Therapy Session

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Wow!! What a horrible situation you are in. I'm sorry your wife and you do not see eye to eye on your exhibitionism. This site is not evil. Human sexuality is real and its healthy to explore your sexual side with like-minded consenting adults. However, the "sex addiction" label is concerning. Do you truly have a sex addiction? Because that's not healthy. A sex addiction would interfere with your life and cause you to have difficulty functioning in life successfully. It would interfere with your work and have detrimental consequences on your marriage and family life. Do you have this? If so, your therapist may have valid points.
Or are you being labeled an addict unfairly? Just because you like to participate in a site like this, and enjoy what it has to offer, doesn't make you an addict. Only you know for sure. Do what you feel is right for you.
 
We all have our obsessions, I used to play too much Xbox, then I was on "second life" all the time. Now my obsession is mostly chemistry and biology.

I would bet the biggest issue with your wife and the therapist is too much stuff here in the forums that are outside societal norms (nudity, fringe sexual activities) or close to criminal (exhibitionists, discussion of children). Even the name LPSG can kinda creep someone out. Lord knows I have my issues with many here.

I can tell you it was probably searching for free porn that landed me on this site to begin with and I got interested in some of the posts and I joined so I could post as well. So just seeing it in these perspectives can easily make others think being here is not healthy.

But I find myself engaged in much of the forums on political or health issues (premed here). I don't post pictures and don't look at them and maybe that should be something you should consider doing as a compromise to remain here for the social chat part.

Body image and health is an interest that you have. You could go to Bodybuilding.com and find similar threads and posts that deal with a lot of the sexual aspects and non-normal behavior that you find here, although not in the same volume. My point being that you should be here for reasons that your wife approves of. Im not married but if I was it seems that I would want to not be engaged in activity (rightly or wrongly) that my soulmate thought was wrong.

My guess is that you can probably find other outlets and forums to participate in that both satisfy your interest in body image and health and that your wife would approve of.

LPSG is a fun site to kill time on and there are many thoughtful, funny and very normal people here.

But come on, the idea that you need a support group because you have or think you have a large dick? Its hilarious, no one is going to believe that its anything but a porn site, even though it is more than just that!
 
Yet another reason not to get a wife methinks. Stupid hambeast is most likely frightened of the idea that there are more semi-anonymous people on the Internet appreciating your attitude, your posts and your prick then she ever could.

Yes, if you must be blunt, it is "deviant" behaviour! That's why it is private. Millions of people do things behind closed doors far grosser and sicker and many other millions are tamer and tepid, it's part of being alive and having the freedom to do whatever the hell you want.

Do yourself a favour, you have a good body, good morals and act reasonably intelligant. Dump the bitch and find a new woman.
 
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ORCABOMBER said:
Yet another reason not to get a wife methinks. Stupid hambeast is most likely frightened of the idea that there are more semi-anonymous people on the Internet appreciating your attitude, your posts and your prick then she ever could.

Yes, if you must be blunt, it is "deviant" behaviour! That's why it is private. Millions of people do things behind closed doors far grosser and sicker and many other millions are tamer and tepid, it's part of being alive and having the freedom to do whatever the hell you want.

Do yourself a favour, you have a good body, good morals and act reasonably intelligant. Dump the bitch and find a new woman.
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Tell me... Why does his wife represent all potential future wives and not me? I'm a wife. I have none of those attitudes. I'm not a "stupid hambeast" am I? How about EllieP? What about Gretchenweiner? What about all the women who have commented in this thread supporting the OP?

If a man is abusive towards me, is it your fault because you're also a man? Should I blame you? Of course not. Don't do the reverse to us, blaming all women for the actions of one person.
 
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petite said:
Tell me... Why does his wife represent all potential future wives and not me? I'm a wife. I have none of those attitudes. I'm not a "stupid hambeast" am I? How about EllieP? What about Gretchenweiner? What about all the women who have commented in this thread supporting the OP?

If a man is abusive towards me, is it your fault because you're also a man? Should I blame you? Of course not. Don't do the reverse to us, blaming all women for the actions of one person.
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Hold on a second! I said hamBEAST not hamBEASTS. I am allowed to insult other people who are non members of the site aren't I?

Anyway, I'm sure you have more value as a "woman" and an individual that "just a wife", surely? But that's a women's issue discussion I believe.
 
ORCABOMBER said:
Hold on a second! I said hamBEAST not hamBEASTS. I am allowed to insult other people who are non members of the site aren't I?

Anyway, I'm sure you have more value as a "woman" and an individual that "just a wife", surely? But that's a women's issue discussion I believe.
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No, you said that the OP's experience is the reason why you don't want a wife, as if she's the only woman who can represent all the potential wives you might potentially have, and that offends me, as a woman and a wife. I'm extremely open minded, I'm experimental and I'm fantastic in bed, and I'm a great wife. You didn't just insult that woman, you insulted all women. It's exactly the same thing as if I used the example of the last bad lover I had and said that he's the reason why men are useless in the sack. By just saying "men" I'm including all of mankind in my statement. That's not true because even though lots of men are useless in the sack, I happen to be with a man who is great in bed.

Now, if you just wanted to insult her, you would have said something along the lines of, "I plan on avoiding women like the OP's wife." See? You've specified that you're talking about women who are a particular way, not that all women are undeserving of being your wife because of the OP's experience with his wife.
 
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OP, please don't think that those of us who disagree with your wife's taste in marital counseling automatically all consider her a 'stupid hambeast'. I prefer to think that she has been poorly educated about human sexuality. As a legitimate contributor to your sex life as a couple her preferences and tastes need to be considered. However that works in both directions and she needs to also consider your tastes and libido level as equally worthy of respect.

I'd rather you don't simply dump her as intolerant and judgmental before you have tried to work things out in Mutual therapy.
 
helgaleena said:
OP, please don't think that those of us who disagree with your wife's taste in marital counseling automatically all consider her a 'stupid hambeast'. I prefer to think that she has been poorly educated about human sexuality. As a legitimate contributor to your sex life as a couple her preferences and tastes need to be considered. However that works in both directions and she needs to also consider your tastes and libido level as equally worthy of respect.

I'd rather you don't simply dump her as intolerant and judgmental before you have tried to work things out in Mutual therapy.
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Oh, yes. I wouldn't insult his wife like that and I should have made that clear. I agree with you Helgaleena.

It just irritates me every single time some guy complains about one woman and a whole bunch of other guys jump on the "Women Suck" bandwagon, generalizing that all women are like the woman being complained about, totally ignoring all the women right here being supportive of the men on LPSG. :rolleyes:
 
ORCABOMBER said:
Yet another reason not to get a wife methinks. Stupid hambeast is most likely frightened of the idea that there are more semi-anonymous people on the Internet appreciating your attitude, your posts and your prick then she ever could.

Yes, if you must be blunt, it is "deviant" behaviour! That's why it is private. Millions of people do things behind closed doors far grosser and sicker and many other millions are tamer and tepid, it's part of being alive and having the freedom to do whatever the hell you want.

Do yourself a favour, you have a good body, good morals and act reasonably intelligant. Dump the bitch and find a new woman.
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Your language here appalls me. Later you defend yourself by saying you're allowed to insult people who are not members of the site. Don't you think refering to a man's chosen mate as "Stupid hambeast" and "bitch" insult him? Even if my man was disturbed by some attitude I was trying to force on him, if you called me that to his face he'd break your arm. We haven't even seen any evidence of stupidity here, just repression, perhaps closed-mindedness. You're a jerk.
 
I should have mentioned Sexual Healing! It's a reality show on Netflix that is available on demand. My hubby and I have enjoyed the episodes we've watched. It's about Laura Berman's work as a sex therapist with couples who have sexual issues. I don't know how many sex therapists are like her, since I've never been to one, but I would go to her or a therapist like her if me and the hubby needed help. I was very pleased with what I saw.

helgaleena said:
I'd lick it, whatever it was, if it didn't bite.
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A hambeast is probably a pig, right? It is the beast that ham is made from.

I wouldn't lick it! I don't know if they bite or not.
 
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Seems to me that you are not the one who needs therapy. "No masterbating", is she nuts or is she a man hater?!?! Does this "therapist" even know what Sex Addiction is? I am a wife and I see no problem with you being on here, chatting or posting pictures of yourself.
BTW my husband know I'm on here, he often sits with me while I read posts and look at pictures. I keep telling him to get his own account ;)
 
Don't go out without a fight brother! It's normal and healthy to wanna enjoy your sexuality. I always tell people, I aint dead yet, and if I like it, don't cost me too much money, won't kill me or hurt someone else, and is legal....I aint stoppin! When you give up on your sexuality and who you are...you are ready to die. Maybe it's them that need to start questioning whether or not they are living. Next thing you know they'll be trying to get you to wear a chasity....NO MORE MASTERBATION!
 
Wow, I'm impressed to see so many opinions posted here. I truly thank each and every one of you for your thoughts. To answer a couple of questions/posts:

Yes, my wife is also seeing a therapist. It was her therapist who suggested the one I'm seeing. And I'm not overly impressed with her progress so I'm starting to question the recommendation, especially based on the opinions here. My wife does have issues, to be sure, stemming from her parents' divorce, their alcoholism, and abusive relationships. As for 'dropping" my wife: sure, I've considered it, and I'm sure she has too, but we also have children, so we have to at least try to work things out for their sake. We've discussed marriage counseling, which I know we need, but decided to work on our individual issues first, although it's certain that our individual issues complicate our relationship.

Do I think my wife has more problems than I do? Absolutely yes. But I'm not saying I'm without blame here either, but her upbringing was far worse than mine. I learned ZERO about sex and relationships from my parents; we didn't talk about those things. My parents rarely showed any sign of affection to each other or to us kids. In fact my parents largely left me alone and didn't interact much with me, and as a result I was most comfortable being on my own. I didn't date until college, and didn't lose my virginity until I was 25, and that was to my now wife. What scares me is I feel like I may be asexual, or more at incapable of being truly intimate with someone, because I never felt loved, accepted or secure as a child. I never experienced love in my life, or if I did, wasn't overly impressed with what it meant, because it felt more like rote words spoken than actual strong feelings or actions shown to me. I do think there's no greater love than that which parents have for their children, so I can safely say that I can feel love-but maybe not the intimacy, for whatever reason. And that's what *I* want to get from therapy.

You know, the first thing the therapist has been asking me: "Have you had any more activities on 'those web sites'?" (Yes, that's what she calls them). Lately I've been lying and saying no, because she seems hung up on it, in her quest to find an addiction I don't have, only because that's her training. She has even asked me to stop all behaviors, including masturbating, until we 'get these issues worked out'. I found that to be quite an unreasonable request, given I'm not seeing her more than a couple times a month. I haven't even told her that I first took a video of my penis in high school, and while I didn't take film photos, once digital cameras came out, I did. So this isn't just something I discovered via LPSG. In fact, I mostly used photos/videos of myself to look at while masturbating. Only when the internet became ubiquitous did I consider other possible sources for arousal material. I never even went in an adult bookstore until a couple of years ago, just because I had always wondered about it!

To the readers: can you think of any really good, pointed questions I could ask my therapist to figure out her slant? I have no problem saying "this isn't working for me" but I'd rather elicit evidence from her that indicates her plan of action is incompatible with my goals, and/or that her opinions demonstrate a lack of true objectivity. She's not a "Christian" therapist; I'd have gone running the other way if that had been the case. She is religious however, and knows about my Catholic upbringing and the great guilt I felt over masturbation as a teenager (thank you catechism). I no longer practice any organized from of religion; I'm agnostic. So involving religion in treatment is not something I'm looking to do-I feel religion is partly to blame for how I am today.

Thanks again for your continued thoughts. I really appreciate them. You're truly the only people I feel like I can talk to about all of this, because you aren't as judgmental/emotionally involved as the people close to me.
 
It seems like you feel like you need to provide her with a good reason why this therapist isn't working for you, when that isn't necessary. You don't need to prove that she's "wrong" in order to stop therapy with her. You can simply say, I don't feel like this is working for me. Tell her it's a personality clash. Tell her that you disagree with her methods so far. Tell her that you feel like another therapist would be able to help you more. Tell her that you feel like she's imposing her values on you and that's not what you're seeking from therapy. Hell, tell her you'd rather see a male therapist because you would feel more comfortable. I wouldn't bother wasting $110/hr trying to convince her that she's wrong and that's the reason why you want to see a different therapist, just see a different therapist.

Are you afraid that she's going to talk you into staying with her? If so, don't give her a reason. Say that your reasons are personal and you don't feel like sharing them, thank her for her time and her help, then find a new therapist.
 
My suggestion of what to say to your therapist is... "This is not a good fit for me. I feel I could be more proactive with a therapist who has a more positive view of sexuality and does not judge me but works with me to resolve the issues I'm having. Thank you very much for your time."
 
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