Desperate call for help..(relationship gone wrong)

[piratebulldog]

I think a lot of good advice has been offered at this point but the one thing that I don't see amidst all the talk is your taking responsbility for what you did. I know that others have felt that 'Billy' was totally in the wrong by acting asleep and all. However, you were equally culpable. Take responsibility and leave your hands off sleeping people. Be an adult and go through the program. Leave this man alone. It is clear that you all don't make a good set of friends. You mutually use one another and it has not lead to a closer relationship but a fragmented and unhealthy one.

Get professional help for your depression and not being able to let go of this obviously disturbing relationship.

Get healthy and be well...and fall in love with someone who will love you back....and don't try seducing a sleeping man again....until he gives you permission to do so. It isn't fair to either one of you.

 

[Infernal]

At some point in life, we can all expect that someone will treat us like a doormat. This guy is treating you like wall to wall carpeting.

He knew exactly what was going on, and he's using it against you. Don't be his emotional tampon. Isolate yourself from him, and make it a point to never be alone with him if you can. Treat him the same way he treats you. Ignore him, and find someone who treats you with respect.

 

[aztechx]

Oh Aztechx, it seems obvious to me that you are severely depressed and probably were before this stuff started.

It think Billy is a preditor/manipulator and he is feeding off your depression and exploiting it. The only question is whether it is conscious or unconsious behaviour on his part. And the answer to that is irrelevant really.

No good can possibly come of this situation. I think you should consider moving to another project or institution. You are already displaying symptoms of addiction (yes, we can become addicted to bad situations) and dependancy (your mood and self-esteem depend on how he is treating you). And you're doing the classic victim thing of blaming yourself.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but I do think you have to realise what a psychologically dangerous situation you are in. As a young adult whose personality is still forming the danger is that you are setting up a pattern for future relationships. And not just sexual relationships either, but all forms of social and work relationships. You could end up with almost no self-esteem and always be dependant on the judgement of others. That is an open invitation to abusers.

Billy is fucked up. He is not a good person. Get away from him.

I wasn’t too depressed before the first outburst happened..that first outburst was the starting point of everything. I was happy with what I was having.what do u mean when u questioned whether he was conscious over his manipulative nature. Ive known him as someone who frequently manipulate people for his own gain.he mentioned this to me once when we were friends but I think is sort of partly unconscious behavior of his..
Im currently in my final year my degree program..i cant possibly just go away..and the program we are stuck together in,is a LARGE responsibility the university has given to us.
What attracted my attention from ur reply is that u mentioned about my symptoms of addiction.it scares me how true your words are. At times I feel like I have to be stress and tense even when nothing is happening. I don’t know why but I seem to WANT to be depressed sometimes. And my mood is depends on him as well,not so much of my self-esteem but ill have to be careful now that uve mentioned it..

Just wondering. what your relationship with your parents (or the person(s) ) who reared you is like today?
Sometimes people act out, in constructive and/or destructive ways, to resolve issues from childhood.
Childhood can then extend itself into young adult and adult life.

I think you would benefit from from one-on-one counseling, augmenting your internet anonymity conversations.


No one is worth ending your life for, and the one that is, won't drive you to it.

I have a normal relationship with my parents.both my parents are still around and everything is normal only that im studying away from home at the moment. I never knew where all these started. I really want to know how but I think if that is a question I myself cant answer,it wouyld be asking too much if I were to ask everyone here to tell me why.
About me wanting to end my life..i do not know what came to me that day,it is very unlike me..but like I said,I was so messed up I thought I could get back at him with what I did.i know it was stupid now that im in a clear state of mind..

I think a lot of good advice has been offered at this point but the one thing that I don't see amidst all the talk is your taking responsbility for what you did. I know that others have felt that 'Billy' was totally in the wrong by acting asleep and all. However, you were equally culpable. Take responsibility and leave your hands off sleeping people. Be an adult and go through the program. Leave this man alone. It is clear that you all don't make a good set of friends. You mutually use one another and it has not lead to a closer relationship but a fragmented and unhealthy one.

Get professional help for your depression and not being able to let go of this obviously disturbing relationship.

Get healthy and be well...and fall in love with someone who will love you back....and don't try seducing a sleeping man again....until he gives you permission to do so. It isn't fair to either one of you.

What do you mean by taking responsibility for what I did?i do admit my mistake..and why else would the guilt affect me so much if I didn’t want responsibilities for what I did?or do u mean responsibilities in some other way? I would be more than happy to listen to any advice I can get at the moment..this whole thing has made me feel like a very bad person already..

At some point in life, we can all expect that someone will treat us like a doormat. This guy is treating you like wall to wall carpeting.

He knew exactly what was going on, and he's using it against you. Don't be his emotional tampon. Isolate yourself from him, and make it a point to never be alone with him if you can. Treat him the same way he treats you. Ignore him, and find someone who treats you with respect.

What do u mean by me being his emotional tampon?
Anyway, heres an update of what happened today, once again, we ended up sleeping close to each other..i was watching soccer with him at my house (we used to watch soccer a lot together) and he happened to fall asleep..And when I looked at him, he had the zips to his jeans wide open!! I tried to just fall asleep but I just couldn’t. He didn’t seem to eager for me to do anything but from his body language, he was in the mood to let me do anything..And once again I gave in and gave him a handjob..i think I owe all of you an apology for what I did today..it makes me feel so bad every time this happens..am I even capable of standing up to my own principles??he was all smiles and in a good mood with me when he woke up despite him being down with a fever. Plus his treatment the last few days has been different. Somewhat nicer than usual thou still far-off from what we used to have,but it was nice. All he ones is for me to give him pleasure whenever he wants to right?thats exactly whats happening right?i mean being in the current state of mind,such signals can really do a lot of damage to my stand. I was all fired up to ignore him and all yesterday but when he seemed to be okay with me today,I just gave in..and with the zipper thing..i don’t know but im so sorry for what I did…I need to wake myself up!

 

[Hippie Hollow Girl]

Aztechx,

Yes I am disappointed. You are setting yourself up for more of the same emotional roller coaster behavior treatment. And as someone said before.....it sounds like you are young and you are probably setting the stage for all your future relationship dynamics. You are going to think this is normal behavior for all your future relationships. Setting the precedence.

The good news is that tomorrow is another day and you can make a fresh start. It takes 6 weeks to change a behavior. Maybe you can find a good 12 step program. I do believe you have an addiction problem with this guy. Remember.....the only person you can change is yourself.

Good luck!!!!


And I do see a future with you and this guy still being able to be friends. But the biggest difference from then and now......is going to be......you are going to be in control of your addiction to him. (You will be able to keep your hands and mouth off of his cock)


There is no telling (I have no crystal ball) whether this guy will ever admit his part in this situation and want to have a real relationship with you. But he is setting you up.....and he could have you thrown in jail for molesting him or raping him in his sleep. It isn't worth it to take chances with the rest of your life. There are too many fish in the sea. I would rather see you focus your attention on someone who will reciprocate and treat you like you deserve to be treated.

 

[sexplease]

ok Aztechx.

What do YOU think YOU should do?

What do YOU feel YOU want and need from a relationship?

Why?

 

[MarkLondon]

I'm glad you're aware of the addiction situation.

Sometimes even a bad emotion is better than no emotion. You mentioned the rollercoaster of your emotions after a session with him. That is a powerful stimulus. But I'm sure you are aware that it is not healthy and you are abusing an emotional reward system that is meant to bond you to a person that is good for you.

Depression can be comfortable (Bette Middler used to sing of "the big blue comfortable blanket of depression" while miming snuggling down and pulling it over her head). But it leads nowhere. I think depression is a survival mechanism for dealing with intolerable or non-rewarding situations that cannot be escaped. But it can trap you in a situation and isolate you from others. Most people will shun or avoid someone who is depressed, because they're no fun.

Why do you keep finding yourself alone with him? In the car, in all these sleeping situations? It almost sounds like you are a couple. What do other people think of you two? Do you have other friends, or have you become isolated?

 

[MarkLondon]

Good question, Sexplease!

 

[aztechx]

Aztechx,

Yes I am disappointed. You are setting yourself up for more of the same emotional roller coaster behavior treatment. And as someone said before.....it sounds like you are young and you are probably setting the stage for all your future relationship dynamics. You are going to think this is normal behavior for all your future relationships. Setting the precedence.

The good news is that tomorrow is another day and you can make a fresh start. It takes 6 weeks to change a behavior. Maybe you can find a good 12 step program. I do believe you have an addiction problem with this guy. Remember.....the only person you can change is yourself.

Good luck!!!! .

Ill be turning 21 this year and billy is 22..we study in the same batch thou..back to the topic,u mentioned that at the moment im seting the stage for all my future relationship dynamics,what do u actually mean?In general im in a state of fear about what the future has for me. It doesn’t have to be anything to do with rships but my attraction to billy does scare me a lot. I don’t know why but I seem to be in a bad state of disorientation at the moment.
U are right about the roller coaster treatment..just for an example..yesterday after I gave him that handjob,he woke up and had no problems speaking to me ‘decently’ and I thought things was going to go fine..However on that night itself,he dropped by at my place again and his attitude made a 180 degree turn.he scowled most of the time and doesn’t look at me when we talk..he seems to avoid eye contact since the first day of his outburst. But when things are ok,it is ok..and like ive said earlier..he will just have sudden character changes which I cant figure out why..
About the addiction,ill answer that part later in this post.

And I do see a future with you and this guy still being able to be friends. But the biggest difference from then and now......is going to be......you are going to be in control of your addiction to him. (You will be able to keep your hands and mouth off of his cock)


There is no telling (I have no crystal ball) whether this guy will ever admit his part in this situation and want to have a real relationship with you. But he is setting you up.....and he could have you thrown in jail for molesting him or raping him in his sleep. It isn't worth it to take chances with the rest of your life. There are too many fish in the sea. I would rather see you focus your attention on someone who will reciprocate and treat you like you deserve to be treated.

About this,whenever I speak about billy..i WANT to hear people say that we could still have a decent friendship with him in the future..Sometimes I want to hear it so bad that I don’t care if its true or not..just as long as it gives me the opportunity to heave a big sigh of relieve.theres just too much emotions and stress bottled up inside of me at the moment. I really need to control this addiction of mine..

I'm glad you're aware of the addiction situation.

Sometimes even a bad emotion is better than no emotion. You mentioned the rollercoaster of your emotions after a session with him. That is a powerful stimulus. But I'm sure you are aware that it is not healthy and you are abusing an emotional reward system that is meant to bond you to a person that is good for you.

Depression can be comfortable (Bette Middler used to sing of "the big blue comfortable blanket of depression" while miming snuggling down and pulling it over her head). But it leads nowhere. I think depression is a survival mechanism for dealing with intolerable or non-rewarding situations that cannot be escaped. But it can trap you in a situation and isolate you from others. Most people will shun or avoid someone who is depressed, because they're no fun.

Why do you keep finding yourself alone with him? In the car, in all these sleeping situations? It almost sounds like you are a couple. What do other people think of you two? Do you have other friends, or have you become isolated?

First ill answer the part about us being together a lot..
1)As project manager and assistant project manager,we do a lot of work together and most of the time he will be driving.
2)He frequents my house OFTEN since he has a few other friends here as well. And it hurts a lot to see him having fun laughing so much with everyone else except me.it has come to a point where I feel a dark cloud of emotions over me whenever I hear his voice or his car coming in. it’s the kind of feeling that screams.”omg..he is here again…” this also explains why he falls asleep here a lot. He never comes to my room anymore nowadays unless its regarding the project but there are always ‘opportunities’ that will arise leaving the two of us together.
3)My friends once told me that im the type who treat friends as good as treating a girlfriend.they said it was something they couldn’t do. Most of the time they were referring to billy I think bcos we were really really close at one stage.
4)Yes I do have other friends but at times,I sub-conciously ditch them to be with billy..he seems to be the centre of my focus and it might lead to me losing my other friends. Im trying very hard to control this
[FONT=&quot]I fully agree with u about people shunning depressed individuals. I have had this attitude of putting on a smiling and happy face whenever im with people no matter how bad things are inside. My friends have never known me as someone who could fall into such a depressed state of mind.even up till now. Iu force myself to laugh and smile in front of them and just burst into tears when im alone bcos that seems like the only thing im capable of doing to vent the huge amount of frustration bottled up inside me. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]

ok Aztechx.

What do YOU think YOU should do?

What do YOU feel YOU want and need from a relationship?

Why?

I left this question to the last part of my post so that I can concentrate more on my answers and be as honest as I can be..
1)what do I think I should do
At the moment,I have the realization that I need to escape and runaway,be as far away as possible from billy. But at the same time, I myself is resisting this thing so hard. It’s something I DON’T want to do..running away from billy has always been the last thing in my mind. I don’t want to disappoint all of you guys by saying this since all of you have given me so many good advices for me to stay away from him but im being honest that I cant seem to find the courage to runaway. It confuses me a lot especially when it comes to what I have to do at the moment. I don’t know why I just cant decide on what I want to do and im under the ‘illusion’ that im safer where I am and im afraid of going anywhere.
2)How do I feel and what I want and need from this relationship
Ive mentioned before that the thing between billy and I is more than just the sexual stuffs.im not lying when I say I enjoy his company a lot..as well as the emotional thing that was apparent between us.he might not have felt it at all but I did. This emotional thing also confuses me a lot..i feel ‘attached’ to him and I don’t know why but I have this sense of comfort being with him. I don’t know how to say it in words as im having a hard time figuring it out myself. I don’t really think im addicted to him in terms of sex but I just want to be close to him..i want to be accepted by him..and I try hard to gain his attention..its weird really how im saying this things at the moment.

MY POST IN GENERAL
Today he treated me like shit again. Scowling and not even looking at me when I talk. I started to ignore him after that. We’ll see how things turn out later today.
A lot of u guys mentioned about billy ‘using’ me and ‘manipulating’ me to get what he wants..and ditching me aside when he doesn’t need me..or even trying to destroy me on those 2 occasions where he ‘found out’ I was fondling/sucking him.i mean..there can’t be people that bad around right?does he even ‘care’ about me or what happens to me anymore?we were best buddy and ii think ive never known billy as a bad person..Not to the extent of what he is doing at the moment if it’s true.who am I to him?is he even aware of my existence at the moment?

 

[amygdala]

Google "battered wife syndrome" and see if you notice any parallels. You are in a toxic relationship with a sociopath and you need to get away from him as soon as possible. He will NEVER be the person you want him to be and you will ALWAYS be a reminder to him about that part of himself that he so clearly hates. It will never, ever work between the two of you and the sooner you realize that and GET AWAY, the better off you'll be.

For inspiration, try watching "The Burning Bed" or "Sleeping With the Enemy."

 

[D_Rod Staffinbone]

No one is worth ending your life for, and the one that is, won't drive you to it.

suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. please don't consider
that as an option.

there are good people out there who will love you back.

 

[sexplease]

[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT] Sometimes, if not often, situations in our lives force us to confront things, people, emotions or events that, at the time they are occurring, we would rather not have to deal with, because we might not have the mental, emotional or spiritual tools to help ourselves.
Growing up, and growing into our "self" is often awkward, scary and perplexing. But keep in mind: these times and situations pass. We learn skills to help deal with them. We grow from them. Our lives are enriched from them.

We have a few good friends (and family members) that help carry and guide us through. We look back on our lives, sometimes many years, sometimes just hours, and we see what an amazing journey it is.
Your paths are crossing with others, or another. Sometimes for a moment, sometimes for a lifetime.

Enjoy the time you have to spend together.

If not, move on.

I once was told, "No one knows where cupids arrow will strike...or, where it won't". You will always love someone more than they love you. And someone will always love you, more that You love them.

now you know why it's called a "crush". because it hurts.

Find a cause to volunteer in. (you will learn something important from it)

 

[TrooperWill]

I've found that constancy is a great teacher. People telling us over and over again in different ways what we should be doing is important until one of the messages finally sinks in and we understand what it is that that person (or everyone) is trying to tell us.

You need to get away from him.

He is rotting you mentally and you need to take yourself out of the situation.

The only person who can do it is you. He certainly won't - why would he? He has a footpad that is emotionally dependent on him and his "approval" and will do anything he wants.

If anyone I knew treated me the way he treats you, I could delete them from my phone, cease all communication with that person, and find better friends. That isn't how friends treat each other and he's no friend of yours.

Now, from what I understand, you want to retain a friendship with him. If this is the case, the only possible way for this to happen is that you distance yourself first. As long as you have these feelings for him in such a volatile environment, sorry not going to happen. You currently have an exalted opinion of the person he is and this needs to be removed for your own sake and sanity.

There you have it. In all instances, you have to get away from him. In a few months time, you'll look back and wonder what all the fuss was about.

 

[aztechx]

i dont know but ive been trying had to think this over everyday and it still cant get through this thick head of mine..im very much confused over the whole situation..who am i to him at the moment?does he even realize my existence or would he rather not have me in his life?i just refuse to believe that there are people out there that could do things as bad as what u guys claim billy is doing..surely there must be some confusion on his side as well right?

i can do the ignoring part but he seems to come back to me when i do at times but most of the time,i will be the one going back to him..trying to start conversations etc. i text him asking about the project although it is unnecessary just so i can keep in contact with him.im afraid that if i let the whole thing drift too far apart,we will never get to 'reattach' our friendship or whatever anymore..

 

[TrooperWill]

im afraid that if i let the whole thing drift too far apart,we will never get to 'reattach' our friendship or whatever anymore..

What friendship? He doesn't consider you a friend. Friends don't treat each other as such.

 

[D_Al_A_Ghory]

I will advise the same way I advise my own kids. Please lov eyourself a bit more an ddon't let him or anyone else use you. He is a selfish person who cares about himself. Let him be. As soon as you behave distant form him h ewill start to look for you, don't confuse it with friendship. He is not a friend to anyone. You sound like a great guy. I am sure that you will find someone who gives you as much as ou give him/her. Please love yourself a bit more and when you get horny and you are with him, just jerk off and fantasize but don't touch him. Hope this helps and good luck buddy

 

[kabutops74]

i dont know but ive been trying had to think this over everyday and it still cant get through this thick head of mine..im very much confused over the whole situation..who am i to him at the moment?does he even realize my existence or would he rather not have me in his life?i just refuse to believe that there are people out there that could do things as bad as what u guys claim billy is doing..surely there must be some confusion on his side as well right?

i can do the ignoring part but he seems to come back to me when i do at times but most of the time,i will be the one going back to him..trying to start conversations etc. i text him asking about the project although it is unnecessary just so i can keep in contact with him.im afraid that if i let the whole thing drift too far apart,we will never get to 'reattach' our friendship or whatever anymore..

I think you're overthinking what he's doing a little bit. Here's my take:

He was fine with the friend-by-day-warm-mouth-by-night relationship you guys had, but at some point decided or noticed you would want more, and decided to pick the one he liked more... So he's backed off, but in a way that's still gotten him everything he wants that matters:

-- your project work appears to be fine despite the change.
-- he doesn't have to worry about "appearances" of you and him.
-- when push comes to shove, you'll still get him off if he wants you to.

The biggest thing that seems to have changed from before he started giving you the cold shoulder is that he decided he likes your blowjobs more than your friendship. So sure, you can play nice to him, but he has no reason to change the status quo, so you can't really expect him to change his behavior, whether he's being "evil" or just "confused".

If you are honestly comfortable with that arrangement, then continue on.... but I don't think that's best for you. And nearly everyone on this thread seems to agree. Your head knows this too, but your dick might not come around so easily. (And your heart's gonna be disappointed either way.) So, since ridding this dude from your sight in the next 5 months doesn't seem like a serious option, just go with *something* consistent to avoid being shaken by every little change in behavior from him.

Most important is not to expect anything better out of him than you're getting now. Hope for some radical change from him is what he's exploiting. If you can, find an alternate outlet for your feelings and your sex drive. Yes it's not going to match the intensity of a crush like you have for Billy, but that isn't necessarily the worst thing.

 

[craig_uk]

i don't know but Ive been trying had to think this over everyday and it still cant get through this thick head of mine..im very much confused over the whole situation..who am i to him at the moment?does he even realize my existence or would he rather not have me in his life?i just refuse to believe that there are people out there that could do things as bad as what u guys claim billy is doing..surely there must be some confusion on his side as well right?

I think you are right that he is confused as well. He is probably very scared about the meaning behind his behaviour. This is why he is aggressively in denial about what he asks you to do. This is why he can never verbalise his desires and instead simply makes his cock accessible and 'plays dead'. This is his problem. Your problem is that you allow this to happen.

Only he can solve his problem. He has made it very clear that he can't even cope by admitting it to you so how can you help. You need to make changes in your life that will solve your problem. Recognise Billy as your problem and move on. Whether your gay or bi or straight you can sort that out afterwards.

Many people will have been through very similar crushes where the object of their affection uses and manipulates the situation to their own ends. It is difficult to end it when it all seems so real, when you think of how it was and how it could be again. In reality it is so unlikely that it will ever get better and so you should just end it. If you must still work together then stop socialising with him and if he ever falls asleep with his cock half hanging out wake him up so he can go home and point out that he might want to put his cock away so that people don't get the wrong idea.

If Billy wants his cock sucked then he should ask you to do it - if he doesn't ask then you shouldn't be touching him.

i can do the ignoring part but he seems to come back to me when i do at times but most of the time,i will be the one going back to him..trying to start conversations etc. i text him asking about the project although it is unnecessary just so i can keep in contact with him.im afraid that if i let the whole thing drift too far apart,we will never get to 'reattach' our friendship or whatever anymore..

You need to stop being his friend. Unless you are both able to talk about what is going on like adults then its not really a true friendship is it?

 

[aztechx]

What friendship? He doesn't consider you a friend. Friends don't treat each other as such.

I will advise the same way I advise my own kids. Please lov eyourself a bit more an ddon't let him or anyone else use you. He is a selfish person who cares about himself. Let him be. As soon as you behave distant form him h ewill start to look for you, don't confuse it with friendship. He is not a friend to anyone. You sound like a great guy. I am sure that you will find someone who gives you as much as ou give him/her. Please love yourself a bit more and when you get horny and you are with him, just jerk off and fantasize but don't touch him. Hope this helps and good luck buddy

Its just as simple as wanting to make things right..its still a heavy weight to bear in my heart the way things are going and how he hasn’t given me any forgiveness..i care a lot for him in a way he might not have realized, and I never expected for anything in return.and I didn’t do it for the sex he could let me have.it was something I WANTED to do..]
even without the sex., I appreciated the friendship a lot. I was so worried that I have given him the worng idea..that all the time I was his friend bcos I wanted sex and not bcos I honestly wanted a friendship. Im not that kind of person. And I hope he knows me well enough to define that himself.

Ill try really hard to keep my hands to myself but so far ive been really weak in fighting those desires and I already feel like a failure. That I cant even control something that is coming out of myself,how the hell am I going to control the situation or others? im already very disappointed with myself.

I think you're overthinking what he's doing a little bit. Here's my take:

He was fine with the friend-by-day-warm-mouth-by-night relationship you guys had, but at some point decided or noticed you would want more, and decided to pick the one he liked more... So he's backed off, but in a way that's still gotten him everything he wants that matters:

-- your project work appears to be fine despite the change.
-- he doesn't have to worry about "appearances" of you and him.
-- when push comes to shove, you'll still get him off if he wants you to.

The biggest thing that seems to have changed from before he started giving you the cold shoulder is that he decided he likes your blowjobs more than your friendship. So sure, you can play nice to him, but he has no reason to change the status quo, so you can't really expect him to change his behavior, whether he's being "evil" or just "confused".

If you are honestly comfortable with that arrangement, then continue on.... but I don't think that's best for you. And nearly everyone on this thread seems to agree. Your head knows this too, but your dick might not come around so easily. (And your heart's gonna be disappointed either way.) So, since ridding this dude from your sight in the next 5 months doesn't seem like a serious option, just go with *something* consistent to avoid being shaken by every little change in behavior from him.

Most important is not to expect anything better out of him than you're getting now. Hope for some radical change from him is what he's exploiting. If you can, find an alternate outlet for your feelings and your sex drive. Yes it's not going to match the intensity of a crush like you have for Billy, but that isn't necessarily the worst thing.

I was fine with the ‘friend-by-day-warm-mouth-by-night’ relationship as well and ive never expected more for him coz I knew it was impossible with the kind of community we are living in. never for once did I make him suck me,the , most I did was to put his hand on my dick and sometimes he would grip it hard and sort of repeat it a few times.
With him backing off, our project has been moving on a rather slow pace due to the lack of communications..i mean how can we work together comfortably with what was going on? He cooperates at times but the situation is just too formal. It adds stress to the already doomed project. I would love to have us discuss things casually but I think I’ll have to start thinking about what he wants instead of what I want .

What do u mean when u mentioned ‘aapearances’? I mean I never expected or wanted him to treat me more special than anyone else . I was ok with what was going on between us..

I will be with him until the end of next year since that will be when our degree ends and we all go for industrial training. for a moment,I was so afraid I wont be able to settle all this and he is going to be gone before I can do anything. That would leave me with a university life id rather forget. A very dark chapter in my books. He stays very far from where I do and that would mean any form of reconciliation would be virtually impossible.
Sometimes I wish I had more time with him either for the project or study even when he is hurting me so much. I honestly want to make things right however impossible that may sound. My whole idea was to ‘let’ this feelings die down before running away rather than doing it against my will. it seems a lot more painful doing the latter although it hurts as much being where I am. Im under the impression that my current situation is whats best for me. Sort of my ‘comfort zone’ I dare not venture out of my circle as I fear the fact that It might hurt even more.

There was one time when I jerked off just to stop myself from touching him but in the end I just did. i wasn’t even ‘in the mood’ after jerking off but I just wanted to touch him or just simply cuddle. Small things like him replying my messages or talking to me without putting on that frown would make my day. Its pathetic to some point and im still very much disappointed by my failure to control my own desires.

I think you are right that he is confused as well. He is probably very scared about the meaning behind his behaviour. This is why he is aggressively in denial about what he asks you to do. This is why he can never verbalise his desires and instead simply makes his cock accessible and 'plays dead'. This is his problem. Your problem is that you allow this to happen.

Only he can solve his problem. He has made it very clear that he can't even cope by admitting it to you so how can you help. You need to make changes in your life that will solve your problem. Recognise Billy as your problem and move on. Whether your gay or bi or straight you can sort that out afterwards.

Many people will have been through very similar crushes where the object of their affection uses and manipulates the situation to their own ends. It is difficult to end it when it all seems so real, when you think of how it was and how it could be again. In reality it is so unlikely that it will ever get better and so you should just end it. If you must still work together then stop socialising with him and if he ever falls asleep with his cock half hanging out wake him up so he can go home and point out that he might want to put his cock away so that people don't get the wrong idea.

If Billy wants his cock sucked then he should ask you to do it - if he doesn't ask then you shouldn't be touching him.



You need to stop being his friend. Unless you are both able to talk about what is going on like adults then its not really a true friendship is it?

The weird thing is, we never spoke about this whenever it happens..it confuses me a lot when he seems ok one day and when he has his outburst,his anger and reaction are so REAL! It really made me believe that all the time he never wanted it and wasn’t aware. Imagine this, the first time he had his outburst, he walked off saying he wanted to go to a friends house which was quite far if he wanted to walk. I offered him a leave since I was the one who gave him a ride to my house earlier. He declined and I had to chase him all the way saying sorry and god knows how I felt that time. He didn’t say a word and when I asked him to say something he just answered ‘im not in the mood’. It took us 15 minutes to reach my friends house and hpeople were asking why he was looking so down and he just kept quiet.

and with him ignoring me for so long,it gave me the idea that what he said was true.that he didn’t know what happened earlier because if he did he would have hated me earlier. I tried to have a talk with him the night after that and all he did was looked down and play with the papers in his hands. Never said a word and when I was done, he just left..i don’t know how to confront him or whether I should. This is where I could need some advice from you guys.

he will never ask me to suck him,the last few days,there would be times where he would sleep away from me and when I ‘try’ to put my legs near him he would just turn away..that would tell me that hes not interested but either way,it is still me who at times initiate everything..not him..

 

[aztechx]

[FONT=&quot]ill type a few of the messages we had regarding the issue..i saved it in my hpone but it died on me a few weeks back and ill try my best to remember what was said.

[/FONT] [FONT=&quot]For the first outburst.
[/FONT] [FONT=&quot]When I asked him will he ever forgive me?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]--he said things along the lines off “Its traumatic..i always thought I would only hear about those things or from the internet and never imagined it could happen to me..and worse that it was done by my friend.ill put it this way, do u think a rape victim would ever forgive her rapist?

[/FONT] [FONT=&quot]For the second outburst[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]When I asked him if he was going to see a lecturer who wanted to meet us[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]--im going but not with a person like you.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I explained the situation that I thought he wanted it and he replied[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]--how the hell would u say I wanted it??it was ur fault and now u r trying to put the blame on me??theres no use arguing about this anymore..what are do u expect from me?that I forgive u one more time and let u do it again?i won’t trust u again.

[/FONT] [FONT=&quot]For the second outburst,we were in the middle of doing a project and he just left me to deal with it alone. again I was confused whether he was aware or not but I guess I was more ‘prepared’ this time.and he just allowed me to suck him on the same morning and when I did it again he just ‘woke up’.. I didn’t apologize to him as much as I did after the first outburst bcos it seems that after the first outburst,ive said almost everything to tell him why it all means so much to me and that left me with nothing left to say after the 2nd outburst. And we never spoke about it again until today.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]And ill tell u guys about a ‘funny’ part of whats happening and how ironic things can be.a girl who knows something is wrong between billy and I chose to confess to me that she had feelings for billy and was falling head over heels for him. I didn’t mind listening but thre will be times when her whining would be too much.i mean shes a little ‘stupid’ at times and her choice of words are really bad. Im not sure if billy is interested but this girl just wont stop complaining about billy not replying her messages,billy replies with short messages,billy takes an hour to reply etc. and she WHINES way too hard for someone her age.i seriously don’t mind giving her advice and never once had I failed to say good things about billy..but at times she would say things that mean "billy doesnt reply my messages so ill message u instead" or "if billy treats me well i wont need you" etc. definitely something i could put away at the moment.[/FONT]


[FONT=&quot]And billy was just a friend to her in the first place.. he never gave her any hope or whatever.. I mean she talks about being stressed out etc. and when I explain things to her she says things like [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]“u will never understand what im going through..i just don’t know but I feel stressed out everyday..”[/FONT]


[FONT=&quot]She has no idea…[/FONT]

 

[sexplease]

ya gotta separate your "friends" from your fuck-buddies.

love ≠ sex. you'll understand that someday.