Women, is it a problem if your guy is in better shape than you?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by OPPinSLC, Sep 18, 2007.

  1. OPPinSLC

    OPPinSLC Member

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    I don't mean to sound too cocky (no pun intended), but it's a fact that I like to keep in shape (see my avatar). In the last year, my girlfriend has put on some weight, I'm guessing about 20 lbs (she is only 5'2'' tall). Lately she has started calling me "skinny" or even "scrawny". I've joked with her, and told her I prefer pet names like "stud" or "stallion". I haven’t brought the subject up (I’m no fool), but does it bother you if the guy you are dating is in shape?
     
  2. zaza

    zaza New Member

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    Not at all!
     
  3. matt19

    matt19 Member

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    My wife has made those comments too. While she doesn't come out and directly say it, I can tell she does not like me working out. She would feel more comfortable if I put on weight too. Not likely.
    If your lady is insecure about herself, she will most likely feel more comfortable if you are "the same" in her eyes. While she certainly likes your build, women tend to care more about how they feel about themselves. Your being fit can magnify the fact that she has put on weight.
     
  4. snoozan

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    my husband started working out and i was and am pleased as punch with his new body. he looks great! i love it! i love that he can wear fitted tshirts that show off his arms and nice jeans that show off his ass. what an improvement over the baggy shirts and baggy jeans he'd wear to hide his expanding waistline.

    with that said, at the same time he was shaping up, i was blowing up from pregnancy, childbirth, medication, and being a new mom. maybe the difference is that he honestly, truly didn't mind, still loved me, and still loved my body. i knew that with everything he did and didn't do-- he never asked me to lose weight, never commented on my eating or exercising, and assured me he loved me and thought i was hot when i was upset about it.

    i think it was his working out combined with accepting me completely that allowed me to get the courage to lose weight, and i've lost, so far, somewhere around 70 pounds. its amazes me that he married me when i was close to where i am now, but even at that weight, he was still attracted to me.

    i guess my point is, i never doubted his love for me, so i never got insecure when he started working out and looking good.
     
  5. Not_Punny

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    If a guy is in better shape than me, it's an inspiration for me to do better. No way I am ever going to get out of shape. :wink:
     
  6. AlteredEgo

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    It's better than the time I dated the chubby chaser who was bothered when I lost weight. He used to try to carb me up. LOL Meanwhile, he had washboard abs and strong limbs. Ultimately, he stopped returning my phone calls because I continued to get thinner which did not fit into his beauty ideals.

    He had a body that was way more fit than mine, and I would not have changed that for the world. His body and level of activity were inspiring to me.
     
  7. IntoxicatingToxin

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    It doesn't bother me a bit.
     
  8. SpoiledPrincess

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    It doesn't bother me, I prefer guys who are on the lean or ripped side but that doesn't mean I'm going to start doing errr what's it called - exercise.
     
  9. got_lost

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    I don't really have an option at the moment...
     
  10. whatireallywant

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    I like a guy who is in shape - more stamina! :wink:

    Now, I'm not in the best of shape right now. In the past few years I have gone through life threatening illness, then recuperated and gained about 40 lbs! Yikes! But like a lot of my "issues" (such as shyness), I'm working on it. I know that I'm not motivated to exercise alone, so I signed up for an exercise class. (went there tonight, as a matter of fact.) I can't do the one-year contracts at most gyms because of my flaky job situation, but I finally found a gym that lets you pay month to month. It's where my class is. Now, I'm just doing the class for now since I've also got tax school and all that, but I'll keep that in mind for later on.
     
  11. Principessa

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  12. optimum

    optimum New Member

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    I'd say it's the opposite. I've never had abs, or extremely cut muscles. I've always been lean, or when it's a bad year, get a little chunk.

    The girls I've dated so obviously wished they had a nicer looking body to be with, even if they weren't perfect themselves. The last girlfriend I had was a total psycho, and we never got past making out. She always used to make comments like "I could never deal with someone who only had 4"....." That would always make me feel weird, because I'd be quiet and laugh about it. She never unwrapped the package, sorry for her.

    I don't think she liked the body fuzz I had, or the fact that I wasn't a skinny supermodel. Being 5'7" and Italian is a weird combination, especially when you like to sit around and practice guitar all day, stopping for occasional smoke breaks and snacks. I've never been into the gym scene. It's kind of creepy, and in a way, pathetic.

    I don't mean that as harsh as it sounds. I commend the people who have the discipline and motivation to get their bodies looking good. I just always felt I was more of a bohemian/hippie kind of guy, and not all about the strict standards our society puts on our lives. Health is one thing, trying to look that good to keep another human's interest is another.
     
  13. Now

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    It's not a problem for me, My boyfriend is inn much better shape then me, he like have a personal trainer and work out, runn's and stuff like that all the time, and look's really good, and me on the other hand, don't do all of that, I usually take a long walk every day, but I don't work-out really. I'm like 99pounds ore something, and like 5.6 feet ore something, so it's not like i'm fat, but just not inn shape ore whatever.
    He always make me feel good no mather what I look like, so I have nothing to worry about whit him and his shape.
     
  14. khaun

    khaun New Member

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    The wife doesnt like the ripped look and she doesnt like the too lean look. Not to say she likes pot bellies or anything, but she likes a guy with decent muscle and a BIT of cushion.

    I once made the joke of saying now that im married im gonna put on 50 pounds. Honestly i dont think she would mind until it started affecting the sex.
     
  15. Principessa

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    Girl you need to eat some cheeseburgers and shakes. If you are 5'6" and only 99 pounds you are anorexic! :eek: That is not a healthy weight for that height at all.
     
  16. rob_just_rob

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    I think a better question would be "Women/Men, is it a problem if your guy/gal is in worse shape than you?"
     
  17. rob_just_rob

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  18. wldhoney

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    LMAO!!! :biggrin1: I was thinking the same thing. I'm 5'6" and I would have to lose a lot of muscle to be 99 pounds.

    No, I don't mind if the man I am with is in better shape. I work out and try to stay healthy and both my husband and my LTR did the same. Sometimes my LTR would get a little belly if he slacked off, which didn't bother me at all. Being healthy and active and wanting to go out and do things is what is important to me.

    OPP, it may be that your girlfriend is feeling insecure as she has gained weight and you are in shape. She may be concerned that you won't be attracted to her any more, and feels the need to make you feel unattractive so that you don't try and meet other women. It's not right and it's not fair, yet people do it all the time.

    Reassure her that you care about her no matter what, that it's not just her body that you love. It's possible her self esteem is taking a beating and that the more insecure she becomes the more weight she will gain.

    She needs to feel good about herself and encouraged by you so that she can get over the hurdle.
     
  19. Now

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    It's just how it is, I'm not anorexic ore anything, I love my fast foods, and eat everything at all times. But my body just stay the same. My body just burn fat really fast ore something.
     
  20. MidwestGal

    MidwestGal Member

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