Mormon Guys

[goldbearMark]

Your posting on the Mormons was so spot-on that I nearly peed myself with laughter - gotta get off that diuretic!

How are thongs in Glocca Morra? Good God - a musical typo (or perhaps a Freudian nightgown!)! Are you still doing the prostate therapy, my erudite and tres amusante friend? Hope all is well with you. So glad you got out of that church tribe in '66...My particular cross of bent wood was the Southern Baptists...I'll tell you about that little microcosm of craziness another time...

Cheers!
- Mark

 

[goldbearMark]

[QUOTEI'LL BE GLAD TO POST YOUR BISHOP A LETTER...QUOTE][ MIDLIFE BEAR -Your posting on the Mormons was so spot-on that I nearly peed myself with laughter - gotta get off that diuretic!

How are thongs in Glocca Morra? Good God - a musical typo (or perhaps a Freudian nightgown!)! Are you still doing the prostate therapy, my erudite and tres amusante friend? Hope all is well with you. So glad you got out of that church tribe in '66...My particular cross of bent wood was the Southern Baptists...I'll tell you about that little microcosm of craziness another time...

Cheers!
- Mark

 

[PornForPatric]

I'll share 3 Mormon experiences with you.

1)
My friend Maggie (aka The Haitian Sensation) was at home and the boys knocked on the door. She answered wearing a bikini top and a sarong/wrap. She spoke to them, they left. A few hours later, one of the fellows comes back to drop off some pamphlets and she ends up boning him and kept boning him for the better part of a year. I saw him leaving her place once. Cute as hell. I wonder what would have happened if the elders found out he was boning her every chance he got?

2)
I used to fuck a Mormon fellow regularly. There's a town called Navoo and he'd drive 40 miles to my town to get banged. He was pretty hot and could easily qualify as "exceptionally hung". Oh, I remember he was the guy who would only fuck or get fucked as long as it wasn't face to face and didn't like it if I said "Oh, God!" during sex. He just disappeared one day. Didn't show up for our regular "date" and since I couldn't really call him, just never saw him again. I did find out his was okay and still living there.

Ran into him 6 years later in St. Louis and found out that he'd left the church. He tried for 3 years, with the help of his family and the LDS to "resist temptation", but finally just came out and left church. I think to this day, he misses being it. It was part of his entire life and now it is just gone. Ripped away from him and he doesn't feel welcome in the faith anymore. His parents don't contact him, but he's still close to his brothers and sisters who generally accept him. He belongs to a group for ex-Mormons and another for gay Mormons. His partner is an Ex-ex-gay!

3)
Way back, I had shoulder length dreadlocks. So, we go to see Nauvoo and I've gotta use the john. So, I head into a building and it turns out to be the Family History Center. This poor woman looked so freaked out to see this dreadlocked black man coming up to her. She squeaked out "Are you here to do some research?" and I politely said no and asked for the bathroom. Jeez, she looked so relieved!

My 2 cents.

 

[midlifebear]

I'll share 3 Mormon experiences with you.

3)
Way back, I had shoulder length dreadlocks. So, we go to see Nauvoo and I've gotta use the john. So, I head into a building and it turns out to be the Family History Center. This poor woman looked so freaked out to see this dreadlocked black man coming up to her. She squeaked out "Are you here to do some research?" and I politely said no and asked for the bathroom. Jeez, she looked so relieved!

My 2 cents.

Ooooooooo, shoulder length (natty) dreadlocks . . . rasta ma'an. I'm in love!

Plus, "Are you here to do some research?" I can see her face right now. LMAO!

My long-since dead ex (he was a clone, but I still miss him) was constantly annoyed by the missionary boys. They seemed to knock on his door every week. He claimed they were expecting to have doors slammed in their face, but it didn't happen too often (he was an ex mormon missionary at one time). So, he was sure his address was on a list given to new missionaries so they wouldn't miss out on the huffish rejection experience, slamming door and all.

One day they knocked. He said "No, not interested." They asked if he would at least give them glasses of water because it was soooooo hot. Evil RTM that he was, he let them in, shut the door, and as he invited them to sit he popped in a gay porn in his VCR (he'd be whacking off to it when they knocked). He went to get them some water and when he returned his living room was empty and they had, in their haste, left his front door open. He was never bothered by them again.

Anyway . . . dear PornForPatric: we have lots of porn so anytime you find yourself in Argentina or Barçelona you're welcome to come by and "do some research."

 

[buditau]

lols...........there was this one fine lds guy who cam eover to preach....jeeeeez i was looking at his crotch the whole time.godness.it looked PACKED!

 

[invisibleman]

which makes one wonder...what are the guys thinking at the door when they are preaching the word...if they only knew that invisi, krispdx, nj were all salivating, thinking "if only they were doing this, naked."​

No, actually. This is what I thought.

Actual experience:

Door bell rings.

Invisibleman answers the door. Two very clean looking white guys are separated from him via the screen door. They have black knapsacks on their shoulders. White pressed dress shirts. Dress tie. Black slacks. Black socks. Black dress shoes. I noticed that they have two expensive mountain bikes in the driveway.

Invisibleman is thinking...
"Oh, no. It is the Mormons. I thought that I thought I told them last year that I wasn't into Mormonism. I like sweet tea. I like masturbating. I like sex with men. I have a large penis. I would sleep fuck a Mormon in my sleep if I wasn't getting any. I don't believe that Joseph Smith was a prophet. Mitt Romney is hot. I would fuck him all night." ​

One is a tall blonde guy in his early twenties. Bright eyed but has some acne. He looks sleepy. The other is shorter in stature--dark haired guy has a permanent smile and is looking at my crotch and looks at my face alternately. The blonde one looks at me and then at his friend. Unknowingly licks his lips.
​

Invisibleman is thinking...
"Oh, great! These guys are horned up looking at my old black ass. These guys need to mastur-FUCKING-bate. Get laid. Man. Woman."
​

The blond one. "Hello Sir. I am Elder blah-blah-blah and this is Elder blah... We are missionaries for the Church of Jesus Christ and the Latter-Day Saints. It appears that our past missionaries have revealed some things with you. Could you recall when that was?"
​

"Summer of last year."
Invisibleman adds some more thoughts..."Yeah and they were salivating looking at my old black ass as well. Like the both of you blue books are doing. Why in God's name won't you rub your cocks? You need to. It ain't healthy and it isn't right not masturbating. I ought to sneak on the Sacred Grove and yell "This is your Lord God, Jesus. Masturbate you fucks! Masturbate."
Actually said. "I thought that I had informed the mission that I wasn't interested in Mormonism. And I gave my reasons."
​

The dark haired guy. "I thought that you may have changed your mind."
​

Change my mind? I would've written you if I changed my mind. I could've called you. But I didn't. I am STILL not interested in Mormonism. Please excuse me...but I am going to have to get back to my duties.
​

"We can help."​

No, thank you. No thank you. No thank you.​

 

[Pecker]

That is so sad! :frown1: I hope he is able to make peace with himself and that he doesn't end his life.

...but the question remains, how hung are Mormon men?[/quote]

:tongue: Tell the truth Pecker. Mormon men are statistically even bigger than black men. :wink:

Well, I guess, if you count the black Mormon men.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

Interesting comments, but again, every one of them is from your own frame of reference. Here's my point: belief in God or Jesus is just that - belief. It is based on faith and a desire to believe in something unseen. Sure, science can discount it all with the "lack of evidence" assertion, but absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Well, y'know I hear the same really poor logic from the folks who believe in bigfoot...
But your logic is not sound...

See... bigfoot is an animal... for any species of animal to survive generation upon generation there must be a breeding population... over hundreds of years that ends up being a LOT of animals... eating, shitting and dying.

Ergo.. the fact that every other animal LEAVES evidence of its living in the form of bones, scat, nests, hair, etc...
Combined with the total lack of any such evidence for bigfoot is actually a case where absence of evidence IS evidence of absence.

See?


Same with your Sky daddy... its a story you were indoctrinated with before you could think...
The book on which this nonsense is based is full of descriptions of your God as being active, interested and willing to work miracles and answer prayers.


But there is no evidence that God answers prayers or works miracles... the God described in the bible can not possibly exist because, based upon his own description, he's a logical impossibility.

And, y'see, if miracles DID happen... if logical impossibilities existed anywhere, in any form, then that would be evidence of your god at work...

but there isn't.

As human beings have improved in their ability to record and observe the world around them... the scope of God's miracles has narrowed... evaporating away to be replaced by understanding.

Used to be he could level cities with fire and brimstone- flood the whole earth... by Jesus' time he had scaled back to wedding party magic shows and curing a leper or two.

And now... god can barely manage a simple sketch of his own son.

Wow!... a mighty etch-a-sketch artist is our lord!.

The god phenomenon is exactly the same human dynamic as the Kennedy conspiracies and ufo believers... people just want deperately to believe that SOMEONE, anyone is in control... even a capricious and malevolent God is better than the idea of no plan, no master, no hand on the tiller.

And evidence for religion is just like that for UFOs... you can count on the "evidence" for both to be ambiguous and indistinct... fuzzy images and anecdotal tales of something seen by someone who knows someone who was there....

Why? because anytime solid evidence is collected... anytime sharply focused and verifiable photos are taken... it turns out the're easy to identify as something perfectly natural and ordinary.

All I'm saying is that even if you are atheist, you still have a moral center, and it should direct you to having tolerance and compassion for others with differing values.

Well, I used to... but unfortunately I find myself in a world where the forces of religious fascism are not content to sing their psalms... they want to re-write US history to make this into a christian nation, they want to pass laws to force everyone else to live by their delusional rules of conduct, they want to teach school children idiocy and undermine the technological foundations upon which modern nations utterly depend...

They don't care about pollution or warming cause the RAPTURE is coming...

And religious moderates staunchly defend the fundamentalist's lunacy as something you have to repsect because they "believe" in it.


Religious certainty in their "morality" bombs abortion clinics and flies planes into buildings... IT inspires genocide in Bosnia, and Belfast and Bangladesh.
It endorses hatred of others and even rapes little boys with impunity...

And you say I have to respect that? Really?

I do have a moral center... a real morality, not predicated upon some promised reward or threatened punishment.

What passes to the religious as moral is pure self interest.
I am moral for the sake of goodness, with no anticipation of benefit or suffering.


Religion is belief without proof... except all the books that preach religion CLAIM that God offered SCADS of proof...
Used to be the eclipse was "proof" of God... the plague was "proof" of God...

But real understanding has shown us that they are not impossibilities arranged by a supreme being to inspire us with faith...

And what are you left with? the hollow cry that belief needs no proof?

Imaginary cures on television shows that enrich con men who spout the moral certainty that gpd hates fags- that is, when they don't have a dick in their mouths...

Aspirin and the lighting rod have done far more to better the lives of mankind than all the prayers in history.

Jesus never cured a kid of cancer... oncologists do.

Belief my ass.
You want to believe in something... why not believe in something you can actually do something about...believe in something that will have a real effect...
believe that mankind can stop imagining an illusory heaven and start buckling down to make this life as much a heaven as we can.


You don't need God to make your life meaningful... we invented God... we
can invent our own meaning to our own lives.

We can grow up and face reality like adults.

And religion?
You can tell when your being sold something because they ask you for money.

 

[invisibleman]

***EDITED EARLIER POST. Sorry.***

which makes one wonder...what are the guys thinking at the door when they are preaching the word...if they only knew that invisi, krispdx, nj were all salivating, thinking "if only they were doing this, naked."​

No, actually. This is what I thought.

Actual experience:

Door bell rings.

Invisibleman answers the door. Two very clean looking white guys are separated from him via the screen door. They have black knapsacks on their shoulders. White pressed dress shirts. Dress tie. Black slacks. Black socks. Black dress shoes. I noticed that they have two expensive mountain bikes in the driveway.

Invisibleman is thinking...
"Oh, no. It is the Mormons. I thought that I thought I told them last year that I wasn't into Mormonism. I like sweet tea. I like masturbating. I like sex with men. I have a large penis. I would sleep fuck a Mormon in my sleep if I wasn't getting any. I don't believe that Joseph Smith was a prophet. Mitt Romney is hot. I would fuck him all night." ​

One is a tall blonde guy in his early twenties. Bright eyed but has some acne. He looks sleepy. The other is shorter in stature--dark haired guy has a permanent smile and is looking at my crotch and looks at my face alternately. The blonde one looks at me and then at his friend. Unknowingly licks his lips. ​

Invisibleman is thinking...
"Oh, great! These guys are horned up looking at my old black ass. These guys need to mastur-FUCKING-bate. Get laid. Man. Woman."​

The blond one. "Hello Sir. I am Elder blah-blah-blah and this is Elder blah... We are missionaries for the Church of Jesus Christ and the Latter-Day Saints. It appears that our past missionaries have revealed some things with you. Could you recall when that was?"​

"Summer of last year."
Invisibleman adds some more thoughts..."Yeah and they were salivating looking at my old black ass as well. Like the both of you blue books are doing. Why in God's name won't you rub your cocks? You need to. It ain't healthy and it isn't right not masturbating. I ought to sneak on the Sacred Grove and yell "This is your Lord God, Jesus. Masturbate you fucks! Masturbate."
Actually said. "I thought that I had informed the mission that I wasn't interested in Mormonism. And I gave my reasons."​

The dark haired guy. "I thought that you may have changed your mind." ​

"Change my mind? I would've written you if I changed my mind. I could've called you. But I didn't. I am STILL not interested in Mormonism. Please excuse me...but I am going to have to get back to my duties." ​

"We can help."​

"No, thank you. No thank you. No thank you."

​

 

[SilverSoldier]

I used to be Mormon. I am no longer a member. I have to say however that the toxic statements by some of this post are both inaccurate, twisted and do not represent the beliefs of the Mormon Church. Yes some of their beliefs are different from other churches. But don't all churches have things that are difficult for people outside their religion to understand? For example, is their beliefs on proxy baptism any more difficult to understand then the Catholic Church and other Christian churches that say an innocent baby that dies if they are not baptized will go to hell? That doctrine kinda sucks for countries like China that have virtually no Christian baptism going on.

Are all gay Mormons screwed up? Of course not. Sure some are. And a church that is so family oriented makes it difficult for some to deal with their beliefs. Do some Mormons disown their gay children? Yeah sometimes they do. And what religion is there that some do not do the same thing. Few gays stay involved with any traditional churches. I have three very close friends. Two are former Catholics and one is a former Presbyterian. They have all left their churches as well because being gay does not fit into their beliefs. We often talk about the similarity of our religious background. To bash one church with so much bigotry and hatred is just the same as attacking someone because he is gay with the same vileness and misinformation. Neither one should occur.

Is everything perfect being gay and a former Mormon? No of course not. But I think my experience is pretty typical of my other gay friends that come from a family with strong religious beliefs. I hold no resentment from my former church. I feel loved by most of my Mormon friends and most accept that I am gay and do not try to isolate or condemn me.

Amen.
I'm still a Mormon, and I agree with uncut.

I find it rather humorous that those who bash Mormonism or any religion, are somehow "better" people by doing it. Very odd indeed.

My whole take on religion is that it's all about the same. I am still Mormon, and I have my personal reasons for being so, but I do not necessarily subscribe to any church or belief. If there is anything good, then count it as being from God. If it's negative in any way, then I htink we can pretty much bank on it being some half-brained, ill conceived concoction of a limited human being.

I think it's better to find common ground in which to connect that to find condemnation in which to destroy. Seems to me there is already too much of that in this world, and it's nearly always based on the idea of a "chosen" people, or "favored" of God or something like that. How very strange it is that people would believe God is on their side and not on other people's. Is this not still bigotry and hate? And I add again, if it's negative, it certainly doesn't come from God.

I don't know who this God is that would perpetuate hate and condemnation whether in the Mormon church or any other, and I NEVER want to know him.

I have come to know a God of Love.

That is enough for me.

And I wish for you all that you may find whatever, or who ever your god of love might be.

 

[Pecker]

Amen.
I'm still a Mormon, and I agree with uncut.

I find it rather humorous that those who bash Mormonism or any religion, are somehow "better" people by doing it. Very odd indeed.

My whole take on religion is that it's all about the same. I am still Mormon, and I have my personal reasons for being so, but I do not necessarily subscribe to any church or belief. If there is anything good, then count it as being from God. If it's negative in any way, then I htink we can pretty much bank on it being some half-brained, ill conceived concoction of a limited human being.

I think it's better to find common ground in which to connect that to find condemnation in which to destroy. Seems to me there is already too much of that in this world, and it's nearly always based on the idea of a "chosen" people, or "favored" of God or something like that. How very strange it is that people would believe God is on their side and not on other people's. Is this not still bigotry and hate? And I add again, if it's negative, it certainly doesn't come from God.

I don't know who this God is that would perpetuate hate and condemnation whether in the Mormon church or any other, and I NEVER want to know him.

I have come to know a God of Love.

That is enough for me.

And I wish for you all that you may find whatever, or who ever your god of love might be.

Well said, Brother SilverSoldier.

Judgement requires some authority and those who lack the authority often display poor judgement.

 

[Mr. Snakey]

" I got 10 wives and every one of them has a headache'' - Mormon with bad luck.

 

[midlifebear]

Judgement requires some authority and those who lack the authority often display poor judgement.

Whoops! Methinks I'm reading yea olde recursive logic that belies . . . well, lack of logic. Stunning empty word play, though.

Edit: Oh, and I don't mean that in a bashing way.

 

[Honey123]

As an ex-mormon raised in Utah in the 60's & 70's I have a different perspective on their religion than most younger people would - although they hate to admit it, their theology does change over time through "revelation". Most mormons who complain about people bashing them have never taken the time to discover what the real differences are between their religion and Evengelical Christianity (I'd be happy to discuss if you PM me). My address is on the LDS blackball list for asking questions about the original sin that has lasting impact on the poor little missionaries causing doubt in their faith.

I can fully relate to what midlifebear says as I've had some similar experiences (but from a straight woman's perspective). I've always had a strong sex drive but "held out" becuase I was too afraid of how my family would react if I had sex outside of marriage. As a result I was a prick tease for years till I finally gave into the tempation - we broke the bed. Then one morning I forgot to get up and go home before my mom woke up - it was a scene out of a bad B movie and I ended up in the bishop's office. Two years later I wrote them a letter and asked to have my name removed from their records - they excommunicated me for living with my boyfriend as a result.

I don't hate mormons, everyone I'm related to by blood is LDS. But I do hate the control and the guilt that I experienced as a result of being a member of that religious group. (Theological rantings deleted)

The biggest problem I have with it is the restrictions and guilt related to my sexuality. As bad as my marriage was, I actually liked being married because for the first time in my life I had no guilt about sex. I was able to let loose and fully give into my desires and enjoy the pleasure. Sadly I married a man from a culture that thinks women should be virgins when they marry so he had hang ups about what I had done with men before him. He got abusive and I had to throw him. At least the sex was pretty good up until the last 3-4 months and I got a kid out of the deal.

And for those asking - he was 8" and I loved it.

 

[Honey123]

I'll share 3 Mormon experiences with you.

3)
Way back, I had shoulder length dreadlocks. So, we go to see Nauvoo and I've gotta use the john. So, I head into a building and it turns out to be the Family History Center. This poor woman looked so freaked out to see this dreadlocked black man coming up to her. She squeaked out "Are you here to do some research?" and I politely said no and asked for the bathroom. Jeez, she looked so relieved!

My 2 cents.

You should have seen my mother's face the day she came home and I was skateboarding down the street with a guy from school that I liked - he was mixed race and I didn't know he was black but she did. Man, she was livid. I think her face must have been similar to the poor woman's when she first saw me - before she caught her breath and yelled for me to get home this instant.

I sat behind the baseball team captian in Health class and had the biggest crush on him. One day he asked me if he were to ask me out, would I go - I told him that I would want to go but couldn't. We went out a few years later. He was playing pro baseball on a minor league farm team. Damn, he was hot.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

If there is anything good, then count it as being from God. If it's negative in any way, then I htink we can pretty much bank on it being some half-brained, ill conceived concoction of a limited human being.

Really? Cancer and poisonous jellyfish and tetanus? THose are from Limited human beings?

God is all good?

Who the hell are YOU to DEFINE God?

Who made this world if nor your Good God?

Who made disease and suffering and who created the concept of evil if not God?

You simply can not let an omnipotent creator off the hook for ANY aspect of his creation.

And I add again, if it's negative, it certainly doesn't come from God.

THis is the same crap I hear form every christian who never read the bible...
Look... put away the "cliff's notes" pamphlets that only excerpt the parts of the bible that modern people won't blanch at and READ the book that founds your faith.

The God of the bible commands genocide, Commands infanticide and execution for all number of things, commands adultery, and false witness.

Every single thing forbidden by the 10 commandments is routinely and repeatedly commanded by God.

You can chant that "god is love" but that is an empty platitude.

I don't know who this God is that would perpetuate hate and condemnation whether in the Mormon church or any other, and I NEVER want to know him.
I have come to know a God of Love.

Allow me to translate this into reason.
You just said that YOUR imaginary friend is better than other people's imaginary friend.

The tooth fairy told me that the easter bunny said Zeus was gonna kick your God's ass.

 

[SilverSoldier]

" I got 10 wives and every one of them has a headache'' - Mormon with bad luck.

Now THAT is HILARIOUS!!!

:biggrin1::smile::wink::tongue:


A guy hands his wife some motrim.
"What's this for?" she asks.

"For your headache." He says.

"I don't have one. . . "

She looks at him, pissed. . . .

 

[SilverSoldier]

Really? Cancer and poisonous jellyfish and tetanus? THose are from Limited human beings?

God is all good?

Who the hell are YOU to DEFINE God?

Who made this world if nor your Good God?

Who made disease and suffering and who created the concept of evil if not God?

You simply can not let an omnipotent creator off the hook for ANY aspect of his creation.




THis is the same crap I hear form every christian who never read the bible...
Look... put away the "cliff's notes" pamphlets that only excerpt the parts of the bible that modern people won't blanch at and READ the book that founds your faith.

The God of the bible commands genocide, Commands infanticide and execution for all number of things, commands adultery, and false witness.

Every single thing forbidden by the 10 commandments is routinely and repeatedly commanded by God.

You can chant that "god is love" but that is an empty platitude.






Allow me to translate this into reason.
You just said that YOUR imaginary friend is better than other people's imaginary friend.

The tooth fairy told me that the easter bunny said Zeus was gonna kick your God's ass.

Who said I believe the Bible is accurate?
Who said I believe that God created disease?
Who said I believe in God the way most other Christians do, or the way you say I do?

I have no argument with you, your issues or anyone.

 

[D_but wait you also get]

Then after my research of the Mormons on the internet. There isn't any wonder these guys were like jonesing me. These guys aren't allowed to masturbate, drink any form of tea and caffeinated beverages. I was angry. Men and women should be allowed to masturbate. Drink tea and a good Pepsi or a Coke once in a while.

Why were you angry? It is a choice on their part as to whether they serve a mission, masturbate, drink tea, etc, and they are allowed to drink caffeinated beverages; they drink soda. They don't drink coffee because of the tannic acid it contains.

Live and let live. It is their choice.

 

[D_but wait you also get]

A appreciate the apology. So sad to see the Mormon bashing on this forum. There are a lot of gay guys on this forum who have been on the receiving end of bigoted comments. How unfortunate that they are the same people to start bashing others who are different than themselves.

I agree that it is sad. However, I have quite a few friends who are members of the LDS church and many of them seem to take great delight in bashing members of other religious faiths, ethnic backgrounds and gays.

I was raised Roman Catholic and often times these guys would refer to the Catholic church as the whore of Babylon or the Great Apostate Church. They would take great delight in using and reusing the "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" comment and speak of how homosexuals were the great threat to this country's morality. Jews were derided as "Christ killers."

Do I think the bashing going here is wrong? Yes. But it would be untrue to say that members of the LDS church are innocent victims as well.