What Does It Mean?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by wellhung9, Apr 20, 2011.

  1. wellhung9

    wellhung9 New Member

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    What does it mean when your girlfriend wants to break up because she thinks time alone will be really good for her?

    Im really only interested from hearing from the women because every guy I talk to just tells me there must be another man. Im almost certain there isnt because I can tell when she is lying. And I can see that she isnt. She genuinely thinks Im the one that wants too serious a relationship, even though she was the one that kept pushing for it to be more serious. The only reason Im the one whose more serious about it now is because she kept breaking plans with me, and i eventually told her I expect to hang out with my girlfriend if this is gonna be a relationship.
     
  2. D_Gallalye Goodlolly

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    she doesnt know wht she wants. she thought she wanted a serious relationship then cos u were probably being unserious....now that u're too serious....she's scared and reality has dawned on her its gobna be a big commitment. leave/give her space to process it.
     
  3. wellhung9

    wellhung9 New Member

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    Thats what I was thinking too. I just don't want to lose her, but obviously cant look weak around her (we happen to work together unfortuantely) because that will make me unnatractive. I will try to appear like Im doing ok without her and give her the time she needs. I also feel like her best friend influences her a lot. She really values her friendship with this girl I think because she's like the only good girlfriend she has and they've been friends for a very long time. her friend actually told her she didn't want to be friends with her like 6 months back because she was spending so much time with me. On top of that she's the definition of a bad friend, but still my ex gf really values their friendship. I feel like her friend started disliking me more and more and I insulted her intelligence a few times, but I'm not sure how big of a role her friend is playing in this.
     
  4. D_Charlie_Choadholder

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    My honest advice is live your life and pretend the relationship is over. Then if she wants you back, trust me you'll know...been there done that...

    Also, if she does come back, you have to be stern about not being inflluenced by third parties and that relationship discusions should be kept between the two of you. Also you always speak your mind to one another which will keep you on the same page and will illiminate the bullshit friends tend to bring into your relationship.
     
  5. EllieP

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

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    I don't know what to tell you that you probably don't already feel. I've never asked for "me" time to contemplate a relationship. I can do that during our times of natural separation. Maybe she's very unsure of her feelings toward you and feels the separation will lead her back to you.

    In any case, I would give her the space she needs but be available. Also be ready that she wants to go in a different direction.

    I know we give mixed signals a lot, and I really try to communicate to my mate what I'm feeling. It sounds like she may be not be able to communicate effectively, or maybe she's afraid to communicate it with you.

    Have you asked her what she needs to sort out and what to expect? If you two have been an item for a while and have the gift of sharing intimately then she will respect you enough to tell you what she's feeling or not feeling.
     
  6. AlteredEgo

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    I don't know what your girlfriend means, but if you are here asking u, that means she needs to learn to communicate. Frankly, from what you describe of her, she sounds weak-minded, and not much of a loss. I would ask her if she views this time as a break-up, or as a time where she has guaranteed your commitment to her, without having to provide the aspects of the relationship you would want in return for your commitment, such as quality time, affection, sex, and an activity partner. If it is a break-up, that seems fair, and you should explore your options with other women, and leave her in the past. What would be the point of reconcilement with a wishy-washy woman who asks for commitment, and then can't commit herself? If it is just a way to be separated, but still committed, I would dump her, and explore my options with other women, if I were you. What she is asking for is outrageous either way. Best of luck to you.
     
  7. tgirlsrgreat

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    maybe its another woman???
     
  8. helgaleena

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    Don't rule it out :tongue: But truly, it sounds like she wanted 'more serious' without realizing how extremely serious you could get! Perhaps you have a very possessive way of hanging out with her and she truly needs a certain amount of time alone just to stay sane. Togetherness doesn't mean you literally are together 24/7.

    If you ease up and she is back again soon, looking happy, it's going to work out. If not, your relationship styles are not going to fit and you need to go back to just friends, with or without the benefits.
     
  9. wellhung9

    wellhung9 New Member

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    This is all really good advice. I should of clarified that she does consider this a break up. I just dont understand what happened really, and why she's dumping me. Yes this does seem to be a communication error on her part. I'd just rather give her space than ask her to clarify or explain why more. So I guess I should just go on living my life and if she wants to try to come back I'll ask her to explain why she left me the first time?
     
  10. Elastagirl

    Elastagirl New Member

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    Your friends who say it must be another guy are silly. People break up for a lot of reasons, not just because they meet someone else. Second, while she may not know what she wants and she may be a poor communicator, this really sounds to me like she's trying to let you down easy. Just on the surface it sounds like "it's not you, it's me." I know it's probably not what you want to hear but it sounds to me like she may just be trying to break up without making you feel bad. If I wanted to break something off as gently as possible I might say something like I need some space.

     
  11. wellhung9

    wellhung9 New Member

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    Yeah I don't want her to let me down easy though. I think after a year I deserve the real explanation so i can learn from my mistakes.
     
  12. Elastagirl

    Elastagirl New Member

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    Honestly it kind of bugs me when people take this view. Who said you made mistakes? A relationship can end even if nobody "messed up." Sometimes the chemistry changes or the connection just isnt there anymore. It doesn't mean anyone screwed up. I kind of think you just have to be yourself and if it works it works. People change, their relationships don't always go with them. I can understand wanting to be spoken to openly though.
     
    #12 Elastagirl, Apr 20, 2011
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2011
  13. earllogjam

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    I have used that excuse to break up when I totally couldn't stand the person anymore.
     
  14. Florida Boy

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    It means she's tired of you.
     
  15. helgaleena

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    That IS the real explanation. Whatever it was had nothing to do with making mistakes. It had to do with discovering a 'bad fit' between you once you got closer. Let it be and move on. Have fun however you find it.
     
  16. AlteredEgo

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    If she tries to come back kick her to the curb. It can never be the same again.
     
  17. JulieInNaplesFL

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    Is she blond?
     
  18. hungTerrance9

    hungTerrance9 New Member

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  19. hungTerrance9

    hungTerrance9 New Member

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    double post! oops
     
    #19 hungTerrance9, Apr 21, 2011
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2011
  20. D_Rosalind Mussell

    D_Rosalind Mussell New Member

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    I've been in your girlfriend's position and it led to a breakup because his male friends all convinced him I was cheating on him, which I was not.

    I didn't want a break up, I just needed space. I was in deep depression and nothing I tried was helping. I confided in my sister about it and she said that if I wanted I could go to her house. I figured if I took a respite for a few months that I would figure it out and move on. Needless to say it didn't go over very well because all he heard was that I wanted to be somewhere else and not with him. He couldn't understand and was completely heartbroken and angry. We ended up moving out of the apartment, he left one week ahead of me. I kept trying to call him but got no answer. He finally called me back 2 days before I had to be out and he told me he had been going out for drinks with a girl from work. Never one to play second fiddle it was over right then and there. It wasn't until almost a year later when we had a huge fight that he finally understood why I needed space and I truly didn't want to break up. That is also when he confided into me why he did what he did. We ended up remaining good friends after we sorted our shit but I always missed him. He was the most amazing lover, friend and partner...the right guy at the wrong time as it were. What hurts the most is that I'll never see him again because he died in a motorcycle crash 4 years ago. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel some regrets, but I'm glad we made peace. But I digress. I ended up in the same position of needing space with the next guy I was living with. He wasn't sure he understood, but he trusted me. We lived apart for a while and his father kept trying to tell him I was "fucking around" on him. Thankfully, he told his father to can it and stay out of his relationship. I got my shit figured out and got back together. We've been together 15 years now, so I guess his trust paid off. I can't speak for your girlfriend but that's my story. Take it for what it is, but I say go with your gut. Keep us posted? I'd be very interested in knowing how your situation turns out. Good luck! :smile:
     
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