should be pinned to the top of this forum

 

[AlteredEgo]

Consider using the search function in Womens Issues and in Ask A Woman where your question has been asked and answered many times before. Consider also asking and searching for threads about angles. If you really knew "all that stuff about angles and shit" she'd be having orgasms from penetration with you. If you cannot define anterior fornix, posterior fornix, and g-spot, and point to these places on an anatomy diagram, if you cannot figure out positions for striking these spots and simultaneously stimulating her clitoris, if you don't know that most of the clit is actually buried, and don't know where the rest of it is, you have more to learn, and the primary obstacle to "great sex" is you, and your assumption that you already know everything.

Your attitude is that you know it all, including her own thoughts. She told you her thoughts. You are now in the land of make-believe where if her thoughts fall out of your established paradigms, she's a liar. You deserve to lose her, which you likely will.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Well, i actually are pretty confident, and i dont care very much if its skinny, i just want to make the best out of it. And i dont think i can just act like everything is fine, when there actually is a problem.

Make the most of it how? You already know everything about how to make the most of it. How is her telling you it is too thin, which she says it isn't, going to change anything? Be specific. All that I can see happening is you will focus on how skinny it is, like you already are, which is the opposite of confidence. When she says you have to stop asking her this line of questions, it is because your insecurity is disturbing her image of you, and turning her off.

Me? I'll happily fuck a guy with a little dick. But if he is worried about it, I'm out. It's gross to me. Maybe she doesn't like it either.

 

[693987]

Because im judging her for not being honest?

You're insisting she's not honest and are insisting that it's about your dick. If I had any male partner who had issues with their dick size/shape/whatever and they asked me about it repeatedly, that would be the opposite of sexy and not be conducive to orgasms, I can tell you that for damn sure. Maybe she's similar to me in that regard.

 

[MickeyLee]

another "tell me my dick is the problem" thread?

Ms. @AlteredEgo covered it all. several times. with decorative finishing touches.
also much love to Mr. @Mule, he brought goodness to the thread

be happy that she is happy.
put more faith in her honesty than you put energy into your insecurities.

other folks added heaps of what you need to hear
like, if you wanna talk cooter i am here for ya, just hit me up

eta: did you know there is an AlteredEggo account?
i picture the tag line "let go my eggo"
and Ms. Altered just knocking Mr. Grabbypant cross-eyed

 

[Beedie Tijii]

I have nothing to add other than to say that, the last time a woman told me that I was the best sexual partner she's ever had, she said that what stood out with me was that I took my time with foreplay, and she always felt primed to orgasm before penetration. Never said word one about my genitals. Of course, everyone is different, and your mileage may vary, but it's usually not a bad idea to take people at their word when they tell you something private about their body -- something that they trust you enough to talk about in the first place.

 

[Beedie Tijii]

I just fuck as deep as I can that normally makes her cum

You're a keeper!

I once read an article online that argued (pretty convincingly and in great detail) that it would be impossible for Superman and Lois Lane to actually have sex, given the extent of strain that his powers would put on Lois' body during the act. One of the points made that I still remember was a reference to "a typical male's monomanical desire to penetrate a female partner as deep as possible".

I can't find the link for it anymore. But it was a funny article which actually used scholarly citations to support its analysis, which I also found funny.

 

[AlteredEgo]

But its really not just about that. I mean, i really want her to feel like she can say anything to me, and that i wont be judgemental, ever!

She has said what she wanted to say, and you have judged her. Your determination that she is a liar is you being judgemental.

Because im judging her for not being honest?

Who besides you says she is not being honest? Let this girl be free to find someone who trusts and respects her word more than you do. Maybe she'll get lucky and the new guy will also have a curved dick, which she didn't seem to have a problem admitting to you she finds easier.

Why do you need her to feed your petty insecurities to close her damn' legs during sex? Just close them and see how that goes. Why does it have to be a giant discussion? Why? Because you need her to tell you your dick is skinny. She says it is fine. Maybe to her it is. Why would she point out your lack of a curve, but not your lack of girth if THAT was the problem?

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

I asked her to tell me honestly if she think its difficult to orgasm with me. And she told me ''maybe'' but that she doesent care, and that the other guys she slept with had that upward curve. And then i asked if she maybe thinks it is too skinny, and she said no. And i asked her like different 4 times, and she says i have to stop asking about it, cause she is satisfied with my size. I really want her to be honest with me so we can have great sex.

Im really worried she will break up with me because of this, and come up with some random reason... What can i do to make her be honest with me?

After asking her 4 fucking times, you get the same answer every time, and still don't believe her?

That's what I'd break up with you over.

You can't make anyone be honest if it's not already part of their character, and just because we're women doesn't mean we have some magic word you can say to her to trick her brain into being totally honest. I'd say that from you describe here, she's not bullshitting you, and if anything you need to get over your dick. It's not as big a del as you're making it.

 

[deleted924715]

This feels like SPH bait.

 

[socalfreak]

I just want her to be as direct as possible. In a relationship, honesty is more importantto me, then feeling good. Shes a great girl, and i think im falling in love. But its that last part im missing.

And you think not trusting her & basically calling her a liar when she says she's happy is a good way to go??

 

[Mule]

I noticed it the other day when I was tagging myself to demonstrate how to address me. I was surprised.

That person is just like you but tends to waffle on a bit.

 

[AlteredEgo]

@Alteredeggo

That person is just like you but tends to waffle on a bit.

Ahhhhhh!

Mr. Ego is quite correct. Men assign far more importance to their dicks than women. It can be "no big thing" without being a big thing. Relax, and just keep bringing her off.

Mr.? *points to pretty bow atop avatar's head*

 

[rtg]

Orgasms done under pressure aren't fun unless both parties agree to that kind of play. Otherwise the pressure and after sex questions are not sexy. Very bad form. Very unsexy.

And she could even be like me and can't even orgasm in a situation where I'm feeling pressure. After sex questions that reek with insecurity are definitely very unsexy. And tiresome. And if it became a habit whereby it was coupled with accusations of me being dishonest then it would not make for a long term deal.

 

[Crowe]

I agree with the rest here, just stop worrying and stop asking. Communication is key, except when you doubt yourself and ask the same questions over and over. If you want her to orgasm through penetration, maybe try some different positions that stimulate the Gspot more.