Dirty Limericks

[Sassy]

[FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]A new farmer's helper named Kull
Accidentally was milking a bull
The farmer said, "Boy yer dumb,
You done milked the wrong one!"
Said the boy, "But me whole bucket's full."

:tongue::tongue::tongue::tongue:
[/FONT]

 

[hellyeah1138]

bagumm,bagumm, bagumm

Timothy timothy kiss me there
under me kilty and in me hair
If ye don't kiss me in the right place
I'll lift up me kilty and piss in yer face!

The reply to this is:

Ye hag
ye bag
ye dirty rag.
Ya sleazy slimy slut,
between yer thighs
green fungus lies
and maggots crawl out o yer butt.
Before I'd kiss those greezy lips
or touch this slimy tits
I'm drink three gallons o buzzard puke
and die of greezy shits.

bagumm, bagumm, bagumm

 

[B_Hung Jon]

This is my dad's favorite and is from the 1950's:

"There once was a gal named Lil
Who took an atomic pill.
They found her vagina
In South Carolina
And her tits ended up in Brazil."

 

[Smartalk]

There was once a man named hall
who had, an hexagonal ball
If you cube rooted its weight
multiply it by pi minus eight
it equalled the square root of fuck all

 

[Wish-4-8]

There was a gross man, Mr. Kleeman.
Who fancied to eat his own semen.
But to everyones' shock,
He had a big cock,
And now every guy wants to be him.

 

[B_stanmarsh14]

There was a young man from Dunhill
Whom ate a dynamite pill
His heart retired
His arse backfired
And his prick shot over the hill

There was a young woman from Ealing
Who had a very strange feeling
She laid on her back
Opened her crack
And pissed over the bedroom ceeling

 

[D_Selathiel Sextoye]

There was a young man from Cheam,
Who invented a wanking machine,
On the 99th stroke,
The fucking thing broke,
And whipped his balls to cream.

 

[Pitbull]

Technically not a limerick
Because 1st line does not rhyme with #2 & #5


Jack and Jill went up the hill
To get poor jack some fanny
He got a big shock
And a mouthful of cock
Because Jill was a pre-op trans

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

This is my dad's favorite and is from the 1950's:

"There once was a gal named Lil
Who took an atomic pill.
They found her vagina
In South Carolina
And her tits ended up in Brazil."

I love that one.

There once was a woman named myrtle
Who wore a black sequined girdle
She put on a show
For the men don't you know
That made the town vicar's blood curdle.

 

[crossy]

Jack and Jill went up the hill each with a dollar and a quarter
Jill came down with two and one half
Do you think they went up for water?

 

[GeorgeTSLC]

OH-kay. That, plus a Google search, gives me 4 out of 5 lines:
There once was a whore in Peru
who one day had nothing to do
so she sat on the stairs
counting cunt hairs
[And WHAT is the last line, say you?]


Well, not into one line, but one limerick:
A photographer working in Dallas,
was assigned to a singer named Alice--
Cooper, that is--
and while taking a whiz
was amazed to see Alice's phallus.

And now I see that I should have read through the whole thread up to that point :redface:, as I just did, and thus discovered that the last line is
1,502
which--delightfully-scans perfectly while looking insane on the page.

Apparently Google doesn't send its Web-spiders here, though it does cover other conversation boards.

 

[GeorgeTSLC]

There once was a man from De Gaulle..
That wore a newspaper suit to the ball..
Well his clothes caught on fire..
And burned his entire...
Sporting section and ALL..

That's actually funnier when it scans:

There once was a man named DeGaulle
wore a newspaper suit to a ball.
But his clothes caught on fire
and burned his entire
front page--sporting section and all!

Admittedly, some guys also have a sporting section in the back . . .

Also, apparently the original victim was a young lady one fall, or a girl from St. Paul--which, depending where you are from may or may not quite rhyme with ball and all (same for DeGaulle).

 

[chicagosam]

There once was a cunt named . . . I forget . . .
(But I recall the name ended with "et.”)
Her twat was so vile
You could smell it a mile
But her crabs found it quite a banquet.

 

[TurkeyWithaSunburn]

Any more talented rhymers out there?

 

[ghb69]

In days of old.
When Knights were bold,
And rubbers weren't invented.
He wrapped a sock,
Around his cock.
And that was to prevent it.

 

[ferfed]

hickory dickory dock-a hand went up my cock-down and up and down again-and then around the way to tickle that spot

 

[ghb69]

Old mother Hubbard,
Went to the cupboard.
To get her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over
Rover took over.
Cuz he had a bone of his own.

 

[joey baloney]

There was a girl from Verdun
Who lived on piss, vomit and cum
And when she couldn't get these
She lived off the cheese
That she scraped from her cunt with her thumb

 

[D_Sparroe Spongecaques]

There was a girl from Verdun
Who lived on piss, vomit and cum
And when she couldn't get these
She lived off the cheese
That she scraped from her cunt with her thumb

yum:

 

[Pecker]

There was a chap from St. Enos
Who never stopped fondling his penis
His arms got tired
But somehow he sired
Harold, Alexander and Venus.