Loneliness

[OscarM]

I feel like I can relate to partsof what everyone's saying...

Although I enjoy the company or hanging out with friends, I equally like if not moreso my "own" time. That feeling of freedom; doing what I want when I want with no dependencies. I also don't like being in other people's way... and some people better stay out of mine.

I don't have many friends and I do feel sad/depressed sometimes... like wouldn't it be cool if I had many friends and went out frequently and had hilarious stories to tell? Reality is..... I simply don't have that personality --- I'm not chatty, I'm not outgoing --- I'm self-sufficient and selfish.

However I've been pondering about my future lately... been feeling like I want kids, greater attraction to women (or maybe it's because I'll need one to who have kids?). But who will I find now?

 

[rbkwp]

Sort of did not know its a requirement in life to be a part of Society.
Paying Taxes is not enuf, seems you just have to be in a relationship forever, till the Partner dies,and your left alone ( or he/she is) to bear the inevitable Loneliness of a Solitary life
Seems also Some folk get desperate and often take yet another partner, perhaps of dubious intent, to fulfill the supposed requirement, some insist are the true basis of our existence?
I am so glad i have avoided the righteous of this World and preferred being with the lessors of our Human race.

 

[drock_28]

I'm in the same boat. I don't have very many friends like I did when I was in my twenties and early thirties. Now that I'm 41, I seem to be withdrawing from people but would like to have one or two buds to hang out with some time. I don't have a very out going personality so its hard to strike up conversations with people.

I also think as you get older, it becomes more difficult to make friends. People already have their set group of friends and they are skeptical of any outsiders. Although I do get lonely sometimes I enjoy the moments spent by myself.

 

[BoxersMan]

Didn't read the article, but I feel lonely a lot! And I am only 24.

I've worked a lot of different jobs at once as well as going to school so I've never had free time, until just a few weeks ago. Maybe I'll begin to not feel so alone. Hopefully, anyway.

 

[HFOStimmer]

I have been thinking about the post of Phil Ayesho above about it being our duty to create a community and it has really disturbed me. There are so many factors to consider. Acceptance, self-esteem, trust, selfishness... all seem to get in the way. I often look inside myself to try to figure out why I don't have many true friends, I have tons of acquaintances, and many of them say they are my friends. I bend over backward for any of these people, but none of them would do the same for me. (I spend enormous amounts of time doing favors for people, but I'm going to be sitting in a waiting room on Monday waiting on my truck to get fixed cause no one will give me a ride.)
-I think that many people don't define friendship the same way. Most people see friendship as a way to get something out of someone else. It's extremely depressing to not only feel lonely, but to feel unliked.
-When I see that other people aren't as lonely as I am, I put up a protective wall to avoid comparing myself to those people. That is when I crossed from loneliness to solitary.

 

[rbkwp]

Neil Diamond - Solitary Man (Best Quality Sound&Photo) - YouTube

 

[sexplease]

many people, especially younger ones, don't fully appreciate the bliss of being alone. They find it rather hard to walk down the beach or through the woods, or somewhere in nature without their cell phone. For me, I enjoy the peace and solitude a cure for an occasional pang of loneliness.

 

[D_Aurifice_Stupher]

many people, especially younger ones, don't fully appreciate the bliss of being alone. They find it rather hard to walk down the beach or through the woods, or somewhere in nature without their cell phone. For me, I enjoy the peace and solitude a cure for an occasional pang of loneliness.

Too true! Cell phones are unfortunately necessary. But they do not have to be anything more than a phone. Mine is a phone, that is all. No texting. No games. No internet.

A phone. And it is turned off, more than it is turned on.

 

[chefman]

My partner of 21 years passed away suddenly 3 years ago and I was for the first time in my life alone. I moved from the city to the suburbs to be closer to my brother and his family. Three years and a hundred pounds later I have learned that I can be by myself and stand on my own 2 feet----I learned using food as a buddy is not a great idea--I am working on that. I have also learned that I will probally be moving to a more urban setting--I am by nature social and miss having a place to go where everbody knows my name.

 

[concupisys]

the issue of loneliness is somewhat of a clusterfuck.... we are taught to love ourselves no matter what, even if who we are goes against the grain.... but then society pressures us and teaches us that we are supposed to have friends, we are supposed to have a partner, and we are supposed to socialize with others casually in some way....

i myself do not go with the grain and i love myself, but it seems as though everyone around me can't accept that i'm happy to be different and will make efforts to get me to change and conform.... i am also happy to be single, but then some people i meet try to convince me that i should have someone in my life because they happen to be in relationships and are so happy.... the notion of having a circle of friends is difficult for me because all the people i'm friendly with are so different from each other and it would be impossible to get them all together and actually get along with each other.... it also doesn't help matters that in the gay scene, there is so much segregation and god forbid that a twink would want to be seen with a 'bear' or a 'daddy'.... the activities that i enjoy doing are generally solitary (as i am highly introverted), so the notion of getting involved in casual socializing would simply be nothing but exhausting and empty....

the whole scenario is nothing more than a whole lot of inadequacies, pressures, and feelings all butting heads with themselves.... i would be much happier if it weren't for the pressures, insecurities and inadequacies trying to make me feel so shitty.... THAT is what i would classify as said 'loneliness': just the clusterfuck a person is experiencing because they don't fit in the groove and something, somehow, is making them feel bad about it....

well guess what folks: ain't NOBODY gonna make me feel bad for being who i am.... yes, i am ALONE, but no, i am not LONELY.... i'm just living my life day by day the way every other red blooded person on this god forsaken planet is....

XYZ and everyone else: happy alone is so much better than sad and lonely.... y'all just keep on keeping on....

 

[manju]

Loneliness sucks but it ultimately is your choice.

Hard to love anything being lonely. And you need love to be happy. Life is easier with love in it.

 

[deleted356736]

I can relate to some of the comments here although I am married and I also have two intimate relationships with married women (affairs in other words). But beyond this menage-á-quatre I don't have close male friends, merely work collegues, or former work collegues who I catch up with only rarely. I am a motorcycle rider and I did associate with a motorcycle club for a short time, but the younger men there didn't suit me nor me them. The older members closer to my age were fine but it wasn't worth the hassle. I don't know what it is with men but we have our wives but we don't often have many close friends outside that. So if anything happens to our relationship we are lost.

I am an introvert which doesn't mean I can't form friendships or conduct casual conversations because I can. But it does mean that I don't gain strength or recover myself from large groups of strangers, but feel comfortable with smaller groups of people. There's a difference between introvert and shy, and shy I am not. But my introversion means that, given a choice, I tend to keep away from social situations with lots of new people.

Maybe with my lovers I need room to recharge myself, so a ride on my motorcycle and a coffee at a nice cafe is a bit of 'me' time. But it would be nice to share my masculine experiences beyond casual conversations with the men who work for me.

 

[citr]

Quite a difference between being solitary and being lonely.

I am an intensely solitary person, but I very rarely feel lonely. I feel very pleasantly connected to all the communities that I am a part of, actually. I love feeling like I am helping people and making a difference.

I used to feel very lonely almost all the time, but I also had several undiagnosed mental conditions. So I don't think that really tells you much.

 

[HFOStimmer]

Questions: (I'll answer first)
-What about your LPSG friends? Have any of you (us) actually made an effort to become friends? I haven't cause there are no other near me.
-How many of your Facebook friends are actually friends? Most of my FB friends are actually family members. The ones that are not family members, I have regular contact with through my business.
-What are we, as a group, going to do to combat our loneliness?

 

[deleted3782]

Questions:

I don't think cyber relationships count in full, because...they are ended by pressing the red x. They can be deleted very easily. Don't like someone? Delete them!

That's not how the real world works, and that ability/inability to deal with others is what Phil spoke about.

To address loneliness, you have to choose (a) are you ok being solo, or (b) are you discontented being solo. If (a), then make no change! Enjoy your Walden Pond. If (b), develop a plan to address your isolation. To address isolation, stop being isolated. Understand that intimate friendships aren't created overnight. Intimate friendships might not include those who are same-sex, or same-sexual preference, or agemates.

I have a good friend who is an extrovert...he even got me out of my shell as roommates in prep school. He has an incredible diversity of friendships. He has friends who are married couples with kids, he has a best friend who is female, single, and 15 years older than him. He has another good friend who is male, gay, and 15 years older. Another great friend is a former teacher who is 25 years older. He has friends from clubs and associations. He has a friend from high school. He has friends from work.

He thrives off of his friendships, that's his style. He needs that. He loves to be in the spotlight and on stage, and I enjoy that about him. His way is not my way, but maybe he is an example of how some guys can look beyond their walls for friendships, and realize that it takes years to cultivate a close friendship.

That brings up the difference (in my mind) between acquaintances and friends, but that is another thread. :wink:

 

[novice_btm]

People keep using the word "solitary", but I'm forgetting to actually coined the well-known, "There's a difference between being lonely, and just plain alone."

I also disagree that loneliness is purely a choice, or due to laziness, etc. I agree, in some instances there are those aspects, but that flippantly ignores that some people legitimately suffer from fear, anxiety, and depression. For a few friends, when you add those elements, sometimes the very idea of making a choice, becomes an overwhelming impossibility. The really unfortunate part of that, is that I think it's too easy for a vicious cycle to then form.

 

[HFOStimmer]

I also disagree that loneliness is purely a choice, or due to laziness, etc. I agree, in some instances there are those aspects, but that flippantly ignores that some people legitimately suffer from fear, anxiety, and depression. For a few friends, when you add those elements, sometimes the very idea of making a choice, becomes an overwhelming impossibility. The really unfortunate part of that, is that I think it's too easy for a vicious cycle to then form.

This is my situation entirely.
Also, December tends to make people feel more alone.

 

[deleted3782]

For a few friends, when you add those elements, sometimes the very idea of making a choice, becomes an overwhelming impossibility.

Then these folks might be unable to solve the problem on their own, and assistance might be needed on a higher order than this thread can offer.

 

[rbkwp]

HFO Qs
my answers

1) establish warm friendships with those of LPSG who have a carefree accepting attitude

2) avoid FB like i do the plague

3) i think loneliness needs to be sorted out by the Individual, not so much as a group., that could tend to be superficial.
Solitude and in-depth analysis of self worth etc is an important way i think,
( ie get away from the comforts of life, and attempt to sort yourself out) often dont need the Pseudo Psychs so called Professionals etc, by my reckoning anyway
It can be done.



Then these folks might be unable to solve the problem on their own, and assistance might be needed on a higher order than this thread can offer.



Agree
Never saw that there prior to my post
Still think try your damnedest BEST to sort yourself out first!

 

[novice_btm]

Then these folks might be unable to solve the problem on their own, and assistance might be needed on a higher order than this thread can offer.

In most of the cases, they're medicated, and I agree, beyond our helpful suggestions.

However, I still think that basic social anxiety, or shyness, as opposed to a more clinical diagnosis of "anxiety", can be a factor that shouldn't be discounted.