Anyone else have this problem?

D_Harry_Bunz

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I had this problem when i was new to the field. I can honestly say both of you just need to really relax and be comfortable with someone else seeing and touching you. With a little time and patience it will definately happen. It took me well over an hour to cum for the first time without using condoms as all i could think about was getting the girl pregnant even though she was on the pill.

Also do any talking outside of the bedroom-you don't want to start associating the room your going to have sex in with the sress of performance.

Godd luck
 

Jonesy98

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UPDATES:

Well, just to fill anybody in who cares...

#1) I finally had a COMPLETELY natural orgasm during intercourse... no stress, no headaches, no cramping, nothing forced, etc... it still took me a good 2 hrs, by that point I had given up on the possibility, but this particular lady who I'd hooked up with 3 times before REALLY turned me on... she just had the right attitude, playful, a little dirty, and we were both really into each other sexually. Then came the magical words from her "omg I'm gonna cum..." and for some reason that just threw me over the edge... I guess b/c my ex was IMPOSSIBLE to get off... Seaside asked earlier if I tried getting her off before hand so it was only my orgasm we had to deal with... and sure, I tried... I tried like hell, but SHE didn't know what she liked, she refused to masturbate on her own, her body never really learned how to get off, so it was always hit or miss, and mostly miss.

#2) The girl that got me off (sounds like a movie title right?) was only the 2nd person I'd ever been with... it still took 4 sessions of happy-fun-time for me to get off. As a side note, if all women knew how to go down on a guy like her the world would be a quieter place...

#3) I've since been with 3 other girls, numbers 3-5, I guess in an attempt to try regular sex outside of a relationship, go stag, whatever you wanna call it. Girl #3 was just too heart-broken in her own right, not involved when we were going at it, quit during each of the 3 times we hooked up and got REALLY depressed that she couldn't get me off. Numbers 4-5 were both drunken mistakes... things I let happen that probably shouldn't have, but wanted to just b/c I already feel like I'm so inexperienced and was intrigued by the concept of 2 people who don't really know each other having sex. Basically all miserable experiences.

#4) of all these recent women since my ex, I was only able to get one of them off... and even then I kinda think she was lying... I talk to other guys about girls getting off and they all say it's obvious, but so far I can't really tell... I mean, I'm obviously doing something right if the girl practically wants to marry me for the way I went down on her, but it's not as cut and dry as they make it look in the movies, and it's starting to bug me... I was always a romantic, and the thought of getting a girl off seems like the most gratifying feeling on earth... my track record is a little disappointing, however.

#5) My johnson is HIGHLY susceptible to 2 factors I was unaware of before... I gotta be honest... it's a little disheartening that my member seems to react best to love... I literally have a hard time keeping it up for any of these women with whom I'm not "in love with". If you would've asked me growing up if I'd have a hard time keeping it up for a stranger in bed I would have said HELL NO, but that's just not the case. I didn't realize the emotional aspect of it would mean so much to me, but it does, there's no changing it, it doesn't make me a "pussy" or less masculine... it's just how it is. The second factor is alcohol... I didn't drink til almost 1.5 yrs after my 21st b-day... my tolerance is very low, but sometimes so is my self-esteem, so a drink really helps loosen me up when it comes to talking to women. Unfortunately, in a lot of these cases I drank too much (which really isn't that much, but I'm still unfamiliar with my tolerances with regards to sexual performance), and man, I just cannot keep it up when there's alcohol in my system... I always heard that "whiskey dick" was the opposite, drunk to the point that your hard-on refuses to go away and rubs a gal raw leading to the inevitable "would you hurry up and finish already?". A few of my encounters have been pretty embarrassing b/c I just couldn't keep it up, and it's not that I'm out of shape. I have good EQ, and I could keep it up for a long time when it was with my ex (hours), but booze and lack of emotional connection kinda does me in. The last few times have only lasted 15 minutes at the most.

#6) There's a really lovely lady just down the street who I've been talking to, and even though it's probably too soon, I'd really like to start dating her exclusively. I really miss all the cuddling and the passion, etc etc, and I'm just not the type of guy who's gonna find any sort of fulfillment in one-night stands... so, 6 months into my singledom career, I'm retiring from pursuing one-night stands... if they happen (and I'm not spoken for... I'm not a cheater, pisses me off... shit hurts) then they happen, but I'm just not the type of guy who can go pick up a chick and have life-changing sex with just anybody. I need more than that, I was kind of a fool to let "the girl who got me off" get away, but it was just too soon after the breakup for me. This gal down the street is really beautiful, on the sexual end of things my attraction to her is REALLY high, we have a lot of fun when we hang out, and I just want to give myself to a woman like I gave myself to my ex, no awkwardness, no uncomfortable moments, just two people truly lost in the throws of ecstasy... I miss it... "fucking" just isn't my thing... even with the headaches and non-orgasms, it was better than trying to be someone I'm not... no more trying for me... if a girl is into me, sure thing, but if not... I'll just sleep alone...

Feel free to chime in on any of the above... thanks for the help! I really do appreciate it...

and no, I still haven't seen anyone... I'm scheduling an appointment for the New Year.
 

AlteredEgo

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If it could just be all about her I would love that, but she insists. I could care less if I climax. In fact, I'd prefer not to, but she wants to "know" that she's good to me. I've always just wanted to be good to her, but I think she is really getting depressed because I can't climax with her. Unfortunately, she's not quick to climax either... I really thought it would be easier than this.

I've tried not masturbating for a few weeks. It didn't help, but maybe I need to try for a few months or so.
I can't climax with a man who places a lot of importance on my orgasm. Too much pressure and it becomes all about the orgasm which eliminates so much of my pleasure, and ruins everything.

This could be happening to the two of you.
 

Jonesy98

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final bumpity until I have something more to report... and an addendum to #6) Above:

Girl down the street has since stopped receiving my phone calls, ignores me in public, etc... I suppose this means she's seeing someone else, as I certainly didn't do anything to make her feel this way. No biggie, but I probably won't be seeing any action anytime soon... if I do end up in a stranger's bed I'll let ya know.

Thanks again,
Happy Holidays
 

kanzon

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I found this thread very interesting, I suggest keeping positive, first keep in mind your strengths, you are much more romantic that the average guy, on an emotional level it seems you would be able to find a match faster because of this. I am not very romantic and suffer some for it.
I would be open about this condition during sex, most women will love you staying power, when any sex actually because less than enjoyable, stop with it. And start masturbating while including the women with the other hand etc, pretty soon, she won't mind at all. Then when you are about to ejaculate, plunge it back it, there is that period of no return which you use. Just keep up the positive associations, and over time , whola , fixed!

(I actually haven't had a lot of sex, none with women , but I read a lot , so use whatever is useful to you. My own issues, its complicated, I have my own share of associations I've built up I need to work on).

Your 'classy ex' who is now chasing big dick .....you are better off, sounds like she might have been the root of the problem. Again , just work with the positives!
 
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