the "friend zone"

Intrigue

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I don't think I've ever been in the friendzone... I don't think. I have had a friend go from friend to .e realizing they wanted more, we fooled around but I pulled back and asserted that I didnt want this. She got hurt, didnt speak to me. Rumors went flying. Everyone one of her friends thought I had pushed myself onto her. And she did squat to correct them. So yah, crossing that line doesn't work for me. I rarely make friends and I rarely cross that line or even come into the type of situation where it may occur.
 

hijinxy

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If I don't want to have sex with a friend, it's for one of two reasons - either he's off-limits or I don't find him attractive. And there have been times when initially I didn't find a guy attractive, but the more I got to know him, the more attractive he got; then there have been times when a guy seemed very attractive but got less so once I got to know him.

QFT!

For me, attraction to a guy is much more mental than physical, and even the goofiest looking guy can be very sexy if he has a great personality; but as Lafemme said, a reasonable good looking guy can become down right repulsive if he's a terrible person.

As for the friend zone, it really doesn't exist- the only men I won't sleep with if offered the chance are ones that are already taken, or that i don't find attractive.
It's awkward to tell a guy I don't find him attractive, particularly if he's an objectively good looking guy, just not someone who I could get turned on about; so I try to spare his feelings so that he knows *other* women will find him attractive, just not me.

I must say though, that if a guy told me that he continually fell in love with his female friends and was rejected across the board, I'd wonder if he was behaving in a way that unappealing to women in general (i.e. - being a "nice guy" or passive aggressively trying to woo them without a sincere interest in friendship.)
 

helgaleena

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Sorry, TheReverend, but she isn't thinking of you 'that' way and you need to try changing that by having it out with her straightforwardly. If she doesn't think you are sexy, you can learn a lot from what she says.

And if she simply hasn't bothered to think you are sexy, being confronted with it can open her eyes to new possibilities. Seriously, I've had men think they were wooing me and then shock the hell out of me by turning our interaction to sex because I hadn't been associating them with sex in my mind! Helga is not all that perceptive of secret social signals. I go by how you smell, mostly.
 

MickeyLee

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"slut" is attacking women for their right to say yes
"friend zone" is attacking women for their right to say no


and "bitch" is attacking women for their right to call you on it

yep.
yep.
and yep.
 

Tactfulgal

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I don't think it's that conscious. Attraction isn't voluntary, it's just a matter of if the attraction is there.

curious about the women's perspective...when does a guy enter the "friend zone" for you, where the friendship is so important you don't want to risk it by dating and/or sleeping with him (as opposed to guys you just have no interest in who are immediately swept over there anyway, lol)?

and, as a corrolary, if you have an answer...is there any way OUT of said zone?

discuss. :cool:
 

Popyuu

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You're attain afterest hop friend". Usually initiated to. Usually initiated to and watching and watching another. What you fail to impress a woman saying, "You're attracted watching, "You're attain after your love inter your love initiated watching days of such a good from one bad relationship to impress a woman saying days of such a good from one bad relationship to and watching and with long and watching, "You're attain afterest hop friend". Usually associated to. Usually initiated to impress.
 
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I'm wondering if it is more difficult for males to stay as friends or females? Once boundaries have been set I do not cross the line, for me it's as simple as that, no matter how tempting situations may become. Yet in situations and personal experience from the past I be usually the one to remind the other of the "pact", for want of a better word, as it is paramount to me. Sometimes good friends are arseholes. I can live with that.
 

AlteredEgo

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You're attain afterest hop friend". Usually initiated to. Usually initiated to and watching and watching another. What you fail to impress a woman saying, "You're attracted watching, "You're attain after your love inter your love initiated watching days of such a good from one bad relationship to impress a woman saying days of such a good from one bad relationship to and watching and with long and watching, "You're attain afterest hop friend". Usually associated to. Usually initiated to impress.
Could you please rewrite his in you original language. It might be easier for me to understand if I translate it myself.
 

AlteredEgo

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I still feel the same way I did when this thread started three years ago. While I will only have sex with someone who could become my friend, I'm extremely unlikely to have sex with someone who is already my friend. I resent the men who insist that there is no such thing as a woman who wants to protect her friendships, and that the reason is always a lack of attraction. These men cannot speak for, nor marginalize me. I'm a woman who protects her friendships by shooting down my own late-blooming attractions, and making it clear to any friends giving me that vibe that I don't want things between us to change. I feel just as much resentment toward women who think they can speak for me. Saying that there is a friend zone does not attack my right to say no. Insisting that it does attacks my credibility when I decide a friendship is too good to change.
 

LaFemme

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yep.
yep.
and yep.


"slut" is attacking women for their right to say yes
"friend zone" is attacking women for their right to say no


and "bitch" is attacking women for their right to call you on it

I agree Ms Lee. It sure seems like sometimes, anyway.

Personally, I am not sexually attracted to every man I meet. Just not going to happen.

Now separate from all that are people with whom I become friends - men and women, single or attached. It's not a zone to which I assign people, it's just people I like. Do to the men or women there ever think of me sexually? Yes, no, maybe? Could any of these friendships grow into something more? Yes, no, maybe?

I just think the idea of the "friend zone" is such a moronic concept. It makes women sound so predatory and narcissistic. Like we are the centre and let a Special One into the inner sanctum while keeping all other suitors in a holding pattern in the Friend Zone. And while that may be a characteristic of a serial monogamist, it is really not a female characteristic.
 
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