Relationship advice please.

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dump her.

you can psychoanalyse all you like but, regardless of what issues she may have or what provocation you give her, she's an abuser. this is an abusive relationship.

grow a pair, tell yourself you deserve better and walk away.
 
Probably going to happen by the end of the month.

Anyone else have any interesting/entertaining things to add? The more the better, if anything i'm observing a poll with extremely heavy bias towards "Leave her". lol
 
Stephenmass said:
To me it sounds as if she wants to literally control your every move. You do this, she's not happy, you don't do it, she's not happy, etc. You can't win. Some people, because they cannot direct criticism towards themselves direct it at those closest to them. To make themselves feel better, they have to knock down someone else, in this case you. If you are miserable, I say get out now before it gets even more difficult. If it's "meant to be" you two will get back together in the future. If it's not meant to be, and I don't think it is, then you won't. If she is not the center of attention she is miserable. Let her go. If you or her go back to each other in a few years then who knows? Do you really want to be her verbal battering ram indefinitely? I didn't think so.
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Word.

You deserve better and she deserves mental and nutritional help.
 
Leave her, just walk out and DON"T look back. Don't answer any calls she may make to you, do not see her again, she won't change with out pain to her , and you are going through the pain that she is inflicting... are you a Masochist? Get out and find someone who respects and admires you. This relationship is no way to live a happy life!
 
it doesn't matter why she's like that.

she's a grown up and it's her own damn responsibility to sort her issues out.
 
One could attempt to analyze her, but why bother? Her problems are so severe that it is almost certain that you could do nothing about them. Probably she could profit from professional help, but not until she is ready to acknowledge that she needs it. It may be that after a few years of rejection by many people, she will finally realize that she needs to make radical changes in her life. Meanwhile, the most reasonable thing for you to do is level with her and tell her that you are immediately terminating the relationship because it is disrupting your life and taking a toll on your peace of mind. Then, wish her well and tell her that for your own peace of mind, you do not want to have any more contact with her, and stick to it! If you continue to have a "relationship" with her, you will be facilitating her irrational and abusive behavior which will delay her addressing her problems. You are not responsible for her problems; she is.

This may seem cruel, but really it isn't. She may need to experience justifiable rejection from several people before she finally wakes up and takes action to get her head on straight. You cannot rescue everyone; be aware of your own limitations.

I myself was once a rescuerer before learning that it doesn't work, that I was facilitating destructive behavior, and causing problems for myself.
 
If you stay, you're enabling her and only worsening her seemingly already severe issues. Why would you want to do either of those things?

You're not a psychologist, there's no reason you should try to be one for her. She needs a lot of professional help and you putting up with or enabling such irrational behavior is not smart or helpful for either of you. It ends up destroying you as well.

I suggest you leave if you haven't already. Let the professionals figure out why she is the way she is and help her.
 
I still don't understand. Have you left something out that you haven't told us? I don't understand why you're even asking for advice when every post you've made makes it sound like you really dislike her and you hate being around her and she has no redeeming qualities other than her beauty and having sex with you, so why did you ask us for advice? Why are you waiting a month before breaking up with her?

This thread doesn't make sense to me. Generally when someone is conflicted about a choice like this, it's because there is something on the other side of the scale that is worth having. Have I missed what that is?

You keep saying that you love her but when I asked you why, you've explained why you dislike her again, not why you love her.

Is the sex that good? Is that it?
 
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petite said:
I still don't understand. Have you left something out that you haven't told us? I don't understand why you're even asking for advice when every post you've made makes it sound like you really dislike her and you hate being around her and she has no redeeming qualities other than her beauty and having sex with you, so why did you ask us for advice? Why are you waiting a month before breaking up with her?

This thread doesn't make sense to me. Generally when someone is conflicted about a choice like this, it's because there is something on the other side of the scale that is worth having. Have I missed what that is?

You keep saying that you love her but when I asked you why, you've explained why you dislike her again, not why you love her.

Is the sex that good? Is that it?
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I just love her =[ And as FRE noticed, i'm a rescuer. And its pointless. :/
 
TheyKeepDoingIt said:
I just love her =[ And as FRE noticed, i'm a rescuer. And its pointless. :/
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So, on this side of the scale, all her flaws, on the other side, the Imaginary Future where she treats you better and has learned to control her temper?

I get that you're a rescuer, I am, too, but not even I would attempt to rescue someone I don't see as having any redeeming qualities. Typically I tend to over-focus on what I consider to be that person's good qualities when I'm trying to deal with the bad ones.

Like the spectacular failure that was my second long term relationship.* He was funny and smart and we shared many of the same interests and we could carry on a conversation that lasted 12 hours and he was loyal to me and I believed that he loved me. However, he also had a terrible temper, would lash out at me, say immature things, and he was paranoid and would treat me very badly even in public when he was angry. I tried to work it out with him because of the good things we had, because of the good days where I enjoyed being with him. I ended up martyring myself in that relationship because while it did get better than it was at the worst, it never got good enough to stay with him forever.

The way you describe it, it sounds like you're ready to break up now. So why did you say that you were going to wait a month?


*or third, depending on how you define "long term."
 
petite said:
The way you describe it, it sounds like you're ready to break up now. So why did you say that you were going to wait a month?

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Because it's a long distance relationship due to studies, i'll be seeing her in under a week for half a month.

This distance does make it super hard..
 
TheyKeepDoingIt said:
Because it's a long distance relationship due to studies, i'll be seeing her in under a week for half a month.

This distance does make it super hard..
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Ah, see, when you described her as needy and how her world collapses if you aren't by her side, I imagined that you were actually literally by her side. How often do you see each other?

So when you said she stormed out with her friends and you were stuck at home, you couldn't have seen her in person anyway because of the distance?

Is the reason why she cares so much about these phone calls that she gets mad because it's the only time she gets to talk to you? When she lost her temper, is it because she was waiting for you to call her? 2 am is pretty late at night. I would have been mad, too.
 
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TheyKeepDoingIt said:
So, what the hell do i do? If I try to discuss it with her, tell her that she is very volatile and that her sleep/eating habits are the likely cause - she'll explode and trash me for not liking her personality.

This is a bad joke, what am i meant to do?
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You are not meant to take mental abuse. I know your hurt. But what if you stay with this girl for the next 2 to 3 years and it only gets worse? Have you considered that?

You need to seriously think about something, you're young NOW, you have time to find someone that won't berate you at every turn. There is someone out there who will be supportive of you as you are them. That's what love is, love doesn't hurt, love doesn't call names, it's hand holding, getting you a glass of water when your sick. Love gets you a blanket in the middle of the night when your cold.

Sure it will hurt to let her go, at first. But you will meet someone else and then look back on this relationship and be glad you let it go in order to find "The One"
 
Sticking with FRE's advice read up on 'the drama triangle' in any decent book about NLP.
It will help you plan your approach on how to deal with things.

Be careful not to confuse love as a partner, with love as a family member would it might screw up your thinking.
Hun, you're not able to deal with all of these issues without medical training and you need to find a way of getting her to seek help and being able to 'leave well'... Another NLP thing.

Most important in all of this is you. You can do something about you and your situation, you can only influence her and her life. Focus on being safe, maybe have a chat with a counsellor for you and her parents, family members to support you in getting her the help she needs.

Good luck sweetie xx
 
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