I am evidence

[Ed69]

I’m going to try and tread lightly here. First off to anyone who believes that a sexual assault victim will just easily come out and say what happened to them has never had to handle an interview. The guilt, the reasoning of why this occurred is very real and visible. They are starting to to develop PTSD.

As for law enforcement it is slowly changing. It takes a long time to see Law Enforcment make a change. It’s been over 20 years since Chief Gates and the brand of Law Enforcement left the LAPD after the LA riots and they are finally passionate about community policing. Namely because many of the dinosaurs finally retired. It’s this that is slowly changing in sexual assaults and law enforcement. Many of the ones who had terrible notions about sexual assault such as “she was wearing a tight skirt” “she was asking for it” “men can’t be sexually assault” are retiring and newer, better trained and more inclined to today’s society.

A would highly suggest Rape Aggression Defense or RAD to everyone. It is a non-profit self defense course. They offer different levels as well as a weapons class.

My daughter went to one of these, don't know if it was RAD. Her first date in public at the lake her then boy friend put his hand on her breast mid kiss on the hood of his car.She no too soon, he then did it again a few minutes later. He picked himself up out of the dust beside his car with a whole host of my daughters friends watching.
His father later called to whine about an E.R. bill for a broken wrist. We offered to file sexual assault charges with witnesses more than willing to back her up. Father and son never bothered us again cause.....

 

[A little Southern]

I agree, it does take immense courage. For many reasons. Many think she asked for it, the fallback if both have mutual friends, the threats, etc.

I didn't report one, because he was my husband at the time and discussed it with a friend who was a cop. "Sadly, nothing will be done because you're married to him. They feel you should always offer yourself to your spouse."

But years later, I did report one. I went through the demeaning rape kit, detailed report and subsequent grand jury trial. He and I had similar stories. Only difference was, he said I wanted sex and I had no undies on under my shorts. The case ended up being sent to the supreme court. While waiting, I began getting death threats. And ended up dropping it when the threats started including my children. I didn't have the courage to follow it through.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I agree, it does take immense courage. For many reasons. Many think she asked for it, the fallback if both have mutual friends, the threats, etc.

I didn't report one, because he was my husband at the time and discussed it with a friend who was a cop. "Sadly, nothing will be done because you're married to him. They feel you should always offer yourself to your spouse."

But years later, I did report one. I went through the demeaning rape kit, detailed report and subsequent grand jury trial. He and I had similar stories. Only difference was, he said I wanted sex and I had no undies on under my shorts. The case ended up being sent to the supreme court. While waiting, I began getting death threats. And ended up dropping it when the threats started including my children. I didn't have the courage to follow it through.

I'm so sorry you went through that.

 

[1209171]

I agree, it does take immense courage. For many reasons. Many think she asked for it, the fallback if both have mutual friends, the threats, etc.

I didn't report one, because he was my husband at the time and discussed it with a friend who was a cop. "Sadly, nothing will be done because you're married to him. They feel you should always offer yourself to your spouse."

But years later, I did report one. I went through the demeaning rape kit, detailed report and subsequent grand jury trial. He and I had similar stories. Only difference was, he said I wanted sex and I had no undies on under my shorts. The case ended up being sent to the supreme court. While waiting, I began getting death threats. And ended up dropping it when the threats started including my children. I didn't have the courage to follow it through.

I am without words. I don’t understand why the system is the way it is. We have the same problem here. And something needs to change as a whole culture and justice system. Way too much pressure put on the victim.

I am sorry that happened to LS

 

[LaFemme]

I agree, it does take immense courage. For many reasons. Many think she asked for it, the fallback if both have mutual friends, the threats, etc.

I didn't report one, because he was my husband at the time and discussed it with a friend who was a cop. "Sadly, nothing will be done because you're married to him. They feel you should always offer yourself to your spouse."

But years later, I did report one. I went through the demeaning rape kit, detailed report and subsequent grand jury trial. He and I had similar stories. Only difference was, he said I wanted sex and I had no undies on under my shorts. The case ended up being sent to the supreme court. While waiting, I began getting death threats. And ended up dropping it when the threats started including my children. I didn't have the courage to follow it through.

I am so sorry that happened to you. You did nothing to deserve that horrible treatment. You are so brave! No matter what happened, you are brave!

 

[TexanStar]

Just finished watching this. It wasn't a pleasant watch, but I'm glad I saw it. I'd never heard of this documentary until you pointed it out, and it was absolutely buried in the on-demand menu (I only found it because I knew what I was looking for, thanks to you).

Bumping this thread because it has relevance to recent news (that I can't link here because of the age of the victim).

Shouldn't take much looking on CNN to find it though.

In this case, kit was tested, rapist identified, and police just couldn't be bothered to pick the guy up. Some world women get to live in...

 

[AlteredEgo]

Wow.

 

[Enid]

i am glad this thread was bumped so that i can now look for this documentary. it will be hard to watch, i am sure. i have had experiences when i was younger where i did not feel comfortable. situations where i said meekly at the beginning "just wanna kiss" but it sometimes did progress more than i wanted. i felt guilty and responsible because i did not know how to kick someone in the nuts and say NO STOP IT. naturally, i never went to authorities because...i didn't even know how to grapple with that. how do you say well all i wanted to do was kiss?

 

[LaFemme]

i am glad this thread was bumped so that i can now look for this documentary. it will be hard to watch, i am sure. i have had experiences when i was younger where i did not feel comfortable. situations where i said meekly at the beginning "just wanna kiss" but it sometimes did progress more than i wanted. i felt guilty and responsible because i did not know how to kick someone in the nuts and say NO STOP IT. naturally, i never went to authorities because...i didn't even know how to grapple with that. how do you say well all i wanted to do was kiss?

I’ve said that to a guy, “I just want to make out. I do not want to have sex tonight. If you can’t handle that, let’s not even start.” I might even say it in a joking way, “let’s play 1950’s - no sex, just making out. Seriously, though, dude.”

The older I get, the more clearly I define my boundaries. Right up front. I’m interested or I’m not. I want to date you or I don’t. If I do, I won’t have sex before monogamy. And it might be awhile. I’m too old for game play and people not knowing themselves or what they want.

I’ve been sexually played before, plied with too many drinks, coerced into going farther than I wanted to, never saying ‘no’, just going along. Were those assaults? Not really, but they fell into those grey areas where I didn’t really want to but did it anyway because I went along to get along. I didn’t feel threatened, just felt so much pressure that I didn’t know how to back out.

It’s different now. Thankfully. And thankfully taught the boys and girls in my home not to have sex while they’re intoxicated or with intoxicated people - consent goes right out the window. Take care of your friends. Don’t let women and girls get cut from the herd. Don’t let them pass out at a party - get them home. (Not only do I have a friend who was raped while passed out at a party, she had a child from that rape. Her guilt at being drunk and passed out convinced her it was all her fault, plus she had flirted with her rapist earlier. Must be her fault.)

So many rules being a woman.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

I am lucky that I never felt like I couldn't say STOP if I felt like stopping. Those times I felt uncomfortable, I managed to get stern about it and Made it stop. I have had to be physically defensive, and again, am very lucky it didn't escalate the way it could have.

Every woman I know has different experiences. Several women I've known throughout my life also described experiences where they didn't want to go as far as they did, but didn't know how to express it. One told me how violated she felt, and how she felt like she was the one at fault. Like she betrayed herself.

No one should ever have to feel like that.

 

[918177]

Spidey senses are activated for some unknown reason........