Blonde Joke Thread
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Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.
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Pedestrians And Catholics
The traffic light wasn't working on the corner of Broadway and 72nd Street, so the blonde stood with a large crowd of people waiting to cross, while a cop directed traffic.
Finally, the cop blew his whistle, motioned to the crowd, and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians!" The throng surged across Broadway -- all except the blonde, who stayed on the corner.
When the walkers were safely on the other side of the street, the cop moved the cross-traffic through the intersection. Half a minute later, he stopped the cars on Broadway and sent the 72nd Street traffic into motion.
Again, he got around to the blonde's corner, where by this time she had again been joined by a crowd of people.
Tweeeeeeeet! "Okay, pedestrians!"
The crowd crossed the street, but again the blonde stayed put. She looked at her watch and tapped her foot but never budged from the sidewalk.
Finally, after the cop yelled "Okay, pedestrians!" for the third time, the blonde shouted across traffic, "Yo! Officer! Isn't it about time you let the Catholics cross?"
The traffic light wasn't working on the corner of Broadway and 72nd Street, so the blonde stood with a large crowd of people waiting to cross, while a cop directed traffic.
Finally, the cop blew his whistle, motioned to the crowd, and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians!" The throng surged across Broadway -- all except the blonde, who stayed on the corner.
When the walkers were safely on the other side of the street, the cop moved the cross-traffic through the intersection. Half a minute later, he stopped the cars on Broadway and sent the 72nd Street traffic into motion.
Again, he got around to the blonde's corner, where by this time she had again been joined by a crowd of people.
Tweeeeeeeet! "Okay, pedestrians!"
The crowd crossed the street, but again the blonde stayed put. She looked at her watch and tapped her foot but never budged from the sidewalk.
Finally, after the cop yelled "Okay, pedestrians!" for the third time, the blonde shouted across traffic, "Yo! Officer! Isn't it about time you let the Catholics cross?"
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a blonde was speeding down the road at well over 100 miles an hour. An officer pulled her over and said maa'm let me see your driver's license and registration. The Blonde said Officer I didn't do anything wrong" The officer said maa'm please step out of the car and he strted unzipping his pants the Blonde says "Oh no not another breathalizer test"
Hey now... if you know what you're doing, it makes me wriggle too. :wink:
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There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5.00, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5.00. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5.00. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5
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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, all working for NASA, were trying to figure out where to go on the next trip.
The brunette said, "We should go to Mars."
The redhead said, "We should go to the Moon."
The brunette and the redhead sat there arguing for a while. Suddenly, the blonde shouts, "Stop arguing! I know where the next expedition should be to ... the Sun!"
The brunette and the redhead looked at each other and started laughing. The brunette finally said, "You can't go to the Sun. You would melt or burn up before you even got close!"
The blonde said, "DUH... Not if you go at night!"
The brunette said, "We should go to Mars."
The redhead said, "We should go to the Moon."
The brunette and the redhead sat there arguing for a while. Suddenly, the blonde shouts, "Stop arguing! I know where the next expedition should be to ... the Sun!"
The brunette and the redhead looked at each other and started laughing. The brunette finally said, "You can't go to the Sun. You would melt or burn up before you even got close!"
The blonde said, "DUH... Not if you go at night!"
Lordpendragon
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A redhead, brunette and blonde have been captured by an evil tribe and are about to be put to death by a firing squad.
They lead the brunette to the wall and the Chief shouts out "Ready, aim
But before he can finish, the brunette shouts out "Avalanche!" In the ensuing panic, she makes good her escape.
Next they lead the redhead to the wall and the Chief shouts out "Ready, aim
But before he can finish the redhead shouts "Tsunami!" In the ensuing panic, she makes good her escape.
Finally the blonde is lead to the wall, but unlike most blondes she has figured out what the others had done.
The Chief shouts out "Ready, aim
But before he can finish the blonde screams "Fire!"
They lead the brunette to the wall and the Chief shouts out "Ready, aim
But before he can finish, the brunette shouts out "Avalanche!" In the ensuing panic, she makes good her escape.
Next they lead the redhead to the wall and the Chief shouts out "Ready, aim
But before he can finish the redhead shouts "Tsunami!" In the ensuing panic, she makes good her escape.
Finally the blonde is lead to the wall, but unlike most blondes she has figured out what the others had done.
The Chief shouts out "Ready, aim
But before he can finish the blonde screams "Fire!"
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A blonde, redhead, and brunette were looking at a dictionary for the hardest words they knew. The brunette's word was quizzical. The redhead's word was photosynthesis. The blonde's word was penis.
The above is like the old Confucius joke: "Girl with blonde hair may have black hair, by Crackee!" Or "girl with purple hair may have found thrill on blueberry hill." *groan*
Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
*head bobs from right to left hitting shoulders*:biggrin1:
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A man notices a blonde sucking on the bottom of a Pepsi can. Curious, he asks her what she's doing.
"Duh! It says for best taste drink by date on the bottom."
"Duh! It says for best taste drink by date on the bottom."
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A blonde and a guy were out on a date and they ended up at ''Lovers' Cove'' where they were making out. The guy thought that things were going pretty good and maybe he would get lucky tonight, so he thought that he would ask her if she wanted to go in the back seat.
''NO!'' yelled the blonde.
The guy just figured that she wasn't ready yet. Things got pretty hot and the guy thought he would try again.
''NO!'' the blonde yelled again.
Things got even hotter and the blond was down to her bra and the guy even had her pants unzipped.
''Do you wanna go in the back seat yet?'' asked the guy.
''For the last time, NO!'' said the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asked, ''Well, why the hell not?'' The blonde looked at him and said, ''Because I wanna stay up here with you.''
''NO!'' yelled the blonde.
The guy just figured that she wasn't ready yet. Things got pretty hot and the guy thought he would try again.
''NO!'' the blonde yelled again.
Things got even hotter and the blond was down to her bra and the guy even had her pants unzipped.
''Do you wanna go in the back seat yet?'' asked the guy.
''For the last time, NO!'' said the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asked, ''Well, why the hell not?'' The blonde looked at him and said, ''Because I wanna stay up here with you.''
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A blonde owned a small business that she was about to lose, so she went to the church and prayed: God, if I don't win the lotto, I will lose my business.
She didn't win.
So the next day she was about to lose her business and her car. She went to the church to pray: God, if I don't win the lotto, I will lose my business and my car.
Still, she didn't win. So the next day she was about to lose her buisness, her car and her house. She went to the church to pray: God, if I don't win the lotto, I will loose my business, my car and my house. Then suddenly the blonde was surrounded by a blinding white light, and she heard the booming voice of God declare, Buy a ticket.
She didn't win.
So the next day she was about to lose her business and her car. She went to the church to pray: God, if I don't win the lotto, I will lose my business and my car.
Still, she didn't win. So the next day she was about to lose her buisness, her car and her house. She went to the church to pray: God, if I don't win the lotto, I will loose my business, my car and my house. Then suddenly the blonde was surrounded by a blinding white light, and she heard the booming voice of God declare, Buy a ticket.
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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are crossing an enchanted bridge in Magical Fairyland when they run into a fairy. The fairy says that they can be granted a transformation if they jump off the bridge and call out their wish. The brunette immediately jumps off the bridge and yells "Eagle!" She turns into a beautiful bird of prey and flies away. The redhead jumps off the bridge and yells out "Salmon!" She turns into a gorgeous shimmering salmon and swims upstream to spawn. The blonde is at this point so excited that she jumps off the bridge without thinking of her wish. She panics.
"Crap!"
"Crap!"
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Two blondes were shopping at the mall. When they were done, they went out to their car, which happened to be an awesome leather-interior convertible, but they realized they had locked the keys in the car. So they both kind of stood there and thought for a while.
Then one of the girls had the bright idea to try to open the car with a coat hanger, so she started fiddling with the lock. The other blonde looked up at the sky, became very worried, and pleaded, "HURRY, HURRY, IT'S GOING TO RAIN AND WE LEFT THE TOP DOWN!"
Then one of the girls had the bright idea to try to open the car with a coat hanger, so she started fiddling with the lock. The other blonde looked up at the sky, became very worried, and pleaded, "HURRY, HURRY, IT'S GOING TO RAIN AND WE LEFT THE TOP DOWN!"
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