Desperate call for help..(relationship gone wrong)

[sexplease]

or like the old saying: Don't shit where you eat.

 

[Hippie Hollow Girl]

Does the university that you are attending provide counseling at reduced rates to students? I would suggest that you check into it.

If your "friend" told you at his first outburst that he doesn't want you molesting or raping him in his sleep......without his verbal consent.....it is your duty to honor his words.....no matter what.

All guys get erections when they sleep. And most would not turn down a release in their sleep.

The other thing is.....how do you know that Billy isn't fucking around with this girl's mind like he is fucking around with yours?

Anyways......get professional help dealing with this situation. There are all kinds of things that can go wrong. Things I don't want to even think about right now.

Good luck

 

[aztechx]

ya gotta separate your "friends" from your fuck-buddies.

love ≠ sex. you'll understand that someday.

i dont know iv ive been having the wrong idea the whole time but what im giving to billy is more then just sex to me..its my intention to please him whenever i think he 'wants' to and at the same time getting what i want..it might sound very weird but sometimes like ive mentioned before,even after ive jerked off,i still want to touch him just for the sake of doing it..

Does the university that you are attending provide counseling at reduced rates to students? I would suggest that you check into it.

If your "friend" told you at his first outburst that he doesn't want you molesting or raping him in his sleep......without his verbal consent.....it is your duty to honor his words.....no matter what.

All guys get erections when they sleep. And most would not turn down a release in their sleep.

The other thing is.....how do you know that Billy isn't fucking around with this girl's mind like he is fucking around with yours?

Anyways......get professional help dealing with this situation. There are all kinds of things that can go wrong. Things I don't want to even think about right now.

Good luck

do u mean that a guys 'defence' is naturally low in his sleep?

about him telling me those things,ive been hoping that what he said was just him in denial and when he 'asks' for it,i just get the impression that he has changed his mind and wants me to do him a favor..

and about billy and the girl,lets just say i know them way too well..the girl is the kind of girl who freaks out even at the thoughts of holding hands with a guy..

i have a few questions btw..

1)do u guys think billy believed that the first 2 years of our friendship were real?that it wasnt my intention to get to his cock since the first time we met?

2) how should i have reacted to him the day after any sessions with him?the morning itself,he would seem okay but at night,he would give me the cold shoulders as usual. ignoring him just gives me that 'irresponsible' feeling while talking to him doesnt change much either..what does he expect from me?

3)i know for sure that billy hasn't had sex before and could it be that he is addicted to it too?if we both share the same problem it would make talking to him on this topic a whole lot easier...

4) why does it seems that at times, he treats me better when no one is around and sometimes treats me worse(when no ones around)?

there is counseling services in my university but i have a major problem in trusting people which is why i chose to seek help here instead..

 

[aztechx]

5) is hate the right word to describe what billy is feeling towards me at the moment?

 

[D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead]

Aztechx, look, I gotta confront you with something. Tell me if I'm off-base here, and I mean this with lots of caring and concern.

I read this thread, and this guy Billy has treated you in a terrible, abusive way. Lots of folks have posted, and I agree with them, that you need to avoid him and take care of yourself and put some distance between yourselves. And yet ... your questions above are all about him and how you should have reacted to him.

You say you don't want to get help from the counseling services at your university, but I would strongly recommend that you do just that. This is a place to get interesting viewpoints, but a therapeutic relationship (like one with a counselor) is exactly the place to work out what happened with you and this other dude ... AND the place to work on your lack of trust, too.

Hope you take that in the spirit it's meant in. I wish you luck.

 

[sexplease]

i have a few questions btw..

1)do u guys think billy believed that the first 2 years of our friendship were real?that it wasnt my intention to get to his cock since the first time we met?
A: Why do want to know what we think Billy believes?
2) how should i have reacted to him the day after any sessions with him?the morning itself,he would seem okay but at night,he would give me the cold shoulders as usual. ignoring him just gives me that 'irresponsible' feeling while talking to him doesnt change much either..what does he expect from me?
A: You cannot change the past. You CAN learn from it. And again, Only Billy is qualified to say what he expects from you.Most importantly, What do YOU expect of YOURSELF?
3)i know for sure that billy hasn't had sex before and could it be that he is addicted to it too?if we both share the same problem it would make talking to him on this topic a whole lot easier...
A: You assume you are "addicted"...to sex. (If, this is his first foray into sexual behavior with another, as is with most people, enormous changes happen deep within the psyche. He will deal with these issues HIS way. As we all have. As YOU will.
You also say "both share the same problem". You are assuming [projecting]. This may be a "problem" for you, but it does not mean it is a "problem" for anyone else, let alone Billy.
Suggestion: try to see this as a personal challenge AND and opportunity to learn and grow. You will find what you seek ONLY inside YOU.

4) why does it seems that at times, he treats me better when no one is around and sometimes treats me worse(when no ones around)?
A: Maybe, MAYBE, he has a major problem in trusting people [see your next statement]. Maybe he is bi-polar. Maybe he has self-esteem issues. Maybe he has self-abuse issues. Maybe he has control issues. Maybe he has intimacy issues. Maybe he has trust issues.
Maybe he is normal too. Maybe he is not part of the "norm".
Maybe maybe maybe.
More than likely, as you are doing on personal levels, including the subconscious; learning coping mechanisms and self preservation skills.

there is counseling services in my university but i have a major problem in trusting people which is why i chose to seek help here instead..

5) is hate the right word to describe what billy is feeling towards me at the moment?

A: No.

 

[aztechx]

Aztechx, look, I gotta confront you with something. Tell me if I'm off-base here, and I mean this with lots of caring and concern.

I read this thread, and this guy Billy has treated you in a terrible, abusive way. Lots of folks have posted, and I agree with them, that you need to avoid him and take care of yourself and put some distance between yourselves. And yet ... your questions above are all about him and how you should have reacted to him.

You say you don't want to get help from the counseling services at your university, but I would strongly recommend that you do just that. This is a place to get interesting viewpoints, but a therapeutic relationship (like one with a counselor) is exactly the place to work out what happened with you and this other dude ... AND the place to work on your lack of trust, too.

Hope you take that in the spirit it's meant in. I wish you luck.

i have no problem at all with your reply..the reason i posted my problem here was to get views from others instead of my very clouded one.ill welcome 'harsh' posts anytime as long as it makes sense..

about me asking things about him..since day one,ive been trying to understand him..understand what he needs,what he wants,what he doesnt want and like i asked earlier what does he expect of me..part of me still wants all this to have a happy ending..please forgive my stubbornness over this matter..but i wont give up on a chance to do just that when i find one..but to date,i still cant get him..i still cant understand what he wants and expects from me..

about the counseller,as a matter of fact,im quite close to him..heis one of the friendly staffs around and somehow thats the reason why i dont feel like coming out to him about this..im not sure if he could handle such a thing..i think ive mentioned tat im living in a very different community then u guys..this kind of things could get me into deep shit..

[FONT=&quot]A: Why do want to know what we think Billy believes?
[/FONT]i think u got my question wrong there..im just afraid that billy would think our friendship b4 was unreal..that i was into it just for sex all the while and that makes me feel like a sick person..

[FONT=&quot]A: You cannot change the past. You CAN learn from it. And again, Only Billy is qualified to say what he expects from you.Most importantly, What do YOU expect of YOURSELF?
[/FONT]i no longer know what im expecting from myself..i just dont have any words to answer this at the moment..i dont know why..
[FONT=&quot]A: No.[/FONT]
so what is the right word to describe him?confused?he really did a good job giving me the impression that he hated me..

 

[D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead]

about the counseller,as a matter of fact,im quite close to him..heis one of the friendly staffs around and somehow thats the reason why i dont feel like coming out to him about this..im not sure if he could handle such a thing..i think ive mentioned tat im living in a very different community then u guys..this kind of things could get me into deep shit..

If he has any sort of credentials, he has probably heard far more shocking things than your story ... he knows how to keep things confidential ... and he'll have some insight on your situation that you don't now have.

You might want to "test the waters" and ask him what sort of training he has, and how he's handled situations in the past where someone's told him something that's upsetting, shocking or really different sort of behavior. See how he responds before telling him anything really personal.

 

[aztechx]

If he has any sort of credentials, he has probably heard far more shocking things than your story ... he knows how to keep things confidential ... and he'll have some insight on your situation that you don't now have.

You might want to "test the waters" and ask him what sort of training he has, and how he's handled situations in the past where someone's told him something that's upsetting, shocking or really different sort of behavior. See how he responds before telling him anything really personal.

in my opinion he is just too young..in his early 30s..at times he does say things different from others in terms of personal stuffs but im just too afraid to come out about this especially the part where im attracted to billy..

about billy,today as usual,he treated me like i was some sort of rubbish..there were 4 of us and he would laugh and smile talking to others and when i spoke to him he would avoid eye contact and put on a straight face..sometimes scowling..i 'tested' the water a few times to confirm this and he seems to change his expression in an instance between when he speaks to me and when he speaks to others.this is a sure sign of hate right...

i text-ed him to ask a few things about our project and ended up asking him if he was very mad at me or something..he replied only about the project and didnt say a word about being mad or whatever..i replied again about the project and said once we get our funds(sponsorship) ,i hope he would put on a more calm face when he talks to me..instead of putting on that angry face all the time..

 

[aztechx]

our holidays will be coming up and i will spend quite some time with him ALONE for the project..my house mates will be heading back to their hometown while i work with him for the project in my house just like the last few holidays..what happened the last time was,i spent alot of my time alone and im afraid it will repeat itself..how do i prepare myself for this?he will only come to my house to do some work and go back to his house leaving me alone for the rest of the day..and even when hes around,if he doesnt talk much..its going to be boring anyway..what can i do?

 

[Hippie Hollow Girl]

Get involved with some new interests or hobbies. Instead of sitting home alone being at someone's beck and call......get out of the house and do something that you want to do. Ride a bike, go for a jog......hang out at the library. You can even go visit your family. Change things up. Don't be so predictable.

At least it will keep you from sitting at home thinking about Billy. Do something to take your mind off of him.

That's my advice.

 

[aztechx]

Guys..sorry for the late reply..so much has happened..i don’t know why or how..my friend and I are back together as friends..i cant believe how normal things are at the moment..we talk laugh and joke like we always did..and he even confided to me in things u don’t normally randomly confide in people but to close friends..i don’t know how this happened..it was sudden..might be due to the fact that theres only the two of us around staying back for the holidays coz we have the project I told you guys about..we spend a whole lot of time together and about 70% of my day is with him..Either doing our project or just simply spending time together..


This is exactly what ive wanted from the start..losing the friendship nearly killed me and now that ive got it back there still loads of thing troubling my mind..i cant help wondering how the sudden change happened..i mean from a guy who seemed to hate me with all his heart for what ive done..im not complaining but I was the guy who ‘betrayed’ him and sucked him in his sleep and he hated me for it..i just don’t know but the whole thing has given me this sense of insecurity..


Another thing im worried about is myself..im so so scared that ill repeat the same mistake again..there was one time when he slept here again and I was exploding trying to stop myself from doing anything to him..i managed to thou..but the thing is,I don’t know how I would fair the next time this happens..i know you guys have been telling me that I should prevent this from happening..him sleeping over and so..but I don’t know sometimes the urge is so strong that I want him to sleep here and I might end up torturing myself trying not to think of anything..i cant stop my addiction to this very bad thing..im just very very afraid that I might lose control one day and potentially destroy this friendship that I fought so hard to preserve..


Would really appreciate any advice..

 

[amygdala]

Would really appreciate any advice..

If you can't avoid him coming over and you're afraid you won't be able to control your urges - try jerking off before he comes over.

 

[Jl2017]

I think he likes having some other guy to dominate sexually.

He likes the sex subconsiously but not the stereotypical "gay price tag" that might come along with it.

I think he just likes dominating you becaue you're the submissive one and he's teh dominant one. It gives him power over you and he still gets what he wants....

...

WAIT UP...
You mean you can do that to someone while they're sleeping ?! And they won't wake up??? Hmmmmmmm.... Must be a heavy sleeper.

 

[aztechx]

what do u mean by dominating sexually?is it possible to go through all that without waking up?is it even possible for you to put up ur legs and wrap it around someone when you are asleep?i still have that small thoughts in my mind that he might have been asleep all along..i dont know..im just generally very scared and insecure at the moment..im very afraid of losing the friendship but at the same time i dont know how to contain my urges..

 

[Stephenmass]

OK you seem to have reestablished your friendship and are willing to risk it all again over a dick? Damn, if you want to keep the friendship, control yourself guy. If you want to lose it again, and get treated like shit again, your choice. I'm starting to think you enjoy (no offense) being the martyr.

 

[killerb]

I'm starting to think you enjoy (no offense) being the martyr.

I think you've nailed it...

 

[aztechx]

OK you seem to have reestablished your friendship and are willing to risk it all again over a dick? Damn, if you want to keep the friendship, control yourself guy. If you want to lose it again, and get treated like shit again, your choice. I'm starting to think you enjoy (no offense) being the martyr.

what kind of a person would allow me to do what i did just to kill me off later..him being nice at the moment looks really genuine..at times i hold myself back really hard from doing what i would normally do just so i dont spoil anything but i dont know if i can last..he seems to be 'inviting' at times..and after things are done,he would still treat me nicely like nothing has happened..

this always leads me to belief that the thing about us having sex and being as normal of a friend seems possible..it confuses me..i know u guys have been sick of telling me what to do and what not to do but his mixed signals are really hard to read..is he genuinely nice to me or is he doing so just because he is horny and want some from me..i fought hard for this friendship and the last thing i want is to risk throwing it all away again..

 

[amygdala]

Look - he already knows you want him, since he woke up to find his dick in your mouth. He lashed out at you for violating him, and he had every right to do so. Consider yourself lucky that things have gotten back to normal, where you can be in eachother's company without all the tension that existed after all this first happened. Unless he's a complete moron, he's well aware that you want him. Therefore, if he wants anything to happen again in the future, the ball is in his court. Anything you do without his express consent at this point will likely result in your ruining the friendship forever. He gave you a second chance, don't expect a third.

 

[nicenycdick]

I am sorry...It was quite apparent to me from the beginning that this poster either enjoyed being in a submissive, abusive relationship or was inventing the whole thing because he wanted to be in a submissive, abusive relationship. The scenario is rather unlikely and, even if it did happen, would have been easy to avoid the multiple times it was repeated. I never have any problem with giving advice to those in real need, but this seems to me to be something else. The exasperation the wonderful respondents of LPSG who posted in response must feel by this time should be better understood in that light; this poster does not want this scenario (real or not) to end...he simply wants to talk about it.

I may be wrong...but I don't think I am.