Another anal question!!

Discussion in 'Ask a Gay Man' started by Dannyyy385, Feb 6, 2019.

  1. Dannyyy385

    Dannyyy385 Member

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    Hey lads!

    So, before saying anything, just wanna say sorry for posting yet another anal question as I am aware there are already hundreds of these out there!! But they aren’t me, and I want answers pertaining to me!! Hahaha

    Alrighty, so I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year, fucking adore him, couldn’t be happier....but....(there is always a but, literally)
    We can’t have anal sex, I’m keen, really wanna, but my god each time we try it feels like he is stabbing my insides with a carving fork! He is huge...and I’m inexperienced. Is it normal for it to be this painful? Is it weird my dick goes soft?

    What are your suggestions, I wanna get some plugs to try and loosen up with, but as we all know, that shit is super expensive!!!!!

    Any input would be greatly appreciated!!! Thanks boys!

    Mwah xxx
     
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  2. malakos

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    Have you tried having him finger you?
     
  3. Dannyyy385

    Dannyyy385 Member

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    Yeah! But even that sometimes isn’t great like it’s when he gets a little carried away.....it’s hard to tell him to slow down too because he gets really revved up
     
  4. winesthel945

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    You should search in the "Ask a gay man" forums for posts about anal sex and you'll find lots of tips.

    First off, no... it should NOT be painful. If it's painful then you're doing too much, too fast, probably without enough lube and enough time to relax. So...

    1. Make sure you're using lots of lube. Note: some lubes may irritate your anus if you have a sensitivity to any of the preservatives in them. So stick to plain water-based lubes, and if anything burns or otherwise doesn't feel right, try another brand. You may graduate to silicone lubes, but they are messier to work with. (Tip: they make silicone lube "wash"... get one. Otherwise silicone lube is really hard to remove from skin, sheets, equipment, carpets, furniture...)

    2. Relax! You poop out things that are much larger than your finger, so it's usually not about size, it's about friction and relaxation. Sure you can get all fancy trying to work with butt plugs and stretching toys, but a finger or two and a lot of lube are all you really need.

    3. Do your own work. You should not rely on him. You should be using your own fingers and stretching yourself. You're a better judge of where your limits are and what's hurting. So if he's a bit inconsiderate or clueless, then literally take matters into your own hands.

    4. If he can't take things slow and be considerate of your comfort, then punch him in the nuts and see how he likes when pain gets inflicted. You deserve someone who will not act like an asshole, and someone who will not treat your asshole like a Fleshlight. Seriously, if he wants into your ass, he better learn to go slow, check in with your comfort levels, and be ready to stop at the first instance of your discomfort.

    5. Communicate! If you're experiencing any discomfort -- STOP! Communicate what you are experiencing. He's not a mind reader. But he also doesn't get to keep going if you're uncomfortable. "Revved up" is no excuse. It's a little known fact, but the bottom is the one in charge... So assert your power. And if you do communicate, and he doesn't get with the program, show him the door.

    So just chill, lube up, go slow, tell the boyfriend to go slow too, and keep working at it. You'll get there... with a considerate boyfriend, or with a better one who deserves your ass.
     
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  5. Dannyyy385

    Dannyyy385 Member

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    Oh my god thank you so so so much! You are the sweetest! I can’t thank you enough! I’m going to take your advice, I’ll let you know how I get on!! xxx
     
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  6. OKCLane

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    Perfect advice.
     
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  7. aldawg

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    That was some great advice above, and suggestions that I have always followed. However, anal sex has always hurt me to some extent since I was young, to the point that after a couple of years trying I completely stopped. However, after no anal for 25 years, I began again about 3 years ago and I now love it. I think the difference is that now I know I'll hurt like hell for about a minute,but if I relax and get past the initial pain, it goes away and then I really LOVE getting fucked. No matter how much rimming, lube, etc, it hurts initially like being stabbed as you said. But relax and get your partner to be still until your ass adjusts to his hard cock, and then get him to start moving slowly. Very shortly, he'll be able to pound the hell out of you, and both of you will be in ecstasy. Good luck...it's worth that initial pain for the pleasure that will cum!
     
  8. Brodie888

    Brodie888 Well-Known Member

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    Just to add to what has already been mentioned, if your partner is big, it's his responsibility to spend more time in foreplay preparing you to take him.

    That means more time spent to slowly stretch you out to take his length and his girth. This may include rimming, fingering, vibrators, dildoes etc.

    It's so easy to blame yourself but your partner is equally responsible. You've spent half an hour douching and shaving, the least he can do is warm you up before plowing your ass!

    If it's painful, you are progressing too fast. Anal done well should have you begging for more as you progress. I think so many guys end up hating bottoming simply because they never have done it properly.

    Remember, real life isn't porn. In porn they edit out the stretching and the build up to taking a pounding.
     
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  9. Brodie888

    Brodie888 Well-Known Member

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    Being soft is normal for a lot of people during anal sex, especially when you are just learning because your mind isn't focused on orgasm.

    Even when you are experienced, you may decide to still only focus on enjoying being fucked rather than cumming while being fucked. For some it's like trying to rub your stomach and pat your head at the same time.
     
  10. Brodie888

    Brodie888 Well-Known Member

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    One more tip which might be helpful for your partner is that once all the foreplay is done, to start with only shallow fucking you slowly. As you feel more relaxed he can increase the depth of his stroke by an inch.

    Once he's fucking you slowly with full strokes he can then increase the speed slightly. Then when you are ready you can tell him to go incrementally faster.

    If he won't do that for you then he isn't really doing his job.
     
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  11. Nudistpig

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    So we are trained in most cultures from day one that your hole behind is the dirty place and stuff comes out but is never supposed to go in, and various layers of trauma around homosex and misogyny and bad medicine and monkey claw of doom death shits and a general unease about the anus train the brain to react to any perceived violation with a pain response which escalates if you panic or become upset about it. Which is usual when it hurts.

    The chance it's actually doing damage is nil if he's using lube and not being a total wrecking ball. The pain, although it feels like it goes deep into you, is only at the sphincter where all the nerves are. Pleasure or pain. You may notice big ass turds come out of you with little to no problem most of the time. That is because your sphincter feels pressure on the upper part of the ring and automatically pops open. Yes, pops open (rarely does it get pushed open), as it is designed to do. So, knowing that, you can and should train it to pop open from pressure or play from the other end, which will make the whole thing much much better.

    Lube: Put a cream or grease based lube ball up in your rectum about 7 inches, using a lube injector, well lubed, 15-20 before play. Just before insertion, inject the water or silicone based lube (this is not for condoms, if using rubbers water based and cream lube only)...the two kinds offer different layers of slippery and because it is up there come down as you play making the hole wetter which faciliates endurance.

    Douche: 2-3 hours in advance . 2-3 cycles, cool warm warm. Not cold, not hot. Your last one should be moderate, anything that goes above the 2nd will come out in a gush when you get fucked. Doing if right before makes your system cramp and seize.

    Foreplay: Fingers, tongues, small toys, vibrating toys, he is teasing you and making the outer hole feel good, not going deeper unless it feels good, or at worst, a bit weird. When it happens, he must stop, pull back and tease you back to pleasure and repeat. Your first three or four penetrations for pleasure using what is right for you need to be pain free so take time, you can also do it yourself.

    If the pain is deeper up in, that is the cock hitting the sigmoid or bend in the colon where there is the only other nerve of note in the rectum after the sphinc. This needs to be realigned and that takes flexi dildo, flexi plug, and patience and time, you can do it better than he can most likely... gentle pushing on the tender part back and forth and bit by bit the toy wll go in past it and as it does, line it up with your asshole. He can follow that path now.

    Rather than focus on taking him before hand, think about your pleasure, your anus, his seduction, and opening up for him by pushing out pulsing not too hard and thinking your hole blooming open BEFORE he gets near it. Your dick gets soft because the pressure from his cock on your prostate and bladder cut blood flow off and you may also be shrinking because of pain, or self doubt. Help him work the prostate with his cockhead once you are comfy with him in you so you can get the boner back.

    I went through 10 years of hating anal because no one cared to teach or listen, took two years to take a fist so the process is as long as it needs to be, and the journey is fun, take care and give us updates.
     
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  12. Nudistpig

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    He needs to be able to control himself in this situation. Plain and simple. You also need to communicate clearly, enduring it only makes it harder in the long run, and his patience and ability to give you only pleasure for repeated anal sessions is going to be key to helping your brain rewire and react differently.
     
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  13. Nudistpig

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    Get yourself a 3/4 soft 6.5 inch rubber butt plug shaped like a dick. Lube well and insert. 15 minutes before anal. Take it out before he goes in you will be dilated to that width and the pain will be gone, as long as he don't ram jam it up into you. The pain is the sphinc clenching down and failing mechanically as the cock goes in. It's mental. By pre opening your hole you trick the brain because it thinks after 5 minutes the smallish plug is closed hole but it's open hole. When the cock goes in the hole tries to spasm but it's not in the right position for that clench so it just opens.
     
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  14. Dannyyy385

    Dannyyy385 Member

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    Naaawh! You guys have all been super dooper helpful! I cannot thank you enough for giving me the necessary tips to survive!!! You have all helped immensely! I can’t wait to try it all out!! xox
     
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  15. nc_guy

    nc_guy Well-Known Member

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    get your self a wooden handled toilet plunger, then sit down on it
     
  16. Nudistpig

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    My first attempt was this... one, floor mount terrible idea, I slipped a bit and it went into my ass and thigh not up me which could easily have been fatal, then wall mounted and well, splinters.
     
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  17. malakos

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    This is the bad kind of trolling. OP did nothing to deserve this.
     
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  18. nc_guy

    nc_guy Well-Known Member

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    Relax , was just trying to be helpful, actually feels quite good . Try it, slide all the way to the rubber cup.
     
  19. Nudistpig

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    NC I am not sure if it is trolling
    You first Mario!
     
  20. JBY

    JBY
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    Let us know how you get on

     
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