I think Pitbull is on to something! He's been sending me PMs with a lot of really useful information, and it's been so helpful. I think he's right.
According to
this maternity sex survey on one of my favorite maternity websites, in which 20,000 people responded in 7 days (17,000 women and 3,000 men),
one in five women had postpartum sex before four weeks!
Now I know that infection rates after birth are not
that high, so I think the Mayo Clinic recommendation about listening to one's body and taking it at your own pace is probably the best one. Trust me, I'm not a masochist when it comes to vaginal or internal pain, so if I feel even a little twinge that doesn't feel right, I'm going to back off and take it easy. :smile:
I already knew that I'm not alone in wondering what my sex life would be like after I give birth because I am a regular reader of several maternity boards. Sex is a very frequent topic on those boards and it's not considered an unusual subject of discussion at all, and there is very little judgment between the women regarding what a mother should or should not be like when it comes to her sex life during pregnancy or her postpartum sex life. It's a very supportive environment.
The data on postpartum sex is not as bleak as this thread would make it seem, and I'm not unusual at all! Nor are Nico's sisters. This is also from the same enormous maternity sex survery:
Only 30% of all pregnant women reported a drop in libido during pregnancy. The other 70% reported no change or an increase in their sex drives.
50% of all couples waited until their second month to have sex again, and 20% had sex within the first month, making it a combined total of 70% of all couples who were sexually active by month two.
85% reported that their attraction level to their spouse either stayed the same or increased after the birth of their child.
See, I'm not some sort of sexual freak or anything. At least not in
that way. :biggrin1:
My Sis said for her, she needed, emotionally, that connect. As she says you just went through nine months of having your body distorted by a growing being. You have had at least 5 months (definitely three) of not feeling sexy at all. For her she needed that reassurance that she was still desirable. She loves being a mom, but that new role does not obliterate the old ones. It evolves them. With her second, and all the issues there, she was more like how the Lady described. The difference is that she had the reassurance of the first experience to know that this was an eye blink. She didn't fret about sex in the least though was happy when her and her hubby were finally reunited in that way. She said that there was a part of her that was so full of love for him, the fruits and labor of a love that was a physical reality, made her more in love with him. And that the desire to express it in every way, including the physical, was overwhelming.
I'm glad that you mentioned this. We just talked about this last night!
TheBF and I finally had some romantic time together and we made a promise to make it a priority every day until the baby comes, no matter what. Last night when we were talking and I was reading about other women's experiences with postpartum sex on the maternity boards, a thought occurred to me.
Knowing how thoughtful and sensitive he is about my feelings, I asked him, "After I give birth, do you think that you would resist coming on to me because you wouldn't want to feel like you were pressuring me... because you would feel like you needed to give me as much space and time to heal as I needed and being really patient would be the Good Guy Thing To Do?"
He hesitated and said, "Yes, I think I would probably wait for you to make the first move because I think that's what you would need."
I nodded my head, knowing that's what he would be thinking. Then I said, "But the problem is... I bet I'm going to be feeling extremely unattractive and if you stopped coming on to me, then it's going to make me feel really bad." And we just looked at each other, thinking about that, about what the right thing to do would be.
Then another thought occurred to me and I said, "What if you stop being attracted to me?"
He smiled and said, "I want to have sex with you right now. You're sexy and beautiful and I want you now. I don't think that's going to change." And that made me cry a little bit. And then we had some of the most intimate sex we've had in a long time, the kind where you just keep looking deep into one another's eyes and you realize how perfect your love for this person is. It was beautiful.
I'm glad that we talked about that last night.
Already done :smile:.
You're in my thoughts daily, Petite *hugs*
Thank you so much, subgirrl! I am lucky to have you as a friend. :smile:
I haven't been on here a while. That is neat that you already know you are having a C - section. I ended up having 2 c-sections with both of my 2 pregnancies. My first was an emergency C-section and they gave me too much anesthesia (because I am short and petite) so you won't have to deal with that. It is much better when it is planned ahead of time. Also I broke my tailbone from pushing for almost 3 hours so you won't have to deal with that. 6 weeks was perfect for me because I was in so much pain just sitting down......and I had issues with trying to get my babies to nurse......and my husband wouldn't go near my breasts when I was trying to breast feed. I don't really remember a moment that I wanted to jump my husband's bones during that time. Breast feeding is a full time job. So, I remember being really really busy, eating, sleeping when I could and trying to breast feed the baby every 3 hours around the clock. My kids wouldn't breast feed so I pumped and put it in a bottle. Around 6 weeks the kid will either be breast feeding like he is supposed to or not. So, then I turned my attention back on to my "over active sex drive". You are lucky that you have family near by. I have never been that lucky. I think it is great you got the green light from the dr. for anal!
I am so sorry that you went through all of that during your childbirths!
My mother had terrible difficulties with both her births, and there were some very bad things that happened that I won't discuss here on the forums for reasons of privacy (you can PM me if you want). We have the same size hips, very thin, and this child very large, and when I discussed the issue with the doctors at the practice I chose, we decided that it would be a good choice for me and this child if we scheduled a cesarean. Both of our families are supportive of the decision because of the circumstances, and my father was positively overjoyed to learn that I wanted to have a cesarean.
Personally, I consider myself to be a much more responsible parent for being mature enough to discuss these topics with my doctor and knowing that there are medical risks and reasons why I should.
I was extremely proud of myself for having the courage to ask the responsible questions, even though it made me blush, and I'm still proud of myself. I think most people are too cowardly and embarrassed to bring up a lot of medically relevant questions like that. I think the vast majority of parents probably just nod their heads when the doctor says, and then either take their doctor's advice or ignore it, without ever asking or discussing or learning the reasons why one option is safe or unsafe and what the risks are. I know enough about the hazards if my uterus should heal improperly and about the risks of infection, so talking to my doctor about how much safer it is to have anal sex, which we thoroughly enjoy, made me feel much better and it was good to know. According to Babycenter's forum threads, many women began enjoying anal sex within days of giving vaginal birth, even with episiotomies, (1st or 2nd degree tearing, obviously) without any problems at all, so I'm unconcerned that I'll be having any problems, and my doctor said that she approves of all non-vaginal penetrative sex, so oral sex, external play with toys, and mutual masturbation are also allowed.