What? Really? Again? :(

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by _Jonesy, Dec 10, 2011.

  1. _Jonesy

    _Jonesy Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2009
    Messages:
    558
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Sorry if I sound like I am using you guys, but I NEED to talk to somebody before I do something stupid. I need to talk about things, before I vent in the wrong kind of way. It is the only way for me to let things go.

    I have had troubles with girls in the past. Lots of problems, leaving me with this depression and even nervous twitch which gives me headaches it is so bad. Call me a pussy if you want, I just have weak skin for emotions. I just want somebody to love me, and each girl has let me down when I have trusted her.

    I found out tonight the latest girl who I let in has been kissing other guys when she goes out like she doesn't even care I am there. After telling me she feels lucky to have me, after telling me she isn't like the girls before me, she will use alcohol as an excuse. Some people may say it is valid as an excuse, but I don't care how drunk I am, when I have some girls emotions in my possession so to speak I do NOT fuck around with the, and I do NOT go around with other people because I do not want to hurt them.

    Apparantly the same doesn't count back for me and I am struggling to find a ground between treating those how they would treat me, and saying no, I will not stoop to their level but continue to trust these girls.

    It gets harder all the time, tonight more than usual as I really did start to care for this girl. The amusing thing is she was meant to be safe. SHe loved me before I had a chance to like her, did I drive her away because I am so defensive over giving my emotions away, or was she just acting all along?

    I want somebody to love me :(

    I feel like shit. I feel like I never want to see her again, but I still don't want to not see her again. It is a pandoras box. A Catch-22. A lost hope, for me.

    You will tell me to keep looking and it will come eventually, but it doesn't. I don't know how to change myself. I do not know what to do to hold a girl down. If I have messed this one up, I just dno what to do anymore.

    How could she do this to me. I didn't even find out from her. In-fact she doesn't even know I know yet.

    What do I do? :(

    I had a level of depression over this before. *Inappropriate content removed by LPSG moderators. You know it gets bad, when you begin to hate girls more than like them :( Help?
     
    #1 _Jonesy, Dec 10, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2011
  2. _Jonesy

    _Jonesy Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2009
    Messages:
    558
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Also, for those that remember me from before. Sorry for this. "Here he goes again :p" I'm just a fail at life i guess :L
     
  3. tulsabyla

    tulsabyla Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2010
    Messages:
    135
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    cali
    the purpose of dating is to get to know the person to see if you want to spend time with them at all. Luckily you found out that this person isnt good enough for you. Yes it hurts, and yes, you will miss the good parts of her, but because she is not ready to be in an exclusive relationship, you have to move on. You have to realize that you need to be with someone that is more mature, and more respectful. There are millions of women out there that will appreciate you and truly love you. this one was not the "one" accept that, but dont give up hope, that you will find someone. You have to kiss alot of toads before you find your prince, or princess. Dont give up. you are worth it. don't settle for less.
     
  4. B_duanculo

    B_duanculo New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2011
    Messages:
    1,048
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Hialeah
    don't start "killing" anyone. learn from the experience and move on. notice her "type", the things she said, how she tricked you ... once you notice these qualities in a woman again, run far away. personally if i were you i would say fuck it i got a big cock, i'm gonna go fuck the world with it but you seem to want more than that and that's fine. but you shouldn't need anyone to love you. maybe you don't love yourself enough. maybe seek counselling to get over these ill-wanted feelings of revenge. why go to jail over somebody who isn't even worth it? move on. enjoy your life. the right girl WILL come along.
     
  5. _Jonesy

    _Jonesy Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2009
    Messages:
    558
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    She didn't trick me, that has happened to me before. She really did care, and I know I drove her away because of how I am. She always said she understood, but instead of telling me it was dying she said she would never hurt me and now I know she has been.

    I am not an idiot, I've just messed it up again. And I feel crap.

    YOu're right tulsabyla, but it has been 8 months and thing were right to begin with. At that time I took my time giving her my emotions, showing her I cared, to protect myself mainly. In the process I started liking her more, while she liked me less even though I explained it all.

    I really really dno what to do about girls. I want one, but it obviously isn't soon enough.
     
  6. Hand_Solo

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2007
    Messages:
    2,355
    Likes Received:
    10
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Thela Hun Ginjeet

    That's pretty fucked up. Seek professional help. Now.
     
    #6 Hand_Solo, Dec 10, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2011
  7. _Jonesy

    _Jonesy Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2009
    Messages:
    558
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    I did, they don't understand. Nobody does. They couldn't help me, I, and forums, were the only places that could help me.
     
  8. psidom

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2006
    Messages:
    1,861
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    2
    ok uh...that is fucked up that you are genuinely thinking about that and
    actually hard enough that you posted it here.

    DO NOT KILL...anyone or anything...you are hazed.

    sleep, write down your dreams, splash your face with cold water,
    and get a grip on your self preservation.

    LOVE is your goal...not death, nor misogyny.

    i have had my trials with trust and love,
    let her go, she most likely knows you are pissed and did so to work ya up.

    it is a new game that hollywood is teaching the kids.
    like "mean girls" or "cruel intentions"

    they want to be superstars!
    Justice ft Uffie - The Party - YouTube
    laugh it off man...write a beat, make some art.
     
  9. aninnymouse

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2006
    Messages:
    3,063
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    In My Own World
    Seriously?

    I don't mean to be rude, but Honestly, How old are you? You're acting like a naive, nitwit 12 year old.

    Seriously. Seek proffessional help, and grow a pair. Embrace the pain. Let it teach you what you need to learn, and move on. Sounds like this isn't the first time this happened; so take each experience, compare them, what went right, what went wrong, and figure out how to stop this.

    And seriously, you need to find some self esteem. Predators prey on the weak for a reason.
     
  10. psidom

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2006
    Messages:
    1,861
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    2
    qft
     
  11. _Jonesy

    _Jonesy Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2009
    Messages:
    558
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    I am 21 but I am stuck as a 16 year old because that is the last time I was myself before losing myself due to a different girl. I don't want to kill random girls, just feel like it about the ones who hurt me.

    I just... I've tried. I build myself up again, I get knocked back down. Grow a pair. I hate it when people insult my pride, but only because it is true. I'm not a male. I don't deserve this shit. I don't even want to be here anymore, *Inappropriate content removed by LPSG moderators.
     
    #11 _Jonesy, Dec 10, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2011
  12. psidom

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2006
    Messages:
    1,861
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    2
    lift weights....do some sit-ups...listen to some heavy dub step and smoke a j.
    Quit talking about "taking others down with you"

    and get yourself UP for YOU.
     
  13. rubbernuts

    rubbernuts Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2009
    Messages:
    313
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    14
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Perth, W. Australia
    I agree with most of the comments and advice above.

    I disagree with the criticisms - "acting like a 12yo" etc.

    I strongly recommend a relationship councillor. If the one you've been seeing doesn't "understand", then they aren't the right one. Find another.

    I'm probably twice your age and have been burnt many a time. My "jerk detector" becomes more finely tuned each time, yet still I can't tell until its too late.

    Each new girlfriend brings with her the hope that "she is the one". I have to start positive.

    Good luck, you're obviously an intelligent person so you'll find a way through. However it will no doubt take longer than you hope it will.
     
  14. rubbernuts

    rubbernuts Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2009
    Messages:
    313
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    14
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Perth, W. Australia
    Just noticed you rate your sexuality as 20% gay. Perhaps this is a good point in your life to give hetro relationships a rest and hook up with another gay/bi guy? Not for 'quick sex' but someone loving, someone with whom you can discuss your problems with female relationships.

    The good thing about gay/bi guys [of course I'm stereotyping here] is they tend to be more understanding of romance and relationships than straight men.
     
  15. _Jonesy

    _Jonesy Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2009
    Messages:
    558
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    It would be nice to find someone to trust my emotions with who loves me for once. I know I am still young, but I have trusted 3 girls now and 1 of them in particular has damaged me insanely.

    I am paranoid. At the start I am fine, because I do not place many emotions in their trust but as soon as I do, I get worried. That is my fault I know, and it drives them away. How on Earth do I fix that? Seriously?

    psidom, I honestly do appreciate the help but saying lift weights and stuff doesn't massively strike a chord in the positive fashion. And for the record I have grown 10 lbs of lean muscle in the past 6 weeks, which is a lot for me. I love hitting the gym, and I am an aggressive macho kind of guy. I ignore this in every other aspect of life, where I am confident and strong. It is just sociably and lovingly where I cannot trust people. Heck I even struggle to make new friends now, unless they try so I know they actually want to know me.

    So little self-confidence. It is a shame.

    Sorry if I offended anybody with my original last paragraph by the way. But honestly, I feel broken. I feel like people can walk all over my emotions and I just don't know how to fix it. I pick myself up but get a small jab landed on me and that is all it takes to knock me back down again.
     
  16. B_enzia35

    B_enzia35 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2011
    Messages:
    878
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Texas
    How old's you?
     
  17. _Jonesy

    _Jonesy Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2009
    Messages:
    558
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    how old are you?
     
    #17 _Jonesy, Dec 10, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2011
  18. aninnymouse

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2006
    Messages:
    3,063
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    In My Own World
    No harm meant by that. It's just one of the things that I'm seeing coming out of your posts IS a critical lack of self confidence and self esteem. That's where some sort of counseling, whether it's a therapist, a "Life Coach" or a relationship counselor, would be beneficial. It may take time to find the right one, but I guarantee you, you hook up with the right counselor, and they can do you a world of good.

    Believe me, Relationships are tricky and dicey. There are a lot of mean and nasty people out there. So many people seem to specialize in luring people with a "representative persona" then turn out to be vicious and nasty little game players. Anger after having been burned is normal and natural. So is some venting. However, I'd hope that there are better outlets for you than an online message board.

    The biggest problem with having these type of trust issues, especially when you've been badly burned, is that there's no one way to deal with it, no magic "cure all" for it.

    People suck, especially so many people who view romantic relationships as games. However, Life IS about relationships, both personal, professional and romantic.
     
  19. jameshawket

    jameshawket Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2010
    Messages:
    173
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Orange County, California
    I feel bad for you.

    And not because of pity or anything, but because I know exactly how you feel about wanting to trust, but not being able to.

    The best advice that I can give to you is that you need to take some time for yourself, to grow and to heal. You need to be able to let those past relationships go. It almost seems to me like you're holding onto them so tightly that you can't allow yourself to move on. You need to move on, it's the only way you'll be able to trust others again.

    Also, I can't help wonder if you can't trust girls because you're angry at yourself for trusting those others to begin with. Maybe you need to forgive yourself.

    I don't know you, and I don't know your life, but I feel for you. And if you want someone to talk to without judgment, feel free to message me. I'm a good listener... even if it's online.

    Peace be with you tonight.
     
  20. dongalong

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2004
    Messages:
    5,299
    Likes Received:
    1,708
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Paris (FR)
    It sounds to me that you are behaving in a way that is unattractive to her.
    It sounds like you are a bit "needy" and offer no challenge for her. Are you also a bit jealous?
    I have some friends who behave in that way with girls with similar results.

    Most girls seek a "real man" which is why bad boys have so much success.
    To behave like a "real man" you should change your approach, be ready to leave a girl at the first sign of any shit, be more of a challenge - if she has to make more effort to win your heart, you will hold a greater value for her.

    Stop being needy, from her point of view, you always want something from her almost to the point of becoming dependant. This isn't desirable for most people. (By needy I mean that you need someone to love you, to feel good about yourself)

    So my advice is to stop creating bad stories in your mind (that's your ego talking) and look at the big picture (do a reality check). Be honest with yourself about how interested a girl is in you and let her go if she behaves in a bad way.
    Behave in a way that requires more effort to earn your love (e.g. don't be the first to say, "I love you"). This can be done by starting with fun dates and waiting for her to make the effort to contact you, you don't need to be available all the time, remember absence makes the heart grow fonder, so make sure each time you are together it is always fun, make it a challenge for her to get more fun and she'll end up wanting you and only you!

    You'll find that your confidence will grow because you will have more control over the situation. Good luck man!
     
Draft saved Draft deleted