Down Low - is it cheating?

[Tlss]

That's definitely cheating only with the different sex.

 

[Bbucko]

The reason it's cheating is because the OP's wife has no clue as to what's going on.

Open relationships are based on trust and communication. Fucking on the down-low is just dogging after genitalia.

The time to open a relationship is before the extracurricular activities begin, not after. If there is a difference of opinion or any objection, then the parties involved must decide which is more important: the relationship or sex outside the relationship.

 

[holmes 13]

I've been bi for as long as I can remember. Before I asked my wife to marry me, I told her. I also told her that every once in a while I visit this guy, pay him a bit of money, get a massage and have some gay sex. She was fine with it, and actually turned her on that I was "a bit kinky", but it was never brought up again. 14 years later, I'm feeling guilt for having sex with a different guy (same deal..massage...), and I feel I'm cheating on my wife, but also cheating on myself for not being myself. I went back to my wife and explained the situation. I wish I wasn't bi, it would make my life far less complicated, but you can't just turn off the "BI SWITCH". My wife understood, and told me to proceed safely, what a women!! The guilt has gone away mostly, what I'd really like to do is bring another guy with a nice big dick into our bedroom and let my wife enjoy it as well. She has said she's not interested, but many years ago we shared our bed with another women. Perhaps we'll try that again some time. Bottom line, being honest with my wife has improved my life. Good luck

 

[djpeh]

What Bbucko said--it's not about having sex outside your marriage, it's about having sex outside your marriage without telling your wife. I don't give a damn about adultery--it's the dishonesty that's the problem.

We find that since we know it's okay to dabble, we don't with any regularity.

We've (well, I've, since I'm the only one doing any dabbling) found the same to be true--isn't that a pisser!!!!

 

[B_dxjnorto]

I don't give a damn about adultery--it's the dishonesty that's the problem.

Totally agree. I don't give a damn about what penis goes into what orifice, but I do care about personal honestly.

 

[D_Roland_D_Hay]

I've been bi for as long as I can remember. Before I asked my wife to marry me, I told her. I also told her that every once in a while I visit this guy, pay him a bit of money, get a massage and have some gay sex. She was fine with it, and actually turned her on that I was "a bit kinky", but it was never brought up again. 14 years later, I'm feeling guilt for having sex with a different guy (same deal..massage...), and I feel I'm cheating on my wife, but also cheating on myself for not being myself. I went back to my wife and explained the situation. I wish I wasn't bi, it would make my life far less complicated, but you can't just turn off the "BI SWITCH". My wife understood, and told me to proceed safely, what a women!! The guilt has gone away mostly, what I'd really like to do is bring another guy with a nice big dick into our bedroom and let my wife enjoy it as well. She has said she's not interested, but many years ago we shared our bed with another women. Perhaps we'll try that again some time. Bottom line, being honest with my wife has improved my life. Good luck

You are very lucky to have such an understanding wife. I applaud you for being honest with her upfront.

 

[northwestone]

It's a marriage, there are two of you that matter. whatever you AGREE is ok in your relationship IS ok. And some of us should be a little less judgemental. However, once you decide to do things in secret and without discussion you ARE cheating.

My guess is that you're already feeling very guilty or you wouldn't have started this thread. You KNOW what you're doing is wrong, because it's not part of the deal you made with your wife.

Perhaps it's time to renegotiate, or the shame is on you. Had you been able to communicate who you really are when you were dating you could have married someone who understood and accepted you for the man you are and it's very possible that this person would be your current wife. but you've deceived her for years now so that conversation will probably be a lot more painful for both of you....

 

[art]

Cheating is cheating, whether with a man or woman makes no difference, and makes you a liar to your wife.

 

[GI SUPRISE]

Well I think he has already ruined the relationship. He has already breached the trust that they share between them. If he had gay proclivities and wanted to explore them he should have discussed this with his wife FIRST.

My "boyfriend" told me he had been sleeping with other people for the past six months. We were "monogomous" too. He said he told me because he wanted to have an open relationship. He said that sex was just sex and it meant nothing. He wanted to be with me and only me emotionally.

To say the least he broke my heart. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get over the fact that he unilaterally changed the nature our relationship.

You need to tell your wife. You also need to expect that the relationship will terminate immediately. Although difficult, you will at least maintain a small sense of integrity.

If you truly love your wife don't ever tell her and STOP cheating IMMEDIATELY.

It's not worth it. You're playing with fire and are gonna burn yourself and your wife in the process.

 

[D_Roland_D_Hay]

Well said GI!!!