Cheating Women?

[kinda_hung]

I have a question about women and what makes them cheat. I've been married for 8yrs to the same woman. Things started off rough at first. She was still in college and me working. We moved after she got her first job which was 8 months after we got married. Come to find out 4 yrs later she was cheating on me 1 yr after we got married with a guy from her work. I had no idea of course. And at this 4-5yr mark we hit another rough spot and I had suspicioun of her cheating this time. I worked nights and it was plenty easy for her to do. Plus my sister and her were pretty close at the time and my sister said some things to me that made me even more suspicious. To make matters worse she fucked him just out of spite because I had found text messages etc. and confronted her about him. She got mad and had him over. All the while she was pregnant with our 3rd child!

I was very close to ending this but she seemed very sorry for what she did. She found a local marriage counceler and said that we needed to go etc. So we did. Expensive, but I guess we worked through it.

Anyways some of my questions are should I still be in this marriage. I am not sexually satisfied with her. She is very good looking, pettite, and stays in shape. I'm very attracted to her obviously! However, from the first time she cheated, things in the bedroom are not the same. It's like she has sex with me to only please me not herself. She isn't open at all sexually. She can't even touch herself. She hates her small breasts, which are perky and nice. Says that if they were larger she would want sex more! She says her hormones are out of whack and isn't horny all the time or at all. She never lets me go down on her. And she rarely goes down on me. She knows that I like sex, but she thinks I want it every day etc. Which I don't. Every other is ok with me. But when it comes to the day to have sex and she isn't up to it, she just wants me to put some lube on and go to town on her and please me!!! That's not a turn on for me nor do I enjoy just ramming it into a vagina that's not turned on. It's really tight...

I'm at a dead end. I've tried talking dirty with her. I've asked her if I'm too small etc. Of course she said no. I'm one of the largest shes been with since high school at 7x5. And the guy from high school was large. He went to my school and I've glanced his way in the dressing room. She says I'm perfect and not to worry. She doesn't like me spanking her. I've tried to get her to touch herself and she has but very reluctantly. We've done several different positions. Some like doggy style she could use her hand and rub her clit and get off, but she doesn't. We've watched porn, hoping she would get some ideas from that. NOPE. Once she asked if it turned me on if a girl was touching herself. I said YES... of course. I enjoy multiple orgasms. After one ejaculation I go down, but I can get hard in 5 min or less from more sex! She's one and done and in the bathroom cleaning up, ready for bed!!!

WHERE DO I GO?

 

[Pitbull]

All the $$ counseling and you think it is because of sex?

I don't.

Don't know what it is but safe bet if what you say is true, it is not about sex.

Hate to bring this up - DNA tests for all??

 

[kinda_hung]

All the $$ counseling and you think it is because of sex?

I don't.

Don't know what it is but safe bet if what you say is true, it is not about sex.

Hate to bring this up - DNA tests for all??

No DNA tests. He is the spitting image of me. As is the middle son. My daughter was before we married and I know it's mine, because she was with me every minute of every day and wanted to fuck my brains out constantly.

 

[pussnboots]

wow, don't know what to say about other women and what they (or people in general) do....I've never cheated. Was with one guy that didn't turn me on at all, we hung in there for our kids, but in the end it was better just to split. It was painful, but I never once thought of cheating -- okay, I dreamed of sex, was lusting after sex, wanted it bad, but I wouldn't cheat -- it was better just to be honest. Sounds like she wants both, your security, but she's not attracted to you, and her freedom to explore sex with someone else...sorry, but that is what it seems like to me. But what do I know? Good luck, sounds like a tough spot to be in.

 

[B_jeepguy2]

Shit like this is why marriage is such a turn off to me! Dude you are so screwed! You have got three kids and are married to a sly whore and no amount of counseling is going to fix her problem. Basicly if she is a whore she is always gonna be a whore no matter how good u are in bed! The problem is with her not you.

Yeah you need to get the hell of that marriage ASAP! What you need to do is set her up and catch her ass next time you suspect that she is whoreing around. Talk to a good divorce lawyer and get some advice. Once you get the goods on her DUMP her immediately. Make sure you have rock solid evidence, emails, chat logs, etc. Hire a private detective to watch the house and follow her ass while you are working nights and find out where she goes and who she is fucking around with. Make sure the detective gets pics. Believe me if you can prove adultery with rock solid evidence it is going to cost you a hell of a lot less in divorce court!

 

[tasteslikejellyjam]

I never cheat...
as soon as I feel the need I re-examine my current relationship...
think if that caused it or if its just because I'm human...
usually it because the relationship is shit & I end it...
also there is such a thing as much too quick...
most people don't give themselves room to find themselves & grow into their own...
instead the rush into things because of poor judgment & thinking its the right thing to do at the time...
then they fuck themselves over on being free & exploring their own...
enjoying careers or finding they need to change them...
but some people make a deal with the devil or some shit & have great marriage...
its a mystery that some marriages are successful in this day in age with so many different pressures & what not...
take your time & don't rush...


but I also believe that like most primates...
humans are not monogamous creatures by nature & design...
shit marriage only started in tribal groups to insure peace with other tribes...
and later to secure family money to insure power in social groups...
it was never because it was a good idea or romanticist bullshit...
it was all politics...
as in apes...
mating & instinct are about power...
but most importantly genetic diversity...
instead of constantly recycling the same tribal genes you need to shake things up...
and there is always a better hunter/provider then the current one some where...
I know everyone thinks we're smart & in total control of our minds but that is very much the contrary...
we still have that darn reptile brain & other lower subconscious functions...

 

[ManlyBanisters]

For starters - your question about women and why they cheat is silly - this isn't about 'women', it is about a woman, your wife - we're all different and we cheat and/or stay faithful for a whole multitude of reasons. Just the same as men.

I don't think we can help you here. I think Pit is right - it isn't about sex. I think it might well be about trust, on your part any way. I think once you sort the other issues out you will be able to talk more freely about sex together and once you can communicate properly you can sort out your sex lives. It is possible she feels you aren't over the cheating and therefore that sex between you is about more than just you and her. You need help getting over the fact she cheated. She needs help getting over that too.

Have you ever cheated on her? You don't say one way or the other in your post. If you have, does she know about it?

 

[Drifterwood]

Whilst there are always two sides to every story, based on your side, I can't see why you would want to stay married to her. I think she has used you at every point, and will continue to do so. Maybe you can live with that.

 

[EllieP]

I have never once had the compulsion to cheat. Even when the asshole was cheating on me.

I would never do anything to compromise what I have now.

 

[siempie]

Holy shit.


That woman has no decency whatsoever. I too can't understand why you would stick in that marriage. It means nothing to her.

Sure, there are marriages that allow having sex with other people. But these couples talk this over before they do this.

She did not check with you, she was egotistical about it. She DIDN'T care.

Reptillian brain or not. It shouldn't be impossible to control yourself.

I'd get out of there, just out of selfrespect. Personally all my love for her would pass as soon as I had found out of the cheating.

GL!

 

[snappy]

Your story seems a little far fetched. Is this a fiction story? You possible can't be that stupid.

 

[Pitbull]

Now, now.
Don't rush to judgment.

It seems a little far fetched because it is.
But I know of a few even more far fetched that are 100% true.

I would say we are only getting a little of the 8 years of this relationship.
I would also say that we are only getting one side.

I would just say there is more to the story than meets the eye.
That I am sure of.
All else is conjecture.

 

[SnitchQitch]

i think cheating changes the relationship dynamics irreversibly... but for the kids..... think twice, thrice... and think more.

 

[kinda_hung]

For the posts that say this so called story is "fake", I'm sorry to say that it is MY life. I posted this on here not to have guys say "your a retard" Leave her now. ETC. Those were my first words or actions that came to my mind when she finally came clean and told me. I was extremely upset, to the point of puking. I didn't speak to her for days either.

However, I thought about things. I have a family, 3 kids, a wife, a big house, etc. If it wasn't for my children that I dearly love I would be gone for sure. Even at one kid I probably would be.

I really don't know why she cheated. Every married couple has their spats and stuff. The only thing I can think of is that my health was pretty crappy then. I was put on a med that really made me feel like crap. Then the fighting etc wasn't helping anything either.

To be honest my wife and even her mom are what you would call airheads. Her mom for sure is, but my wife at least has some of her dad in her which is good. She tells me she was young, dumb, and insecure. Both the guys she cheated on were co-workers. One was way older and divorced with a kid. The other one was a little younger and single.

She says she will never cheat again and is terribly sorry. Yes, I have been used. I already know this! Will it happen again? I have no clue. Have I ever cheated on her? NEVER. I told her before marriage that if either of us got involved with someone else to just tell each other BEFORE anything gets physical. I for one don't want someone elses diseases!

I don't know what to do about the intimacy part. That's the problem I am having. Home life is almost back to 100%. I would give it an 8 out of 10. But I would say intimacy is a 3. For me intimacy is a sacred and wonderful thing to enjoy with each other. Right now I feel she is giving it up just to keep me happy and to keep me around. But theres a huge difference between knowing a partner is having a good time and enjoying things or just doing it for the sake of it.

 

[kinda_hung]

i think cheating changes the relationship dynamics irreversibly... but for the kids..... think twice, thrice... and think more.

Irreversibly!! Great...

Yes I think about my kids constantly. For one she's not that wonderful of a mother. She's good to the kids. Just lazy with diciplining them, cooking, and cleaning, etc. Obviously with her first affair she was leaving me at home with my daughter at nights when she had "call" at work. We lived 30 min. from her work and they required the person to be on call to be within 10min. So the nights she was on call she was suppose to be spending the night at the hospital in a bed they had. Must of been pretty convienant to slip over to the bf's.

I figure it takes a really crappy mom to lose their kids and I probably wouldn't have a snowballs chance in hell to get full custody of them. They pretty much have to be drug addicts or alcoholics to lose them. After her last affair she said that if I decided to divorce her, that I could take whatever I wanted from the house etc. She wasn't gonna be greedy. But I'm sure after the judge gets done with the case I'm still gonna be paying out the ass for child support. For the next 18yrs or more.

 

[kinda_hung]

Now, now.
Don't rush to judgment.

It seems a little far fetched because it is.
But I know of a few even more far fetched that are 100% true.

I would say we are only getting a little of the 8 years of this relationship.
I would also say that we are only getting one side.

I would just say there is more to the story than meets the eye.
That I am sure of.
All else is conjecture.

Yes, you are only getting one side of the story! I'm not a mean guy, nor am I abusive. If anything she is abusive. Once she was yelling at me and I was just going to leave and when i tried walking out of the room she grabbed me and started hitting me! I've never layed a hand on her, nor will I on any other woman.

 

[Drifterwood]

i think cheating changes the relationship dynamics irreversibly... but for the kids..... think twice, thrice... and think more.

Yes, you are only getting one side of the story! I'm not a mean guy, nor am I abusive. If anything she is abusive. Once she was yelling at me and I was just going to leave and when i tried walking out of the room she grabbed me and started hitting me! I've never layed a hand on her, nor will I on any other woman.

If this is true, then I wish I was a Judge sometimes and I would tell her to get her blackmailing abusive ass out of the house.

There are some very unpleasant women out there and I feel very sorry for the guys who get trapped in their webs.

Sorry, I have seen too much of this to believe that women are made of sugar and spice and all things nice. The most insecure tend to become the most controlling IME.

 

[Wish-4-8]

"Anyways some of my questions are should I still be in this marriage."

What marriage?
Ask yourself these questions:
Are you happy?
Are you satisfied as a husband?
Is there more you could have done?

You more or less answered "No" to all three. You tells us, why should you stay.

For the kids?
They'll live. They are not the only ones who have or will go through their parents separating.

And no matter what you do, you will pay anyway. Since you will be paying anyway, do you want the rest of your life to at least be tolerable? Maybe even having a chance to be happy?

But its up to you. Only you could answer that question. And I havent even brought up the cheating because at this point, whether it happened or not, the marriage seems dead anyway.

It almost seems like you two married too young. But that is spilled milk now.

I wish you luck in your decision.

 

[Not_Punny]

Good grief! Are all men CRAZY?!! (I can't believe some of these responses)

Your wife has THREE KIDS!!! And they're YOUNG, which means they are a LOT of work. She also WORKS OUTSIDE THE HOME ON A JOB.

She is probably exhausted, stressed out and everything else. Unfortunately, for most working mothers -- especially ones with multiple young children -- being the "girlfriend" becomes the lowest priority.

You have three choices:

(a) Quit your job and stay home and cook and clean and take care of all the kid stuff so that your wife doesn't have to worry about it when she gets home.

(b) Have her quit her job and stay home until all three kids are in second grade (or, even better, middle or high school). You'll have to give up a few perks, but at least you'll have sex.

(c) If you can't do either one of the above, then TAKE HER UP ON HER OFFER TO USE HER BODY. Who knows? Maybe she even gets off on that. If she is repressed sexually (religion, whatever), then maybe it's freeing for her to be "taken" like that.

- - - -

BTW, I can 't believe you have the NERVE to bitch and complain about this. You are "FORCING" her to have sex the way YOU want her to have it, and you aren't taking her up on her offer and compromise.

Yes, I have three children so I know what the fuck I'm talking about. Unless you figure out a way of reducing or sharing her burden, you're shit out of luck until those kids are older.

SO QUIT WHINING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Drifterwood]

SO QUIT WHINING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you really mean this as a reponse to physical abuse?

And I'll throw in the caveat again, if it is true.