Has any woman ever asked you...

[soren10]

Well not IRL. But it has happened here ( kinda ).

 

[Matt_x]

No... and I also hate drama.

 

[554279]

Only by professional contacts in jest.

I usually keep my drama down by asking myself a question before I ask someone else or go down the drama path on a personal level.

But sometimes here in the land of real or imagined large peckers, people expertly push the asshole button to no end.

 

[Naughty Teacher]

not with those words, though i have been anxious about things.

 

[Hatt_101]

Can't say that I have i been

 

[AlteredEgo]

not with those words, though i have been anxious about things.

What were the words used? Were you being dramatic? What was the root of your anxiety?

I do not recall it ever happening. My wife will get on me about expressing my frustration at relatively inconsequential annoyances like buggy electronics and uncooperative tools and whatnot from time to time.

Sometimes that results in me accusing her of being dramatic. Geesh, I'm just cussing at shitty wifi connection. I'm not flipping out & going on a shooting spree.

So, are you saying she's projecting?

 

[Shackleford]

So, are you saying she's projecting?

I don't think so. That's never even crossed my mind. Am I?

 

[AlteredEgo]

I don't think so. That's never even crossed my mind. Am I?

I couldn't rightly say. It's possible. You'd have to tell me though.

 

[Shackleford]

I couldn't rightly say. It's possible. You'd have to tell me though.

I'm just more comfortable with negative emotions being expressed. Anger, frustration, conflict. She's more of a holder-inner. I let that shit out...unless it's directed at her, of course, in which case I know I have to tone it down and be as tactful as possible with my approach.

 

[Nosuportneeded]

I get asshole-robot. And sex fiend.

Asshole robot sex fiend. Never heard that I was dramatic, Unless I was (stage/screen) acting

 

[AlteredEgo]

I'm just more comfortable with negative emotions being expressed. Anger, frustration, conflict. She's more of a holder-inner. I let that shit out...unless it's directed at her, of course, in which case I know I have to tone it down and be as tactful as possible with my approach.

I think you and I may be a lot alike in that regard. I suspect you are better at diplomacy, though.

I get asshole-robot. And sex fiend.

Asshole robot sex fiend. Never heard that I was dramatic, Unless I was (stage/screen) acting

Asshole-robot sounds like a description of drama to me. It also sounds like a good band I would check out at a bar.

 

[AlteredEgo]

well as i said in this thread, i was a drama king internally, second guessing my GF, because she's a size queen and i am not big. i allowed this to consume me and not express it. so i chose to vent in this site and make some posts here, girls here told me in a polite way that what i thought it was on their mind was wrong, and that it was all in my head and i kept going ignoring them in a way. saying that they lie and that they do care about size the most. it was up until recently that those girls insisted on telling me the truth and making me see the light + a conversation i had with my GF helped also. so yeah i saved my GF from the drama and my insecurities and vented here.

I think that's best.

 

[AlteredEgo]

again thank you @AlteredEgo for helping me and for being polite with me.

No problem. I had no idea I was helping, but I am pleased I could.

 

[185248]

You are just describing a life. Life IS a drama.

The most recent example I have witnessed of a man being dramatic would be a potential suitor who constantly mistakes my reservations for anger. He was distant and aloof with me, which I perceived as disinterest, so I wrote him off. Deleted his phone number from my list of contacts in my phone, un-friended him on Facebook. I'm not here to bother anyone with my presence, so when he seemed bored and distracted on a date, then didn't hug me goodbye, then didn't respond to a text for several days, I removed myself from his orbit.

Now, he's paying lots of attention, but constantly asks if I'm upset. I get that he might be a little nervous since I cut him out entirely, but he didn't even notice until I told him we were no longer contacts on social media, and that I no longer had a photo to use for his contact info in my phone. By then, when he had reached out, over a week had passed since I had given him up for lost. Now he questions every silence, and was really kind of a drama dump one night when he said he wanted to call back in a few minutes, and I asked him to call the next day instead since I was planning to get some work done. He also seemed a little upset when I couldn't FaceTime with him on his lunch break one day. I don't even have an iPhone, nor did I have the time at that moment to Skype or whatever. Whenever there is an opportunity to misinterpret something I have texted, he always chooses the interpretation that would be the most hurtful to him. Most of those times, I don't even know the slang connotations he thinks I have used. I also think he wants me to be jealous of other interested women. In contrast, I usually go out of my way to make every man pursuing me feel like he's my favorite.

To me, a friend being a little quiet is something to take in stride, not take personally. Bad timing for a phone call or video conference is the same. In difficult communication with a friend, I ask for clarification, then laugh with them at the multiple possibilities, having already assumed the best from this person who is supposed to be held in esteem. I come from a place of assuming my friend means no harm. It makes me wonder how he would ever cope with my actual bad moods, irritation, anger, or a thoughtless comment that doesn't come out quite right. He's too much drama. I think we are just going to be friends, if that. We are too old for drama. Maybe he romanticizes it. Maybe his ex girlfriend abused him. I don't know, but I do not have enough invested in him to want to deal. Save the drama for your mama. To quote Shakira lyrics, "I'll love you for free, but I'm not your mother."

There is another paramour who keeps trying to jump the gun and get me to be his girlfriend. I don't know him like that. He keeps trying to manufacture intimacy. Dates are always a little too cozy, and he has all these sticky, saccharin pet names for me. He tells people I'm his Buddha. Whatever that means. Maybe it's Boo-da. I didn't ask. It's better than my last boyfriend, who referred to me as BAE, a slang acronym I find annoying (Before All Else) particularly after him, since he was being disingenuous at best. This guy keeps doing things to or for me, and saying, "That's the benefits of being dedicated." I keep telling him we are not a monogamous couple. I also told him if he pursued a sexual agenda with me I wouldn't stop him, and that because he lived nearby he would get laid, but it would make it a lot harder for me to love him, as I would regard him as a playmate, not a potential partner, because that's how I treat a man I don't know well who wants to fuck me. They get compartmentalized. I learned to do that from years of casual sex. For better or worse, the result is it is almost impossible to go from FWB to loves with me. I told him this. I allowed him to bed me, figuring he'd made his choice.

Then he started using all this monogamy language in our discussions. He'd argued that sex would make us bond and become closer. I told him several times it would not. I made him paraphrase my position to be sure he understood me. Now, we've had sexual contact a few times, intercourse once, and he's bonded (apparently) but I feel nothing. I like him. He's fun to be around. He's sweet and attentive, and adequate in bed. He's business savvy. But he's some guy I barely know who gets me off on a regular basis. Not my boyfriend. It would be different if we'd had a long-standing friendship/acquaintanceship/flirtation and then we hooked up. But he wants to go from zero to partnered in seven days. I can't even.

He keeps trying to talk me out of what he calls serial dating. LOL These dudes are not in a series, they are concurrent. I'm newly single, exploring my options, trying to find a comfortable fit. It could have been him, but I may never know, because he's just a friendly penis to me now, just like I told him he would be, if he kept trying to get too physical too fast. And the result? Drama. He won't stop running his mouth about me "dedicating" myself to him. The whole time, all I can think to myself is, "Sweetie, let me watch this movie, ride your mouth, make you cum, then help clean up before I have to go to work. Shhh." He says women break his heart. I say he invites the drama of heartbreak by bedding women too fast, confusing oxytocin for love, and then wondering why he is treated like an option, like she always maintained he was, rather than the priority he made her. That shit is extra, and dramatic.

I should probably leave him alone before he gets too hurt. I suggested he take out other women. I refused to see him for a couple of days, having told him I think he needed time to put our relationship into perspective, and get a little distance from the intensity of what he claims to feel. He just turned into a sad puppy.

And yet. It doesn't seem real to me. Maybe I'm just a bitch, maybe I'm still reeling from an ex who was phony, but it all feels fake. Maybe he's just a devious guy who has figured out how to get his dick wet and just doesn't want to share, for however long he wants to keep me around. I don't really know or care. But I would rather skip the drama, fuck each other stupid, and sleep it off in my own bed, alone. Later, if the friendship side becomes more, so be it. But as Coolio said, "The way things are going, I don't know."

I have known a friend of mine for many years. He is a male. 61 years of age, once played in an Aussie band, supported acts like Cocker, Stewart, Sweet, etc, etc. He had women on tap....yet his yearning was, loyalty.

He was viewed as being unloyal to partners because he played in well know musical band. Yet partners would view him as being unloyal because of this.

I think partners, of persons who feel confident about themselves feel insecure, whether they be well known or not. This creates drama.

Self confident persons have a habit of exuding confidence, not on purpose...it's just he way it is. I have said here many times body language is 50% of life, for some reason it attracts those who need protection, from others and themselves.

When all what a person of confidence needs is partnership, touch..a strange mixture which is difficult for many to comprehend..

What they most often find themselves in a position of being, is needed. What this leads to is drama. More often than not a confident person would rather be marooned on a desert isle by themselves, just to observe the wildlife, observe, now and then, intrude when asked.

The movie Castaway was based on a persons need to get back to civilization...where as I thought. Why . Why would you want to escape from yourself?

A person of confidence does not ask for drama, but being part of the human species does not negate the fact the majority dwell and thrive upon it. I sometimes think this is why we find it so difficult to find our way forward in the scheme of things.

Back to my good friend, the band member. His past life now dictates his present life. He feels confident in spirituality, but in growing older he feels less confident in physicality.......if that makes sense.

Myself, I have an On and Off switch. I don't thrive or need to survive on drama. I think I swim to deep at times to be caught up for long periods in surface chatter.

I think the most important thing in anyone's survival is honesty. I don't believe in following guidelines, I follow my own, no matter the drama . Because in the end we face it alone, we need to be happy within ourselves. With what we have done, and have not done.

There is no drama in that, it's just how life is.

I can live with that.


Yup, I thought about deleting this too

 

[Nosuportneeded]

I think you and I may be a lot alike in that regard. I suspect you are better at diplomacy, though.


Asshole-robot sounds like a description of drama to me. It also sounds like a good band I would check out at a bar.

Asshole and robot describe my objectiveness and seeming lack of emotion

 

[185248]

You were typing from your heart

That too. Thanks ronin.

 

[185248]

You were typing from your heart

Thank you.

 

[TexanStar]

Even if it was a gift from an old girlfriend she didn't have a right to throw it out. My ex had some kind of attachment to this horrible sofa. It smelled. It was scratchy. I just tried to adjust to it. I steamed it, Febrezed it, I threw a slipcover over it. Nothing helped. Eventually he let it go of his own accord. If he hadn't, it would still be in the house today. When we did get rid of it, I selected a section of it, separated it from the base and the rest of the sofa, steamed the hell out of it, shampooed it a few times, dried it in sunlight, and put it in the home office. It's a chair now. The pets sleep on it, and it smells like popcorn, the scent my older dog puts out when she sleeps. He was touched. He knows I hated that terrible couch. I could never ask anyone to get rid of a personal artifact.

In my garage somewhere is a small gift bag. It contains every love letter, pressed flower, and small gift from the men I loved before I was married. The charm bracelet from my high school romance. Some movie stubbs from a date. A wind chime from my first lasting beau. Whenever I cime across it, i read every letter and card, pore over the photos, and trinkets. I show love the way I do because these are some of the people who taught me how. My small bag of keepsakes are a glimpse into yester-self. When I'm done with the bag, I stick it in a new place. Every time I happen upon it, it is a surprise to enjoy. I would be pretty dramatic if I was informed ir was trashed.

My ex wife, back when we were first dating, found a photo of me with my ex girlfriend and scratched her face out of the photo.

File under "things that should've been warning signs".

 

[Mike hung]

No my missus tolerates my crap pretty well. I don't really give her any beef anyways, it's all the other idiots in life that wind me up.
I'm generally a very placid easy going guy but don't cross the line or I do eventually see very deep red. Like anyone I guess, you can only push someone so far!
Usually people not doing what they should be or backing out of stuff, going back on their word gets me going.
People don't often start much with me, I'm a pretty big guy so thats why I don't get much trouble I guess, but for those that try watch out Lol

 

[TexanStar]

Did she turn out to be pretty controlling?

In some ways. If I go through this list: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/friendship-20/201506/20-signs-your-partner-is-controlling I can say yes to about half of them. So not the overlord of controlling behaviors, but still way more than one would want in a healthy relationship.