This has been a great read thus far. A part of me would love to see a Hump! fest-like film made of this. I think many of us have had some similar impulse or experience, but less successfully.
I have had two slightly similar situations, albeit with men who ended up being either gay or heteroflexible:
There was classmate in school I had a major crush on. He looked like Mark Hamill as he appeared in The Empire Strikes Back. We became pals, but it was the 80s and I was very much in the closet to everyone. We fell out of touch after school.
By 1991, I was out to everyone and a regular on the club scene with an apartment in the trendy part of town. By the time that started to feel a bit stale (rinse, wash, repeat every Thursday and Saturday night), I took the opportunity to move into a duplex in at the edge of the suburbs, right along the boundaries of the rural areas with farms.
My sweet, but super religious, neighbor and I became pals in that way an openly gay man could become friends with less extreme version of Tammy Faye Bakker. (You know she thinks you're going to burn in hell, but she is so sweet to you and is delight to hang out with.)
Come to find out, one her church pals is my former high school crush. I did not know this, but she told him about me being her neighbor. One evening I get a knock on the door and it is Steve [name changed]. I open the door and my heart jumps. He says, "Tracy [name changed] told me you're her neighbor."
He comes in, follows me upstairs, and we sit in the living room. It feels a bit awkward. It seems like he wants something, but I cannot tell if that is him or me projecting that on him. We talk for a bit, play catch up. I give him the short version to be clear he is aware that I am gay. He tells me a bit about his work farming before he starts asking me about being gay...what is it like, how did I know... the usual things one got asked by well-meaning, but clueless folx back in the 90s.
I don't remember the details anymore, but the conversation turned to what gay sex is like and before long he is telling me he wants to try it but only if I swear not to tell anyone. I ended up laying on the floor there in the living room, me sucking on him as he laid back spread eagle style. Then he sucked on me (I vaguely recall him commenting, "Hmmm, this is nice." in one moment when he came up for air.)
We ended up 69ing and then jacking off together to orgasm.
Honestly, it wasn't great. He got dressed and left, and I felt as if I had just done something that put that crush solidly in my past. I never reached out to him and he never followed up with me. Tracy never mentioned being aware that he had stopped by (We share the same dual car pad.) and it was very easy to let it go.
Second one, I was the object of desire. and happened before the incident with Steve above.
I visited a pal, (I will call him Kevin.) for the weekend in a college town two hours South of here.
Kevin had moved there for a career opportunity many months before and was missing his Portland friends. He was a sweet, reasonably attractive guy I had no sexual chemistry with. I really I just wanted to get away for the weekend and be somewhere else.
Upon my arrival, I took my things into his ground floor apartment and freshened up a bit before we got in his car. Kevin gave me a tour of the town and picked up a two of his friends of his along the way. We visited the downtown shops and the mall. He ended up introducing me to a half-dozen of his friends before we got a bite to eat.
I remember thinking, "Is every guy in this town hot?" (This has to be around 1992 because I remember wanting to get out of Portland, and Eugene seemed like a nice respite.)
There were not a lot of out gay people Eugene, and I think there were maybe two or three gay bars in the whole town. But, pe capita, the number of guys I was introduced to that were buff and met that gay jock ideal seemed higher than in Portland. Even the men that were a bit queeny for me, I was attracted to. They had tight toned bodies with some muscle, nice arms and shoulders on all of them. Maybe it was just his friends, I don't know.
Some were built like cheetahs. Others were built like tigers. All were hot AF from what I remember.
I even thought, "Am I physically hot enough to be with this people?" (I had been told over and over again that I was good looking and had "a great face." And my body clearly showed the disciplined two hours of daily gym rat time, and diet made mostly of chicken breast, tuna (little mayo), protein powders, and vegetables, but I never thought of myself as "muscular.") I was neither a cheetah nor a tiger. If my body was a cat's, it would've been a leopard's. (Yes, I was one of those gay guys that knew he was good looking, but never actually believed it...that or that men only liked me for my looks. Insecure pretty people can be nightmares.) But I digress.
Later that evening a few if his Kevin joined us for dinner at the local LGBT-friendly diner. In the process of asking who was who of the folx I had met, they all volunteered who was going out with who, who wanted who, and the typical gay male drama of the era before cell phones, Instagram, and Gridr. One of the sexy AF cheetahs wanted to be with one of the sex AF tigers that seemed to be on the "most desired" list. They had hooked up before, but were not a couple, not the way the cheetah wanted them to be. Oh, this *is* Portland, just on a smaller scale.
Kevin and I went back to his place to get ready for the clubs. I changed clothes and took a shower. Kevin was in a really good mood. As I was getting ready, I remember him blurting out to me "They're going to think my friends [from Portland] are the best looking!"
I remember feeling both complimented and alternately like I was being used to bolster Kevin's status with his friends. It was well intentioned and say smore about how both of us were fighting our own insecurities. I would have never presumed to be a trophy friend that Kevin was parading around town to show off to his Eugene friends, but that was at least a sliver of the motivation for his weekend invitation.
We went clubbing and I was really into that hot AF cheetah. I danced with him a few times and he bought me drinks. The tiger of his desire, built like a star quarterback, was friendly with me at the bar. Hands on my shoulders and my waist when we danced, but neither of us were going to go after the other (I was chased; I never overtly chased anyone.)
The club tiny and it was impossible to miss the drama, the cliques, and hunting going on. At one point not much past 1:00 AM, Kevin pulled me aside to tell me the sexy AF cheetah I was coming on to me to make his tiger jealous.
I smiled and shrugged, but I thought to myself, "Yeah, I am not having this." Being told I was a twice in one night I was being used was a bit much. I broke from the group hanging out by the bar to imply I was going to use the men's room and made for the exit. I ran out and hid behind a bank's drive thru.
From that vantage point, I saw sexy AF cheetah run outside, look around, and look distressed before heading back in to bar. Kevin came out before too long and I left with him to go back to his place.
We ended up sleeping in Kevin's bed. I had pajamas in those days, those loose silky ones with the single button on the fly and loose waistband. At some hour in the middle of the night, I felt Kevin's hand on the front of my pajama's fly. "Oh, why not" I thought to myself. I faked still be asleep while Kevin groped me, pulled my cock out and eventually sucked me for a few minutes while he jacked off. It felt good and reminded me of the mutual masturbation from early in my coming out days. I remember knowing he had climaxed because of his breathing and the faint smell of jizz.
The next morning, Kevin and I got up and acted as if nothing had happened. He asked me why I had left the bar the way I had. In the context of the sexy AF cheetah, I responded, "I don't like being used, " but I think Kevin understood that I meant it to apply to him as well.
We ended up stopping by the house of one of Kevin's other friends. He was someone I had not met yet. He was a bit older, ruggedly handsome, with really strong forearms. He worked at a chicken processing plant. I liked him. We had breakfast and it was more pleasant than anything that had happened in the previous 18 hours. I ended up telling Kevin I wanted to head back to Portland to get some things done before work on Monday.
I ended up going to Peacock in the Park (in Portland) later that same day, which is where I first sighted my next boyfriend. A couple of years later I would learn that boyfriend, a sexy AF leopard if ever there was one, was also a former William Higgins porn star. He would end up chasing after me and not believing me when I said I had spotted him long before he pursued me.
ME: "I saw you first."
HIM: "No, you didn't."
ME: "Yes, I did. I saw you during Peacock in the Park more than a year ago. You were wearing denim overalls with one strap unhooked and little else."
[silence], a pause, and then he looks at me and says, "You're scarry." [Both of us laugh out loud.]
But that is another story.