women who marry gay men

[B_Stronzo]

I watched an interesting program late last night.

The BBC did a profile of several women who knowingly married gay men.

It was enlightening especially for me since I've experienced the phenomenon.

Is it, of necessity, a "recipe for divorce"? Or can it be a workable and successful union if honesty is maintained above all things?

It appears their is no absolute formula for a successful marriage other than the mutual agreement to terms of the two parties involved.

 

[jeff black]

Is it, of necessity, a "recipe for divorce"? Or can it be a workable and successful union if honesty is maintained above all things?

It appears their is no absolute formula for a successful marriage other than the mutual agreement to terms of the two parties involved.

Perhaps the women who married the gay men were uninterested in sex with men. Maybe the idea of marrying a man that you are best friends with has a better outlook than one that is good in bed?

I think of Will and Grace in this situation. I know it is a TV show.. but they could have gotten married.:tongue:

 

[Lex]

NY Times Article on "Brokeback Marriages."

 

[Gisella]

I watched an interesting program late last night.

The BBC did a profile of several women who knowingly married gay men.

It was enlightening especially for me since I've experienced the phenomenon.

Is it, of necessity, a "recipe for divorce"? Or can it be a workable and successful union if honesty is maintained above all things?

It appears their is no absolute formula for a successful marriage other than the mutual agreement to terms of the two parties involved.

Well, I work for a married couple in Marblehead for 1y and 5months...like that.

She was very inigmatic person and he was one of the niciest person I had as a boss. I went 2x week to work for them and he was always talkative and really interested how I was doing...his sister who was always around told me that he was gay before married the wife and somehow they married...

Really dont know what kind of arranjament was between them but they showed caring side towards one another and she has 'preocupation' to give hints that they have great sex life...but for me he did not seemed hot for her at all just caring...

They were both wealth and profissionals than I discarded a gigolo deal between them because she was much older them him and not very attractive and he was handsome and full of life...well, the thing that let me to not work for them anymore was bcause I became friend with him more than with her..well she was not really friendly...but when one day he very seriously suggest me the possibility I have his baby bcause she could not get pregnant anymore...and it would be by a real sexual encouter between we two, not artificial insemination and he would give me $$$$ for that and 'they' would want to have me always closer...he told me that she was the one who came up with the ideia and was ok with that blabla...but I dont think so...

Well, I move on with my life and after 2 years I met her at Copley Place..she told me about their divorce and that he was living with a guy.

This one is the only case I know about a open gay guy married a woman. But their relationship for me outsider was not good.

 

[Wonderboy]

That is so crazy Gisella!

Some people are like that...I mean you can hardly say the marriage 'worked'...

I didn't watch the programme but if I did I might have a better answer for why women marry gay men? What did the programme say?

It seems very strange to me, perhaps a career driven woman would marry a gay guy because there won't be a sexual factor and she won't get pregnant and potentially ruin her career...and she can have a kind of trophy, masquerading husband...its just beyond my comprehension.

Straight marriage, gay marriage, even bi marriage I can understand. But straight+gay marriage...whyyyyyyyyyy?

 

[D_Elijah_MorganWood]

They're called Fag Hags.

 

[B_Stronzo]

They're called Fag Hags

..well yes that's the generic name but the marriage decision is what I'm trying to get some views on ..

Debra Messing's character on Will and Grace is a fag hag but they never suggest (nor does the show end with) they marry (them marrying).

It seems very strange to me, perhaps a career driven woman would marry a gay guy because there won't be a sexual factor and she won't get pregnant and potentially ruin her career...and she can have a kind of trophy, masquerading husband...its just beyond my comprehension.

Straight marriage, gay marriage, even bi marriage I can understand. But straight+gay marriage...whyyyyyyyyyy?

Because different needs and different formulas work for different people.

 

[Lex]

One of the ideas behind Will and Grace and making Will gay was a way to fight the inevitable "When will they hook-up" outcry that happens in most male-female character dynamics on sit coms. His orientation was a well-conceived plot device that got more contrite as the series grew old.

 

[jeff black]

One of the ideas behind Will and Grace and making Will gay was a way to fight the inevitable "When will they hook-up" outcry that happens in most male-female character dynamics on sit coms. His orientation was a well-conceived plot device that got more contrite as the series grew old.

Something that shocked me about that show. For a moderately good looking gay man... He had ZERO ACTION.... I thought that gay guys rolled in sex.

 

[Lex]

Something that shocked me about that show. For a moderately good looking gay man... He had ZERO ACTION.... I thought that gay guys rolled in sex.

Not unless they are on cable TV shows. Network TV can't handle Janet Jackson's tit, let alone a gay man's sex life.

 

[D_Elijah_MorganWood]

Will and Grace[/I] is a fag hag but they never suggest (nor does the show end with) they marry (them marrying).

Every Fag Hag who has latched onto me for any period of time ends up falling in love and wanting babies and/or marriage. They usually want me to fuck them the conventional way to impregnate them. At first I thought it was cute and I enjoyed the attention. I've had the situation cause damage to my relationships. I'm not speaking of the woman who enjoys the friendly company of gay men...this is a little different.

You asked about women marrying gay men and I went on a little tangent but it's entirely relevant. I've found that women who knowingly marry gay men don't think enough of themselves to find a man who can fully love them. Perhaps they have issues regarding sex like childhood sexual abuse/ incest or simply low self-esteem. Perhaps they're overweight or feel unattractive physically for some reason.

I've seen "arrangements" many times. I know of one success story, the woman left the gay guy (who I was seeing while she was in the next bedroom) and found a wonderful sexy husband. All are friends today. Of my other Fag Hags, they continue to avoid intimacy and act out in many ways. One friend has subsequently chosen men who are broken in some way and in this, the relationship is doomed from the start.

Often, women prefer men who are sensitive, creative pretty boys. My ex-girlfriend likes men like this and every last one of them turned out to be gay or bi. These women don't realise (at least consciously) that their crush is a homo.

Some men from upper-class families would be disinherited if their elders discovered their proclivities. Women have been marrying for money in this specific situation for years. Some see marriage simply as a business arrangement. In return, the guy gets a Beard.

The last situation is the green card marriage. Many times the card-giver is less than forthcoming about their motivations for doing such a favor.

 

[B_Stronzo]

One of the ideas behind Will and Grace and making Will gay was a way to fight the inevitable "When will they hook-up" outcry that happens in most male-female character dynamics on sit coms. His orientation was a well-conceived plot device that got more contrite as the series grew old.

This is a finely tuned point.

For the longest time I couldn't quite grasp why I fundamentally disliked the show but this is at the root of the thing. Manipulation was as you say it was. It's the primary reason I've really only begun to watch the show in reruns.

Since it presented gay people (no matter how exaggeratedly) in prime time I suspect it has its worth after all. For the cleverness of the comedic timing and writing alone the Jack and Karen characters push it right off the chart for me.

The relationship (?) between Will and Grace was always tedious at best.

Properly titled the show ought to have read Life with Jack and Karen

 

[jfrsndvs]

that in my opinion was one sick couple, if they really wanted a child that bad, they could have adopted one, from the start of your post, I could tell that their "marriage" would end up in a divorce, she probably married him and wanted a child for the status thing that so many professionals want, so they can parade around and say, yeah I have a husband/wife and a kid.

it's bad enough that two adults would even agree with a straight/gay marriage, but to bring in a innocent child into that mess is inexcusible in my opinion.

one other thing that I think was pathetic on thier part was asking you to carry their child, only through sex and willing to pay you money to have sex with him, you were right to quit working for them, that is way too weird, and shows their lack charactor.

Well, I work for a married couple in Marblehead for 1y and 5months...like that.

She was very inigmatic person and he was one of the niciest person I had as a boss. I went 2x week to work for them and he was always talkative and really interested how I was doing...his sister who was always around told me that he was gay before married the wife and somehow they married...

Really dont know what kind of arranjament was between them but they showed caring side towards one another and she has 'preocupation' to give hints that they have great sex life...but for me he did not seemed hot for her at all just caring...

They were both wealth and profissionals than I discarded a gigolo deal between them because she was much older them him and not very attractive and he was handsome and full of life...well, the thing that let me to not work for them anymore was bcause I became friend with him more than with her..well she was not really friendly...but when one day he very seriously suggest me the possibility I have his baby bcause she could not get pregnant anymore...and it would be by a real sexual encouter between we two, not artificial insemination and he would give me $$$$ for that and 'they' would want to have me always closer...he told me that she was the one who came up with the ideia and was ok with that blabla...but I dont think so...

Well, I move on with my life and after 2 years I met her at Copley Place..she told me about their divorce and that he was living with a guy.

This one is the only case I know about a open gay guy married a woman. But their relationship for me outsider was not good.

 

[B_Stronzo]

Every Fag Hag who has latched onto me for any period of time ends up falling in love and wanting babies and/or marriage. They usually want me to fuck them the conventional way to impregnate them. At first I thought it was cute and I enjoyed the attention. I've had the situation cause damage to my relationships. I'm not speaking of the woman who enjoys the friendly company of gay men...this is a little different.

Yes. My personal experience has been identical.

Often, women prefer men who are sensitive, creative pretty boys. My ex-girlfriend likes men like this and every last one of them turned out to be gay or bi. These women don't realise (at least consciously) that their crush is a homo.

Some men from upper-class families would be disinherited if their elders discovered their proclivities. Women have been marrying for money in this specific situation for years. Some see marriage simply as a business arrangement. In return, the guy gets a Beard.

LOL@ 'Beard' :biggrin1: Gawd what a word!

I see what you're saying Sorcerer... but does that make it as Wonderboy suggests a 'bad' marriage if both parties are satisfied to whatever degree their needs require meeting? I don't see it (necessarily) as a "bad thing".

The last situation is the green card marriage. Many times the card-giver is less than forthcoming about their motivations for doing such a favor.

Never considered that. I mean a marriage that's been based in legitimacy. So I discount those in this reference.

 

[DaveyR]

There is another possibility which I have not seen posted in this thread so far. There are women out there who believe they can turn a gay guy "straight".

I personally have not encountered any success stories of women "converting" guys but it does not seem to stop some of them trying.

 

[D_Elijah_MorganWood]

LOL@ 'Beard' :biggrin1: Gawd what a word!

The word is better when it's the other way around: Merkin.

I see what you're saying Sorcerer... but does that make it as Wonderboy suggests a 'bad' marriage if both parties are satisfied to whatever degree their needs require meeting? I don't see it (necessarily) as a "bad thing".

If someone is looking for a sexless companion and nothing more, why not? It sounds like a horrible, banal existance to me. I need sex and romance. Maybe some people don't.

 

[Gisella]

that in my opinion was one sick couple, if they really wanted a child that bad, they could have adopted one, from the start of your post, I could tell that their "marriage" would end up in a divorce, she probably married him and wanted a child for the status thing that so many professionals want, so they can parade around and say, yeah I have a husband/wife and a kid.

it's bad enough that two adults would even agree with a straight/gay marriage, but to bring in a innocent child into that mess is inexcusible in my opinion.

one other thing that I think was pathetic on thier part was asking you to carry their child, only through sex and willing to pay you money to have sex with him, you were right to quit working for them, that is way too weird, and shows their lack charactor.

Yeh Jf...I know..and the confusing thing was that he was a 'flamboyat' gay...well, he could play 'masculine' if he wanted '..i dont think he would really have sex with women or myself ...i had my doubts if he really was having sex with the wife... I think he just wanted time to quit the marriage.

Anyways it became a very strange invironment to work.

 

[dcwrestlefan]

a match made in hell. the woman deserves more than this. don't settle for a loveless relationship.

i've seen these before and it made no sense. if it works...fine. but i don't get it. why bother being married if romance and a loving bond are not involved.

 

[AlteredEgo]

a match made in hell. the woman deserves more than this. don't settle for a loveless relationship.

Sexless does not mean loveless. I need great sex and romance to be a part of any marriage I would agree to. But I know a man who would make a wonderful, loving husband for a woman who could be very independant, industrious, a good conversationalist, and above all, not expect much physical affection. He's more interested in a laugh and a strategy game than an orgasm. Actually, I don't know if he is attracted to men or women or both or neither. He says he's not sexual. he's not gay, no, but neither is he unable to give love.

 

[novice_btm]

...Some men from upper-class families would be disinherited if their elders discovered their proclivities. Women have been marrying for money in this specific situation for years. Some see marriage simply as a business arrangement. In return, the guy gets a Beard....

Yes, I know a woman that was a Baroness for 6 HOURS! On their wedding night, after all of the wedding festivities, the Baron told her that his "dear friend" was actually his lover, and would be living with them. She opted out of the situation.